Weird. I'm not the type of person who likes this stuff… but here i am, writing journals. Since I don't know when I'm going to die, i want to at least leave behind the words i wanted to tell someone.
Rene, where are you? Are you even alive? Are you looking for me as desperately as i am looking for you?
You know, I met our mother just the other day. She must've been so traumatized that she has completely forgotten me. I don't resent her but it has left a really.. really dark and dense mark in me. I've lived almost 45 days in this world now but i still can't recall anything beyond those days.
How i ended up here or how the world came to this state.. i want to find answers to all those too but before i want to find you.
Tomorrow, I'll be going to another battle. To rescue Von 2402 which is under the siege of beasts. They've arranged armed ships and choppers to fend off the beasts which are going to be stationed as the first thing next dawn. I wonder how much those will be applied into the battle. A good number of people are on this mission. I wonder if all of them are doing the last thing they wanted to do before they died. I'm the bait this time so I don't know if I'll come back alive. Even I.. don't know what will happen in the future. It might be the last time I'm using this pen. The last time I'll be having my dinner, the last time i might be sleeping. Tonight could be the last night of my life. I'm still not sure what I should be feeling. Fright, guilt, regret, sorrow, anger… I don't know. Well… I'll leave the heavy talks. If you are in Von2402 and if you search for me as well, i hope you find this piece of note that I'm leaving behind. I might be dead by the time you find this. This paper isn't enough to hold all the words that I wanted to share with you. So I'll only say this..
I wish we had died before the world came to its horrible state.
Fein folded the piece of paper neatly. He pulled a drawer and put it safely inside.
Fighting three beasts together wasn't something the world had accomplished yet. Going to defend against them is a huge bravery let alone killing them altogether.
It was a fact well known that most people would die there. By the beasts or by getting caught up in the turmoil.
Either way death was what awaited them.
Like Fein, the lot others reminisced about their days before the world became like that.
Ran, with a lit cigarette in between his fingers, blew in the air. The smoke danced with the breeze before fading away.
Standing on the deck, his eyes gazed into the hollow of the black starless sky. A distant roar of a dragon along with the ocean waves echoed in his ears.
Even he couldn't be assured of his survival the next day.
A heavy breath from deep within escaped from his mouth.
"Whatever. I had to die sooner or later anyway."
Meanwhile, with some borrowed red and black pens, Kuina was in the process of drawing an abstract portrait.
It was her quiet sorrow, howling with her sniffles and scribbles of the pen.
The portrait seemed like two people were holding a toddler boy. The toddler was drawn with the red pen while the people holding him were with black. They had no face, only a mouth smiling with fangs out. Blood rolling from their mouths, most of the faces hidden behind hair. The boy smiled with hollow eyes, a bit of his ribs peeked out.
A painting of true horror.
She plucked the paper from the canvas stand and tore it into small pieces as if murdering the painting.
She clenched the torn pieces in her hands and wept, pressing her head against the soft sheet of the bed.
On the other side of the vessel, Yulia, along with Eudimor and Ludic and a few other green belt members sat for dinner.
A mixed emotion worked within them oozing out an obnoxious aura.
Picking up the glass of red wine in the air, Yulia smiled.
"Come on, now. It isn't like it is my last supper."
"That you say.." Ludic softly pressed the knife and sliced through the steak. "But you treat it like your last supper. Otherwise you wouldn't have called us all here together." He modestly put the meat in his mouth.
"No. No. Though it is true that we're up against three immortals, it isn't like we can't outwit them. Three isn't a number to be scared of." She sipped her wine.
"Have you thought of a way to come back, ma'am Orks?" Eudimor further asked. "It isn't like we could kill them. We can't keep fighting with them forever either. After the vessel departs, how do you plan to return?"
"I've thought of that too. Our estimated time of battle is 4 hours without pauses. That is to say, our body might break in 3 hours. That's why i asked the support team that is going to assist in the field to board the ship and depart along with the vessel. If the rest of us find ourselves not being able to defend for much longer, we will simply come out in the open and surrender."
The clattering stopped after a huge clash of forks, knives and plates. They dropped their spoons from their hands. They even stopped chewing the food inside their mouths. For they realized,
"Are you… letting the beasts eat you so that you can buy some time?!"
Dumbfounded, Yulia cracked up with laughter. "Hahahaha. That's for the worst case scenario. Pray that it won't come down to that. Hahaha."
She laughed but the atmosphere didn't lighten at all.
"What's wrong? Why aren't you laughing? It was a joke. Hahaha."
Little did she know, her fellow comrades wouldn't trust her reassuring words anymore. After losing their numerous comrades, losing their supervisor now… they felt so powerless and guilt burdened that the juicy steak tasted like the meat of a dead man.
Losing all their appetite, they hung their heads low.
It actually might be the last time Yulia Orks had dinner. But she wouldn't even let it show on her face.
Her dazzling face might turn blood reddened and pale just tomorrow.