Steal the Bacon
The cottage where the satyrs spent most of their time had been wired for power. As Seth and Knox approached, Seth could hear the rumble of the television—probably a war show or a superhero movie. It sounded like things were blowing up.
"Could you wait here for a second?" Seth asked Knox.
"Why can't I come in?"
"This house isn't what it looks like. A couple of goats live here."
"Goats? This is way too nice for goats."
"Maybe," Seth said. "But Grandpa Sorenson is using it to hold them. They can be temperamental around visitors. Let me go see what kind of mood they're in. Make sure they've been fed."
"Why?" Knox asked. "Do you have food in that bag?"
Seth patted the leather satchel he was carrying. "Not goat food. Just granola bars and some emergency gear in case of trouble. There's some goat food stored inside the cottage."
"I don't want to wait around all day collecting mosquito bites," Knox said.
Seth took some insect repellent from his emergency kit. Knox closed his eyes and turned his head as Seth sprayed him thoroughly.
"That stuff reeks worse than your breath," Knox complained.
"Let's hope the mosquitos agree," Seth said. "Be right back."
Seth let himself in, closing the door quickly. Newel and Doren sat on a couch watching superheroes do battle.
"Seth!" Doren greeted. "You're just in time for the big showdown!"
"Pause it," Seth said.
Newel took the remote, waited for a moment, then froze the screen with a car in mid-explosion.
"Nice one," Doren said.
"What's up?" Newel asked.
"Remember the duffel bag we lost near the ogre's place?" Seth asked. Of their adventures following the battle of Zzyzx, the bungled ogre robbery had been one of their biggest disappointments.
Newel wiped a hand down his face. "Are you trying to torture me? I think about it all the time! That was way too much treasure to leave behind."
"It was my fault," Doren said. "You made a good throw. I choked."
"It wasn't a perfect throw," Newel said. "It was a little behind you. You needed to slow down a step and turn. But, yeah, you pretty much blew it."
"I would have gone back but she was right behind me," Doren apologized.
"I know, I know," Newel said. "We've gone over this. It was a flawless operation up to that point. Easy money. But you may as well forget it, Seth. The ogres left the bag right where it fell. Which means they're using it as bait, waiting for us to come back so they can nab us. I know it's alluring. Treasure is treasure. But it would be foolish to go back for it."
"Unless the shadow charmer wants to sneak it away in the dark," Doren suggested.
Newel elbowed Doren. "Shadow charmer or not, Seth isn't going to steal a watched prize from an ogre. That's a sure recipe for Shadow Charmer Stew."
"What if I found somebody who would get it for us?" Seth asked.
"Is anybody that foolish?" Doren asked. "Verl, maybe?"
"It's not worth getting Verl killed," Newel said. "We still wouldn't get the treasure."
"Not Verl," Seth said. "What about a kid? A human kid. Somebody who doesn't even know what's going on here at Fablehaven. He has never drunk the milk. Shouldn't the treaty give him a bunch of protection?"
"He would still be trespassing," piped a little voice.
"Who said that?" Doren asked, looking around. "Was it my conscience?"
"I have a new friend," Seth announced, taking Calvin from his pocket. "A nipsie. He's Calvin, the Tiny Hero."
"That's quite a nipsie," Newel said. "What've you been feeding him?"
"I was enlarged by a spell," Calvin replied. "But I'm no Supreme Gigantic Overlord."
Doren blushed a little. "Sorry about all that. I know we used our size to extort some goods from you nipsies. A guy's gotta eat."
"Don't apologize," Newel groused. He looked Seth in the eye. "Why are you carrying around a giant nipsie?"
"He wants me to help him break a curse," Seth said. "He pledged his loyalty to me."
Newel laughed. "What's he going to do? Bring you a peanut? Fend off some butterflies?"
"I might point out that trespassing can forfeit the protection of the treaty," Calvin said.
"Sometimes," Seth said. "But remember, he has never tried the milk. And what if I tell him to go there? Then he would be trespassing with permission. He'd be following orders instead of breaking a rule."
Calvin scowled in thought. "I don't know. That might work."
"Not a bad scheme," Newel seconded, finally sounding interested. "If it goes wrong, worst thing that happens is the kid gets smooshed. How much do you like him?"
"Not a lot," Seth replied. "He's my cousin, though. I can't let him get hurt."
"So you want us along for protection?" Doren said.
"We get away with dangerous stuff all the time," Seth said. "We could still split the treasure three ways."
"Won't the kid get a share?" Newel asked.
"He's doing it for ten dollars."
Newel and Doren tried to hold in their laughter but mostly failed.
"How dumb is this kid?" Doren asked.
"Pretty dumb," Seth replied. "But keep in mind, he doesn't know what Fablehaven is like. He'll just think he's doing a dare."
Newel turned off the television. "This I've got to see. It's hard to beat really good, live entertainment."
"It's a higher fidelity experience," Doren agreed.
"But you have to help me make sure nothing happens to him," Seth reminded them. "That's your end of the deal."
"If the kid dies, we lose our share of the treasure," Newel said.
"But we get an even better show," Doren whispered with a wink.
"He must not die," Seth said. "He's pretty annoying, but technically he's family."
"What kind of treasure is in the bag?" Calvin asked.
"Gold, mostly," Doren said. "Some uncut gemstones. A string of pearls. We lured the ogres away from home and snatched some loot."
"They got back a little too soon," Newel said.
"You robbed their house?" Calvin asked.
"It was all treasure they had stolen," Doren said. "Fair game to take unless they catch us trespassing."
"Which they did," Seth said.
"Once we were off their land, they couldn't follow," Newel said. "We almost got away with the goods. You can see the bag from the border of their territory. At least we could last time we checked."
"They could have moved it," Doren said.
"I don't know," Newel replied. "We only pinched the treasure a few weeks ago. It's hardly been a fortnight since we checked the bag. Once an ogre gets an idea, it tends to linger. Not a lot of competition, if you know what I mean. I bet they're still hoping to spring their trap."
"So you're in?" Seth checked.
"We're in," Newel said.
"But the pip-squeak is out," Doren clarified. "We split the loot three ways."
"Fine by me," Calvin agreed. "I'm here as an observer. And as Seth's champion."
"You get what you pay for," Newel muttered.
"Perfect," Seth said. "Come meet Knox."
"Like Fort Knox?" Doren asked.
"Isn't that full of gold?" Newel wondered.
"That's a good omen," Doren said.
"To him you'll look like goats," Seth said. "I'll have to be careful how I talk to you or I'll look nuts."
"Better hide your pet nipsie, too," Newel said. "What does it look like to blind humans? A ladybug?"
"A mouse," Seth said. "He's right, Calvin. You should duck out of sight."
"No problem," Calvin replied as Seth put him back in his pocket. Doren grabbed his bow, and Newel picked up a coil of rope. Seth went to the door and led the satyrs outside.
Knox stood chucking rocks into the trees. He turned, brushing off his hands. "There really were goats!" Knox said, looking at the satyrs in surprise.
"They're going to come with us into the woods," Seth said.
"Why?" Knox said.
"The kid seems suspicious," Doren said.
"Maybe he's a good judge of character," Newel said.
"Do I need a reason?" Seth asked. "You complained about being bored. I thought bringing some goats would make it less boring."
"I guess," Knox said, eying the satyrs hesitantly. "Are they safe? I'm not sure I trust them."
"He is a good judge of character!" Newel exclaimed.
"Why do they keep baaing?" Knox asked. "Do they bite?"
"Not people," Seth said.
"Don't they need leashes?" Knox wondered.
"They're really smart," Seth assured him. "They'll stay with us."
"Unless you get in trouble," Doren said.
"Then good luck," Newel added.
Knox edged toward them, one tentative hand held out.
"Is he going to pet us?" Newel asked.
"Can I pet one?" Knox asked.
"He better not," Doren said, backing away.
"Why not?" Seth wondered.
"Imagine some kid wanted to pet you," Newel said. "It's creepy."
Knox took the "why not" as permission and reached out. Newel lifted a leg and let Knox rub it. Then the satyr hopped away, and Knox flinched back.
"Feeling jumpy?" Seth asked.
"It jumped first," Knox said. "Think they have fleas?"
"Probably best not to pet them," Seth said. "They can be a little ornery. That one is called Newel. The other is Doren."
"Weird pets," Knox said.
"It's a weird place," Seth said with a shrug. "Come on." He led the way into the woods.
They found the duffel bag right where Doren had dropped it, partly hidden by shin-high grass in a small clearing. The satyrs had shown Seth exactly where the ogre's territory began, and they stood beside a tree just outside the boundary, staring at their reward less than thirty yards away.
"I don't get it," Knox said. "I just go grab the bag? And you give me ten bucks? What's the catch? Are you going to ditch me or something?"
"The goats and I will wait for you here," Seth said. "If I say to run, you should run, but otherwise you can walk."
Knox searched the area suspiciously. "Is the bag full of snakes? Are there booby traps?"
"Your cousin isn't completely stupid," Newel said.
"I don't see any ogres," Doren reported.
"Can you make those goats be quiet?" Knox asked.
"Can I kick him?" Newel asked. "Just a little kick?"
"Or a bite?" Doren proposed. "Goats bite sometimes."
"Focus," Seth said. "I promise I didn't set up any tricks or traps. But there are rumours that this area is haunted."
Knox laughed incredulously. "That's hilarious! You actually believe in ghosts?"
"I don't know about ghosts," Seth said. "Wraiths and zombies, maybe. Or revenants."
"Or ogres," Newel said, stifling a laugh.
Knox shook his head. "You're worse than Tess. If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I laugh when I watch monster movies. Halloween is one big joke. Your oatmeal breath might be scary, but ghosts? Seriously?"
"You don't ever get creeped out?" Seth asked. "Like at a graveyard? Or in a dark room?"
"Why would I?" Knox scoffed. "How are dead bodies buried in a box underground going to hurt me? What are the headstones going to do? Tell me the date somebody died? And why should darkness bother me, unless I'm trying to find something or walk around. Imaginary stuff isn't scary at all. This will be the easiest ten dollars I ever made."
"This guy is priceless," Newel said. "I've never met anybody with his eyes this closed to our secrets."
"He has no imagination," Doren said. "I get all kinds of freaky thoughts in a dark place."
"Wow," Seth said. "You're pretty brave."
"It's not brave to be realistic," Knox said. "Walking a tightrope is brave. Going to war is brave. This is nothing."
"It's still worth ten dollars," Seth said.
"It better not be booby-trapped," Knox warned, starting toward the bag.
"I didn't sabotage it," Seth said. "I can't guarantee it isn't guarded by ogres or something."
Knox snickered and started toward the bag.
"I still can't sense any ogres," Doren said, sniffing the air.
"There's an ogre around," Newel said. "They're not the brightest bunch, but they wouldn't leave that bag out in the open unguarded."
"Unless they got distracted," Doren suggested.
"It takes imagination to get distracted," Newel said. "Once an ogre gets an idea, he holds on tight. They're mad we trespassed, and they think we'll be back for the loot, so they'll be guarding it. Mark my words."
Doren fitted an arrow to his bowstring. "Doesn't hurt to be ready."
"Could Knox see your bow?" Seth whispered.
"I doubt it," Doren said. "Humans without the milk don't normally see our clothes or what we're holding. They just see a goat."
Seth watched his cousin traipse across the clearing. The area remained quiet. Knox probed the duffel bag with his toe. He obviously was still worried about some kind of prank. Hands on his hips, he looked around, glanced back at Seth, then picked it up.
An ogre charged from cover at the far end of the clearing. The onrushing goliath was nearly twice the height of Knox, with thick limbs and rough, reddish skin. The huge boils on his brutish face looked almost like additional noses. He clutched a bulky club, practically a log, studded with metal flanges and knobs.
"Now, that is a Supreme Gigantic Overlord," came a voice from Seth's pocket.
Knox turned and faced the oncoming threat, feet rooted to the ground. The ogre raised his club, closing fast, his face a study in rage.
"Do I shoot?" Doren asked, bow drawn, sighting down the arrow.
"Wait for it," Newel said softly.
The ogre staggered to a stop in front of Knox, club poised to strike, ready to pound the trespasser into the ground like a tent stake, a leer of triumph on his cankered lips. The muscles in his powerful arms tensed and bunched, but the great club remained upraised. His expression shifted from ecstatic fury to bafflement to frustration.
"Knox, run!" Seth called.
The words broke whatever blend of shock and stupor was holding his cousin immobilized. Knox came dashing toward Seth, eyes wide. "Bear!" he shouted. "Bear!"
The ogre sniffed the air, spat, then brandished his club in one hand, bicep swelling like a watermelon. He pointed at Seth, eyes blazing. "You!"
"That's our cue," Newel said.
"This way," Seth called to his cousin, turning and running. Even if the ogre couldn't follow Seth beyond the boundaries of his territory, he could theoretically throw stones. Or boulders.
"That's Mung," Newel panted, racing alongside Seth. "Not the biggest ogre at Fablehaven. But probably the meanest."
Seth glanced over his shoulder. The ogre had already passed Knox and was almost at the border of his territory.
"Hurry, Knox!" Seth called. He jumped over a fallen branch and shoved through a tangle of ferns.
"Uh-oh," Doren said.
"What?" Newel replied.
"Mung just left his territory."
Seth glanced back again. The ogre was beyond the tree where they had watched Knox and still charging hard. Knox trailed behind.
"He can't do that!" Newel shouted.
"And yet he has," Doren replied.
The news prodded Seth to maximum speed. "What do we do?"
"Run for the yard," Newel advised. "He seemed to have his eyes on you. We'll try to slow him."
"What about Knox?" Seth asked.
"I'll stay with him," Doren promised. "Herd him back to the house."
The satyrs slowed, and Seth was running alone. He knew the way back to the yard, but it would take a miracle for him to outrun the ogre.
Stealing another look back, Seth saw Newel and Doren kneeling behind bushes with their rope stretched between them. Mung roared, smashing through the undergrowth like a runaway tank.
Seth caught his foot on a root but managed to stay on his feet. He dodged a tree, leaped over a mossy stone, and then looked back just as the ogre reached the satyrs. Both goatmen had their hooves dug into the ground and strained to keep the rope tight. The tripline caught Mung just above the ankles. The ogre plunged forward, huge body carving a trench in the forest floor, simultaneously slinging Newel and Doren into the air.
Seth kept running. When he peered back again, Mung was already on his feet, stampeding forward. Newel and Doren had bought him some extra seconds, but at the rate the ogre was gaining, Seth knew he had no chance of reaching the yard. "How?" he muttered in frustration.
"You sent in Knox," came a voice from his pocket.
"What?" Seth gasped, still sprinting.
"The ogre couldn't attack Knox because he was innocent," Calvin chirped. "But you sent him in from outside the ogre's domain. That must have freed the ogre to chase you."
"A little late for that info," Seth grumbled as he weaved between tree trunks.
"I'm not sure," Calvin said. "Just a guess. Don't forget that ogres run in straight lines."
"Huh?"
"An angry ogre charges straight for his prey," Calvin said.
Seth remembered Newel and Doren teaching him the same thing. How could it prove useful? The gully!
"You're a genius," Seth panted.
"Common knowledge," Calvin replied.
Seth knew he couldn't reach the yard ahead of the ogre. Not in a fair footrace. But if he temporarily veered away from the house, he could cross the gully. The little bridge wasn't too far.
Branches whipped at Seth as he turned toward the gully. Hopefully his explorations of the area with Newel and Doren would pay off. If the bridge wasn't where he remembered, the ogre would have him pinned up against a steep drop.
As the ogre gained on him, Seth heard the brute's breath coming in slobbery gasps, like a snorting bull. The little footbridge came into view and Seth ran straight at it. He pounded across and then turned, running along the edge of the gully.
If the ogre used the bridge, Seth knew he would soon be mashed into paste. All the ogre needed to do was take the slightly longer way around. But Mung charged straight at him, heedless of the footbridge, eyes promising murder. Having made it about twenty yards away from the bridge, Seth slowed to wave his arms and stick out his tongue.
The ogre dashed toward the gully, vengeful eyes fixed on Seth. As the oversized brute sprang from the far side, one beefy arm outstretched, the other raising his club to strike, Seth staggered back. Mung was so big and coming so fast that it looked like he might clear the ravine!
The club came whistling down and struck the near side of the gully hard enough for Seth to feel the vibrations. Then Mung fell out of sight.
"Keep going!" Doren called from a distance.
Heart hammering, Seth took off for the yard. The gully was at least thirty feet deep here. Could Mung climb it? It got shallower if the ogre went far enough in either direction, but that could buy Seth enough time to get to the house.
Glancing back, Seth saw hands on the edge of the gully, then a head. Now without his club, Mung heaved himself up. As the ogre started running, an arrow struck Mung in the calf from behind. Seth heard Doren whoop. The ogre stumbled but kept coming.
"Can you make it?" Calvin asked.
"That's the question," Seth replied. He had stretched his lead enough that there was a chance. Seth couldn't think of any other obstacles like the gully that he could use to trip up the ogre. "It'll be close."