"Ugh, hello? Am I speaking to the damsel in the wrong address who escaped the villainous cafe but left behind the actual damsel in distress?
No, you don't need to apologize, Rei—I already am aware of the fact that you have a thing for hands."
"—Beep!" The overly sensitive person on the other end of the line took her leisure to disconnect our communication. Or was it the shitty phone's fault? I don't know, it wasn't mine, to begin with—the lowly waiter's phone suddenly started ringing and after some one-liners with the boss, he handed over it to me.
There was also some buzzing and disruptions during this period of confinement in the Café, perhaps it was a mobile on its deathbed. Or rather a VISION was passing by... Rei doesn't notice it but there are always some minor electric disruptions when she reacts to VISIONs.
Perhaps, it was too common for her that her brain had started automatically censoring it, just like she had censored me...
Rei mistaking me for a lowly waiter is something quite hurtful, you know? I was also forced into paying and eating—or rather, force-fed—the crazy amount of food Rei had ordered.
Damn her, I'll make her pay for this both figuratively and literally.
Anyway, for now, I'll pause the bitching and deal with the minor problem at hand. Small things come first after all.
"Something happened? What did the boss say to you?" One of the mortal underlings—oops, I meant the lowly waiter enquired. I need to maintain consistency with the descriptions.
The drama club doesn't overlook mistakes, even as small as that.
"Wait, Rei was your boss all along? Why hadn't she informed me beforehand, I wonder..."
The waiter facepalmed at me and then sighed. "No, ya potato head! She's our target and not our boss."
"So, Boss handed the mobile phone over to the enemy? There must be something incredibly absurd that transpired, I presume," another waiter whispered.
"Yeah, she's not the kind of person who would let anyone even look at her phone's screen, let alone willingly hand it over," the first waiter whispered back.
She? I thought the waiter was a guy! Why is this apparently rude café transforming into a cross-dressing exhibition?
I must certainly sue this café for a false advertisement. Could be a great way to earn some budget for my poverty-stricken drama club. Duh, thinking of it makes me puke at the school's pettiness.
Anyway, after their small talk, both of the lowly waiters stared at me, expecting that I would utter something meaningful.
"Ohh, I see. So, your organization kidnaps school girls? Downright disgusting, if you ask me—but well, people prioritize survival above anything, so unethical means could be justified too, I suppose."
"...No, we aren't that desperate to survive." The waiter spouted with a tone as fragile as his life. His lack of confidence says everything. Even the round LED panel laughed at his patheticness through blinking. Luck was certainly accompanying me today.
"...I know, I know. That's the problem with mortals, they try to justify anything, just to survive. Anyway, the tables have superbly turned, we've captured your apparent 'boss' so do not think you guys are safe too."
"..."
"Not replying huh? Loser—"
"Ring-ring, ring-ring, ring-ring!" The waiter's phone which he had handed me on request of their 'boss', rang out again like before, perhaps Rei had changed her mind and decided to continue the negotiations using me as a mediator.
"Hello~ Yeah—I know, I shouldn't have hurt your glassy heart, but what to do? I love shattering hearts.
No, don't hang up on me, or god knows who might get cursed to slip on a soap and die.
Ugh... Where did I hear such a way of dying, you ask? Well, it's a common comical way of dying in movies, you know, right?
What... I mustn't be insensitive to people's deaths? You probably have forgotten my today's character of being the grim reaper, Rei."
"Please stay on topic and continue negotiating, we need our boss back soon or the world might come to an end." Interrupted another rude waiter who was eagerly listening to my words, annoyingly.
"Shaddup, don't you know my conversation is a million times more important than your 'world ending' stuff?"
"But..." The waiter halted in his tracks —perhaps, he finally realized the gravity of my communication with Rei. But oh well, I shouldn't bully him too much—these two waiters seem to be very pathetic with their dear boss after all.
"Yes, Rei. Kindly furnish me with further details concerning the status quo and any pertinent background information.
What... the boss turned out to be a girl named Grey, who's around the same age as ours and was leading an organization based on your life and VISIONs?
How could someone aside from you possibly know about your delusions? What about all that great talk about you being the only one throughout heaven and hell being certified of seeing those unseen existences?
They read your diaries? How are they still alive—why hasn't either second-hand embarrassment or Rei Sturluson killed them yet?
H-How do I know they are embarrassing? O-Of course, all girls' diaries are embarrassing, hah, hah!"
(I must absolutely refrain from mentioning that I have already read all 10 volumes of her diaries.)
"Tsk, tsk. Did that girl push the boss to the edge?"
"Well, I don't think they could have won in an argument against the boss, but I guess with that girl's violent methods boss could have given up..."
The lowly waiters discussed amongst themselves, leaving no gap for slack. Lowly they might be, but I suppose adults are more mature at adapting.
Also, Rei employs violent methods at times, so their judgment is right on the money. The last time I was at her place, I got into a bit of trouble for supposedly talking excessively, all based on "Rei's rule of law." This resulted in me being confined to a closet as a form of punishment.
But she's certainly forgetful despite being a nitpicker. Like forgetting me for instance... how could she do that? How could she forget her only and best friend? Damn, I must be really short for to be noticed in this chaos.
"No Rei, we will not indulge in a direct hostage exchange. We need to sell this organization for millions of dollars since it was built on you and your treasured VISIONs without even giving you a notification.
What? You don't want your personal information to be sold to the masses just for the sake of some petty cash... Are you saying you'd be rather killed by me instead of selling some embarrassing stuff that you'll think is cute just after a decade ago—Are you even sane anymore?
Oh, yes, I very well do understand your title 'The Contradictorian' but please don't joke at this time and place... We're talking about a lifetime's worth of fortune, act more seriously.
Okay, okay. We can discuss that later—no need to threaten me with such sort of a weapon. (The pictures of me being trapped in the caterpillar sleeping bag).
Hmm... That's what you think—I thought that too! And... Negotiations will take place there!? ...You are seriously a monster, aren't you? Though that's what makes you—a nasty liar and a devious strategist.
Mmmmm hmmmm...
Mmmmm hmmmm...
Fine. So, how long will it take to get there? After the boss's recital of the story of your entire life's privacy pillaging ends? Well, then meet you shortly, tell me about everything with utmost detail later." This time I was the one who disconnected the call. Pretty much, I don't like the feeling of being controlled, in any kind of situation.
Especially by a person who prioritizes someone other than me? Why am I doing this anyway, huh?
I can just take one of the chairs, smash these two waiters' heads with that not-so-heavy-looking chair, and run away. Just like Rei did. She ran away without me.
Even if it was a mistake I couldn't care. How dare she? Leaving me all alone with two strangers. Not even reassuring me with the words "I'll be always there for you. No need to worry, girl. I'll steal you back from these dimwits."
I know she doesn't say those words normally, or on a daily basis, let alone in circumstances like this. But still... even if she said a fraction of it, I'd be happy.
"So, what is that girl's—Rei's proposal?" Asked the lowly waiter... mm, that's getting boring, let's name them Underling-one and Underling-two. That's more clear and coherent, I believe.
"Well, from our discussion, we've decided that you guys have to compensate us with a hundred thousand dollars, and then we will return your dear boss—or should I say your niece!" I announced craftily. It goes without saying that Rei hadn't proposed anything like that—quite the opposite, she was open to negotiating a direct hostage exchange without any ifs or buts, but I'm not very thrilled about missing out on a good offer.
"Ack—" Underling-one was baffled by my knowledge of their relationship, which Rei had informed me about. Quite impressive on Rei's part though, even I wouldn't be able to extract that caliber of personal information.
"Just that much? We're willing to pay, please just return her back." Underling-two spouted without thinking once... maybe this organization was really raking in money from Rei's diaries and private information.
Damn it! I ought to have sold them before these 'nobodies' ever got a chance to lay their hands on it.
Ah, I regret my life.
"Grey wouldn't certainly like that, I warn you. Such a huge loss of money won't be excused by her—even if it was just to save her." Murmured underling-one to two.
"Doesn't matter, her safety comes foremost! Also, if sis gets to know about her abduction, we might not make it to see the dawn tomorrow." Whispered underling-two.
Their sis, or should I say Grey's mother is certainly a scary figure.
For all I know, I should get this case over with before long—I don't want to be entangled in this web of problems anymore.
"Pfft... very well then, the transfer of money would take place only in cash, (obviously because I don't have a bank account) installments would also do!"
Both the waiters glared at me with grand annoyance... haha, I had pissed them off really hard.
"Okay, we'll ready the cash shortly. Give me my phone back, now. I will give it back to ya whenever Rei or Grey calls."
"No, I refuse! Do you genuinely believe I hadn't noticed that the call recorder was activated? Rei's voice is only reserved for me!"
"..."
Hmph, they couldn't counter my ridiculous retorts again. Perhaps, I should seriously pursue becoming a diplomat like Rei's mom.
"Also, the hostage exchange would take place on the rooftop of this mall —we will depart as soon as Rei is finished listening to the history of her privacy being plundered by your boss and niece, Grey."
"...And, when would that be?" Underling-two asked with a stern tone, perhaps he was now completely ready to face anything after being given clear and concise instructions by me.
That's good, that's how I expect you to be, Underling-two. A perfect temperament for me to pull the carpet from under your feet.
"Now! Rei is already up there with your boss..." Giving no time to react is the best way to deal with calculative people like him.
"Now!? Didn't ya mention it'd take a while for them to wrap up that thing?"
I had taken him by surprise.
"That was just my biased narration... of course, I would never inform an enemy when I would relax."
"Nasty liar!" Underling-one commented.
"Choose your words before you throw them around mindlessly—don't forget your boss —or rather niece's life is on the line." Well, his insult was on the spot but I chose to maintain the current power balance. Essentially this is a two-against-three war which leaves us (Me and Rei) at a great disadvantage, which is why I can't overlook something as trivial as an insult.
"If you have something else say, please don't. Rei said we have to urgently reach up there—she can't handle your niece's whimpering. Didn't know she was afraid of heights, haha!"
Underling-two quickly whispered some quiet words to Underling-one, after dragging him by his necktie, and then shot back at me menacingly right after regaining his composure.
"...Okay. Let's head there, right away. Underling-one, here will bring your cash and reunite with us on the rooftop."
Well, these waiters who had tables turned over them still didn't lack adaptability or resilience, props for that.
"No funny business, not that you could pull off any!"
And, thus, Pilo's narration comes to an end! I'll be right back with Rei next time when I'll emotionally violate her.