I now recognize the vast differences between saying something and actually doing it.
When I decided to follow Lizzy's advice and ignore Nick to see if he would seek me out, it was easier said than done.
Sure, he did approach me, but the kind of attention I wanted from him was more consistent.
Avoiding bumping into him on our way to school in the morning became a priority. I had to ensure we didn't cross paths when leaving for school. I couldn't stay home just because the dean canceled classes for Valentine's Day activities.
The dean had designed this activity so that every student had to participate, whether they liked it or not, under threat of failure.
I didn't have to be at school all the time; I volunteered to help Lizzy edit a film she was working on, scheduled for release this month . This kept me occupied and away from home, waiting for Nick to make a move.
When he first asked for my phone number, I was excited, imagining him calling or texting. I dislike late-night calls or texts, but since he asked, I've been staring at my phone, disappointed.
But now, I sighed, my finger hovering over my phone tempted to reply to his texts. The texts weren't something special, just a greeting and wanting to know if my neck was doing better.
Not responding might seem rude, or worse, make him lose interest. I was unsure how to proceed in this situation.
Another sigh, and I wondered what really I wanted. If he did chase after me, will I accept his advances? Was I ready for a relationship?
"He didn't even call me beautiful," I grumbled, staring at the messages.
"You should just text him back," I nearly screamed, turning around to see Tanya peering at my phone, prompting me to hide it behind my back.
"You scared me," I exclaimed clutching my chest in surprise.
"My apologies," she didn't sound sorry.
I've been standing beside you for five minutes, and you didn't notice me. Anyway, who is that guy?" she took her sit beside me and pointed at my phone.
"I may not have seen clearly, but he is undoubtedly nameless, given that you have only saved him with an emoji with star eyes. Is the guy who made you day dream during the lecture." She asked, her neck on, still lifting his neck to see the contents of my phone.
"You're being so nosy." I glared at her, " And why do you think it's a man, exactly?"
"Only a man can give you that troubled look while staring at the message, and you even pouted, complaining he didn't call you beautiful," Tanya responded matter-of-factly.
"You know I can always call you beautiful whenever you want, right, beautiful?" Tanya poked fun at me while her eyes fluttered, but I could see the mischief in her eyes, making me glare at her.
"No? I don't make your heart skip a beat? In response to my glare, Tanya laughed and said playfully.
"You know that I'm just kidding you. It's my way of showing affection, so don't get too upset, okay, beautiful?" I relaxed my gaze and couldn't help but laugh, seeing how Tanya's joke had made me smile.
"You're insane," I muttered, chuckling as I slipped the phone into my side pocket.
"And proudly wearing it for the world to see," she declared with a boastful tone, as if being called crazy were a badge of honor.
"Now, I suppose you won't be signing with the Vallae Beau?"
"The what now?" I asked, puzzled by the unfamiliar name.
"Oh my! Aren't you the most misinformed person at the university? I figured you'd notice every little detail with those eyes of yours behind the camera."
"Now you're making me sound like a paparazzi," I scowled. "Please don't tell me this has to do something with-"
"Okay, okay, okay, miss, I despise Valentine's Day. Even a blind person can see how venomous you are with the word." Tanya cut me off, rolling her eyes.
"It's like a dating app specifically for students," she said, her fingers tapping on various profiles. "It matches people based on their interests and activities around campus. I think it's a pretty cool idea for the holiday season. No?"
"Well...I think it..." I tried to find a nice word to describe as Tanya had that look waiting for my sarcastic remark on the app. "Creative," I shrugged and turned back to the screen
We were in the post-production room, which was vast and filled with all the equipment we needed. Tanya and I were finishing the final touches on the film we had been working on for months, while the others had stepped out for lunch.
"The app isn't free?" I asked, intrigued.
Tanya nodded. "No, it isn't. Students majoring in digital marketing run it. You pay a registration fee to upload your photo, and matches are based on attractiveness. The person who wants to connect with you also has to pay."
"And I assume the app was developed by the information technology department led by Silvia?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
It was true.
With the day over, Tanya and I went our separate ways. I checked my phone, hoping for another text from Nick, but was met with disappointment.
Determined to shake off the feeling, I decided to take a stroll around campus and capture moments with my camera. It felt like therapy to me.
There was something thrilling about capturing fleeting moments—whether it was a couple sharing a kiss, friends laughing as they walked, or people enjoying drinks while sitting on the grass.
Knowing that I had captured those moments made me happy.
It was going well until, in my attempt to capture a bird landing, my camera accidentally zoomed in on a face I desperately wished I could forget.
My hand went numb, and for a few heart-stopping seconds, I couldn't breathe. When I finally lowered the camera, I was confronted with the last person I ever wanted to see. The monster of my life.
Seeing him from a distance was enough to make me crumble, but now that he was mere inches away, his eyes fixed on me as if he wanted to speak, I felt a paralyzing fear. It was as if I might suffocate from sheer shock and panic.
No! I couldn't break down here, not in front of him—never him! He had taken so much already; I couldn't let him have this too.
I fought fiercely to regain control over my breathing. It was difficult, but I just needed to hold on for a moment, just a moment.
"I have a gift for you..."
The voices from the past and mocking laughter threatened to resurface, but I clung tightly to the camera, struggling to keep my composure. I needed just a few minutes.
I tried to focus on anything that would keep me from falling apart, something—anything...
'...I prefer beautiful; it suits you.'
'You think I'm handsome?'
'No need to be shy.'
'I love wild cats.'
'Do you want me to be your boyfriend?'
And suddenly, my mind cleared. You'll be fine, right? Nick's worried voice rang in my head.
"Mandy, please, um, let's talk," came his words. Taking a deep breath, I looked him straight in the eyes. The monster disguised as Prince Charming.
"The last I remember, you were not to come within 50 feet of me," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Um, about that...the time is up, so I—"
"We can always correct that, right? One call to my father—"
"I didn't mean it like that. I—"
"Do I seriously look like I care about what you mean or your entire existence?" I interrupted sharply.
"Do us both a favor and let's never cross paths again. Next time, it won't be a civil conversation." With that, I turned and walked away.
My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst from my chest after speaking with him for the first time in three years. As I made my way to the gate, the shock on his face was oddly satisfying.
It felt nice, facing my fears and confronting them that I couldn't stop the smile that sprouted on my face.
…
The furry carpet felt more comforting than ever as I stretched out on it, relaxing while gazing at the ceiling. The intricate patterns of light and shadow from the sunbeams streaming through the windows were mesmerizing, but my thoughts seemed to drift far beyond this world—possibly to Pluto.
I felt a bit lightheaded from the whirlwind of thoughts racing through my mind. However, my reverie was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.
I initially ignored it, hoping that the person on the other end would leave after three attempts, but his/her continuous ringing forced me to get up and walk grumpily towards the door.
Just the thought of getting up from the carpet and the distance to the door made me feel angry and frustrated at the person on the other side. Couldn't one relax in peace in their own home? Grumpily, I dragged myself off the floor and shuffled to the door.
"What...?" I snapped, only for my words to falter as my gaze met Nick's. He stood there, stunned, with wide eyes fixed on me. Oh shit! I quickly composed myself and forced a smile.
"Grumpy much?" he said, raising an eyebrow. I opened my mouth, but words failed me.
"Nick," I finally managed, and he grinned. "I wasn't expecting you," I added, trying to sound casual.
"Are you, by any chance, ignoring me?" he asked out of the blue, catching me completely off guard.
How do you even respond to that?