Song recommendation: August by Taylor swift
What are we?
Finally, the question I had been dreading and pushing to the back of my mind resurfaced with a vengeance. As I stared at the ink on the page of my diary, written by me, I felt a compulsion to find an answer. My hands reached for the pen, and the words spilled out.
I had intended to write about the other night, which I did, but the question remained. It lingered unspoken between us, palpable in the silence.
The memories of our time together flooded my mind: the smiles, the teasing, the movie, the gazes, the kiss, the touch, the caresses, and the moans. It was a whirlwind of emotions and sensations that I struggled to capture with mere words.
I fanned my flushed face, trying to cool down from the rush of emotions. The warmth of our bodies intertwined still lingered. He had promised not to cross the line, and he kept that promise. Yet, his touches, whispers, and glances had ignited a passion within me that I never knew existed.
Still, the question lingered: What would become of us now? I couldn't be content with us being just flings or, worse, friends with benefits. I wanted something more—a deeper connection beyond the physical. This desire scared me, and perhaps that's why I couldn't clarify our relationship.
He hadn't tried to define us either. Since the attraction and spark grew between us, he never made an effort to label our connection. I wondered if he would be willing to take a leap of faith and explore a meaningful relationship, or if we would remain stuck in this limbo of passion without commitment.
This was part of why I snuck out of his house while he was still asleep. Waking up wrapped in his arms felt like heaven, with warm clouds as my pillows and blanket. I yearned to experience this every morning.
But the thought of confronting the complexities of our budding relationship made me anxious. I feared that my intense emotions might overwhelm us and jeopardize what we had just begun. That's why I left his place silently, without waking him.
So, maybe yes, I am a coward. But could you blame me?
Feigning ignorance had never been a solution. We needed to address the elephant in the room and have an honest conversation about our feelings. Otherwise, we'd remain floating in an undefined space where emotions and connections intertwine without a clear direction.
What are we? I stared at those words again and made up my mind. It was time to face whatever outcome awaited us.
I walked cautiously toward his house, my heart pounding with each step. It felt like I was about to confess to something grave, making me question whether I should continue or just let it go.
No!
My inner self urged me to be brave and confront this head-on. I had shut down every man who approached me due to my insecurities. Now, this was me emerging from my shell and taking a stand.
Nick was different, and I was willing to give us a chance if he was too. Even if he turned me down, at least I would have tried and avoided regrets. It was time to face the possibility of rejection and learn from it, rather than letting fear dictate my actions.
As I reached his doorstep, I took a deep breath. With trembling hands, I raised my fist to knock, but my entire body froze. It wasn't second thoughts that stopped me, but the painfully familiar voice coming from inside his house.
"Whoa, sometimes I forget just how talented you are." My heart seemed to stop as I recognized that voice.
"I can't believe you live so close to the university and haven't come to see me or even called. I'm really hurt," the voice I dreaded most spoke again, dripping with faux sadness. I could almost picture her pouting, a vision that twisted my stomach into knots.
What was she doing here? I pressed my ear against the door, my heart pounding as my mind raced. I wanted to walk away, but a grim curiosity kept me rooted to the spot, desperate to understand what was happening inside.
"My, have I grown too pretty since the last time you saw me? If you keep staring like that, I'll start to think you've missed me," she said, her tone laced with a familiarity that made my blood run cold. The silence that followed felt oppressive, heavy with unspoken tension. I strained to hear Nick's response, but all I could sense was a growing pit of dread in my stomach.
Why was she here? And why was she speaking to Nick as if they were close? My mind was flooded with anxious questions, each one more unsettling than the last.
Had they known each other before? The thought alone was enough to make my heart race and my hands tremble. I felt trapped in a nightmare, paralyzed by the fear of what I might discover and the gnawing uncertainty.
"What are you doing here, Silvia?" Nick finally spoke, and the name pierced through me like a dagger. Silvia—my nightmare, my nemesis—was inside the house, separated from me by nothing but a door.
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. No! I shook my head in disbelief, desperately clinging to the hope that this was all a misunderstanding.
"Silvia? What happened to Twinkle?" Her voice was laced with amusement, as if she found some twisted pleasure in this situation.
"You used to call me Twinkle. Remember how you said I was like the shining stars in the sky? Those were the—" Her voice trailed off, but my eyes stung with unshed tears. The emotional weight of her words, combined with my own rising anxiety, made it hard to breathe.
"Cut it, Silvia, and get to the point," Nick interrupted, his voice sharp and cold. "If you don't have anything to say, you know your way out." The icy tone in his voice provided a small measure of relief. At least he wasn't being warm or accommodating toward her.
But how had they ended up in this situation? What was their connection? My mind raced with possibilities. Could it be that they merely crossed paths, and Silvia had developed feelings for Nick? Maybe, just maybe, they didn't have a deep history together. Maybe Silvia was simply being her usual, dramatic self.
The uncertainty gnawed at me, and I was consumed by a whirlwind of dread and confusion. What if Nick and Silvia did share a history that I wasn't aware of? My heart pounded in my chest, each beat echoing the fear that this encounter could shatter everything I had hoped for.
"I... I just wanted to talk, Nick. It's been so long since we last saw each other, and I thought maybe we could catch up," Silvia said, her voice trailing off with a sigh that lingered in the air, creating an uncomfortable silence.
But the way they spoke to each other, the familiarity in their voices—it was undeniable. Only a fool would ignore the evidence.
"We don't have anything to catch up on, Silvia. It's best if you just leave and mind your own business," Nick replied, his tone unyielding and tinged with bitterness.
"Ouch. You know, you're the only one who can really hurt me with words. Nevertheless, I heard something interesting from Harry. I heard you went to the university and confronted him about a certain beauty named... mmh... Mandy, was it?"
The moment her words hung in the air, mentioning my name, it felt like the universe itself had frozen. The usual background noises—chirping birds, rustling leaves—were replaced by a heavy, oppressive silence. My heart pounded violently in my chest as I waited for Nick's response.
Do something. Say something. I needed him to say the right thing because, at that moment, I wasn't sure what to believe. My mind whirled with a storm of emotions, desperately seeking any glimmer of hope. The thought of Nick confirming my worst fears and shattering the trust I had hoped to build between us was almost unbearable.
"You have no right to mention her name!" Nick's voice was a low, furious growl, immediately followed by Silvia's mocking chuckle.
"Whoa, I'm scared," Silvia said with a mock gasp. "Seeing you react like this makes me wonder what your relationship with her is. Don't tell me you've actually fallen for her." She paused, then continued with a smirk, "But that can't be right, considering how you just got out of a messy breakup."
What did she just say? The implication was clear: Nick had recently ended a relationship.
...considering how you just got out of a messy one.
The words "messy breakup" echoed in my mind, and a cold realization hit me. Nick had been in a relationship, and it had just ended. And here I was—
"Huh, don't tell me you're using her as a rebound," Silvia's voice was laced with mockery, and her gasp felt like a knife twisting in my side.
"You know, I'm really amazed at how you're growing older, yet your thinking remains as immature as ever," Nick said sharply, which only prompted a chuckle from Silvia.
"Oh, dearie, you never cease to amaze me. Imagine my surprise when I heard you fell head over heels for that engineer girl, only to be dumped like yesterday's trash," Silvia taunted.
"This is none of your business, Silvia. Leave, now!" Nick's voice boomed with anger, but Silvia remained unfazed, continuing with a smirk.
I stood paralyzed on the other side of the door, eavesdropping on the heart-wrenching conversation between Nick and Silvia—one that revolved around me.
Why couldn't I will my legs to move? Instead, they felt like they were trapping me, letting each painful revelation break my world piece by piece.
My heart pounded in my chest as I struggled to grasp the betrayal unfolding before me. Silvia's words echoed in my mind, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. I wanted to confront them, to demand answers for their cruel words, but fear and pride held me back, leaving me paralyzed in a moment of agony.
"Anyway, that's in the past. But since you've found a rebound in Mandy, does she know about your ex? Then again, she's always been understanding. I suppose you two are just having a fling, knowing you'll leave once your work here is done, right?"
My eyes widened in shock at the sudden revelation. Nick was planning to leave? No! Silvia must be mistaken. Nick had just moved in. He was here to stay, not just passing through for work. Silvia must have misunderstood or jumped to conclusions. Perhaps there was confusion in their conversation.
"Oh no! Please don't tell me she doesn't know you're here temporarily," Silvia gasped, her words slicing through me as I leaned my head against the door. I felt lightheaded from the overwhelming shock, my mind racing to make sense of the situation.
"You know, I'm not in the mood for your drama right now," Nick snapped, clearly fed up with her. But Silvia wasn't finished.
"I can see that, and I'm leaving. But here's some advice: Mandy hates lies. You should come clean before she finds out on her own. Though, I doubt she'll want to stay with you once she discovers you and Harry are cousins."
Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't know whether to laugh or cry because the pain was too overwhelming to process? That's exactly how I felt as Silvia wove her way back into my life, bringing with her a torrent of emotions that left me utterly torn.
Harry... Nick... cousins?
That sentence alone was enough to make reality come crashing down on me like a tidal wave. My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped in shock, my eyes widening with disbelief at the sudden revelation.
The idea of Nick and Harry being cousins seemed impossible, but Silvia was right there, unraveling secrets I wasn't meant to know but couldn't ignore. It felt like the universe was playing a cruel joke on me.
My mind raced, struggling to piece together the tangled web of connections, but it was as if my thoughts were too jumbled to process anything rationally. All I could focus on was the horrifying realization that Silvia and Nick were linked—and that Nick and Harry were related. How had I fallen for two people so intertwined in such a deceptive way?
Nick was supposed to be different, but then again, I had thought Harry was too, until the truth revealed itself. It felt like a betrayal, a punch to the gut. History was repeating itself, and I hated myself for falling into this trap once more.
My worst fears were coming true—Silvia had somehow managed to infiltrate my life again.
I wanted to storm inside and confront them, but I couldn't bear the thought of facing Silvia in such a vulnerable state, especially after everything she had witnessed before. So I hid behind the house, waiting for her to leave.
As Silvia finally disappeared from view, a storm of anger and sadness consumed me. Without further hesitation, I marched up to Nick's house and pounded on the door, determined to get answers. I couldn't let him evade the pain he'd caused me. I was resolved to confront him and demand the truth, no matter what.
"What else do you wa—" Nick's words were cut off as the door swung open, revealing him looking both surprised and slightly guilty. His eyes widened when he saw me, but before he could react, I stormed into the house, not giving him a chance to process the situation.
"Mandy..." He trailed off, his gaze darting over my face, which was a mask of anger and determination. I crossed my arms tightly, bracing myself to hear his explanation but also ready to unleash the emotions that had been building up.
"Are you alright? You look—"
"Is it true?" I cut him off sharply, my voice cracking with a mix of rage and anguish. Nick looked momentarily bewildered, his confusion not masking the flicker of nervousness in his eyes.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, his tone feigning innocence. But I could see the anxiety lurking behind his facade.
"Don't play games with me," I snapped. "I've heard enough. Is it true? You and Silvia—are you involved with her?" My voice trembled as I fought to keep my emotions in check.
Nick's face went pale, his struggle to find words only confirming what I had already feared. The silence that followed was heavy with unspoken truths. His hesitation was a confirmation of my worst suspicions, and I felt a wave of betrayal crash over me.
"Mandy..."
"No, don't call my name—just answer the goddamn question!" I snapped, frustration cutting through my voice. Adrenaline surged through me, fueling my anger and making it nearly impossible to keep my emotions in check. The room felt charged with tension as Nick avoided my gaze, his guilt almost palpable. It was clear that our relationship was irreparably damaged.
"Yes. But I have—"
"But what? What excuse or lie are you going to come up with now?" I interrupted, my voice trembling with fury. "You've been lying all along! What did Silvia mean about you being here for work? No, that's not it—you and Silvia know each other. And Harry too. Oh my God, you two are cousins." My eyes widened in horror.
The thought of him being related to that monster made my mind race uncontrollably. Was he involved in the same cruel games as Harry? Was this some twisted form of family revenge? I felt a tightness in my chest, panic rising with each breath.
"No, Mandy! Calm down and breathe," Nick's voice boomed, his hands gripping my shoulders with an urgent intensity. "I would never do anything like that to you. You have to trust me. I'm not him—I can't be him." He seemed to sense my fear, his eyes filled with genuine concern.
I wanted to push him away, to reject his comforting hands, but deep down, I knew he was right. I was on the brink of a panic attack, struggling to regain control. I focused on my breathing, and after a moment, managed to step back.
"I'm sorry, Mandy. If you'd just let me explain—"
"Trust you? How can you even talk about trust after everything that's happened?" I retorted, the anger simmering beneath my words. "After deceiving me like this? How can I believe anything you say now?"
"I don't need your explanation; just answer one question honestly. Are you and Harry cousins?" I demanded, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside me.
"Yes," he admitted, his voice heavy with resignation.
"You and Silvia have a history?" I asked, my voice trembling with a mix of hurt and curiosity.
"Yes, we do, but it's not—"
"Did you just break up with your girlfriend before coming here?" I interrupted, my voice edged with frustration.
"Mandy—" he began, but I cut him off again.
"Are you here to live or just for work?" I raised my voice, trying to take control of the conversation.
"Just answer the question," I demanded, my patience wearing thin. Nick looked down, avoiding eye contact. "I... I came here for work," he finally admitted, regret lacing his voice. My heart sank with his words.
"How long has it been since you two broke up?" I pressed, desperate to understand the timeline. He hesitated, taking a deep breath before responding, "It's been about a month now." A sharp pang of pain pierced through me as I realized their breakup was still so recent.
So I was a rebound, I thought bitterly.
It seemed too good to be true. Happiness always comes with a price, and in this case, it felt like I was the one paying.
"But I was going to tell you, Mandy. When I first came here, yes, I was in a bad place, and then—"
"And then I came along and became your rebound. Got it. I'm the fool who trusts too easily when I like someone," I interjected, bitterness seeping into my voice.
"No, it's not like that. You were never a rebound to me—"
"Then what am I to you? What are we exactly? Because I'm completely lost about what's going on between us," I demanded, my voice tight with emotion.
"You are... you're not a rebound. You need to know that," he said, but his words were vague and unconvincing. The silence that followed was heavy, and I was left grappling with the unsettling feeling that perhaps we were nothing more than friends with benefits.
"You know, I liked you so much, Nick," I said, my voice breaking slightly. "I was drawn to you the moment I laid eyes on you. It's okay if you don't feel the same way; I can understand that. But the least I expected from you was to treat me with honesty. Friends don't lie or deceive each other. I opened up to you, shared my deepest secrets, and you didn't think it was important to tell me you knew them?"
"I wanted to, but I was afraid of how you might react," he said, his voice tinged with regret.
"At least you would have hurt me with the truth instead of comforting me with lies," I countered, my voice trembling with the weight of my disappointment. "I would have been hurt, but I would have avoided you willingly and at least had a chance to process it."
I felt utterly drained, looking at his apologetic expression. This was it. It was time to confront the reality that my sweet fantasy had crumbled. The illusion was shattered, leaving no room for denial or escape.
"I knew this day would come, but not like this," I said, my voice heavy with resignation. "I hoped for a different outcome, but reality has a way of crashing down on us when we least expect it."
"You know what? I don't have time for this," I declared, my resolve hardening. "Whatever was between us is over. I don't want to see you or talk to you again. You're just a nonentity to me now."
With that, I turned on my heel and stormed out of his house, ignoring his calls as they faded behind me.