One of the times, my father's wallet disappeared.
Tragedy struck my home again.
My father had the habit of carrying all the money he had saved, at that time it was a lot of money, 100 dollars, and thousands of pesos.
Well, that was a close amount, I never knew exactly what he lost that day.
My father, he unloaded a lot of punches, sometimes we didn't go to school because of the beatings.
Sometimes, if I can say that we fell asleep quickly after the beating, I can't say if we ever fainted, my mind doesn't cover that much.
A few days later, my father found out from the neighbor who helped us, that she had a little stall, where she also sold beer, sweets and all kinds of things, she is the one from whom we bought wig dolls.
She told one of my uncles that one of my cousins was buying her a lot of things, and one of the times, she paid with a big bill.
After investigating, they realized that she hadn't thrown away my father's wallet, they discovered her.
I remember that, in his own way, as if he didn't feel it, he tried to apologize for the beating he gave us.
I remember my mother only answering him that it doesn't take away the blows he gave us.
As we grew older, things got more complicated, I remember that in the house we were forbidden to have the curtains open.
He told us that only prostitutes could have the curtains open.
At that time, we didn't know the meaning of that word.
Only, we had a new ban.
I remember that, at that time there was a singer who I liked the way she sang, she was glory.
I was also fascinated by Alejandra, a movie had come out, a comedy: Dangerous Summer.
She came out in a short skirt with crinoline.
One of the times we went on errand.
Oops, that's for another day.
Running errands was a matter of care.
I saw a knee-length skirt, with crinoline.
I remember looking at her a lot.
My father noticed.
When we got to the house, he gave it to me.
I felt happy.
I put it on right away.
I remember another occasion, when he took us home to de luxe music.
A record and electronics store.
That time, he told us we could pick a record.
My sister and I agreed to buy a glory record.
I set more rules, but the treatment was a little different.
Sometimes we felt that the rope that bound us was loosening a little.
Today, I wonder if it was because, it was his way of telling us that he did care about us, appealing to my thinking as a child.
But, my thinking as an adult thinks, it was her way of feeling less guilty about the way we lived.
At my age, after going through 12 therapy sessions, which I'll talk about later, I can't fully understand it.
It should be said that, for nothing in the world is there justification for anything that has been experienced.
But, in order to heal myself, I had to understand the guilt I lived with as a child, until I became an adult. It didn't belong to me.
And, it wasn't my fault.
Not the fact that she was a woman at birth, nor the fact that she was born into her family.
These are things I didn't choose.
We can live through an ordeal, but we can try to change it.
I don't have the right answer.