She said the exact same thing.
"No, I am not."
She may have not believed me, but she did not press either. Many people around me try to be like that — hide their worries behind the general indifference. She is not doing anything out of place.
The day passes just like any other day. Studies, library, project, and entertaining Felix and Art's questions. "We know we have not done much for the project, but we cannot let Mrs. Woo know that." Art smiles innocently, and Felix nods. Sometimes I feel that they are more than just friends. They act like twins. Similar moves, similar gestures, similar way of thinking.
At one point, Felix says, "You look pale. Are you feeling sick?"
I shake my head and continue to explain the project to them. Given my past experiences, Felix will be the one to present it in the classroom. It is much better for me to tell him everything he needs to know. That way, I will not be forced to speak in front of the others, and Felix and Art will be happy too.
On my way back home, I chose the shortcut through the old cemetery road. There is no cemetery anymore. There was one almost a hundred years ago, but they stopped using it. Eventually, weeds and unnamed plants grew over the place and it became small woods. Recently, a local contractor has started cleaning up the space. Rumor says this place will be turned into a shopping mall. The road is still beautiful, deserted mostly, and colder than any other place in this small town. This is one of the reasons I love this road.
The other reason is more practical. Eric has already decided to pick up on me today. He is vicious and I have no strength to face him alone. He avoids using this road. For the next couple of days, I am going to have to use this way to commute, until he forgets about me or somebody new catches his eye.
I put my AirPods in and start walking. Some songs feel relaxing, some exhilarating. After shuffling through different playlists, I find one that matches my mood. This Danish band was kind of hyped during the Twilight era. The songs were used in almost every Twilight fan edit. As time passed, people forgot about it. I choose one specific song and put it on repeat. My therapist will hate it if he finds out about this song in my private playlist. A small smile creeps in my face.
My house is not far away from the school. To be precise, it is a part of the same estate where my school is situated. The land of my school was donated by my family around three hundred years ago. At that time, it was called St Germain School for Boys. Later, a new wing was built for girls. Much later, an educationist took charge of the school, and after his death, the school was renovated and renamed as Carlton High.
Sometimes I wish I had come from a different family background. A different surname would probably have given me a different life.
Some hurried footsteps make me turn my head. Felix and Art come running towards me. Art holds a balloon in his hand, and Felix laughs at him about something. Their pale faces look quite animated suddenly.
"Okay, weirdo, have this," Art says and hands me over the balloon. They run away.
Felix goes a little further and takes a U-turn. He hands me something. "Here, Sara gave it to me. I hate eating sweets."
"I don't want it," I say once I see what it is. A snicker bar.
"You need it."
The boys run away. In a second, they disappear into the woods. I walk alone once again, but this time I feel somebody else's presence in the air. I turn to see the old cemetery. What a stupendous loss for the town to lose a historical place like this. I sigh and start walking again.
Reaching home, I wait for a second before getting inside. I take a turn and reach the backdoor. It guides me to a small corridor, then a backyard garden, and then to the kitchen, where I find Jenna preparing for dinner. She ignores my presence and continues working. I ignore her as well, walk to the smaller fridge and take out a bottle of orange juice.
"There's some pastry for you," Jenna motions towards the shelves. I take it quietly and eat it.
This is our regular ritual for the weekdays. I come home, eat something I love, and then drink my orange juice. This is not a simple orange juice. It has some other ingredients mixed in it, which makes it taste better, sweeter. Jenna has worked for us since my mother was of my age, probably even before that. She doesn't look that old though. She looks very young. It is abnormal, but what is more abnormal is the fact that nobody ever questions it. I do, but I am deemed to be crazy.
I don't mind Jenna's abnormality anymore. Somehow, she feels more normal with her not-so-normal traits. She is probably the only person who does not treat me like a plague, or a lunatic. "You may want to stay out for some more time," Jenna turns on the tap to wash some already washed potatoes and says to me.
I look at her questioningly.
"She is here to take you."
"Take you where?"
"Shopping," Jenna whispers in an inaudible voice. I frown. It's not my birthday or anything. Why does she need to take me shopping?
My hands turn cold as I think about it. "Why?"
"She said that she wants you to meet someone. Finish your pastry and leave the house. Don't come back before it's too late."
I gobble up my pastry and drink my juice. Its slightly reddish residues remains in the glass as i put it on the table. "Have you got some money? Once I get my —"
I am not given free access to the family's accounts like my siblings. Instead, I am given some pocket money every week, after evaluating all my other needs and fulfilling them. That money is basically for me to eat ice cream and such, as my uncle says. Often I borrow my money from Jenna. Sometimes I return them, and sometimes she forgets about it. Sometimes, she doesn't wait for me to ask her for money. Like today, she does not wait until I promise to return the money. She tucks in some cash in my hand and pushes me away.
But it is probably not my lucky day. I hear a sweet, almost intoxicating voice behind me.
"Is that Franny? Where are you going, darling? Come and give your aunt Josette a hug."