N couldn't resist going out and touching the colors with her bare hands.
There wasn't any sign of nature back on Earthen, in her life at Sin City.
There was almost never a chance for nature to present itself in that horrid, life sucking, piece of shit city. There wasn't a single speck of it outside of the city either.
The world she knew had been in chaos and war. Even in post-war. And the peace that had remained for 6 years, did nothing to heal the amount of damage 225 years of war had done to the globe and Earthen's surroundings.
Nature was, and has always been, in decline. Constantly being used and abused to rebuild what was once destroyed again and again. To the point where forests were things you could only see in old history books, in drawings and artworks that many would have paid with their life to see a single glimpse of.
It was a thing you could only dream of seeing.
The last time N had ever laid eyes on a single living flower, were the times she had went to those flower shops in those brighter, unheard of corners of the city. When she would have had a craving for the taste of a rose.
A flower she had used to have in abundance, though she didn't know why she had so much, but she used to eat it as her only source of food when she had next to nothing. No matter if she had to taste and drink her own blood spilled on a rose's thorns.
Those shops looked miserable.
Desperately trying to catch the rare instances of the sun's rays that would come through the thick, polluted smoke and dark clouds. Through the darkness of a sky that has never shown light for more than a minute.
It was like seeing a hopeless, dying creature reaching for the light at the top of an unforgiving, unclimbable well.
Down a rabbit's hole that you could never come out of...
It was why she was so utterly amazed by this life around her.
Here she is, surrounded by the very nature all of Earthen was being deprived of.
So of course, she'd be enraptured by nature and its inhabitants, as she turns her gaze here and there. Over the dark trees, over the green grass, over the blue, running waters of this lake by the cabin. In this dark, yet open glade in the forest.
She had touched the cold, soft blades of the wet grass. She had also touched the harsh tree barks. Things she never had the chance to feel before.
The sensation of touching these plants made her feel at home, in safety, and she couldn't help but lay on the ground among the grass.
So this was what those drawings of kids happily laying on grass felt like...
And she felt a twinge of joy, a touch of childish giddiness. A corner of her lips, quirking the tiniest bit upwards.
This is what she had always envied in those pictures. Despite having no colors, the joy captured in those children's eyes was what she yearned to feel when she was at their age.
She had once wished to have what they had—parents, a place to call home, to grow up surrounded by love and safety...
Instead, she was left with having to fend, provide and survive, for herself.
But enough about that.
Look at all these colors... there's hundreds, if not, millions of different shades and combinations. Colors that conflict and blend, that stood out or mixed in with the background.
Like the sky. She knew that blue and white went well with each other, she had seen it in some women who had blue eyes and white hair, but she never thought it would be this comforting to look at.
Was this what the sky was supposed to look like? If there were no smoke, no clouds always ready to pour in rain? If the world had more than three dominant colors? If there was no centuries-long war?
The sun blinded her eyes, and yet, she couldn't look away. Amazed at the fact that it had an effect like that. The sun in her world was not this intense, this shiny, this blinding.
She closes her eyes, moving to rest on her elbows. Opening them back again to lay her gaze on the lake. That, she hasn't properly seen. Does water have a color in this world? Is it also semi-transparent, like in Earthen? It does reflect, so would it mean she has colors too? Would her colors be different?
So many questions... and only one way to find out.
She stood from where she was on the grass and walked to the lake's end, feeling like some excited child who's unable to wait for a new basic discovery about the life around them.
When she had reached the edge of the lake, bare feet buried in the wet earth, she looked at the first thing she'd see. A moving creature in the water slowly swimming with its tail, making tiny waves. A... fish?
That is a fish, yes. She was sure it was a fish, she'd seen it in those picture books, or those that were hung in the few museums that she had visited. The strange creatures that could live underwater.
She had never seen a living one before, it's so colorful.. she'll remember this.
N finds it intriguing that such a small thing can live down in those depths. The waters in the oceans and seas of Earthen had long since been polluted, only those of the cities or countries that were still standing have the means to make clear, clean water.
Then, her eyes finally land on her reflection.
And she doesn't know whether to feel relieved, or disappointed.
However, she does feel partially surprised at seeing a dark rose on where her right eye was supposed to be. She caressed it, then pulled away immediately when she had felt the sensation of the touch on the petals.
Hm, she really could feel everything on it. It is truly a part of her...
N wasn't fully surprised, because she knew it was there. While she had been distracted by the sight of nature outside of the cabin, that burst of information had made her aware of its existence.
She didn't need to look at her reflection on the window, she didn't want to look at anything more than that scenery at that time.
She didn't expect it to actually be there though, even if she knew it was there. She had to see it. After all, was it really believable to have a plant in the place of an eye?
Resting in your eyesocket? And yet, you could still see, as if you had both eyes?
She wonders how it was even possible, as her hand slowly went back to touch the petals again. It felt... strangely satisfying? Pleasurable, like having her hair combed, or a hand holding her cheek.
Either way, while she knew it was because of her only known half of her race, Deadrose, she'd rather not have it in the place of her eye. It feels strange to be aware of only having one eye, the other replaced by a rose, yet having the vision of two.
It was also a far too noticeable characteristic, too memorable for her to keep in the front of her face. Her cover would be blown too fast if she were to disguise herself.
And... it feels like it was a play on her, a way of reminding her of the times she ate roses. Or maybe it was something else entirely, but she knew it was no coincidence this race was specifically chosen or made for her.
"Hm, maybe...?" She knew she could do something about it, change its position or... get it back inside her?
If she can command her summon to rest, then she can "will" this to do the same.
She focuses, feeling the roots start to move, before the rose eventually... just disappears into vapor. A few petals falling for a second before they too, fade away.
And as the vapor clears, there's her eye. As if it wasn't missing behind a rose in the first place. Wow.
But, she does feel a slight, tiny pressure in her head. Maybe she should bring out the rose somewhere different... but that's for later. She can manage.
Now, N can really focus on her appearance. And she'd say, there's nothing notable. It was just the same old her.
Tall, strong with muscles and yet, lean. Androgynous. More on the masculine side, if she hadn't let her hair down and kept it tied under the cap of her hat, with only a few strands loose in the front.
And since she always wore suits or trench coats, covered almost completely from head to toe, she was always mistaken for a man. Not that she minded. It wasn't worth her energy to correct any who makes that mistake, and she gets a strange satisfaction from their mistakes. She finds the looks on their faces funny when she casually reveals she's actually a woman.
But this time, she leaned on the feminine side more. She hadn't worn anything else except for the clothes she had woken up in. She was wearing an open, white dress shirt and simple black pants. No bra, the shape of her chest was more obvious this way. Clothes can deceive so well.
Black hair cascades down her shoulders like waves of ink, ending right below her chest. Pale skin, her neck and the open dress shirt, showed her the old scars that hadn't changed in the middle of her chest.
Some old, some faded, some were once recent. And the ones she thought would scar and remain after her "death," were not there.
The longest scar she had was a medium-sized, open wound from a machete. It went from the right side of her neck, until the right side of her ribs. She must've had bad luck that day, since lightning struck her shoulder on the same side as this wound and had made it worse.
And now, it looks like the roots of a plant. How convenient.
And the eyes... grey. As she would have called it. But her companion from Earthan would've said otherwise, well... she can't argue that. Even after she is "dead".
That crazy woman always told her that her eyes looked like flakes of silver scattered all around, like the color of lightly textured knives that were sharpened with care.
N can't say anything against that. Why would she? When her companion described it with such adoration, with such convection in those emerald green eyes...
It was why she had chosen Argent as her last name. Argent meant metal, meant silver.
A fake last name, but it was one she chose in the honor of what her favorite person had told her. Simple and special to her.
But now that she had noted that nothing changed. She found that there was an irony to her colors...
N was made up of the very colors she had despised. Black, white, and grey.
Against this colorful backdrop of nature, she represented the very monotone colors she had grown to hate. Almost... almost hate.
She raises a hand to comb through silky hair, sighing at her reflection. Staring into her own eyes, questioning herself.
Did she really despise these colors?
Or was she just tired of their monotony?
Tired of the monochrome. Tired of its repetitiveness. Tired of the depressing tragedy they always represent. Tired of its monotony on her eyes.
But yet, N found herself comforted, in not having any changes on her visage. In not being changed.
Was she also tired of herself? Tired of the repeat of her own, blood-fillled monotony? She doesn't know. She doesn't think so.
N knew nothing but this lifestyle, how else would she properly live out anything but this?
Maybe this new life, this new world she found herself in, can give her the opportunity. But could she really change? She... doesn't know, but she'd like to try.
To try and live out a life with a little less blood. Although, she was sure that something as simple as that, would be difficult for someone like her. She doesn't know where to start on how to live, free of caution, stress and worries.
For now, maybe she'll stay in the comfort of having blood in her hands. Until she could wash them. Not completely, blood never truly leaves, but just enough to touch the colors. To not stain them.
...I need a goal. A start.
Her mind thinks back to the letter and screen, and she is reminded that she does have a mission.
That's a goal, no different than her usual, but it's a start. A step in comfort, to prepare for the zone outside of it.
"Time to go." N mumbled. She stood, she had enjoyed nature long enough. She lives here, so this will be a sight she'll get to enjoy everyday from now on. She began to walk back to her cabin, long strides over soft grass and into the dirt path, unhurried.
N will figure things out along the way.
She always did.