I thought my nose has been slashed off. The terrible pain and shock make me think I may soon pass out.
A heavy carpenter's fist slides against my face without me noticing. I can't breathe. Blood drips onto the concrete lot and also stained my shoes.
The damage is almost only to my face. My head is jolted, but I think it isn't shocking enough to cause a concussion. My eyesight is also clear. My mouth is full of blood, but I guess I don't lose the ability to speak.
That's enough.
"Ah..."
Aizawa is in horror seeing my bloody face.
If it had been for me, I would forgive him. Because I understand. But to punch Iwamoto is completely unforgivable. He is my important partner. And he is also carrying a child. What part of that didn't he understand?!
I did feel a little sorry for him earlier. Like I did a year ago, Aizawa may not have been aware of liking Iwamoto until recently. And, when he finally discovered that intense heat of love and realized he needed it badly, he sure felt like he was freaking out.
I understand.
But that is minutes ago. That does not excuse the many abusive things he said to Iwamoto.
I'm not going to forgive him. I can't forgive him.
My husband of five months, he's shaking. Pale.
"I hate violence."
I feel strangely exhilarated. Maybe it's because of the blood. I have a feeling that the beast living inside me and I are talking about the same thing now.
Iwamoto's voice, which worried me, falls on deaf ears.
There is an enemy in front of me now. An enemy to be defeated.
"I have seen a patient who suffered a ruptured eyeball and spinal cord injury just because they got pushed lightly and fell on the doorstep. A slightest violence can kill a person."
I look at Aizawa without wiping the blood off my face.
"I have decided that I will only use violence when I am absolutely determined to kill someone, no matter the cost."
Perhaps intimidated by my unusual aura, Aizawa takes a step backward. His face is contorted with fear.
That's right, be scared. I am angry. Beyond furious.
"Hi-"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hey, calm down. What the hell, you're not like Takashi-san, I'm fine. I'm fine. Thanks to you, I'm fine."
A warm body is hugging me from behind. It's Iwamoto. I come to my senses as he ruffles my bed head.
What in the world was I trying to do?
I am horrified by the fresh feeling of murderous intent inside me.
"Oh God, Aizawa! What are you doing to my husband! I swear I'll sue you!"
"Ah, ah!"
Aizawa nods repeatedly with a shocked expression on his face.
"I...I'm sorry..."
"Well, I was a little too harsh with my words," he adds. "I'm sorry. You gave me a chance. I'll talk to you properly next time, so please go home for today―Gosh, your nose is bleeding and I think...it's broken. Come here. Let's get you patched up. Let's go to the hospital, okay? Are you lightheaded?"
Iwamoto takes my arm and put it around his shoulder, supporting me.
"I'm fine," I say. "I can walk. I can climb stairs. I didn't hit my head. I would hate it if you'd be the one who fall down by supporting me. And please don't sue Aizawa-san."
It would be a disaster if I let Iwamoto do such a thing and make it hard for him to stay at work.
"That's not the kind of line you should be saying! You're not convincing while you're wobbling around! Oh, your glasses, wow, they're cracked! Seriously, you've got to be kidding me. I'm not sure how much it costs but you'd better pay for it later."
"Ah, ah yes..."
"What are you looking at, you idiot? Go home! You should be thankful to Takashi-san. I swear I'm not just gonna let you go. Get the f*ck go!"
Aizawa hurriedly gets into the light truck he came in and leaves.
***
At the hospital, everyone is more than surprised to see the man who had recently come in for a cold and a stomach ulcer, now come again with a bloody face and a nose in another place.
And Iwamoto (tall and muscular-looking), accompanying me, becomes the victim of all those rumors.
"Yuge-sensei, what's going on with you? Don't you think it's too soon for me to give you a marriage therapist's brochure!"
It looks like Shimabukuro is going to stick with me in the emergency room. Teasing me is his hobby.
I very honestly told him what had happened. Every part. Bad for Aizawa, but better than everyone getting the wrong impression of Iwamoto
"Then congratulations. You sure are so brave! To take on a man who obviously would have killed you with the flick of a pinky. That doesn't happen every day."
Iwamoto smiles holding his laughter. I do the same.
The CT scan result shows there is no abnormality in the head or cheekbones, only the nasal bone is broken.
"It's bad... But let's give it some time to see how it goes. Maybe it'll be a little crooked," the surgeon attending to me says.
"I see."
I don't mind. Iwamoto is fine, so a crooked nose is something I can definitely deal with.
"Do you think it's okay if I go home?"
"Well, maybe it's for the best. There's nothing we can do here. It's strange to tell another doctor this, but if you have a headache or nausea, come right back, okay?"
When we get back home, it is already around 11:00 at night. The dinner made by Iwamoto has gone completely cold.
"God, your nose looks awful" I sit on the sofa next to Iwamoto while disinfecting the edge of my mouth, which also has a cut. "I was so worried. Your whole face was full of blood. He's such a jerk, that bastard Aizawa, what the hell is wrong with him, he...well, it was my fault too for saying those things to him. I'm really sorry."
"Good you didn't get hit..." The truth is, I want to be a man Iwamoto can trust. And this may be a good step. "I'd let my nose be broken a thousand times as long as you're okay."
Iwamoto laughs. He blushes. And then, with an adorable pouty face, he closes the disinfectant and leaves it lying on the couch.
"Takashi-san! Don't ever say that again! You shouldn't even let him break your nose in the first place! I thought it might kill you, you know. You should train more and put up a fight!"
"More than that...I have to apologize to you."
"Huh?"
Iwamoto is very confused, so he moves a little closer.
"About your work. Honestly, I took it as hormonal when in reality, I should listen to you better and given you other advice."
"Oh..." Iwamoto smiles bitterly. "You don't even have to think about that. I knew that having Takashi's son was going to make me lose some things..." But he adds hastily. "Of course, I'm not saying it's bad. When I first found out, I did think it was a frightening abnormality. I mean was it really possible for me to have a child as if I were a woman? Did that mean I wasn't a man anymore? But, with you...being with you I thought, "If I can do it, then I want to do it." I wanted to have Takashi's children right away and live with you and with them. That was my dream...and I'm fulfilling it very well."
If you think about it carefully, it sounds difficult to be an MFUU. No matter how much medical data has been tallied or how many statistics we have on the monitor...I don't know how to quantify someone's feelings.
"You are amazing..."
"I don't think so. I have a lot of anxiety... Also, I'm actually quite scared. She's going to be born to a man, so I'm constantly thinking what am I going to do when she's grown up later? What's going to happen when I hold her in my arms? What are people going to say? I don't look like someone who...well, you know. It's like what Aizawa was saying today and what the doctors and the nurses are saying. It's a reality that people would feel uncomfortable around me, you see. They wouldn't let me stay in any hospital and, I can't even say that I'm expecting a baby because no one believes me and if they believe me they ask about me or, it turns out that I disgust them and they look at me with a face of how the hell is that even possible?"
Iwamoto is silent. He is staring at the ground, with a dark look he has never shown me before.
I have thought about it, too. Over and over again.
Some people vociferously attack others for things they can't understand. Some are evil and also punish the vulnerable just for fun. Even today, although the right to same-sex marriage is publicly recognized, there is persistent discrimination. Discrimination, prejudice, malice, all this is among all of us and there is no sign of it going away any time soon. It is not hard to imagine that both the MFUU and the newborn baby will be viewed with much curiosity.
A baby girl raised by two men, what a scandal.
How disgusting.
How inappropriate.
Isn't that kind of morbid?
Our little girl will then go up to elementary school and we will have to pick her up when school ends, and attend meetings and events. Once people learn that her parents are men, they may tease her, look at her funny, talk about her... When she grows up and chooses a spouse, their parents may object so as not to associate with such a strange clan.
At night, I wonder: what will happen to my baby? What will happen to my husband? What will happen to our little family? I have no control over the malice that prevails in the world. There is no way for me to change the way they think.
Still, I can't give up, I can't let them get hurt. I'm not going to let them make my girl feel bad and before that, I'm not going to let them make Iwamoto feel bad.
I, with my thin and unreliable arms, legs, small eyes, strange head, and, muscle-less abdomen, will definitely do my best. No matter how funny it sounds...no matter if no one believes me.
"I will protect you."
Until now, I have always despised people who say this without giving any guarantee. You can say anything, but making it happen is something different. You have to show it in actions.
Now I understand that there are words in life that you have to say, even if it seems like something impossible.
"No matter what happens, I promise I will protect you. I will also protect the baby, I will do it with both of you."
However, as soon as I say that, my brave determination suddenly vanishes. My negative thoughts come back and I say in my head, "Wow, what a foolish thing to do." "I'm a useless man and now I'm beaten and full of wounds." "You said you can do it, really?"
Iwamoto just stands there, his head down. I can't see his eyes but I'm sure he's stunned. He must have laughed at me, for saying such a strange word.
"I know... You're going to protect us because that's what you've been doing all along."
"...Huh?"
I just heard unbelievable words so, when I look directly at Iwamoto, he is already nodding his head as if trying to convince me as well. There is no stupor or suspicion in his eyes. There is just pure confidence.
He smiles.
"If Takashi says that, I believe him. I believe you. I always will."
Suddenly, I look at my arm. My thin, pale, unreliable hands. There are bruises now. When I was hit by Aizawa, I hit a part of the dumpster. I couldn't even...
I didn't... No...
"You always keep me safe, Takashi... So I'm going to protect you too. Protect the girl with me, okay?"
"Well..."
Tears come out.
My heart is so full I can't bear it.
"I promise I will."
If Iwamoto is there, with me, then I can do anything.
***
Two weeks later, I finally go to have my cast removed. My nose becomes somewhat deformed.
Since I do the procedure in the hospital, the first person to comment on my new face is Shimabukuro, not Iwamoto.
"Goodness gracious!"
Shimabukuro is stunned. What happens? I know my nose is bent so strangely, do I look horrible? Well, I guess no matter how I change, I think it's a testament to my protectiveness towards Iwamoto. I'm gonna be proud of it. Although, still, I'm a little anxious that, maybe, Iwamoto doesn't want me anymore after my straight and the clear nose bridge is gone.
"You look like...those Egyptian sculptures that don't have a nose. Remember that "The Mummy" movie with Brendan Fraser?"
Shimabukuro's voice rises so high that my cheeks inevitably turn red.
"You're Imhotep, before you regenerated."
"...Hahaha."
Imhotep, that bad? I can't help but laugh. Laugh very honestly.
"Bullshit, you look as handsome as Cleopatra."
"Ah? Are you...flirting with me, Shimabukuro-sensei?"
"Of course I am! Yuge-sensei, why don't you look in the mirror and look at your damn face! You have to realize you really are very handsome!!!"
So I look in the mirror: only a few millimeters have changed but certainly the shape of my nose is different. Well, yes, who knows that getting punched in the face can make you look "wild"? I look...manly. Attractive instead of just handsome.
I'm glad the changes that come about after I swear to protect my dear husband are this good. Like a medal of honor that says, "I was beaten, but I didn't die."
"Well, I actually feel pretty good, you know? Like...someone else."
"What's that? Even the doctor's smiling face is different! What a cool expression! Wow! I'm so in love with Yuge-sensei now! Get me pregnant too, please!"
I think this is the first time I have had such a good time with Shimabukuro. The first time I'm laughing with him. I never know that I can actually find it pleasant to work with this rude guy.
When I get home, Iwamoto is also widening his eye. But he immediately frowns and seems to get quite angry with me.
Huh?
He doesn't like it?
"Are you going to stay like this forever?"
"Well, if I don't get beaten up again...I guess so."
"You're going to have to wear a mask from now on."
"That bad?"
I thought this form would suit Iwamoto's taste as much as the previous one? It's a bit sad considering he is the one who will praise my face when no one else would.
"But, I actually quite like my current face. I'm sorry that you don't like it, but..."
"What, what are you saying...?"
"Because it's proof that I was able to protect you, I like being like this."
Iwamoto turns red, opens and closes his mouth, and then nothing. So I swing my arms around his strong neck and look him straight in the eyes. Ah, I really want to kiss him so badly.
"Everything I am now, is thanks to my beautiful Taichi."
Iwamoto looks at me too. He is stiff.
"Tai...?"
"I heard you! Don't say that kind of thing with that face!!!"
"Yeah?"
He shouts vigorously again, though he later apologizes.
"No...it's just, you look great. Really great. I was initially your patient but then I fell in love with you so...what's going to happen to the women who come into your office? What if they steal you away from me?"
I can't take it anymore. Him being jealous is absolutely adorable.
"Can I kiss you?"
"You don't have to ask."
I kiss Iwamoto's red cheeks. Then suddenly remembered that many women reject their husbands in the middle of pregnancy. In severe cases, some don't even want to be kissed.
"What? No, it's fine now."
"That's good. Because when my husband looks as beautiful as he does today, I certainly can't stand the urge to want to kiss him all day."
Iwamoto suddenly looks like a huge cherry.
"What happened?"
"No, it's just that...it's suddenly getting so embarrassing. I'm sorry, I...today...I feel like I'm fifteen again or something."
That's the best possible reaction.
I laugh, and then close Iwamoto's mouth with a kiss.
"I love you, very much."
"I love you too."