i'm going home with koko after having our first actual concert as natsuzora cider, the show went successfully and i can still hear the cheers of our fans asking for encore. it is exhausting, but having koko walk with me instantly healed my exhaustion, now i'm as fresh as a good morning after a good sleep.
"that was a good show, isn't it?" he said.
"yeah, the feeling of hearing people enjoying your songs is exhilara-" i slipped and fell.
i instantly woke up from my sleep.
god fucking dammit, let me enjoy my dream while it last. i'm trying to get myself asleep again, but i can't, i lost that dream. now that memory is slowly disappearing from my mind, i can't even remember the dream. it hurts because i know i had that memory, but i can't remember anything about it. just, why.
now i feel like crap, don't want to do anything. i don't even want to open the submissions that my fans sent. i just want to sleep forever so i can be with him as long as i want, or i'll just drown myself.
i don't want to move an inch.
but i guess i have to move if i want to use my phone.
i posted on my socials. "i may or may not go live or check your submissions for a few days."
i do feel bad for them that sent submissions but i just don't feel like watching them right now.
ah, if i could move my legs to walk to my desk, i want to write something.
i always use writing music as my personal therapy session, where i can release the bottled up emotion that i'm incapable to show it to the world. i can make my feelings be heard from all over the world, and maybe have them relate to myself and make me more comfortable.
"meeooow" my cat, asking for her breakfast.
"my legs don't want to move right now, you'll get your food later."
she bite my toe, i scream "aw, it hurts!" as i try to get her stop biting my toe while not kicking her. "okay, stop it! i'll get your food!"
she stop biting my toe and then walk out of my room, probably to her food bowl. this fat idiot with her food demands.
i get out of my bed to grab her food in the counter in the kitchen, then put her food in her food bowl near the dining table. she's enjoying her meal, that also makes me hungry too.
i'm searching the counter for cup noodles, and i found the stash. i guess my mom stocked them while i'm away, my mom loves me so much that not only she lets me eat these, but also stock them for me.
i put hot water in it and then went back to my desk to write something.
i want to write a love song for koko, hoping that maybe, just maybe he can hear it.
now i never wrote a love song, most love songs i heard are those sobby and melodramatic crap that supposed to be sad but super cliche, that they don't spark a feeling anymore, at least for me.
i just remembered that i bought an add on violin instrument thing for my software, i want to try writing something that can make me feel the sense of longing someone from years ago.
i can't find the tone that i want, it's either too bright, too dark, too big, too small. i spent i don't know how many hours is it, until i finally got what i want. a lonely violin that sounds like it's played in front of a classroom. i wish i could get a violinist to do it for me, but i've heard that they usually want a musical notation, and i can't write or read them.
then i spent another few hours writing something that can fit to the song, and i only got the hook done. it's just the violin by itself, that sounds very artificial because well, i don't have an actual violin.
i should write the lyrics before i fall asleep and forgot everything.
so even though we don't met for how many years
i can't keep you out from my head
everything is you, and it's only you
maybe i'm idiot, maybe i'm a bit dumb
definitely i am
it's the last day before the summer break
my voice trying to reach you from the third floor
but my voice can't reach you, while you walk away
maybe i'm worse, maybe i'm worse
dumber than a rock
as i run away, chasing you to the bus stop
you leave me, before i have the chance
i want to say something to you,
but i guess i'll save it for myself
why do you? why do you? why do you?
never catch my feeling?
what i do to just get close to you
and you never understand me?
i still want tos ay it to you
if you ever heard this
i hope you can understand me
and these feelings that i have to release
i am very grateful of meeting you and walking with home with you
walking under one umbrella with you was something i can never forget
i am really really grateful for having you beside me in the cold rain
you weathered my cold heart, from the heavy rain upon us
you give me your warm jacket under the bus stop
is something i am really thankful for
you've given me something, that i can't forget
thank you
i don't know what's the title for this song yet, i'm too sleepy, it's already midnight. i should go, to ,sleep.