She woke up sore, she always did.
The room smelt like moss and dampness, it always did.
The floor was littered with sleeping children, it always was.
Jenna stretched, just like she usually did as she slid off her bed. It was the same as every other day except something felt different. Jenna wasn't feeling weak and tired, instead she felt energized.
Her shadow as well looked just as good as she did, she was happy she was taking care of the both of them.
Carefully, Jenna stepped over the sleeping children on the floor. She picked her bucket at the corner of the room and stepped out silently.
Her steps felt light, her feet could still feel the phantom sensation of how the rug in the hallways of Adam's house felt.
She was smiling, it was weird, it was unlike her. She had no reason to smile, her life was still draped in darkness and filled with pain, yet she couldn't help the stupid grin on her face.
"You're awfully chipper this morning" a voice said from behind her, it made her smile drop so fast it could have broken a world record if there was one.
She hated the owner of the voice with the same passion she hated her father, maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was a carbon copy of their father. He was a copy not only in his looks but in actions as well.
He was their father's right-hand man, he did the cooking of the meth, wherever it was done. He shared in their father's love for violence.
He had never laid a hand on her, but that didn't stop Jenna from hating him with every fiber of her being. He was bastard older brother, the one person in the house that she loved so much but now hated.
"I wish he would just die" the voice sneered, it hated her brother as much as she did.
"And you just spoilt my mood, Johan" Jenna snapped, she turned, ignoring him in hopes that he would ignore her as well.
Johan bent and grabbed the bucket from Jenna, he towered over her. She hated it when he stood too close to her, it reminded her of the times when he dreamt of being a basketball player, before he changed his dreams to being a filthy drug lord.
"I don't need your help" Jenna snapped, her mood beginning to sour.
"Of course, you don't, skinny bones" Johan teased. He always did this, tried to get closer to Jenna, it irritated her deeply.
Jenna didn't want to be close to him anymore, ever since he decided that he didn't want to move on from this hell hole they lived, hence trapping her in here with him. He knew she wouldn't leave him and the only other sibling they cared for alone with their father, he was right, he was always right.
She watched him walk down the dimly lit hallway, swinging the bucket as he walked. It was nostalgic, it made her nauseous.
"The nerve of him to pretend like he didn't ruin your life"
Jenna didn't want to dwell on it, she didn't want it to spoil her mood and her day. But she couldn't help the nasty feeling she got in her stomach as she watched him walk down the hallway, swinging her bucket and whistling her tune.
It was nostalgic, it made her remember the good days, the times when she felt like she had a normal family and her brother was the person she loved the most in the world. But now, it didn't feel that way anymore, it was like everything flipped and what was good became bad. He became bad.
Jenna stood there, listening to all the movements happening in the house, from the sound of the backdoor leading to the backyard opening, to the sound of the wailing children, to her father yelling incoherent words at her mother. It was like a mixtape of madness, it made Jenna's head hurt.
Johan walked back with a bucket full of water and a smile on his face, he always smiled when he was with Jenna. Jenna could never return his smile, it was something that she couldn't imagine happening again, not after all that he had done.
"Do you need me to help you carry it to your bathroom?" Johan asked as he balanced the weight of the bucket with one hand, Jenna felt irritated by the fact that he could do it easily while she struggled even while using both hands.
"Why?" Jenna asked, her eyes cold. "do I look so pitiful and incompetent that I can't carry my own bucket into my own bathroom?" her words were sharp like ice and she knew she was hurting him but she didn't care.
"Geez Jenna, I was just tryna help" Johan said, the smile on his face gone.
"Did I say I wanted it?" Jenna asked, she reached over and grabbed the bucket from him, she didn't wait to hear him out, she didn't want to.
She slammed the door to her room shut with so much force it woke the kids sleeping on the floor, they all stared wide eyed at her.
"Out!" Jenna ordered, she didn't want to see them, she didn't want them to see her cry.
Jenna hated to admit it but she still loved her brother and missed him so much, but she just couldn't bring herself to forgive him for all his transgressions. He was her big brother, her rock, and it hurt whenever she hurt him, but she couldn't help herself. He had done the irreversible and trapped her in this never-ending nightmare.
The kids jumped up at once and scampered out of her room, they didn't turn back to stare at her like they usually did whenever she sent them out. They had sensed that this wasn't the time for it and it would only enrage Jenna further.
Jenna covered her face with her hands as tears streamed down her face, she hated feeling this way, being choked by regret. She only wanted to hate him with all her might, but it wasn't as easy as she thought and she missed him.
"Now that you're done with your pity party I advise you get in that bathroom" the voice commanded, "unless you want to be late for class"
Jenna sniffled and did as she was instructed.