Chapter 15: I Am Not Worthless
The disappointment in their eyes was evident every time Loreen said no. And they had been whispering things behind her back.
"They got married because she got pregnant after a one-night stand. But now, they still don't have a child. What use is a wife that cannot bear children?"
Those were the words that Loreen overheard from her mother-in-law.
"Indeed. Edric should have at least two children to ensure he has an heir to manage all his assets or else all his hard work would go to waste. What kind of woman cannot get pregnant after years of trying? What if she's barren? What a waste of resources. How useless!"
Those were the words of Edric's aunt who usually came with his mother on their visits to see Loreen.
They even scolded her repeatedly that she must not be following the doctors' instructions, or she was slacking in taking care of her health even though she was just staying at home.
She heard a lot more, but Loreen simply let it all pass since she understood that most parents at that age wanted grandchildren.
Loreen endured all their whispers because she knew they were disappointed and frustrated after looking forward to one for three years.
Her only solace in those times was that Edric took her side and reasoned that he was always busy, so it wasn't her fault.
But his parents had also repeatedly pressured him for grandchildren no matter what he said.
They were worried since with all the assets Edric had collected, he needed an heir to manage it after him.
Loreen knew that was one of the reasons for the divorce. Edric simply did not mention it.
He could not keep his parents waiting for a grandchild forever. And his humongous assets indeed needed to be managed properly by someone he could trust so it would not go to waste.
It was likely one of the greatest factors he considered which was why he was set on their divorce.
And he was giving her alimony to ease his guilt for divorcing her after three years of marriage because of that.
It may be due to his pride, but Edric was not an evil man so he must have considered that. It was his last act of pity and consideration for her.
If he had found someone else, he would likely get married as soon as their divorce and alimony matters settled down a bit.
'But please, anyone but Sera.'
Loreen simply knew Edric would not be happy if it was Sera whom he takes as his next wife.
If they were not meant to be, then Loreen at least wanted Edric to be happy.
"So weird. Just a two weeks ago, I was wishing we would continue to celebrate our wedding anniversaries together. Now, I'm wishing for his happiness."
A bittersweet smile crossed Loreen's face.
'It is indeed time to let go and move forward.'
She closed her eyes and shed her last tears as she accepted everything that happened, and every possibility out there. She simply cried it all out.
When she was done crying, she felt so much better.
It was time to move on.
After the incident with the girl earlier, she was reminded that other people needed her too.
After her miscarriage, she did her best to recover and followed a strict diet and exercise routine.
They thought it would bear fruit since they were both healthy. But since it led to none, Loreen may be unable to conceive children. She may be barren indeed. She realized that now.
But that doesn't mean her life was ending.
Her husband may no longer need her, she may be unable to have children, but there are still a lot of people out there who need her.
After all, why should her value as a woman and as a person be limited to what she can and cannot give to her husband?
So, what if she was barren?
She could still be useful.
"I can work.
"I can feed myself.
"I can help other people in need.
"I am not useless.
"I am not worthless," Loreen declared to the universe.
Whoever says otherwise be damned.
"Yes, there are a lot of other things I can do instead of being a housewife."
She never planned to be one anyway. It simply ended that way because she got pregnant after that one night with her ex-husband.
What just happened today opened Loreen's eyes. And after all the tears she had shed, she no longer needed to cry over people that abandoned and betrayed her.
There are people out there who do not limit her value to giving birth and rearing a child.
Loreen washed up and slept peacefully for the first time in two weeks that night.
The following day…
"Goodness. I feel like I have been revived," Loreen beamed at herself in the mirror and touched her face.
She had lost so much weight in the span of two weeks due to not eating properly and dwelling on her divorce.
But now she felt so alive once again.
Her broken heart has not mended yet, but she finally had renewed energy.
"I feel like I can do anything," Loreen giggled and did some stretching.
She repeated all the tours she took the past two weeks in a matter of three days. She was so energetic she was able to do it all.
The tour guides and hotel staff were all smiles at her too. They were delighted that she finally looked at the gorgeous scenery of their place instead of always looking down.
"Geez. What was I doing being so down in this revitalizing place?" Loreen wondered out loud as she stood by the seashore.
This place was indeed rejuvenating and made her feel even more motivated to finally return to living.
She got up early the next day to pack her things. It was time to leave.
But first, she needed to prepare all her documents and look for opportunities out there.
She spent half of the day retrieving and organizing her old documents with her original family name on them. She compiled them all and had it photocopied. She would use it for her next battle.
"This time, I will live as I please. I won't let myself get carried away by someone else's wave again," Loreen promised herself.