May, 2022
Mary, Jade, Mary Jane, Dory, MJ—she went by many names, all of whom danced upon her tongue and those of others, teasing the perception of herself and blurring the lines between who she was and who others saw her as. The kaleidoscope of identities swirled around her like confetti caught in a gust of wind, each name clinging to her essence with a fervent grip, creating a new trail for a new path to the never-ending string that seemed to be her identity.
Today, however, she would embody her role as a bored high school student, her steps echoing in the labyrinth of her life, her heart a compass guiding her through the boundless expanse of existence.
On this day, when the blistering sun was at its peak, the thirty students surrounding her and her friends felt like nothing more than a background act as her thoughts ran a stray.
The echo of idle chatter bounced off the walls of the classroom and left a dull ache in her bones, but it wasn't the reason for the pounding ache beneath MJ's temple that threatened to consume her thoughts.
She sighed, brushing stray hairs from her face and meeting her friend's gaze. The two, wordlessly acknowledging their shared sense of detachment at Mr. Samuel's lecture.
His voice, once something that demanded their attention months ago, now a mere flicker of noise amidst the backdrop that was her thoughts.
"Abby?" She called, drumming her fingers on the desk as she lightly shook the other girl's shoulder. The other girl seemed to pay no heed to her or the growing noise, laying her head on her desk and drifting off.
Sighing fondly, she idly played in the younger girl's hair, turning her gaze away.
She glanced at the other three members of their group, a small smile on her lips as she spied the glimmers of chaos they embodied. She couldn't help but marvel at this group of random girls who just dragged her into their sh*t and gave her a place to settle.
It was ridiculous how easily they got her to slip out of her shell and how easily they had her shatter the persona others had seen of her, destroying the impression of a nice girl they had all falsely depicted.
It was ridiculous.
It was ridiculous how easily these girls had become her friends in the past two months. Coming here and being dragged into a group of misfits as problematic as she was the breath of fresh air she didn't know she needed.
Today, a healthy dose of chaos was dashed with the insanity that was adolescence mixing and mashing into her new everyday life. It felt new; it felt great. It felt like a calm she hadn't felt in quite a while.
Now if only she could convince the others to shut up so she could enjoy it.
"Dory, what's with the face?" her friend Angie asked, using the inevitable nickname she had picked up as she pulled her to the other girl's side.
"You look like someone just fucked you over or something."
She stared, willing her thoughts to form words instead of her usual forlorn sigh. "I'm just tired and a bit hungry, Angie. It's no big deal; besides, the bell will ring for lunch in the next few minutes."
Angie nodded, allowing the other girl to drift back to her seat as she turned her focus to their teacher's lecture.
The few minutes that followed seemed to stretch like eons before the lunch bell rang, and when it did, the chaos it brought seemed to welcome them with open arms.
Getting up from her desk, MJ followed Angie and the others to the cafeteria to collect their food, bypassing the lines of ravenous children that tore through the crowds.
Upon reaching the empty classroom and closing the door, the group released groans and sighs in equal measure. As they sat down, the once-quiet room began to fill as the group began to chatter and gossip with each other.
It doesn't take long, stomachs full, and a quiet silence before chaos ensues.
One minute they're recording each other making dumb jokes, and the next Alecia and Zani are attacking each other with a juice box.
Minutes later, Angie decides it's okay to sprawl out on the floor, glasses, and all as shouting and dancing ensue around us.
If asked, we'd say that's just Angie being Angie, even if it just seemed like high hippie behavior going on right there.
After that, it starts to get foggy; she doesn't know what followed—not really, it was all a blur of laughter and yelling that seemed to cram decades into the span of minutes. Her own laughter seemed to spill out a mile a minute. Her smile was a thing of mystery, something that held a mirage of secrets.
As days turned into weeks and eventually those weeks into months, no one would guess that this was one of the few times their friend would smile for a very long time.