Lieze stared at the dagger's tip. Drayya's hands were shaking.
"...Kill you?" She repeated, "First of all - absolutely not. Second of all - why?"
The girl seemed offended by her answer, as if there was no reason why Lieze wouldn't take the first chance to end her life. She took in a deep breath, "If I set aside every ounce of my pride and spoke without reservation, would you accept the responsibility of my feelings?"
"You must be going mad." Lieze replied, "I know you're not the sort of person who would ever give up her pride for anything. But if you're offering to be less ambiguous for once, then I won't turn down the offer."
"You say 'ambiguous', but I'm sure that you understand me just fine." Drayya said, "I know how you are. If there's room to wiggle free of an emotional reaction, you'll take it without a second thought. You're a very sensitive person in that way."
Lieze would have been furious if Drayya hadn't struck the nail right on the head. It was impossible for any human, no matter how isolated or affectless, to be utterly without emotion. That part of Lieze was something she harboured a deep resentment towards. Drayya and Lüngen were the only ones who could glimpse the individual behind her stalwart shell.
"What do you want me to say?" Lieze asked, "I dislike people."
"Do you dislike me?"
"Yes." She answered without hesitation.
Drayya smirked, "Do you remember when Marché confronted you about Alma's death? You told him to leave tragedies in the past where they belong, but when he asked if you would tolerate my own death with the same amount of wicked nonchalance, you couldn't give him a straight answer."
"Alma was useless." Lieze retorted, "She was nothing but a steward facilitating our operations in the most menial way possible. Now that our numbers have surged, we have no need for someone like her."
"-And I'm an asset. Is that what you're saying?" She asked, "So are Marché and Roland. But if either of them were to perish, wouldn't you be just as unaffected by their deaths as you were with Alma's?"
Lieze sighed, "What's your point?"
"You see - that's exactly what I mean." Drayya continued, "You know what the point is, but you're too afraid to say it out loud. You don't dislike me - as a matter of fact, you like me quite a bit, and for reasons beyond my contribution to the Order."
"I don't have time for this meaningless discussion." Lieze stood from her chair and stormed towards the exit, "Do you really want me to repeat myself? This is not how a necromancer should be acting. The pleasures of this city have poisoned your mind with the life-cursed decadence of mortality. These 'feelings' of yours are transient and pitiful compared to the lifeless perfection of spirituality."
Drayya remained still, "Then, what is spirituality, Lieze?"
She came to a stop, "...What?"
"You claim that the afterlife is a place devoid of suffering and pleasure. But how can our souls, tempered by mortal experience, be free from desire?" Drayya placed a hand to her chest, "How can a world governed by the Gods - who you have already denounced - be any different from our own?"
"Drayya…" Lieze balled her fists, "You don't know what you're saying."
"We've learned too much to still be clinging to our old ideals." She said, "You understand that, too - I know it. That's why it's painful… to always be rejected by you like this."
Lieze forced the rage out of her core. She tackled Drayya to the ground, yanking the dagger from her grasp and pressing the blade up to the girl's throat. Every movement had to be coaxed out of her like a reluctant child. She battled with duty and emotion.
"Of all the times you could have picked to betray our way…" She spoke through clenched teeth, "Why does it have to be now? When we're closer to the realisation of our centuries-long struggle than ever before?"
New Quest Received!
'The Traitor' - Kill Margoh Drayya
Reward - 9,000xp
The system commanded her to do the deed right then and there. The Order did not tolerate those who questioned its methods. One dissident was all it would take to spoil the discipline cultivated through generations of necromancers.
Drayya didn't attempt to struggle beneath Lieze's weight.
"Are you going to kill me?" She asked.
"You understand why." Lieze replied, "I've come too far to be defeated by something as simple as this. I've ascended a mountain of corpses to reach this point. Do you think murdering a single ally is beyond me?"
"No… I didn't say that, did I?" Drayya smiled, "If you could, then that would make me happy. I want you to prove that what you said the other day was true. If I can be freed from desire, and rejection… then I would rather be dead."
One simple movement was all it would take. There was a time when Lieze would have given anything to be in a position to take Drayya's life, just as she would have taken the opportunity to do the same. It was a dream come true for her less experienced self.
But was it the same for the person she had become?
A moment's hesitation proved the answer. Lieze rejected the tender moment of temptation by throwing the dagger aside. She didn't want to spend another moment in the heat of deliberation.
Quest 'The Traitor' Failed
"You waste of skin." Her voice wavered, "Why do you have to complicate things? I can't tolerate these moments at all. These expectations of tenderness and vulnerability. No, I can't kill you - is that what you wanted me to say?"
"Oh dear." Drayya smirked, "You're not about to cry, are you? I've dried your tears enough for one lifetime, I think."
Those weren't memories she was proud of. In a much simpler time, Lieze bawled her eyes out at the slightest inconvenience. Decades of continuous training beneath Sokalar forced her to leave such outbursts behind. Even with his passing, that discipline remained lodged within her psyche. It would have been rather revealing of her to cry, but Lieze had long lost the capacity to do so. She could manage nothing more than a whimper or two.
"You don't understand." She said, "If I begin to question the nature of our crusade - if the Order's ideals turn out to be nothing but lies, then how will I be able to justify the lives we've taken on this journey?"
She grabbed the collar of Drayya's robe, "We shoulder the burden of this evil in the name of a better world. We ruthlessly oppose those who fight in the name of life's inherent value because we know they are mistaken. Are you suggesting all of that might be a lie?"
"You've said it more times than I care to remember." Drayya replied, "We're all just pawns in some greater game. Playthings of the Gods. Aren't the Scions proof of that?
"Then what am I to do?" Lieze asked, "If I am a pawn, then what good can this scale do to change the world? If I am being swept away by the Gods' machinations, then who else can hope to oppose them? You're telling me that any hope for a world without suffering is meaningless!"
Her entire world was built on the foundation of that principle. No matter how many Lieze killed, deceived, or betrayed, she did so in the pursuit of an ideal existence. Her own morals were inconsequential before the possibility of an immortal existence in the afterlife. But how could she claim to understand the dogma of a cult she had opposed just weeks ago? How could she dwell on Sokalar's crystallisation of the Order's beliefs when she had already made a point to oppose every aspect of his dreadful influence?
Was it all for nothing? She couldn't accept that. Her soul would be crushed by the weight of her sins.
"That's why it's frustrating to see you like this." Drayya lifted her hand and combed it through Lieze's bangs, "It's no wonder you're struggling to decipher the truth when you're too busy clinging to old beliefs. Sokalar is dead, but you're still allowing him to dictate your actions. You and I - all of the Deathguards, in fact - are only now beginning to comprehend the freedom we've been given."
Lieze placed her hand atop Drayya's. The silky touch of her fingers was nostalgic.
"I can't take back everything he stole from me." Lieze said, "His death didn't solve that. Nothing will. Now the only reminder of his legacy is myself."
"But you can be better." Drayya replied, "You already are. Even if you haven't noticed it yourself, the Deathguards are grateful to finally have some independence. You don't need to demand anything of them or hide yourself away to study the truth. They'll all be willing to aid you when the time comes."
"Oh, I hate this!" She complained, "Don't make us out to be a group of misbegotten comrades! You already know how I am! I can't tolerate the emotions of other people!"
She let out an uncharacteristic yelp as Drayya pulled her down by the back of her neck. Lieze's face sank into the girl's chest. Her first thought was that, for once, Drayya didn't have the stench of rot-stink about her (as necromancers often did). She smelled sweet and inviting, like a bundle of flowers. Then, the thought perished, and she attempted to lift her head only to have it brought back down.
"You really need to learn when to leave things up to others." Drayya scolded, "Honestly - you're just a bundle of nerves, aren't you? It's always 'I have to act this way and that way' with you. I've had enough of it. If you're going to act stubborn, then at least try to do it when it's endearing rather than annoying."
"That might be the best joke you've ever told…" Lieze muttered, "Hurry up and let me go."
"Hm." Drayya hummed to herself, "No. No - I think I want to stay like this for a little while."
If Lieze had any protests, she kept them to herself. Truthfully, she hadn't felt so comfortable in too many years to count. She'd already worked out her feelings on the matter, so there was no further need to complain in her eyes. Drayya hadn't told her a single lie. She really was allowing her idealism to get in the way of things.
"...I'm still a little cross with you." Drayya broke the silence, "The fact that I had to ask you to kill me to get this far makes me worry about how set in your ways you really are."
"Hmph." Lieze paused, "I wasn't going to do it."
"I didn't think you would." She replied, "I just want you to know that if you did, I wouldn't have been upset. But if you'd spared me just to get out of the conversation, that would have been hurtful."
"Let's not forget that you were tormenting me at every hour of the day before we were separated during the siege." Lieze reminded, "For years. Every day. I think I have a right to be somewhat dismissive of you."
"That's true…" Drayya frowned, "I don't really deserve to be forgiven."
"Who said I was forgiving you?"
"I did. And if you aren't, then you can go ahead and peel yourself off me right this instant." She turned up her nose, "I know you like it when I do this, as much as you try to hide it."
"If you tell anyone about this-"
"No." She interrupted, "Never. I want this to stay a secret, too. It's more exciting that way."
"Exciting…" Lieze repeated, "What are you talking about…"
"Alright!" Drayya lifted the girl up with some effort, "That's all you're getting for now. There's work to be done, after all. Marché and Roland will be needing provisions for their trip north."
Lieze found herself a tad disappointed when Drayya ended the embrace. When the two of them stood, an air of intolerable awkwardness lingered in the dusty air.
Lieze sighed, "...Thank you, Drayya."