"Mr. Adinn, on December 10 at 11:36 a.m., police elements found $14.8 billion dollars in cash in your house. Could you explain how you got that money and why?"
Alfred Adinn was sitting on the stand. His arms were handcuffed, and he was wearing an orange prison uniform. He had been arrested for illicit enrichment, tax fraud, tax evasion, forgery of currency and documents, organized crime and obstructing the law.
"That was a genie's wish," Alfred responded to the prosecutor.
The prosecutor glanced at the jury.
"A genie? Like the one in the magic lamp?"
"Yes, exactly."
"And this genie granted you wishes?"
"Three."
"14.8 billion dollars being one of them?"
"I only asked him to make me a billionaire."
"Then why didn't he just give you one billion?"
Alfred shrugged.
"And do you have any proof of any of this? Do you have that magic lamp where the genie came from?"
"He disappeared after the third wish."
The prosecutor looked at the jury and grinned.
"Anyway. Please tell me more about the 14.8 billion. Where did they come from? Assuming this genie exists, how did he get that amount?"
Alfred shrugged.
"How am I supposed to know?"
The prosecutor began to pace slowly around the room.
"As I see it, there are two options: 1) he created or, rather, forged, that money, or 2) he took it from somewhere. Needless to say, both are crimes. Which was it?"
Alfred remained silent.
"No more questions."
The prosecutor returned to his seat and the defense attorney stood up. He then walked towards Alfred and placed a document on the stand.
"Mr. Adinn, do you recognize this?"
"Yes, it's my marriage certificate."
"Did you present it as evidence of one of your wishes?"
"Yeah."
"Which one?"
"The third."
"Could you explain to us what that wish was."
"I wanted her to marry me." Alfred pointed to a woman in the front row of the audience. She wore a shawl and sunglasses that covered her hair and eyes. And when Alfred pointed her out, she blew him a kiss.
"Could you tell us the name of her wife?"
"Xcaret Jobanson."
Both the public and the jury gasped when they hear that name. The woman took off her glasses and shawl to show her red hair and her green eyes. There was no doubt: she was Xcaret Jobanson, the movie star.
"No more questions," said the defense attorney. "I would now like to call the defendant's wife to the stand."
She rose from her seat and walked to the stand. At the same time, Alfred stood up and walked to his seat. Xcaret turned to him and whispered "I love you" just as he walked past her. He smiled at her in response.
Already on the stand, Xcaret swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and took her seat.
"Mrs. Jobanson," the defense attorney pointed to the document that was on the stand in front of her, "do you recognize this?"
"Yes, it's my marriage certificate."
"On what date was it issued?"
Xcaret took the certificate and read it.
"October 23, 2029."
"At what time?"
"1:56 p.m."
"Very well," the defense attorney removed the document and, immediately afterwards, showed Xcaret another one. "And now, do you recognize this?"
"Yes, it's my divorce certificate."
"On what date was it issued?"
Xcaret took the certificate and read it.
"October 23, 2029."
"At what time?"
"At 1:31 p.m."
"So you divorced your husband and married the defendant on the same day, less than an hour apart?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Could you elaborate on this?"
"Yes, that day I was filming my most recent movie—I can't tell you more about it because I signed an NDA—and suddenly I thought about my now ex-husband and I realized that I no longer felt anything for him, that I didn't want to be with him anymore. So I walked off the set and called him. I told him, 'Hey, I think I want a divorce,' and he said, 'Yes, me too,' and we went to the state court and got divorced. Then I went out and crossed the street. A car stopped just before running me over. Someone got out of the car, and that's when I saw him: My Al. I said, "I have to marry him." He approached me and asked: "Are you Xcaret Jobanson?" I told him: "I can also be your wife." He smiled and we got married.
"No more questions."
The defense attorney went back to his seat, and the prosecutor approached Xcaret.
"If I'm honest, I think this whole story is very strange, Mrs. Jobanson, especially the part about you falling madly in love with him upon seeing him for the first time right after he received $14.8 billion dollars."
Xcaret grinned at him.
"It's really sad that you consider love at first sight as something that strange. But I don't need money if that's what you think. And, if you don't believe me, Al and I made a prenup where we established a complete separation of properties."
"But this story is still very strange, Mrs. Jobanson. Tell me, how is it possible to divorce someone so quickly? It generally takes one to three months, and sometimes even years."
"I don't know what to tell you, but that's how it happened."
"Could you elaborate?"
"Me and my ex went into the state court, and a lady there did all the paperwork."
"And this happened as soon as you two got in?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't you have to wait in line or schedule an appointment or something?"
"No, there was no one there."
Both the jury and the public gasped when they heard those words.
"Are you telling me that you went to a government office, and you didn't wait in line or made an appointment?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"And the bureaucrats there were quick and efficient? Didn't they send you from one person to another just to get some form or document or approval?"
"No, it was the same lady who did everything."
"So, did she get all the forms and approvals?"
"Yes, she took like 5 minutes. She then came back with the documents sealed, signed, approved and everything."
"And the same thing happened when you two got married?"
"Yeah."
"I find it extremely hard to believe, but anyway. Let's suppose your marriage is the product of one of the defendant's wishes. Doesn't it bother you that you've been manipulated?"
"Whether it was a wish or not, I have never been so happy in my life."
The prosecutor stared directly at her for a moment.
"No more questions."
Both Xcaret Jobanson and the prosecutor returned to their respective places. Once again, the defense attorney stood up and took the prosecutor's place.
"Finally, I would like to call Mr. Adinn to the stand once again."
Alfred rose from his seat and walked to the stand.
"Tell me, Mr. Adinn, what was his first wish?"
Alfred looked down.
"No... can't you tell them?"
The defense attorney shook his head.
"You have to answer the question, Mr. Adinn."
Alfred raised his head and sighed.
"Well, I'm a man, and when I found a genius, and he told me he could grant me anything, I..."
"What was his first wish, Mr. Adinn?"
Alfred turned his head towards the members of the jury.
"You, the men, you get it, right?"
"Answer the question, Mr. Adinn."
"He…he enlarged it."
"What did he enlarge?"
Al pointed down.
"What did he enlarge, Mr. Adinn?"
"… my penis."
"And do you have any way to prove it?"
"I guess," Alfred lowered his hands and began to unbutton his pants, but...
"Wait, Mr. Adinn, you don't have to do that." The defense attorney took out a couple of polaroids and placed them on the stand in front of Alfred. "Could you tell me what this is?"
"Two pictures of me naked."
"When were they taken?"
"In prison, I guess. Maybe the day the arrested me."
"Objection." The prosecutor slammed the table and stood up. "There is no way something like that can be accepted as evidence."
The judge asked the defense attorney for the pictures, and he gave them to him.
The judge picked it up and looked at it and…
"Sweet mother of Jesus!" He immediately dropped the pictures. Everyone saw both surprise and horror in his eyes. And frankly it was to be expected, since these photographs showed Alfred naked, from the front and in profile. His mastodonic cock, impossibly erect, couldn't be ignored.
The judge picked the pictures up, and stared at them, at Alfred, at them again, and so on, and so on.
"Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Have mercy on us," the judge he returned the photograph to the defense attorney. "We have to count them as evidence."
"No more questions," said the defense attorney and went back to his seat.
The jury left the room to deliberate.
But they returned after just a few minutes. As they took their seats, several of the jurors looked at Alfred with amazement, horror and maybe jealousy.
"Members of the jury, what is his verdict?" Asked the judge.
"According to the evidence presented," one of them responded after standing up, "it is clear that the money Mr. Adinn received, his marriage to Mrs. Jobanson, and, well, the proportions of his body had to be wished granted by a genie. There is simply no other explanation."
But Alfred Adinn was still convicted for tax evasion—he did not declare his income of $14.8 billion—illicit enrichment—technically speaking, money granted by a genie is not considered a legal income anywhere—and currency counterfeiting—According to the federal police investigation, the bills found in Alfred's mansion met all the requirements to be considered genuine except for their serial numbers, which were duplicated and, therefore, this money was considered fake.
Police also arrested and imprisoned civil registry workers for falsification of documents, influence peddling, bribery, coalition of public servants, improper use of powers and abusive exercise of functions.
Finally, an arrest warrant was issued for the genie of the lamp for the crimes of counterfeiting currency, performing plastic surgeries without a license, forging documents, bribery, and influence peddling. Needless to say, the police have still not found him.