It was a done deal. A hand dealt with nothing but misfortune upon misfortune. A family who couldn't understand. The days that blended together. And a life wrought with naught but frustration.

There were others more unfortunate, truth be told, but each life had a different start and beginning. And sometimes, reality doesn't care whether you were born rich or poor, weak or strong.

It all comes back eventually. 

I was sick of it. Sick of everything that this life brought. I tried my best, I really did. 21 years of age, dropped out of college because of the lack of funds, and a freelance writing job.

College wasn't even that much of a problem in regard to academics. My first year went great, counting out that one subject that most students in the entire year failed at, including me, of course. Thankfully, I was able to pass the remedial exam, along with my others.

Then came the fucking plague and everything went to shit. Online classes were next to useless, and I didn't learn jack shit from the entire semester. I asked mother if I could stop for the year and continue next year, but nope, and I was blasted with a huge denial.

Funny thing is, with how unprepared we were for the plague, none of us were able to connect to a better internet service provider. And with how their services are with SIM cards in this country, it was not looking to hot for me.

And what a prediction I got. I flunked most of my subjects in second year because of that, and my mother, being the academic focused person that she is, forced me to continue, now knowing how it was affecting my mental state.

It was beyond frustrating. Nothing I said was getting to her. She couldn't… wouldn't understand what I was going through. And so, I just stopped attending the online classes.

At first, it felt like a huge load of my back. It was pure bliss, but even that wouldn't last forever.

My family found out, and they were furious.

I was forced to enroll for the next semester but was too late to make the cut. This got me in hot water with my mother and other relatives. But they're just all a bunch of hypocrites.

Graduated college? Good for you, where do you work? Self-employed? Your wages? Yeah, that's what I thought.

It was mind-blowingly aggravating getting reminded about my dropped out of college status when the ones that graduated didn't even have good-paying jobs.

So, here I was, dropped out of college and spent the time doing what any normal college dropout would do, have fun and look for a part-time job. 

The have fun part was a success, the part-time job, kinda. I didn't expect to take up writing, but eh, it was something.

But then, the time came, and I had to go back to school, no exceptions. And this was the start of everything going wrong.

The prices for my daily fare were hiked up so high, it was not feasible for my family to continue it until I graduated. But no, they wanted me to graduate at any cost. Never mind I was starting back at my second year because of what happened before.

And what's worse, it was a mix of online and face-to-face class, meaning I wasn't able to learn that much again save for the time I was actually in school.

However, I persevered. But the writing on the walls were obvious. If I continued at this rate, my family wouldn't be able to afford anything else in the near future.

So, once again, I talked to mother. You know what I got hit by? Another denial. Even she knew it was impossible to continue like this, but she kept on spouting bullshit about looking for ways, or it will all be alright.

As a pragmatist, it was migraine-inducing, seeing my mother make up excuses for me to continue my education. I can understand where she's coming from. She dropped out of college and regretted it, but that was because it was out of her control.

Even now, she couldn't understand the fact that our family was sinking, and in the near future, my education would be the least of our problems.

What's even worse, it was also the time she was contracting a local group of construction workers to build a house.

This resulted in a debt so large, it would be hard to pay it off in a single lifetime without a high-paying job.

All these decisions were taking a toll. And I knew I had to act before everything else became worse.

I was already in my third year when I dropped school once more, and this time, no matter what they say, I wouldn't budge. My other relatives may say that they would help with my education, but not once have I received their grace.

Hell, they kept on saying if my main family, that is me, mother, and my little shit of a brother, got sick, they would help, but I wouldn't believe them even on my deathbed due to their words and actions these past years.

So, with me out of school, I went back to writing, but the stress of everything that happened conjured a block so fucking solid, it was incredibly hard to think of what to write. 

This got me down hard. It was so bad; I wasn't even able to write a few sentences before I had to delete everything and start from scratch.

Fast forward a few months later and I was finally getting back into the groove, until school started, and my brother became a little piece of shit once more. He is in high school but can't for the life of him do schoolwork properly.

Mother taught him. Hell, I also taught him, but he is so far beyond childlike that he wouldn't do his own schoolwork. And mother, in her ever-wonderful wisdom, blames me for not doing my brother's schoolwork.

Like, come on, seriously?

It was then that I seriously contemplated just letting everything go. Nothing in this life of mine had ever culminated into something worthwhile. Every struggle I had to endure, I endured as long as I could, but even my patience tempered through years of fire could be worn thin.

And it was when mother decided to rant and rant and rant, continuing to blame me for the failings of my little brother, did I snap.

I just… Stopped caring… Knowing that anything I did would just result in another disappointment.

And so here I was, lying down on my messy bed as I continue staring at the dim roof.

'What am I even doing…?' I stared blankly, my heart aching as if I felt a dozen knives stabbing it over and over again. 'Why do I even care?'

None of this felt fair. None of it…

I knew deep down, that depending on some lenses, I could be called blessed for just having a roof above my head, eating meals twice a day, and living to see tomorrow, not worrying whether it might your last.

But even so… Even so…

'Just why…'

Where did it all go wrong…?

Was it when dad died? Was it when the plague hit? Or was it just because I didn't struggle enough?

Was it truly my fault? Or the fault of someone else's?

'Could I truly be free from this nightmare?'

[Do you wish to be free?]

My ears heard whispers within the dark room. My eyes trailed from side to side, seeking to locate the source, but stopped momentarily as I closed it.

'Damn my mind.' I clicked my tongue and rolled to my side. 'I swear, my imagination is just getting more and more unhinged by the day.'

Maybe I'll be sentenced to a life in a mental asylum if this continues. I knew my sanity wouldn't be able to hold if my life continues as is.

[Do you wish to be free?]

'Okay, now this is just getting weird.' I breathed in deep, before letting it all out in one go. 'These auditory hallucinations before sleeping don't usually happen twice in succession.'

[Do you wish to be free?]

The whisper was now closer and stronger, sending a chill down my spine.

"Wha…?" I sat up, the dark room where I always felt safe now felt like a vise squeezing down my entire body.

[Do you wish to be free?]

"!?" I quickly turned around, only to be engulfed in pitch black darkness as a raspy chuckle entered my ears.

[No worries. Think of it as just a bad dream.]