English is not my first language. Thanks for understanding!
~*~
The sounds of nature were reaching the tall boy's ears, drowning out the equally beautiful and soothing sounds of the area he was walking through. His gaze carefully registered the blades of tall grass moving in the light breeze, not caring what was right in front of him on the path he was following. A warm breeze pleasantly teased his cheeks, stimulating his dormant and paradoxically indifferent insides.
– ...ara! Takara! – he heard his name.
With obvious reluctance, he turned toward the source of the sound and, spotting a familiar figure walking toward him, quickened his step. He has avoided the company of other people. Being alone was perfectly acceptable, comfortable and safe.
– That was rude! – the voice of a slightly shorter boy sounded, betraying his shock.
Black, slightly curly hair framed his face, wrapping his flushed cheeks in thick strands.
Brushing away the longer strands, he looked at the silent Takara, glaring into his equally dark eyes and waiting for any reaction.
– What do you want? – Takara sighed looking away from him.
– Interaction – he answered shortly.
– Is that so... Then, try with someone else.
The boy clenched his lips thinking about his next move, but when he noticed the white headphones pressed into Takara's ears, he asked:
– What are you listening to?
– What am I trying to listen to? – Takara corrected his question.
– Yes, what are you trying to listen to? – he said unmoved by his uninviting attitude.
Takara took out the earphone from his left ear and handed it to the boy walking next to him.
– These are the sounds of nature – he said surprised. – Why don't you listen to the live stream then? – he asked, wanting to know the reasons for Takara's behavior which was strange in his opinion.
– That's a rather... personal question – he said placing the earphone back in his ear.
– Which... you won't answer?
– I won't.
– What if we were friends? Would you answer?
– Depends how close, but certainly your chances would increase.
The boy smiled widely and clasping his hands together raised them high stretching.
– Challenge accepted – he said cheerfully.
– I didn't...
– Let's assume so and see what happens – he interjected with a smile that wasn't even suppressed for a moment, not letting him finish.
Takara's emotional state he had been in since he arrived on the island prevented him from making any comment. He didn't feel like himself and got the impression that he was gradually forgetting his true nature. His mind could not cope with his new surroundings, it rebelled against changes.
Everything here was different, foreign.
The people were different, alien.
Their behavior and way of life differed from what was known, familiar and close to him. Therefore, despite the fact that he consciously and voluntarily decided to hole up here, he began to doubt the rightness of his decision.
He came home extremely exhausted. The walk, in which he had high hopes, ended with a result far from the expected. Ren – the boy who so brutally and unexpectedly interrupted his walk, which he had planned since yesterday, sucked out the rest of the energy that protected him from the final fall.
He felt weak.
Unable to defend himself any longer, he gave up, letting uncertainty and self-doubt take over his thoughts once again.
– Takara? – a quiet knock and an equally quiet voice came from the other side of the door.
He slowly opened his eyes, meeting the dark sky spreading outside the window.
– Yeah, I'm here – he replied after a moment, hiding them again behind the delicate skin of his eyelids.
– Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes – the voice sounded again.
– Ok, I'll be down in a minute.
He reached for his phone, where the screen's digits showed eight o'clock, and with a slight sigh he got up, forcing his still sluggish body to move. He slept for at least three hours, which he had not planned to do, not wanting to get his body used to inactivity, both physical and mental. Stagnation and lethargy were the last thing he wanted to allow himself. He understood that he shouldn't go down this path, that stillness and silence were his greatest enemy.
Downstairs in the kitchen, he found a tall man at a wooden table. His face, marked by subtle wrinkles, betrayed that he was well past fifty, and his slightly bent figure suggested that today was not an easy day either.
– How was your day? – he asked, giving him a gentle smile despite his tiredness.
– Ok – Takara said shortly, taking his place at the table.
Grabbing his chopsticks, he stuck his absent-minded gaze into the mound of rice in the ceramic bowl.
– I'll be back later tomorrow, so don't wait for me with dinner – he said, looking at his silent son.
He understood what was happening to him. He knew that as long as he didn't accept this new reality, he would never overcome what he only seemingly left behind. That he would never achieve his goal, which despite the difficulties he faced, had not transformed. In his own unforced way, he tried to support him in this process.
~*~
The second month of Takara's stay on the island has passed. The last two weeks he has spent in this place that was foreign until recently, were certainly a breakthrough. They brought hope, peace and understanding.
– Takara! Good morning! – Ren's cheerful voice reached the ears trapped by the miniature speakers.
The living and loud reason for his slow metamorphosis boldly and carelessly intruded into his life, taking his open reluctance and difficult-to-handle nature as nothing.
– Good morning.
The corners of his mouth went up, and the fingers of both hands got rid of the last barrier that separated them. His white headphones rested in his pants pocket, and his freed sense of hearing completely opened up to the voice of the boy running toward him. A white long-sleeve shirt showed off his swarthy complexion, and navy blue cotton pants hung loosely on his hips as usual.
– What's with your hair? – Ren laughed, running his hand through Takara's messy hair.
– I got up too late – he explained laconically, touching his shoulder-length black hair.
Ren reached into the front pocket of his backpack and taking out a thin elastic band, handed it to his friend. The wind blew away his long hair and the dark eyes staring into the other's, similar and yet so different, trapped Ren's voice for a brief moment, not allowing any words to come out, including those that were safe, careful and did not betray his deeply hidden feelings.
– Ren? Are we going or not?
A dark blue elastic band wrapped around his dark hair and his questioning gaze betrayed a slight impatience.
– Y-yeah, let's go.
Takara's presence in his life was becoming something normal and necessary. It became an inseparable, constant part of his day, to which all his thoughts and needs gathered. Gradually and inexorably Ren became addicted to him. Although they never talked about Takara's very close past, he was sure that it hid the answer to all the unasked questions. Questions that had been pressing to his lips for a long time, but which he had not yet had the courage to ask.
Independently and equally irreversibly, the affection Takara felt for Ren grew stronger with each passing day. The friendship, which had a rather ambiguous beginning, developed completely naturally, reaching next levels of intimacy that gradually went beyond it. His optimism and joy influenced Takara, accelerating the transformation that he had been waiting for so much.
Reaching the edge of a wide clearing, they sat down by the seashore, burying their feet in the cool sand. Every morning exactly at nine-thirty, they met at the roadside, from where they continued on to reach the beach and gazing at the vast horizon, ate their first meal together. They had fallen into a kind of routine. Neither of them could imagine a different scenario, a different sequence of morning activities done right after waking up. All of them, without exception, came down to this one, the climactic one, the one that was happening right now.
– I'll ask you a question, but if you don't want to, don't answer – Ren began, unpacking his bento*.
Takara froze with the chopsticks close to his face and tensely waited for the continuation.
– Have you ever wondered what the world would be like without humans?
– ...No. What about you? – he replied surprised by the content of the question.
This was not what Takara expected.
– I started a while ago – he said, glancing at him with a smile. – I was hoping you would guide me to new ideas. I'm stuck and starting to doubt the success of this project.
– You want to create a world without people? Then, who would be the protagonist of the story you create?
– Your imagination can't handle such abstraction, huh? – he said with a smile, grabbing the pickled egg half with his chopsticks.
– Until recently it was different. Let's just say... that my imagination took a break.
– That's why you came here? To let it rest?
Takara hesitated with his answer. He realized that the whole conversation had one purpose from the very beginning – to confess the truth.
– On the contrary – he said quietly.
– And how's it going?
– Lately... lately my thoughts have been diverging from the main thread, but I've noticed that paradoxically, it brings me closer to my goal.
– That's good. Turns out your coming here wasn't a mistake.
The silence that came after the last words spoken by Ren continued for another long minutes.
– That's all? No more questions? – Takara asked, breaking the unplanned conspiracy of silence.
Ren looked at him hesitantly, but from the expression on his face, he was unable to read the unambiguous emotions that were hidden inside.
– I thought it was a prelude to the interrogation – he added, sensing his uncertainty.
– Interrogation? Who do you think I am? – Ren laughed, reaching for a bottle of green tea.
– A manga-ka with a tendency to quirk and conspiracies.
Ren's loud laughter once again came out of his throat, causing a sincere smile to appear on Takara's face as well.
– This is not what I expected, but ok, I appreciate the creativity – Ren said leaning back.
His hands rested on the sand, and he gazed in focus at the blue, cloudless sky.
– Since we're talking openly, let's stop pretending that you don't know what I really wanted to ask – he said, without taking his eyes off the safe scenery.
Takara couldn't ignore his words. Confessing the truth was inevitable.
– I'm going through a creative crisis. I've been struggling with a block for several months.
– So you came here to find inspiration. – It wasn't a question, yet Ren heard the answer.
– Yes.
– And in this process you're supported by the playlist you listen to so addictively. – Another statement to which Takara responded.
– Yes.
– You're a computer game designer with a tendency to quirk and self-destruct – Ren said, tilting his head to look at him.
– Self-destruct? – he repeated shocked.
– You said yourself that lately you've been feeling like you're getting closer to your goal, but if you hadn't resisted my company from the very beginning, you might have already reached it.
– You have a pretty high opinion of yourself since you assume it's because of you.
– Normal human intuition – Ren replied with a cocky smile on his lips.
Takara's thoughts galloped, keeping pace with his racing heart beat. He felt a strong urge to drop the mask and show him even more of his true self.
– ...You're right, it's thanks to you – Takara confessed, staring stubbornly into his dark eyes, which seemed to change with every word he heard. – Thank you, Ren. In this case, your stubbornness gave meaning to my decision.
The invisible barrier rising between them slowly faded away, preparing for its final fall. Mutual trust and sincerity will soon make its existence completely meaningless.
A new day has come. Stimulated by a dose of energy from an unknown source, Takara walked out of the house slowly following the empty street. The rubber soles of his black sneakers soundlessly bumped against the rough asphalt, and the long loose hoodie he had put on this morning hung freely in the light breeze. The omnipresent nature and the lone house, Ren's house, visible in the distance emphasized even more strongly the surprisingly different state he was in. His legs led him in that direction on their own, unconsciously fighting a quiet voice telling him to stop, to turn back.
– Takara! – heard the voice he already knew so well.
The accompanying sound of the engine of the red scooter on which Ren was heading toward him drowned out his next words.
– ...it is today?
– What? – Takara asked when Ren got close enough to hear him.
– Do you know what day it is today? – he repeated his question, clearly emphasizing each word.
Taking off his helmet, Ren looked at him with obvious excitement visible in his slightly widened eyes.
Takara ran through all possible holidays and events in his mind, but the fact that he had no idea what day of the month today was, the chances of success were pretty low.
– You're too slow! – called out Ren, rolling his eyes and taking his hand, started running toward the nearest hill.
– Ren...?!
– We don't have time! – he said impatiently, without looking back.
The tall grass through which they ran, slightly slowed their movements, but not enough to prevent them from reaching on time, which after all, was crucial at the moment. Having stopped at the top, Ren raised his hand and pointing to a distant spot in front of them, said:
– Today is the rocket launch.
Takara's gaze focused, finally spotting the tall object, which was undoubtedly a rocket. Clouds of smoke rose around it, heightening sensations he had not yet had the opportunity to experience. Like under the spell, he stared at the huge, slender mass floating slowly, and as the shockwave reached them, affecting their defenseless bodies, the realization of his own weakness and transience overwhelmed him with its scale.
– Amazing, isn't it? – Ren's quiet voice reached him.
At the same moment he realized that this will pass, and what will surely remain is the boy standing right next to him... still holding his hand.
– Just today... let me just today – Ren said.
His fingers clenched tighter, and his gaze stubbornly followed the massive object.
– It requires a lot of courage from me... and what keeps me from backing down is the thought that... tomorrow may not come. I know it's not very possible, but the probability isn't zero, right?
A shudder ran through Takara's body. Ren's message was clear. He felt he had no right to doubt, and more importantly, he didn't want to deny his words, his own feelings out of any control.
– If tomorrow comes, you can renew your wish – Takara said, fully aware of the consequences that await him.
Ren tensed up, and the thought flashed through his mind that he had never before been so close to a goal that was destined to fail from the very beginning.
– If tomorrow comes, my wish may be for something more – he confessed, stirring up even stronger emotions.
– In this case... in this case, isn't it better to take a risk and go even further? – Takara asked, looking closely at his sky-facing face.
– Are you afraid? Of never hearing it?
– I'm starting.
Ren laughed quietly, still not daring to look him in the eye.
– I'm starting to feel guilty – Ren said, getting the impression that this conversation is taking place far from reality, that it is playing only in his head.
– Good.
– Don't provoke me, please – Ren said, lowering his voice.
– Don't run away, now that you've come this far.
Takara's confidence and stubbornness surprised not only Ren. He himself felt confused, yet confident that he was doing the right thing.
– Guilt begins to fight with fear... I'm terrified of what comes next.
– Imagine that tomorrow is really not coming, that you only have here and now... Are you still afraid?
– Less and less with each passing second – Ren admitted, finding the remnants of courage to finally look at him.
The gaze he met held his breath for a brief moment and slowed his heart. Takara's shining eyes shattered any doubts that had been growing in him for a long time. None of that mattered. All that matters is the here and now, the fact that Takara is still here, that he stayed with him.
– For one more reason this day is special – Ren said without taking his eyes off him.
– Tell me.
– Does the date of February 14 tell you anything?
Takara smiled, matching the appropriate holiday with a perfectly familiar date.
– If we were in Kyoto, it would probably be snowing.
– ...When you're back there, can I visit you?
– Why do you assume I'm coming back?
– I thought you only came for a while – he replied in an unusually quiet voice.
– That was the plan, but... this situation changes it a bit, don't you think?
– I wish it would be so – Ren said, unconsciously moving closer.
Takara's warm breath brushed the skin of his face as he leaned in attracted by Takara's shimmering gaze, full of hidden desires. Staring at each other in silence, Ren raised a slightly trembling hand and, touching his cheek, ran his fingers over the smooth skin. Takara's reaction stimulated his already rebellious heart, and forced his fingers to move more confidently. With a fingertip Ren touched his lips, at the same time feeling Takara's hand tighten on his back, pulling him even closer to him.
The millimeters that separated them at that moment gradually approaching zero, to finally, in accordance with the announced collapse of the invisible barrier, seal its inevitable annihilation.
Ren's soft lips, which Takara was tasting at the moment, pressed more and more greedily against his own. Their faster and more impatient movements increased the need for closeness and unity even more strongly. The uncertainty and reticence in their actions, like the bright, mist-like trail in the sky left by the rising rocket, disappeared irretrievably.
– Does it fall within the scope of something more? – Takara asked quietly, pulling away from him for a brief moment.
But not so much that the touch of his lips was completely undetectable.
– It did... – he whispered, brushing it gently.
His eyes which revealed fascination and desire, emphasized the truthfulness and depth of his next words.
– But at the moment it's definitely not enough.
...
*bento – meal served in a special container
„Not only the Universe is a challenge to the human being.
The human being is a challenge for the own self."
Michał Heller
Below original version of quote.
„Nie tylko Wszechświat jest wyzwaniem dla człowieka.
Człowiek jest wyzwaniem dla samego siebie."
Michał Heller