Chereads / I am secret lover of prince / Chapter 19 - Ch 19 Guilt and responsibility

Chapter 19 - Ch 19 Guilt and responsibility

I smiled a little. It must be Alaric. I saw him walking in. He was walking towards me. I noticed a broche was shining on his shirt. It outshined the light in my room.It was captivating. He was dressed too. Maybe, he went out today.

He was frowning. He came and sat beside me. He touched my cheek with his hand. It was warm. 

" I heard Amy. You were out all the day. Are you alright? " he said in a tensed voice. 

I nodded and leaned into his touch. It was relaxing. I felt relief. He touched my forehead with other hand and said," You are hot..." 

I looked at him, he was in pain. He was hurt. Why was he in pain? 

" Are you alright?" I asked in my weak voice. 

" I am alright but you are not fine.Look at you." 

" Your eyes told me you aren't.." 

" When you are in pain how can I be fine? 

You and I are not different. We are one. Your pain is my pain. When I see you like this I feel like someone is ripping my heart from my chest. Our pain is same." 

I was already emotional. His words brought tears in my eyes. 

He continued," You are like this because of me and I really hate it." 

Tears fell down my eyes. His eyes were filled with tears too. I sniffed. 

" Why are....sob....you...sob...crying? I.....really.....sob.....hate....sob... really hate it...sob..." I sobbed 

I really hate to see him like this. It was the worst feeling. I felt pangs of pain in my chest. I hate being sick.

I wrapped my arms around him but he unwrapped them and got up. 

" I am sorry. You are in this state because of me." He said and walked out.

" Why...?" I muttered. 

Why was everyone leaving me? Why were they guilty? 

" Why can't they understand I don't want their guilt, their apology? I want their love." I whispered to no one. 

I lie down on bed and tried to stop crying. I was both physically and emotionally weak. I hated being weak and sick. I hated it. I really really hated it. 

I was missing nanny so much. I missed her love and care. 

Darkness called me again. I found solace in darkness. It offered me a break from my guilt, their guilt. 

Alaric 

I walked into my bedroom. I couldn't see her like that. It was my mistake. It was my punishment to stay away from her. She was hurt and she would be hurt in future because of me. I really hated that. I should distance myself from her. It would pain a lot but it's better to distance myself from her for a few days. Tears filled my eyes again and this time I let them fall. 

 The door to my room opened. It must be Rick. 

" I talked to doctor. He told me she is really sick and is very weak. He advised her bedrest for a week atleast. She will find her strength slowly after recovery." 

"I saw her. I just couldn't see her like that. It's because of me, my selfishness. She will get hurt everytime near me. I don't want that." 

He put his hand on my shoulder and said," Dude relax, she is just sick and will get better in no time..." 

I interrupted and said ," I know she will get better. But, I just saw her. Her image is imprinted in my mind. Her eyes was eager for love and care. She was desperate for me even in that state. She will get hurt everytime I am near her. Camilla has come and soon hate will become her language. I don't want her to lose her kindness even before she understands what love is? It's better for me to stay away from her for the time being." 

He didn't say anything and walked out. I just stared out of the window. It was cloudy and winds were not blowing. It was silence. It was like they knew that a storm was about to come. 

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Madeleine

It's been a week since that night. Alaric didn't even visit me once after that night. Was his guilt bigger than his love? 

I waited him every night but he didn't came. I couldn't even go outside due to physician's order. I was physically getting better but emotionally I was getting weaker day by day. I longed for him everyday. I remembered him every day. 

" Princess Maldeliene, you are recovering very well. From now on, you can go out in garden to take a small walk ." The physician told me. 

" Thankyou, doctor." I thanked him.

He nodded and walked out. 

" I am so happy." Amy said to me. 

She was really happy. Her eyes were excited but worried at same time. She was happy that I have recovered and was worried that I might get sick again. It wasn't about me getting sick that people around me were worried but they felt responsible for it. Everyone felt like I was their responsibility. But, I am my own person and nobody's responsibility. It took me one week to convince Jenifer and Amy that it wasn't their fault. It wasn't their recklessness. Still,I wasn't able to convince one person.i.e Alaric.

He must be punishing himself by staying away from me. He didn't have to do that. My actions were my own. Nobody has to bear the responsibility for them. 

" Amy , let's go out for a walk." I said.

" Now, but....." 

" I am bored to death in here." I pouted and gave my best puppy eyed look. 

" Okay, princess..."

She gave me a cardigan to wear. I would meet Alaric and I would make him understand that it wasn't his fault . Then , everything would be like before. I smiled on that thought. 

I looked at Amy and she was smiling at me.

" What?" I asked

 " It's good to see you smile again. I pray to Mother Mary that you always smile like this." She said.

I smiled broadly and said," Okay, let's go." 

She nodded and I walked out with her.My legs were shaking. I hadn't walked for a week. My legs were weak. I grabbed Amy's arm tightly. I felt like if I leave her then I would fall.Jenifer saw us and walked towards us. 

" Princess, Are you alright?" She asked. 

" Yeah, I am alright, just going out for a walk. " I said. 

" You don't have to push yourself. You can rest a few days." She said in a worried voice. 

" I am fine Jenifer and I just want a change of scene." I said. 

"Okay, then wait a second." She said and went inside. 

She came out with a shawl. She covered me with that shawl. It was warm and silky. 

" It will keep you warm." She said

" Thankyou." I said. 

I was thankful to everyone around me. They were really nice and cared for me a lot. 

We went out in the garden and walked on footpath. My friend saw me and rushed towards me.

" Madeleine, Are you alright? We were so worried when we got the news." Katty said. 

" I was worried when I red that news." Rose said. 

" We were coming to meet you." Charlotte said. 

" I prayed everyday for you. " Caroline said. 

" I am fine, thankyou." I said.

They were bombarding questions. Amy advised them we should sit first. We sat on chairs. 

" How did you know I was sick?" I asked. 

" It was printed in the Clematis Times newspaper and I told them after reading that news." Rose said. 

" What!..They really printed that in the newspaper. " I exclaimed. 

I was dumbfounded by the news. Am I famous? 

" Are you really fine? Are you even allowed to come outside?" Katty enquired again. 

" I am fine and yes I am allowed to walk." 

"That's good to hear." Caroline said. 

" Forget about me, tell me what I missed." I asked. 

" Yeah, you did missed a lot." Charlotte said while sounding suspicious. 

" Then, tell me already." I said. I was being impatient. 

" Lady Camilla is back. She is best friend of second prince Alaric. Prince Alaric came to meet her and returned in evening. Next day, lady Camilla came to palace and the spent time together. " Katty told me. 

" Yeah, they spent time together almost daily." Charlotte confirmed it. 

" I have heard one more thing." Caroline said. 

" What....." We all said in a unison. 

" Come forward." She said. 

We all move forward to listen her. It must be a secret. 

" I have heard that prince Alaric has a lover." She whispered. 

My heart picked it's rate on hearing her. The rumours were too accurate. 

" Yeah yeah I have heard too." Charlotte said. 

" Me too." Katty and Rose said in unison. 

Caroline continued," No one knows who is she but I heard somewhere that it can be lady Camilla." 

My heart immediately dropped down.