I covered my ears. My palms firmly clasped air-tight against them, blocking out the outside noise.
''IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, JANE!'' The enraged voice screamed out, words slurring out of his mouth, tripping over each syllable.
''How is it my fault?! Huh! I'm the only one supporting this family while all you do is go out and get fucked.'' I heard the sound of my mother respond like a mumble through the barrier I plastered over my ears. The glint of anger in her tone bubbled stronger and stronger.
''IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT, IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE HIM EVERYTHING-'' His seething anger turning wild in his speech. The sound still passed through to my ears.
I rocked back and forth in a futile attempt to tune out the argument. The echoes of anger collided and thrashed around my room surrounding me in an inescapable agony.
''YOU FUCKER, HOW COULD YOU PUT THIS ON JAKE?'' My mother raised her tone in almost an instant and the tension in the room bubbled over inexplicably as I heard him slowly walk over.
Guilt ran furiously through my blood, was it my fault? Why were they arguing over me? What did I do wrong? What did I not do right? Self doubt crushed my conscience as I ran down the stairs to fix whatever I did. My little feet pattered down the dark-oak wood stairs and I jumped down the last two.
''STOP PLEASE, I'M SORRY.'' Tears streamed down my cheeks as I pleaded with them to stop.
''PLEASE-please, stop arguing.''
As I gazed up at my parents, a chilling realization washed over me. My mother's face bore the weight of profound sadness, as if her heart had been shattered into countless pieces. And in my father's eyes, a seething rage smoldered, threatening to engulf everything in its path. The silent storm that raged between them painted a vivid picture of our fractured home.
''Oh Jake- I didn't see you there. Did I wake you up? I'm s-'' As I looked in her eyes, she had this sense of humanity to her that I'd never seen before. But before she could finish.
''ITS YOU- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, JAKE.
IF ONLY YOU WERE NEVER BORN-'' My father screamed out in my face, his eyes burned my retinas with an image I could never forget. His anger, jealousy and betrayal furrowed into my soul.
My mother's head tilted down, her eyes barely visible.
Soon after, she raised her hand. Her calloused palm high in the air in an instant sliced through the air and impacted my father's face and with an unreadable agony in her voice she uttered.
''Get out, Carter.'' Her tone intertwined with an inexplicable emotion that I couldn't read.
''WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT TO D-'' He said with an arrogant shout.
''Now.'' A commanding aura levelled her voice as my father, as Carter shrivelled away. His angry tone reduced to a defeated sigh.
''Fuck you.'' He remarked, his wide back turned away from us as he took step after step out the door. Slow aching footsteps.
I never heard from him again for a while.
''Jake- honey. Are you okay?'' Breaking the heavy silence, she remarked.
I stood there for a long time before that feeling of guilt plagued every cell in my body. This was my fault? I've got to make this better.
I rushed out the door while my mother lunged out her fragile arm in an attempt to stop me but I evaded it and dashed out.
I've got to find him and make this better. It's okay- if I find him it'll all be okay.
I ran around for a long time, looking everywhere. At the park where we went and played football. I checked the river where we would sit and he would talk about his young self- probably exaggerating a lot of it. I ran till I couldn't run anymore until I made it to the train station.
The moonlight pierced through the night sky and the clouds covering it. Illuminating the train station in a gloomy sombre grey. I saw the figure I looked up to at the station. With the roaring of the train in the distance I ran up and tapped him on his leg before he turned around.
''Dad- where are you going? What happened? I'm sorry if I was a bad kid- I swear I'll be good. I'll eat my veggies and do all my homework.
I even won't watch cartoons. Just please stay.'' My pleading tone seemed to break his shock for a moment as I saw his eyes moisten as a tear began to form.
''Dad?'' I called out to him hoping to get him to respond.
The screeching off the brakes on the yellow train scratched violently against my ears as I turned away to escape the noise. The dull yellowish lights illuminated the inside of the carriage as I grasped his ring finger. I felt the chilling silver ring on my hand before he looked back at me.
His eyes looked past me.
''Don't call me Dad.''
The doors slid shut as the screeching begun again as the wailing of the engine got gradually louder. His figure still created a shadow in the doorway as the train moved away from my vision and then completely out as the figure of him disappeared out of my view.
The shiver of the night creeped up my spine as I felt my world fall apart. The sound of the train barely even echoing into my ears now.
My body fell limp on the ground. My knees scraping the hard concrete as I kneeled down dejected. My mind in a complete cacophony of voices, feelings, emotions. The small lightbulb flashing in and out made a small vibrating sound. The moonlight now fully in show as I looked up to the sky.
I got up and sat on the small bench that lay on the side. The spine-chilling metal froze my back and legs and the hairs stood up on my arms as I sat down and tried to comprehend everything. Hopelessness began to set in as my mind raced a million miles an hour.
That's when I heard a familiar pattering of footsteps rush through the gates of the train station. And into my view rushed beautiful blonde-flowing hair and blue eyes that shone like pearls gleaming; blessed by the moonlight.
''Jake, thank god. I found you!'' Alyssa panted out, clearly out of breath.
''A-Alyssa?'' My brain suddenly converged as her little hands took up mine as her blue eyes stared deep into mine, tears flowing down her pale red cheeks.
''I'm so glad you're okay. Your mum called mine and asked us to search for you! What happened?'' She urged catching her breath as she sat down next to me. Her hands still firmly grasping mine seemingly never wanting to let go.
''He left. Dad- no Carter. He's gone. It's all my fault. I wasn't good enough for him.'' My feelings slipping out in front of her as I felt my heart beat faster as that eeking feeling of guilt surge through my mind.
''Wait what?? He left?'' She seemed shocked by my statement.
''Left?'' She questioned.
''Left.''
''It's all my fault Alyssa- they always argued about me. If.. If I never was born, then maybe-'' The guilt streaked through my mind like a crazed artist with his paintbrush.
But before that I felt a small, fragile, soft hand slap my cheek.
''Don't you ever think that Jake. Please. I am and have always been so happy you've been there with me. Sure, he left.'' She clicked her tongue in anger before continuing.
''But I won't ever leave you Jake, through whatever we have to go through- we'll be there to help each other. Okay?'' Her resoluteness calmed my heart and I felt the guilt slowly reside into the depths of my conscience.
A lone tear ran down my cheek when I felt Alyssa's small arms around my body. Embracing me in a warm, cozy feeling.
I wish I could stay there forever.
-
''Jake?? Jake!'' That voice, soft yet tough, familiar yet so distant rung in my ears.
''It's time to leave! We're gonna be late!'' Alyssa stood over my groggy self as I hitched myself up.
''Yeah, let's go.'' I responded with rejuvenated energy.
''Huh?? You never wake up when I come over? Wow! You've finally turned over a new leaf Jake. I'm proud of you.'' She teased me in a similar fashion as always.
''Yeah, I guess so. Feeling a lot more motivated. I appreciate you waking me up Alyssa.''
She physically recoiled in shock at my honest statement.
''Wow, what happened to you Jake?'' That tone now similarly sarcastic as I felt her hand push my back to get out the door.
''I had a nice dream.''
* END OF PROLOGUE *