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Chapter 59 - Maybe

O Madhusudhana!

What do I do?

I'm stuck inside this empty vessel

Surrounded by desires and troubles

These are causing me great hassle

These are causing me to think only about them

But I want You to be my world!

When will I stop focusing on them?

When will I think about You all the time?

Please kill these demons from my heart

That torture me through evil designs.

O Madhusudhana!

I feel like a helpless ant in a sea

Trying to swim my way out!

Sharks and fishes that are attacking me!

And You're the only shelter I know of!

There I seek out to You,

I tried fighting it off

But now I know only You're the killer of demons

I'm just a small spark of Your Lotus Feet!

I give up trying

I know I cannot defeat them

But You can, maybe You want me to take shelter of You

Maybe that's why You're still watching!

But now I don't know what to do

For everything I tried,

Such demons make my mind disturbed

But it is me who invited them,

It is me who made them wild!

For I have take shelter of Your lotus Feet!

I wish I could really do this though,

I simply say these words,

I never work in practicals.

O Madhusudhana!

I seek out to You!

For I don't know how to do it,

For I cannot even breath without taking Your help;

How can I overcome these demons inside me?

Maybe I'm not attached to You

Maybe I'm not in love with You

Maybe I'm not even eligible to be Your servant

Maybe I only love my past and future

Maybe that's why I don't focus on You at present.