Have you felt what it's like to be pushed into the background because you are different? And then, to win the attention and approval of those you love the most, you even cut off pieces of yourself to fit into a mould they created? And even as you are left with nothing but tattered remains of yourself, you are still not enough.
My family consists of 5 members. My father, mother, two older brothers and myself. All of us are part of the police force. My father is the chief of police, Chief Charles Bellingham. A name known by the whole country, as he solved many cases since his days of working as a detective. Countless newspapers had him on their front page at least 3 times a month. Chief Bellingham was a hero loved by everyone in Amber City.
His wife, my mother, was the leader of the intelligence division of the Amber City police department, Captain Sarah Bellingham. She had eyes and ears everywhere. She could hack into any computer she wanted to, in order to get the information she needed.
My brothers are William and Jace Bellingham.
William, lieutenant of Criminal Investigation unit 1, is the oldest brother and cracked his first big case in his rookie days - a murder case involving one of the three famous mafia gangs in Amber City - The Inferno. Ever since that case, he climbed the ranks of the police force faster than anyone. And it certainly played well in his favor that his father was the chief of police.
Sergeant Jace Bellingham was the youngest in his division. He was labled a genius since his days at the academy. He put more criminals behind bars than any other sergeant.
Lastly, there was me. Unlike my brothers and my parents, I had no talent for being a police officer. I failed my final exams twice before graduating - and this is after I gave it everything I had.
I was still a rookie, but unlike my peers my abilities was not improving. Whenever I picked up a gun to shoot, my hands shook violently, and I would miss the target. Furthermore, I barely stood my ground in hand-to-hand combat and my detective skills were mediocre. To add to it all, I was too timid to lift my opinion to my superiors, so it would make me seem that I wasn't working as hard as the rest of my team.
My father wanted me to join the family in becoming the heroes of the city. He wanted me to carry the Bellingham family name with honor.
But I was a disgrace. I was weak. I was nothing like them.
Whenever my father laid eyes on me, the disappointment in them would be so immense that it would cut straight through me a jagged knife.
I heard my father say to William once that he wished I wasn't born. "Or that she would at least have been born as a boy. Maybe then she would have had more of a backbone," he had said, while staring out of the window of his study in our manor, with his hands folded behind his back. He stared down at the gardens below, and I wondered if he thought about if anyone would notice if he buried me beneath his daffodils.
"But what about mom? She's a woman and she's very capable," William replied. Through the open slit of the door from where I was peeking through at the time, his dark curly hair seemed more ruffled than usual. When he was stressed, William always ran his hands through his hair, making it a complete mess.
William and I were never that close. We talked little and hardly spent time together. But William always at least tried for a half-second to stand up for me in these types of conversations with our father.
"Your mother is different. Venus could never dream to compare," my father replied without a second of pause.
That wasn't the first time I had overheard a conversation between them where my father would curse me for existing, but that doesn't mean I had gotten used to it. How could you get used to being looked down upon by the person that you looked up to the most?
I did everything in my power to make my father proud. I wanted him to talk to his friends about me the way he did about his sons. I wanted him to rant to William about all the things I did well, like he does about Jace.
I trained and trained until my fingers bled and my body was covered in bruises. I've read each and every book in my father's enormous study, to the point where I knew each of them by heart.
But no matter how many times I passed out from exhaustion, or how much pain my body had to go through, it was never enough.
But I kept trying.
"Officer Venus, what brings you to my desk this early on a Thursday morning?" Sergeant Collin Marx asked. He was in his early thirties but the day-old stubble on his cheeks, and dark circles from working all night, made him look older.
"I-I-" I stuttered. Really? Why was I already stuttering? I didn't even get to the important bit.
Sergeant Marx sighed, "I would love it if you could hurry up and say whatever you want to say. I have a case presentation in thirty minutes and I need to get coffee."
I took a deep breath and clutched the straps of my police vest. I needed to calm down and ask him what I need to. This is the best way that I can use to prove myself once and for all.
"Sergeant Marx, sir, I wish to speak to you about the case that you recently took on. The one about the Mafia gang, The Inferno." I could feel sweat dripping down my neck. To avoid his judgemental gaze, I turned my focus away from Sergeant Marx to the picture of his girlfriend on his desk next to his computer.
"How do you even know about that case? It's highly classified," Sergeant Marx replied with a look of confusion. He seemed very displeased that I knew of this information, especially since I wasn't even on his team.
"My broth-- I mean Sergeant Bellingham told me that you need a rookie on your team for this operation."
Sergeant Marx slapped his palm onto his forehead and slid it down his face. "Jace, you bastard. You might be a friend that I talk to about this stuff, but why did you have to tell your little sister."
Sergeant Marx and Jace have been friends for long, and would often go out for drinks and talk about their cases to see if the other person might have a fresh perspective.
He grumbled and scratched his sand-colored head. "Why would you want to join this operation? Why would you even want to change teams? You have a cozy job; getting cats out of trees and solving fights between drunk guys in bars." He leaned towards me with a serious expression tugging at his handsome features. "This case isn't about some old lady who lost one of her 342 cats. This is serious shit. Shit that a rookie at your level is not prepared for."
"I-I will give my absolute best, I promise," I clutched my hands together in front of my chest. "Please, please, Sergeant. Give me this opportunity to prove myself."
Sergeant Marx's hazel eyes softened in sympathy. "I understand where you're coming from, Officer Bellingham. I understand more than anyone how hard it can be to be noticed around here. But any other case would have sufficed. Just not this one."
"William-- I mean lieutenant Bellingham have dealt with The Inferno before and he got some of their leading members in jail." William could do it as a rookie. I can too.
Sergeant Marx chuckled bitterly. "Do you think your brother is okay after that case? He turned into a completely different person. He's a nervous wreck and have to sleep with one eye open in case they come for him."
He wasn't wrong. William rarely went home. He was always here at the station, working. I can't even remember the last time I saw him sleeping in a bed.
Sergeant Marx got up from his chair and put a hand on my shoulder. "Look, Officer Bellingham, if this was any other case I would've let you on board. But this is just way too dangerous." He looked around to see if anyone was listening, then leaned in, so close that I could see the darker spots of brown in his eyes. "These guys come back for revenge. The case we are dealing with now, I suspect, is part of a revenge plot. Officers have been murdered. Slaughtered. If you get involved, they might kill you to get back at your brother once they find out who you are. These guys don't play around. They aim, they pull the trigger, and their bullets never miss."
I gulped. I knew this. I knew all those things because I secretly read the case file while Sergeant Marx wasn't looking. I did some research online as well. I know that The Inferno is a dangerous group. The leader even killed his own father and brother.
Even though I knew how dangerous it will be, I had to try.
"Jace told me that you need a rookie to infiltrate their ranks because that would make The Inferno less suspicious of them for being a cop," I recalled. "I know I might not be much, but that's what makes me the perfect candidate. I'm such a useless cop that people would think I wasn't a cop at all."
"That is a good point, Officer, but that is all you have. How will you get them to accept you into their ranks? Your fighting skills are below parr and you can barely handle a gun. And, not to sound sexist, you're a petite little woman. What use would a mafia gang have of you?" Sergeant Marx was growing irritated at me, and looked at his watch.
"Look, Venus, I have to go now, okay? I'll see if I can get you a case to work on with another team when I have time, but forget about this one. For your and William's sake."
He tucked his dirty white shirt into the front of his pants and walked off, not leaving any room for me to argue any more.
I had to find a way to be a part of this case. Any other case would not make my father proud. I had to be on the front page of the newspaper. I had to become a hero.
The day went by in a blur, until the end of my shift. I was changing in the locker room when my cell phone rang.
When I saw the caller ID, I smiled. Hannah, my best friend. She was a famous artist, and a complete lunatic. Hannah understood me, though. And no matter what, she always stood by me.
"Hey, Hannah," I answered, holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I put on my jeans.
"Pooksie wooksie~~ Why'd you take so long to answer? WHAH!" Hannah cried on the other side.
I rolled my eyes. "I was working, you dork. My shift just ended."
"That's so sad. I could never work long hours like that. I'm so glad I chose painting," Hannah paused for a second, then continued, "The whole cop thing doesn't suit you either. You're much better at--"
"Please, let's not go there. I don't want to think about it. And my dad would have killed me," I said, not letting her complete her sentence and remind me of the biggest part of myself that I had to sever to fit into my father's box.
She sounded like she was getting into a car. "So, Pooksie Wooksie Bear~~ I'm on my way to pick you up. We're going clubbing!"
I nearly dropped my phone. "W-what??! You know I hate clubbing!"
I wasn't even dressed for clubbing. I looked into the full-length mirror in my locker door. I had on a pair of faded jeans, an anime T-shirt and a pair of sneakers. My mahogany hair was in a tangled ponytail that had strands sticking out all around. My dark eyes looked even darker than usual because of the enormous purple half-circles underneath them.
Yip. This is not a clubbing-look.
Hannah sighed on the other side. "I know what you're thinking, Pooksie. 'Oh no, I'm a mess! How will I ever attract a hunk looking like this? Huu huu!' But no worries! I brought you an outfit and you can get dressed in my backseat."
"I don't want a hunk, Hannah. I want my bed," I groaned as I took out my bag from my locker and left the room.
Hannah giggled in an evil way, the way she does when her mind is very deeply submerged into the waters of the gutter. "Well~ You can have both! If you find a hunk, you can take him to your bed and then you'll have a hunk AND your bed!"
"You're awful," I replied in disgust.
As soon as I left the building, Hannah's pink convertible, that looked too much like Barbie's car, was already waiting. The roof was up for once.
She got out and ran to me in her purple stilletos. Her long blonde hair had pink streaks in them today and wipped behind her as she ran. I wondered how she could even move in the shiny tight mini dress she was wearing. A little bit of the tattoo she had on her upper thigh was peeking out.
She was much taller than me, so she had to lean down to gather me in her arms.
"I missed you, Pooksie Wooksie Bear~" she exclaimed as she squeezed the air out of my lungs.
I wheezed, "Stop calling me that."
We got into the car, and on the backseat I got changed into the outfit that she brought me.
It turned out to be the skimpiest black dress that stopped mid-thigh, and a pair of high heel black boots.
I shot her a scathing look through her rear view mirror, which she didn't even notice simce she was too busy singing to her favorite girl group, blaring "I'm the queen, I'm the boss!" through the car's speakers.
I proceeded to comb te knots out of my hair with a little pocket-sized hair brush that I found lying beneath the seat.
We stopped outside of Club Blue Flame, the hottest club in the area, and therefore obviously Hannah's favorite. She was friends with the owner of the club, so she got lots of freebies and access to the VIP lounge.
"I'm introducing you to some of my acquaintances today," she turned to me and winked over her round pink-lens sunglasses, "and by acquaintances, I mean male acquaintances."
I stopped in my tracks. "No, no, no. No 'male acquaintances', Hannah. Let's just dance and go home."
"Awww, come on. You're always so busy saving kitties, for once you really need your kitty to be--"
"Ew, gross. Don't even finish that sentence," I interrupted.
Hannah grabbed my hand, "Just TALK to them, Pooksie. And if they try anything weird, you do that Judo shoulder throw thingy."
I rolled my eyes, "Fine. I'll talk to them. But nothing more. I don't have time for relationships."
"Yay!" Hannah exclaimed, and pulled me into the club with her.
We were led straight into the VIP lounge. It was a very stylish place, and very private. It almost made me nervous.
The "male acquaintances" Hannah mentioned, were sitting on the sofas with drinks in their hands, but when we entered they all got up to greet us. Or maybe just to greet Hannah.
There were three of them, all very muscular with tattoos ingraved into their bodies.
One of them stood out. He was the tallest of the three, had thick curly hair as dark as the night, and eyes the color of sapphires. His ears were adorned with earlings, glittering as he moved when the light shone on them.
I felt like I was standing in front of a tiger; he looked so calm but also so dangerous. My instinct told me that I should not get too close to him, or he would bite my head clean off.
But his eyes caught mine in an instant, and I knew it was too late. The tiger spotted his prey.
He stalked towards me. He had one gigantic hand in the pocket of his black ripped jeans, and the other he held out to me.
"Hannah? Is this the friend you talked about?" He asked Hannah, but his gaze stayed locked on mine.
"Yes! Guys, meet my Pooksie Wooksie, Venus Bellingham," Hannah's voice chirped through the room.
The man with the sapphire eyes grinned menacingly, revealing dimples on each side of his chiseled face. "Nice to meet you, miss Bellingham. I'm Danté Huo. Owner of The Blue Flame."