It is still dawn when I step outside the veranda of my grandma's house. The birds are singing and the smell of fresh dew hangs in the air. With every minute, the sun breaks through the darkened sky and I can feel slow rising sun rays on my face.
The neighbourhood awakens and more and more noises arise within the tranquillity of the morning. For me it's still quiet, as the last few days were so jam-packed with information and events that my mind didn't have any time yet to just calmly let everything sink in properly.
I feel like being dragged around to all the various things that spontaneously come along and the exhaustion dawns on me like the sun rays that warm up my face.
I run my hand along the wooden veranda. My fingertips can feel some uneven bumps and notches inside the planks. That's where Chiye and I played the most.
One notch in particular is connected to our first ever dispute. Or at least that was something that resembles a fight the best.
Spring was over and the heat and humidity of summer started to dominate our day-to-day life. We were both six years old, just freshly enrolled into primary school a month prior and were already inseparable after just a year of meeting for the first time at the temple.
Grandma's birthday was closing in and Chiye and I prepared a gift for her together. We made a set of three bowls in a floral shape. The rim of the bowls resembled the petals of camellia, her favourite flower. Kyouta's father not only allowed us to use a corner of his studio to make the bowls, but he also gave us some helpful directions on how to make our idea work out. Looking back the bowls were clumsy and rough, but in our eyes they were the prettiest things that we made. Our pride and excitement for these bowls were immense. Keeping it a secret from Grandma was difficult and she probably suspected something from our giggling and the secretive whispering.
On the day before her birthday we were playing on the veranda while she was taking a nap in her room. We wanted to wrap up the bowls and made some birthday cards, which were more drawings than any written birthday wishes.
We wrapped the bowls into yellow coloured gift wrapping paper with a dandelion pattern on it. Hiding the gift then caused our little fight. I wanted to hide the gift in the toy box in my room upstairs, while Chiye wanted to hide it in the small garden shed. We quarrelled back and forth, each of us aiming to convince the other to admit that their hiding spot wasn't good enough.
At some point we both had our hands on the gift and started to pull it away from the other. Eventually, we lost our grip and the gift fell on the veranda, shattering and cutting the notches into the wooden planks. Instinctively, I pushed Chiye away from the sharp pieces and she fell down stumbling backwards, not reacting and still in shock.
For a short moment, we both silently stared at the many pieces of what were the bowls just a minute ago. We then looked at each other, both tearing up. I tried really hard to keep the tears in and I could see that Chiye was as well. So we just stared at each other, trying to hold the tears and frustration.
Grandma came down upon hearing the commotion and saw what happened, cleaning up the pieces while we silently kept our heads down, standing next to each other and with equally pressed pouting lips fighting our inner disappointment. Grandma told us to apologise to each other while looking at each other and holding hands. We did turn towards each other, holding hands, without raising our heads. I didn't attempt to give in first, nor did Chiye, so we just stood there on the veranda, looking at our feet. Grandma didn't force us to speak, she wanted us to do that on our own accord, so she left us going inside the house to prepare dinner. It felt like an eternity how we were just standing there in awkward silence with the sun pitilessly heating our heads. It was a game of endurance and childish pride.
Moments passed and I saw teardrops falling down from Chiye's face. She tried hard to hold the tears back, but lost the fight and her tears just kept streaming down. But she cried in stubborn silence and a somewhat angry face. That was the first time that I saw her crying and I instantly felt bad. So I hugged her tightly to comfort her which in turn made her cry out loud.
In the end we apologised to each other. Chiye couldn't control her sobbing, so her apology was barely audible between her wailing.
On Grandma's birthday we gave her the cards and together, we glued the pieces of the bowls together. Even until today the bowls have remained in the cupboard, only used on birthdays.
That was the first and also the last time we ever had an explicit argument. Chiye and I naturally don't always share the same opinions and ideas, however we always found a way to accommodate each other's preferences. This or one of us had to give in. Which also didn't cause any problems anymore.
I never really said it out loud or put it into detailed words, but Chiye truly feels indispensable in my life. Almost every aspect of me has her included and also every dear memory is connected to her presence as well. This thought is completely independent from my feelings towards her. If, for some reason, I wouldn't be in love with Chiye, then I could still say with firm certainty that she is an important person in my life.
So much so, that my will to pay any price for getting to the gates of heaven is unwavering. There isn't an amount too high for me to get her back. Even if it may result in me staying. Or even my own death. It's an extreme thought, but I want to consider all possibilities. I am willing to give my life for Chiye's safe return to earth. Back to her life with a chance to a great future. The future that she deserves, just without me in it.
I am content with that, since my mere existence is probably only to serve as a tool for the divine deities wanting to use the ability to see the red threads of fate. Maybe the entirety of my own existence is to solely serve this exact purpose. Engaging in this notion is obviously depressing, but if I was born to be the tool, then I'm all the more glad that I can use my function to save Chiye from entering the heavens.
It also sounds so cliché, that I'm willing to give my life for my beloved, but if all across human history love as the strongest motive has prevailed, then it must have a reason. It is as if all the corny love ballads, but also all the beautiful poems and stunning creations now make more sense.
At the same time this epiphany of my feelings is accompanied by numbing fear. The dread of losing her. Not being able to change the course of events and even less her destiny.
Although, the realisation of feeling love towards someone is an exhilarating impetus, the anxiety also grows almost equally.
The sun is now brighter, the colour changes from a pale orange to clear white and the neighbourhood is now fully awake, beginning the day just like any other.
Hearing some children on their way to school somewhere walking past our garden fence and the sounds of cars feels distant to me.
I'm so far apart from those mundane things. I take a glance at my phone to check the time.
Even if all those 'normal' activities are far-off from the reality that I'm currently facing, it still has a reassuring sentimentality. Though, all that has been 'normal' for me changed just four days ago, my 'new normal' is also fine in its own ways.
Surprisingly, Grandma is still sleeping, so I can't tell her that I'm off for today. Instead I leave her a note on the kitchen table, informing her that I'll be spending the day with Chiye.
I don't want her to wait for dinner.
It's not like Airi and I made some specific plans for the next two days, but meeting up with her seems like the most advantageous thing to do. Apparently, there is also nothing that she could possibly prepare for the departure, so we agreed on just spending the following days together without having an ulterior motive or objective. Based on the last few days, most of the events weren't planned anyways, so we are both more or less anticipating some sort of occurrence.
"Are there any activities that you would like to do before leaving the earthly realm?" I glance at Airi who's drinking her matcha latte. It's an usual sight, since Chiye prefers sweet drinks.
She places the glass on the bottom plate and looks at me surprised.
"It sounds like I'm leaving for good."
I chuckle. "Okay, let me rephrase it. Since we have two days to fill, what would you like to try out, what is probably nonexistent in the heavenly realm?"
She returns my smile. "Do you want to spend the final days before the great confrontation with amusement?"
"Shouldn't we celebrate the chance to have you enjoy your pastime here on earth in a more relaxed and enjoyable way? You've been here for so long only trying to complete the tasks. You deserve better final days here. Maybe, like a celebratory send-off."
Her smile brightens up happily. "I've seen some pictures of a place where you can look at different marine animals."
"An aquarium?"
"Yes, I would like to take a look at those creatures up close." She shyly smiles.
"Of course, what else?"
She thinks about it for a moment and then diverts her eyes, answering with an hesitant voice. "I'd like to see the ocean."
Oh.
"In her mind the ocean has something so magical, it's enchanting. I know it's her wish and your promise to her, but I would like to see it too…"
It is the first time that Airi speaks in such an unsure way, that I'm puzzled for a brief moment.
"I want to see it through her eyes. The place where she wanted to go with you."
Airi finally raises her gaze and looks me in the eyes. Her expression is worried, but also firm. It must have been difficult to request that. After our first encounter in Chiye's bedroom, Airi was strictly separating herself from Chiye, careful to not mix things up in front of me.
And she's right, I made the promise to go see the ocean with Chiye. So it is a first for her to want something that is Chiye's own wish. Maybe it is also the inevitability of her living inside Chiye, as Chiye and her memories, feelings and hopes.
However, I can't imagine Chiye being angry at me for fulfilling the final earthly-bound wishes of her favourite heroine.
"I will go with her after she returns. She would probably scold me, if I would deny you your wish." I laugh and her worry dissolves into a bright excited smile.
"Anything else that you wish to do?"
She shakes her head with a pleased smile.
I want Airi to remember her banishment with a good ending. For countless centuries, she only tried to return back to the lunar kingdom. And now, that this is so close to its achievement, she should leave this exile with fond memories. That's the least she deserves.
After finishing up our breakfast, I book us tickets for the train ticket to the closest sea-side city. It's about a three hour ride, so we pack some things before heading to the station. Airi also changed her clothes to a cute long dress and a straw hat with a pale green ribbon.
Even in her free time Chiye only wore casual clothes on special occasions, since she preferred to remain in her shrine maiden garment, in case she had to return to the temple on short notice. Which happened a lot during the festivals throughout the year.
That makes seeing her in this almost summerlike apparel all the more special.
It's just clothes, but the air around her changes when Chiye wears her own clothes. She likes wearing the white and red coloured garment, but that attire also includes the obligations of her own position.
It always felt like Chiye was truer to herself without the garment. She was simply just her. The same girl that I fought with over the hiding spot of our self made flower shaped bowls.
Airi on the other hand preferred to change her clothes everytime she leaves the temple. So seeing her now, should be something that I'm supposedly used to. However, I can't stop my heart from excitedly fluttering inside my chest upon seeing her.
It's still Chiye.
Airi looks at me impishly, stepping closer and then twirling around. Her dress flutters airily around and she smiles brightly. "How do I look?"
I try to contain my fluttering heart, but answer her honestly. "Stunningly."
She laughs and it's almost like a sight to behold. Dazzling.
Airi happily takes my arm and we walk to the platform awaiting the arrival of our train. The ride is enjoyable, especially Airi's amazement which I find the most pleasant. She has never been on such a train and she can't hide her awe, staring outside the window as the landscape quickly changes. She's almost glued to the small roundish window and sometimes turns to me to tell me about one of her sightings. Her reaction resembles childlike innocence.
It's adorable.
As we leave the mountains behind us, the landscape gets more and more flat. It's still hilly here and there, especially in the horizon, but not as mountainous as our hometown.
We leave the train station upon our arrival and the atmosphere is undeniably different from where we just started. The heat is like a heavy layer on the air. I always thought that the summers at home were sometimes unbearable, but feeling the heat here now makes me grateful for growing up on the mountains.
The ocean nearby probably only gives so much relief.
We decide to visit the aquarium first and finish the day at the beach.
"Is there a particular reason why you want to see marine life?" I ask her as we take a seat in a coffee shop close to the aquarium, to wait for our designated entry time.
Airi fans herself with her straw hat. "There were no similar establishments for me to enjoy them aside from in a dish." She smiles. "I have visited zoos before, looking and spectating different kinds of land animals, but never the sea dwellers."
She thinks for a moment. "Maybe it is connected to what Ryousuke correctly said before." Airi leans closer to me. "There must be a somewhat innate connection between the lunar and sea kingdoms."
I raise my eyebrows. "Is it linked to the ebb and flow caused by the moon?"
She shrugs and leans backwards again. "Maybe?"
"Doesn't that mean that Tsuki-Okami and Umi-Okami are still in a good relationship with each other if the sea is influenced by the moon?"
To be rational, it sounds wrong and I know that this is caused by the moon's gravity orbiting the earth. But since divine deities from a distant past exist, why shouldn't that constellation not be something that they created as well?
"That's probably because Umi-Okami is the youngest of the three sisters, so even if Tsuki-Okami is frowned upon by the eldest sister, she still has to somewhat obey her. And the creation of ebb and flow is so ancient, that the dispute between Tsuki-Okami and Taiyou-Okami couldn't have influenced that."
Meaning that whatever it is between the sea and the moon it's like an inevitable instinctive attraction. But I wonder why Airi's initial reaction towards Ryousuke was rather distant, if not even cold.
Airi chuckles and it pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Are you perhaps wondering why I wasn't drawn towards Ryousuke?"
Airi has this intuition where she quickly catches on, especially what's on my mind. I can't really hide my thoughts in front of her. In a way it is embarrassing, since I have never been in this position of someone else reading me so easily.
"Yes." I confirm her suspicion straightforwardly and she laughs.
"That is because we already go way back when. His words of affection and affirmations are like phrases that he likes to repeat and I've grown used to them. It was clear from the beginning that his words and actions were a natural response to me, not the sincere and genuine feeling of love."
She playfully swirls the drinking straw around in her iced coffee.
"Interesting. Would the sea animals react to you in some way?" It would be quite suspicious if all the fish would start to show some sort of infatuation towards Airi, to say the least.
"I'm not quite sure, it makes sense for the spirits of the sea, but if that also applies to those living inside of the sea itself?" She ponders and eventually shrugs her shoulders. "We have to find out."
Airi smirks at me and I return her smile.
Certainly, it would be weird to see the sea animals all trying to gather around her, but it honestly would also be really fun. It's not like we could explain that in any spiritual or divine detail, it's just simply that all the animals inside the aquarium simultaneously fell in love with the same person.
Airi walks around in the aquarium completely awe-struck. With the shimmering lights from the water and the dim lit rooms I can understand how aquariums are a popular dating experience. We are lucky that there aren't many other people visiting at the same time, which makes it even more intimate.
Our theory is kind of proven, since the animals are reacting to Airi. They have great interest in her and every time she approaches the glass, they come closer too. However, you could also mistake it as coincidence that they gather around her for a brief moment.
Her child-like curiosity and giddiness are very adorable to look at. She takes her time to examine each animal and their respective environments, reading all the information boards including the little booklet from the entrance and collecting the stamps in a booklet that she specifically bought before entering the aquarium.
Especially the penguins have caught her adoration. We spend the longest time just spectating the penguins waddling around, jumping in and out of the water and interacting with each other.
At the beginning most of them stared back at Airi and it seemed like the interest was mutual. It is also the first time Airi takes some pictures with Chiye's phone. But before doing so, she did ask for permission since it wasn't her own phone. There is no reason to deny her from taking pictures, so she happily snaps away. I also take some pictures of her in front of all the animals.
"I don't really understand how that works, but this is indeed a great invention." She views the pictures on the rectangle screen with big happy eyes. We are still sitting in front of the penguin section, most of the people have already passed us.
Airi stops at a picture of her excitedly pointing at the little seahorses inside a cylinder shaped aquarium. Chiye would probably be equally energised and thrilled, which makes the picture a little bit odd too. Here and there I can catch a glimpse of Chiye when Airi does something. I'm not sure how much she is influenced by Chiye's body and memories and how much of that is really the lunar princess herself, but the resemblance just makes it more difficult to differentiate them. Even if there is a distinct difference, in my eyes she is still Chiye.
"What did your own human form look like?"
Airi looks up from the phone and meets my eyes, quite surprised.
"There have been some paintings and portraits of me, but it's been so long that I don't know where they are anymore."
"Maybe we can look it up during our trip back home on the train."
Her eyes are full of warmth. "That would be nice, but I can also just describe my human form to you." She softly holds her pointy finger on my forehead. "Try to use your imagination."
I close my eyes with a smile.
"Imagine a woman around your age, a little bit taller than Chiye, with ebony coloured straight hair and grey eyes. Her face resembles that of a royal portrait. Elegance and feminine radiance in abundance. Her robes are only in the most expensive dye's, golden jewellery decorate her arms, fingers, ears and neck. Surrounded by the riches of earth, living in wealth and with no worries. Someone with so much beauty that she was the quintessence of a desirable ideal. A woman constantly allured, pursued and wooed by all men across the country. Showered with countless gifts. Even enticing the Emperor himself to get his own impression of this rumoured woman. "
Airi stops for a moment without moving her finger away from my forehead.
"Now imagine the same woman after many many years of this, never ageing, withdrawn into her estate on the mountain. Tired and spiritless."
I open my eyes and we look at each other. Her expression is indifferent and I raise my finger to tip her forehead as well. "Try to imagine the very same woman returning to her home in just a few days." I smile. "Visualise this elegant and noble woman to fawn over those tux wearing waddling animals." I tilt my head to the penguins.
Airi bursts out laughing.
"I didn't know such animals existed, the way they walk is endearing." She turns towards the animals and waves at them happily.
One of the penguins who didn't really stop taking his eyes off Airi waves back at her.
"Did you see that?" Her voice is a mere whisper, overwhelmed and in shock.
"He waved back at you." My confirmation also sounds surprised. That wasn't a coincidence.
"He waved back at me." Airi mumbles, fascinated by the penguin in front of her.
I'm thinking back at her description and I'm sure that there have to be numerous paintings or portraits of her somewhere. A woman who set the entire beauty standard and even enchanted the Emperor has to have some proof of her astonishing gratefulness. Surely, at least a copy should be traceable. I wonder if Airi can see herself inside Chiye.
In my eyes Chiye is the most beautiful woman, but I'm not sure if she meets Airi's own standards. But at the same time, she also never gave the impression of being dissatisfied or arrogant. It's probably a good change of pace, not falling back into the same pattern as in the past.
As we walk around in the gift shop, I have to stop Airi from wanting to buy every single odds-and-ends. I grant her one souvenir from the gift shop, which I will get for her as an overall souvenir from the earthly realm.
She takes a while to decide on one thing and eventually chooses a mid-sized penguin plushie. Airi hugs the plushie really tight, in full adoration and proceeds to not let go of it even for one bit. It's lovely.
We decide on eating lunch before heading for the beach and even there the penguin sits on her lap. Airi orders the pasta and I have a baked noodle dish. We also try from each other's bowl and it feels awfully fun and tranquil.
Enjoying the last two days in the earthly realm with more relaxing and joyful activities was a good decision. Seeing Airi so happy and excited gives me a warm feeling and fills my own heart with bliss. Though, these rather quiet and mundane moments will quickly pass as we also approach the end of this journey together. Nonetheless, for now we are going to bathe in these simple things of life and let the prosaicness take over.