As I slowly opened my eyelids, the harsh light from the Sun scorched my irises. I rose up from the warm bed and took in my surroundings. Somehow I ended up back in my room. How long was I unconscious? Was everything just a bad dream? I got up from my bed and sauntered down the steps. The familiar scent of fried rice wafted into my nostrils, hypnotising me to run down the steps.
"Hey, hey. No need to rush. Your food is not going anywhere," Mom joked from the kitchen. Her hair was the same auburn brown it had been many years ago. The wrinkles that defined her age had disappeared. It was as though the past few years had not happened. 'No matter,' I thought, "Let me just enjoy my time here.'
I went to the dining room, my stomach grumbling with anticipation. The pleasant aroma became stronger and stronger, drawing me into the delectable dish.
"Wait for a second, young man. Your father wants to see you. He's outside watering the flowers," my mother said with a warm smile.
"That can wait, right? C'mon, I'm starving here."
"Makoto, your father has been waiting for a very long time."
"Okay…"
Not wanting to keep my father waiting any longer, I exited the house. The outside world was more vibrant than it had ever been before in my life. The sky was an ocean with islands of clouds resting on its waves. The melody of singing birds reverberated throughout the garden. A middle-aged man was carefully tending to his multitude of colourful flowers, smiling at each and every one of them as though they were his children. I walked towards my father and playfully slapped his back.
"Good morning, Pops!"
"Ow! That was a good hit, son. I'll get you soon enough," Dad said with a cheeky grin.
"So, what do you need?"
"Let's sit first. I need to talk to you about something."
We sat on the two oak chairs overlooking the garden. Although Dad seemed to be in a good mood, I could tell that he was serious. My heart rate increased slightly as he looked straight into my eyes, staring right into my soul.
"Tell me honestly. How have you been?" he asked while keeping his hand on my shoulder.
"Umm. I guess I'm good."
"I said tell me honestly."
A shiver ran down my spine as the smile on Dad's face disappeared. As the silence between us grew, a sharp pain pierced through my head. Voices of Dad, Mom and my friends chaotically shouted in my head. They were words that I could not comprehend, or more like I did not try to comprehend. I forced myself to push them back as I grabbed my head as tightly as possible. "Get out. Get out. Get out of my head!"
"Remember, Makoto."
An unknown feminine voice washed through the tide of other voices. It was clear but soothing. Her gentle nature could be heard from the vibration of each note. Then, as though it was the key of some lock had been opened, all of my memories started to return. Memories of my friends, the tunnel and Mitsuha began flooding into my mind. I finally understood where I was and what I was doing here.
"This is my wish," I spoke out loud.
"I'm glad you understood so quickly," Dad said as he stood from his seat.
I instantly jumped up and hugged him tightly. It was unreal that he was right here in the flesh. I could feel the warmth of his body and the tightness of his skin. Tears began pouring out of my eyes. Never in my life had I thought this day would ever come.
"There there, son. Everything is alright now," Dad consoled me as he petted my head gently.
I spent the next hour telling Dad everything that happened over the past two years since his death. Words were just flying out of my mouth non-stop. I had never ever spoken this much in one conversation but there was just so much that I needed to say to him.
"Seems like you've been through a lot these past few years."
"Yeah, it's been tough."
"But I'm glad."
"At what. Mom and I were a mess after you… Our family was in shambles. We needed you."
"But you were able to grow from it."
I stared at him, wondering what he could have meant. Then I remembered the conversation Mom and I had just a day ago. It was just a day ago but it felt like it was an eternity.
"I'd barely call it that. We are just patching things up," I said.
"No matter whether it is slow or fast, progress is progress. I felt horrible for leaving you all so early but after hearing these stories, I have nothing to worry about anymore. Makoto, you have the support of your friends and family. There is nothing to fear anymore. There is no need to lie to yourself anymore. Move forward with your chin held high, my son. You're the smartest boy I know, after all!" Dad said as he slapped my back with double the force I used.
"Oww! That hurt!" I shouted.
"C'mon, you're so big now! You can handle a hit like that!"
"Right…" I lied while giving a wry smile, hiding the pain I was suffering. I had completely forgotten how strong my father was.
I pondered about the words my father uttered. There was no doubt that he was right but I just couldn't accept moving on so quickly. Wouldn't that mean that his presence was meaningless? If we acted as though nothing happened, that would just be denying his existence in the first place. It was a distorted mindset but that was truly how I thought for the longest time.
"Who said that moving on meant forgetting? You still don't understand."
"Then what does it mean?"
"Every experience we go through, good or bad, is essential to our growth. Overcoming the obstacles that block our journey doesn't mean that we forget about the obstacle. It's using it as a stepping stone."
"How could I ever use your death as a stepping stone?! That's just cruel!"
"If I could form the bud for your growth into a flower, I would be the happiest father in the world."
As though his words were the key to a locked door, everything suddenly clicked. A loved one's death or even a loved one moving away is not something to look back on depressingly. We must take everything in stride so that they know that we will be okay in the future. Life and death is a cycle that we can never break. We must live with it and move on.
"I think I understand now."
"So what is your decision now, Makoto."
"To move on."
I vaulted from my seat and dashed out of the gates of my house into the unexpected future. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore. Running away from home wasn't the right answer. Running away from the people that cared about me wasn't going to help me in any way. What I had to do was obvious now.
Face my fears and move on.
The image of Dad's warm smile staring at my back was on my mind as I ran and ran and ran. The excruciating pain in my legs was the least of my worries. I had to return to Mom, Yuki, and Ren. I had to return to Mitsuha. The stone path was endless with no end in sight. My surroundings were covered in blinding fog. But I was not afraid. All that was on my mind was that home was just past here.
While my mind did not give up, my body was beginning to wear out. My strides were beginning to falter and I felt that I could tumble at any moment. As I trotted for what seemed to be an eternity, my legs finally surrendered to exhaustion and forced me to fall. I was paralysed from head to toe, not even being able to move a centimetre. My brain screamed their commands to my limbs but it was to no avail.
Click. Click. Click. The sound of footsteps was all that I could hear. The vibrations on the ground came closer to my body. The fog in front was slowly disappearing with each graceful movement of the figure. Whether it was due to her presence alone or her supernatural powers, I did not know. All that mattered was that the person I wanted to see most had come to save me.
"Let's go, Makoto!" Mitsuha shouted as she tried to carry my body. Although she looked as tired as I did, the proud smile on her face did not waver. She dragged me as far as she could with her borderline gaunt body. Once I got enough energy, I stood on my own two feet. There was so much I had to say to her but now was not the time. We had to get out of here now.
I grabbed her hand and, together, we continued our sprint. Thanks to Mitsuha, the mist was disappearing at a steady pace, revealing where we were. I was hit with a sudden deja vu as I recognised our location. The mysterious colourful shapes; the glistening liquid our legs were submerged in; the humongous tree with glowing leaves in the centre of this black reality.
"The heart of the tunnel," I whispered in awe.
"No time to stare. We gotta get out of here now!"
"Right."
Mitsuha seemed to be in a hurry for a different reason than I was. It almost seemed that we would be in danger if we stayed any longer. Why though? As though fate had to reply to my question, the ground began to rumble. The creatures who were calmly flying about began to fly all over the place in a panic. Ripples on the water's surface turned into miniature crashing waves. But, worst of all, the tree had been split in the centre as though a giant slashed it.
"What's going on!"
"You rejected the tunnel's power! Now it's going to collapse on itself!"
"So where do we go now!?"
"Head to the tree!"
We ran as fast as we could, dodging the cracks under the ground and the falling stalactites from above. Each piece of rock was just a hair away from crushing us. Left, right, left, right. Mitsuha guided us through the living and life-threatening obstacle course. The cracks became larger while the ceiling continued to rain more of its artillery at us. We almost made it to the tree when a crack suddenly formed beneath Mitsuha's feet.
I was at a loss. Time moved at a snail's pace as she gracefully and slowly fell into the hole, accepting her fate. Her face dictated no signs of fear or worry. In fact, she was smiling, as though she was satisfied with her life, ready to end her journey. Her eyes watched mine as she prepared to succumb to her destiny, telling me that everything will be fine.
Not on my watch.
I grabbed her hand with all the strength I had. There was no way that I would lose her now. She saved my life and now it was my time to save hers. Her expression immediately switched to a fusion of worry and panic. I could feel her trying to twist her hand out of my grab but it was no use. I was not going to leave her to die.
"What are you doing?! Leave me and go?!" Mitsuha screamed at the top of her lungs. Tears dropped from her jewel-like irises as she finally revealed her emotions.
"Not a chance in hell! You're coming home with me and that's final!"
"Why? I've already completed my mission. There's no reason for me to live anymore."
"Because there's so much more for you to experience in this world!"
"What's the point? I was only created for the sake of helping you accept this world!"
"But I can't accept a world without you!"
Her face was painted with an expression of pure confusion. It was obvious that she could not comprehend the words I had just said. She was so focused on her mission that she did not realize the importance of her presence in my life. Without her, I would never have learned to love Yakushima. I feel that I could learn to love the world more if she was still by my side.
The exhaustion in my body was nothing compared to my will to save her life. With all the remaining strength in my body, I pulled her out of the chasm and into my arms. Although her face bespoke the want for answers, we had no time for that. I grabbed her arm as tight as possible and ran towards the base of the tree.
"Touch it now!" Mitsuha exclaimed with desperation in her voice.
Stretching my arm to its limit, the tip of my finger grazed the splintered bark of the tree. A sudden void of white appeared before my eyes. I was all alone in this empty space. There was no one in my surroundings. Even Mitsuha, whose arm I had held in my palm, had disappeared into thin air. My brain was blank; no thoughts entered or exited from it. I was in a state of confusion.
"Greetings, Makoto Fujimaru."
I twisted my neck in the direction of the mysterious voice. The heavy reverberations and the commanding tone of the speaker could not have come from a human. However, there was no sign or figure of anyone.
"I'm the god of the island of Yakushima. Though I do not have a specific name, you can call me Kami."
My mind felt as though it could crack at any moment. A million questions ran through my mind. What is going on? Why is a god talking to me? Do gods really exist? Is this a hallucination?
From the white canvas of this world, a cloud of blue formed. Its shape transmogrified into the silhouette of a young man. Body parts grew from the hazy blue fog and forged a human body. But for some reason, the human body was exactly like mine.
"You must have many questions Makoto, but, unfortunately, I do not have time to answer them. The reason for our meeting is that I wanted one of my doubts to be answered."
"What kind of god would have doubts? And why would an ordinary human like me be able to answer them?" I made sure to make my suspicion of this figure apparent.
"That is because I wanted to learn more about humans. As a form of gratitude for worshipping me, I made a world that could grant any human who enters it the wish they have always wanted. I thought that humans would feel joy and satisfaction for their desires being fulfilled, but no one entered the tunnel… Until you did."
Kami strode closer to me until there was only a metre separating us. His eyes (technically mine) stared observantly at mine. There was nothing that I could hide from this creature even if I wanted to. I finally accepted that he was, in fact, a god.
"Once you went into the tunnel, I was overjoyed. But something went wrong. Your mind was conflicted. The tunnel could not identify your true desire. I decided to create an avatar to fulfil the purpose of finding your desire. That was how the girl Mitsuha came to be."
"Mitsuha is your avatar? Did she know that?"
"Not at all. She had no memory of me or the spiritual world. She was born from the tunnel with the mind of an infant. In a day, she experienced the beauty of the island with her own eyes. All that was in her mind was wanting you to have to same love for the island as she had."
"That girl… So she really loved the island that much, huh."
"Precisely. But over time, she slowly got her memory back and remembered her purpose, even though she was subconsciously fulfilling it. Everything following you reentering the tunnel went according to my vision until you rejected your wish."
The god's voice was no longer calm and collected. It had a tinge of confusion mixed in. This otherworldly creature was genuinely dumbfounded about human nature and wanted to know the reason for it. I would never have guessed that gods would act no differently from humans.
"So, to come to the point, I wanted to know why you rejected your wish. Don't humans want eternal happiness? Why run away from yours?"
"That's easy to answer. It's because my father wanted me to grow as a person. Humans can't grow if they get their desires fulfilled without any work to put into that goal. You know what they say, the journey is always better than the destination."
Its eyes stared at me with a slight understanding. The divine being closed its eyes absorbed in its ethereal thoughts. After a few seconds of contemplating, a warm smile covered its face, or technically, my face. Kami had finally understood the thoughts of humans, the species it greatly admired.
"I see. Without difficulty on the path to happiness, humans cannot get true satisfaction when their dreams come through. The growth of their character is essential to the journey."
All of a sudden, Kami bolted towards me and hugged me, squeezing me tightly in its arms. I could feel my shirt becoming damp as the waterwork of its tears drenched my shoulder. The lonesome god was truly grateful for learning about us. Kami's journey in thanking humans had finally reached its finale.
"Thank you so much, Makoto. Your journey and words have helped me come to a conclusion. Without you, I would never have comprehended humans and continue to feel empty in my spirit. I'm truly grateful that you entered the tunnel."
Once the god calmed down, it handed me a gold coin as a gift. Unfortunately, my memories of meeting it must be erased but I was okay. Kami said that it will continue to observe us forever more and will never forget me for the foreseeable future. As I prepared for Kami to send me back, a sudden thought entered my mind.
"What about Mitsuha? Will she come back with us?" I asked Kami. If she disappears too, all of my efforts would have been for nought. I still had not even thanked her yet.
"Worry not. Mitusha will continue living the life of a human. Her memories will remain intact as well."
"That's a relief. Well, I guess this is it. Thank you for everything, Kami. Goodbye."
"Farewell, Makoto Fujimaru. I wish you the very best for the future."
We grip our hands firmly and shook them with confidence. Both of us will forge our futures, ready to overcome any difficulties we might face in our path. My mind went blank for the last time, with a feeling of hope blooming in my heart.