5' 8"-5' 9"
Noah was staring at the ceiling mindlessly, feeling almost deaf because of how loud his heartbeat was. A sense of weariness was spreading across his body and literally pinned him to the soft bed. His own body seemed new to Morgan. It was unbelievably light, but at the same time, it was complete, sensitive, and open to experiencing something new. The ropes still constricted his movements, and the easiest way to describe Noah's feelings was to say that it was painful. However, it was a paradigm-shifting feeling. Tight fixation let him evaluate his body differently, making him concentrate on himself extremely carefully and notice things that would otherwise go past Morgan's attention. Fine as silk bedding contrasted with rough ropes. Hard floors under his feet contrasted with a zero-gravity feeling of his body, which had been caused by physical euphoria. There was tension in his chest and his back after every deep breath he'd take. There was also the slightest shift of air that would caress his naked skin. The vulnerability caused by constricted movements would mix with an unreal sense of safety. It seemed almost cosmic and stunning. It was a true hurly-burly of psychological excitement and physical satisfaction. The mixture was wild, and Morgan needed some time to truly accept it. He wanted Ethan to touch him more, but at the same time Noah would eagerly rest his eyes and have a nap. Even though he was still drunk after what had just happened, he felt too shy to ask for the first thing, whereas the second option made him think of two major reasons to say NO: it wasn't his bed, and his hands were still tied. Even though everything felt extremely unusual, passionate, and even rousing, there was still some discomfort left.
'It's supposed to be that way,' he heard Ethan's voice in his head. That was true. This discomfort fitted perfectly into Noah's spectrum of feelings, highlighting everything nice that Morgan experienced together with him. It was a black, rough line, underlining the words of enjoyment, written in a curlicue script with a fountain pen on a snow white parchment. It's supposed to be that way. Even after letting one thought in, muscles relaxed, taking everything as given and letting Noah dive deep down into the waters of his own subconsciousness. It's supposed to be that way, Noah. Just don't choke.
'I'd like to go further…' another thought rushed through Morgan's head, making him feel a bit embarrassed again. He felt sexual excitement when he was with Matthew as well; however, it was different, and he felt it differently. The physical attraction towards each other was coming first in their relationship. Desire generated feelings. Ethan, however, preferred emotions to be his main focus. Feelings were the first to generate desire around him, not another way around. Probably, that was why fear outweighed everything else in Noah's previous relationship, as if it made it clear that the guy in front of Noah wasn't sincere and could ruin everything. Ethan wouldn't ruin anything for sure. He would do everything right. This statement didn't need proof. Noah just knew that was true.
Still feeling agitated, Morgan collected his thoughts and said:
"What about you?" he exhaled and suddenly became surprised after hearing the gentleness of his voice.
Noah didn't even recognize it in the beginning. Was that truly him? The intonation of his voice made it clear how desperately needed was that sexual release. The release, where your feelings would not only take away the air from your lungs but also clear your mind from the unwanted thoughts.
Ethan was lying on his back near Noah, examining the ceiling as well and holding the top pair of gloves in his right hand. In response to Morgan's words, he just shrugged his shoulders:
"That's enough for me."
"I doubt that," Noah mumbled, looking at Ethan's zipper from time to time, having no idea whether he was turned on. His loose jeans and long hoodie didn't only hide; they denied access to the body completely. Even the visual one. Besides, when Thomson put off his top armor the last time they met, Noah noticed his wide belt with an interesting buckle. It looked like an alternative to a chastity belt. Or else it could also be used as a bladed weapon. Noah wouldn't be surprised at all.
"That's enough for now," Ethan corrected himself.
"O-okay," Noah mumbled, embarrassed. He didn't like playing the role of a receiver, not giving anything back, but he didn't want to push Ethan either. Besides, it could pose some serious risks to their relationship. Moreover, Morgan was also worried about his own lack of experience. His wish to do something didn't guarantee he would succeed. In theory, nothing seemed difficult. But it was only in theory. He didn't want to lose his face in front of Thomson.
"Could you…" Noah glanced at his waist and looked up at the ceiling again. "...zip up my pants again?"
Ethan turned to his stomach and rested his chin on his fist. His dark gray eyes started sparkling again.
"Why? You look wonderful the way you are right now," he said matter-of-factly.
"How long do I need to lay like that?" Noah felt Ethan's glance on him and ignored it on purpose, still afraid of how his body would probably react. Well, one round definitely wasn't enough to deal with tension that had been accumulating for years.
"How long do you want to lay like that?"
Noah could swear that the situation was almost identical to his previous exposure to shibari. This time, however, Morgan thought straighter to his own surprise.
"I don't even know," Noah said, swallowing. "Considering the fact that I can't feel my hands at all..."
Sparkles disappeared from Ethan's eyes, leaving it for better times.
"Shit!" he exhaled, jumping from the bed, grabbing Noah onto the ropes on his chest, pulling him up towards himself, and making Morgan sit up. "You should've told me earlier!"
Do you mean earlier, when you were giving me a handjob and I was moaning so loud half of the house would hear it, and now I want to die from embarrassment?
"My mind was occupied with something else," Morgan mumbled, not knowing why Ethan was so worried. Thomson got onto the bed and sat behind Noah's back.
"Okay. Everything's fine. You scared me," he said with relief.
"Oh, so there's something that can get to you after all?" Noah laughed.
"It's not funny, Morgan. It's easy to affect blood circulation with the ropes, which could lead to some serious circumstances. I'll remind you that I've never tied real people before in my entire life. I don't have enough experience. I could mess something up and hurt you! So now, please, next time you feel the rope being too tight somewhere, tell me about that immediately!"
Oh, so Ethan was also worried that he was inexperienced? It didn't stop him, though. Instead, he preferred staying focused and listening to Noah. Maybe it could turn out well if Morgan behaved the same way? A little more confidence, Noah! You got it!
"Everything's fine. The hands probably became numb because I had been lying on them."
"My bad," Thomson mumbled.
"Goodness, you're such a drama queen sometimes," Noah said carelessly, feeling the ropes loosening. It was a head-spinning feeling. Morgan even let himself moan with pleasure. He stretched his arms forward slowly and twisted his wrists, relaxing them. There was a tingling feeling in his fingertips, as it usually would happen when the blood would reach the body parts that had fallen asleep. Like there was a whole swarm of wasps ruling under the skin.
"Well, it seems that the best part about tying someone is actually untying them," he joked. "Oh, wait… Did you say 'next time'?" Noah reacted at last.
"If you don't mind, of course," Ethan added, starting to untie the main bondage.
"Are there many types of bondages?"
"A zillion."
"What's your favorite one?" Noah asked, looking at Ethan fighting with the knots and spotting the change in Thomson's eyes.
"I don't have one, but…Uhm…" Ethan became confused, which made Noah absolutely happy.
"But?" he couldn't hold a smile. Ethan sighed heavily before saying:
"I'm especially interested in shibari hanging positions."
"Is it like a name?" Noah couldn't understand.
"I'd say it's a different sort of bondage," Ethan corrected him, hugging him from behind and untying the first diamond on Noah's abdomen. "It's when a model isn't only tied up but also fixated in the air with ropes, hangers, or shibari rings. All in all – whenever a person is being tied and hung above the floor."
The image flashed in Noah's head immediately: he saw himself wearing a classical Japanese kimono, frozen in the air with his hands twisted behind his back and his legs lifted up to the ceiling. Sure thing, Noah had done a bit of reading since the previous experience. Well, not exactly reading... Morgan was a visual learner, so he spent several hours looking through shibari pictures of different kinds. Hanging positions were there as well, though he didn't know that they were called that way. Those photos looked…impressive. And a bit frightening.
"And…Uhm… Would you like to try it?" Noah asked, looking right in front of him, so that his red cheeks wouldn't mess up his calm voice.
"Of course I would. However, there's a lot of preparation for that. And I'm still a complete layman," the second diamond disappeared from Noah's body. "Despite the fact that I could practice some of the bondages on my dummies, it's way more difficult with hanging bindings. First of all, I need a separate room for that. Okay, my dad would've been fine if I had taken one of the empty guest bedrooms and had gotten rid of all of the furniture. I don't think he would've asked any questions even if I'd screwed in the hangers and the rings. However, if I had hung a dummy, he would've definitely sent me back to the rehab, probably thinking that I had been using something again," Ethan chuckled, while Noah tensed a little, guessing, was it really that easy for Thomson to make such jokes about his past?
In order to free Noah from the last diamond on top, Ethan had to get down on his knees. Since the mattress was soft, it made Ethan move forward and lean on Morgan unintentionally.
"Sorry!" he rattled and stepped back immediately; however, it was more than enough to calm Noah down. Thomson wasn't made out of stone after all, and he also had feelings. Despite everything.
"Stand up, please," Ethan asked, continuing his cool customer role. Noah stood up and sighed with relief when the tension of the ropes eased between his legs.
"You know, I could also wear some gloves," Morgan mumbled, still holding on to the situation. Ethan froze for a moment. He walked quietly around Noah, stood in front of him, and stretched his arms forward.
"No."
"But I would…"
"No," Ethan repeated, gazing at Morgan from under his eyebrows. Noah heard his voice being on the edge of irritation and became silent.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry."
"I just…"
"I understand," Ethan untied the last knot and let the rope slide down by itself. "Don't worry about it."
How am I supposed not to worry about it?!
"You better sit down."
Noah really needed to sit down. The less tension there was left, the more dizziness he felt. When it vanished completely, Morgan suddenly felt a sense of emptiness. It didn't reject him, though it seemed like it was dragging all the power out of him. Noah flopped back on the bed, trying to focus his eyes on something real.
"How are you feeling?" he heard Ethan asking from a distance.
"It's weird," Noah said.
"Is it weird in a good way or in a bad way?" another question arose.
"In a good way?" Noah mumbled. He tried getting rid of this delusion, but it was challenging.
"Are you asking me?"
"Yes. Kind of. I don't know," there was vacuum in his head.
"How are your hands?"
"They're fine," Noah said slowly, looking at the marks on his wrists and his forearms left from the ropes. Ethan approached and examined them carefully, not touching Morgan.
"There can be bruises," he announced his verdict. "I don't know how much it could help, but I can get you some ointment."
"It's okay, it'll heal," Noah waved off.
"There will be marks," Ethan emphasized.
"Let them be," Morgan shrugged his shoulders, looking relaxed. Then he finally zipped his pants.
"Then just say that you want those marks to stay on your skin."
"I want them to stay," Noah repeated calmly, still in bliss of this new wave of euphoria.
"You…" Ethan stuttered and frowned. "Sometimes you're just... unbearable," he said with hesitation. However, Noah couldn't understand what was wrong with what he had said. Did it really matter? For the first time in a while, he felt too good to pay attention to some details.
Something around 6'
Michael felt like a wet dishtowel. And the problem wasn't about the fact that Garcia's case was somehow more difficult than the previous ones. Michael always took the most doomed cases from the first glance and dove into their papers like a scuba diver would dive to the ocean floor. Was it dangerous? Yes. Was it interesting? Definitely! However, too many blind spots were found in Garcia's case. It pissed Michael off. And Duncan was again whining about the amount of overtime work, which, frankly speaking, was very well paid. He even continued and suggested Thomson-senior to go on vacation:
"Boss, let's go to Miami? It would be good for the boy, and you could free your head a little."
"By 'the boy' do you mean Ethan?"
"Him, of course!"
"Can you imagine him laying on the beach?"
Duncan made a funny face. The bold former soldier could sometimes look like a scrappy kid.
"He could rest under an umbrella?"
"Wearing his hoodie, boots, gloves, and a mask?" Michael insisted.
"Fresh air, though!" Duncan continued. "Just think about it! Ethan drinking a mocktail. You, surrounded by tanned girls."
"And you? Surfing?" Thomson-senior added.
"If you want me to! My job is to please you!"
"I thought your job was to protect my family," Michael laughed.
"Exactly! You can't even imagine what I could do with a surfboard in my hands!"
Michael didn't even want to try thinking about it, but he liked the general idea. They definitely should go somewhere, as soon as he'd close the case.
Thomson-senior froze at that thought. It all repeated inalienably on multiple occasions. Every time he thought of an idea to spend time with his family, he supported it eagerly but postponed until the work would be done. That was the major problem. The work was never done.
Michael went to the kitchen, planning to get himself a coffee and look through some other papers before going to bed, but he never reached the coffee machine. There was Ethan sitting in the kitchen. He put his hands on his head, resting his forehead on the table, as if he was trying to hide from the whole world. Michael was aware of this son's pose. It was called, 'I can't get what I want, so I'm about to explode.' Ethan was sitting in the same position before Joshua's birthday when he promised to introduce all his friends to his girlfriend. (Oh, Ethan was so desperate back then! Unbelievable!) He was sitting in the same position back in the clinic when he was into one of the patients. He was sitting in the same position after a few especially unpleasant conversations with Audrey. He was sitting in the same position right now.
"Good evening!" Michael greeted him eagerly, loosening his tie and putting his briefcase with the documents on the table and turning a coffee machine on. He heard a howl of despair coming from Ethan, and then he lifted his head up a little just to bump it back down against the table. Interesting. How long had he spent sitting that way?
"What's on your mind, darling?" Michael asked, looking how the cup was being filled with rich coffee.
"I want to fuck him," he heard a desperate answer.
"Ew, so not-romantic," Michael frowned jokingly.
"At least, it's true," he heard the murmur.
"You've been dating for like a couple of days."
"I've wanted him for longer than that!"
You couldn't argue with that. Michael smiled unconsciously, recalling the memories of himself when he was Ethan's age. He was losing his mind the same way. You could write at least several dramatic works about how he was going crazy about his future wife at that time.
"You can't build a solid relationship based only on sex," Michael said, putting on airs, sitting down in front of his son, and starting to stir the sugar in his coffee. He did it on purpose, since he knew how it could irritate Ethan sometimes.
"Thanks, Emperor Obvious," his son exhaled, lifting his head up, looking not at his dad but at the cup. It worked! "However, if people go crazy about each other, they need to have plenty of sex first, relax, and then continue working on their solid relationship. And I'm afraid that it's because of me... Because of my restrictions... I'm afraid it'll slow us down."
"I've never heard stories where absence of sex could slow something down," Michael said.
"Okay, I'll try making it more clear. It slows me down! I can't think straight, because when he's around, all I can think of is... God. I hate myself! It can't continue that way! I need to fix that. Now."
Ethan put his head back on the table.
"Let me clarify: are you finally ready to accept help?" Michael asked innocently, taking a sip of his coffee.
He heard another groan of pain from Ethan. It could mean something like, 'Yes, damn it!' Michael could already call Morgan his beloved son-in-law every time he would see him in the future after hearing that. Moreover, he turned out to be a truly nice guy. Even though Ethan made Duncan burn Noah's file, there were copies, after all. Michael looked through the papers carefully and ended up in a pleasant surprise. He was a simple boy from a simple family. A naive, artistic guy with two cats and a decent GPA. And Jesus Christ, he wasn't stupid! You couldn't wish for a better option, taking previous love objects of Ethan into account, which varied from unprecedentedly stupid mama's boys to complete bastards, trying to take advantage of his son's position. It seemed like no third was given. And finally… Well, Michael didn't believe in miracles, so it was his duty to watch the guy for a little more while. Those rumors, which were swirling around him at the university, did seem fake. However, Michael knew from his personal experience that people were sometimes capable of doing unbelievable things. Unbelievable and terrifying.
"So, Tulsi?" Michael continued calmly.
"Tulsi," Ethan confirmed in a husky voice.
Who would've thought that his son's real motivation would be (sex) love. Why was he even acting like a cold-hearted idiot?
Tulsi was a child psychiatrist. Out of all the specialists that Ethan was taken to after the kidnapping, she was the only one who managed to get a way with him. His wife would tell that she didn't dare to hope for anything while standing with Ethan in front of Tulsi's office. And she was amazed when she saw her son, who sat through the appointed time, getting out of the doctor's office and discussing something casually with the woman. Tulsi was one of those people who made a huge contribution to Ethan's recovery after he had fallen into the first psychological pit. She also agreed to help with the second one, even though the son was soon to turn eighteen at that time. However, Ethan refused. He snapped into his head that if he was the one to create the problem, he'd need to deal with the consequences of it on his own. Surprisingly, he was actually getting there. Step by step. Slowly, but methodically. If one tried to compare Ethan's condition now and back when he had returned from rehab, it would be worlds apart. For the few months after coming back home, he wouldn't even leave his room much. He would sleep with his mask and gloves on. He wouldn't let Michael come closer than a couple of feet. Thankfully, it turned out that Ethan wasn't just sitting in his room, rotting in his emotions. Throughout that time he managed to study almost a half of Michael's library; those were entirely law-themed books. A couple of months prior to college boards, Ethan started making himself go outside. Forcefully. He used to say that people would mistake him for a celebrity hiding from paparazzi, when he was wearing his mask, sunglasses, and a hoodie on. Ethan passed all the tests together with the rest of the students, refusing to get an easier option, which was possible due to Michael's connections. He went through everything all by himself, even though he had a hard time struggling with it. Michael was aware of how Ethan had to work up his nerve every morning just to attend the lecture where there would be a lot of people in one space. He saw his son taking a hold on himself again and again before stepping outside his room. Despite everything, Ethan continued moving forward. When he started taking his mask off, even though it was in the distance from Michael, it was an occasion worth celebrating. When he finally let himself go around the house in a t-shirt, it was another celebration. When Ethan switched his regular gloves to the fingerless ones, Michael thought it was a huge success! Ethan felt much better, and it couldn't make his father happier. However, he still didn't feel good enough to let himself touch another person. Sooner or later, he'd definitely achieve it, but... Ethan didn't need 'sooner or later' anymore. He needed it now.
"Make an appointment for me as soon as possible," Ethan asked, rubbing his neck nervously.
"You wish," Michael laughed. "You can't afford me as your secretary. You can make an appointment yourself."
5' 8"-5' 9"
Noah spent the rest of the week taken away after what had happened at Ethan's house. Probably he could wake up from it earlier, but, like it was bad luck or something, everyone seemed as if they were blown away, and Noah was afraid to discuss it online for some reason. Nicole was getting ready for another project. The presentation due was scheduled for Monday morning. Noah met Scott only once the next day after they visited Andrea (which was before Morgan went to Ethan). He looked as if had risen from the grave. It turned out that Andrea and him ended up talking for the whole night. First, it was a heart-to-heart conversation, then they needed to agree on what to do next. Scott managed to sit through one class, and then he announced that he was going home to catch on some sleep because he needed to go see Andrea again later that night to support her in her conversation with her mother. Later at night, he texted that everything went well; they talked. After that, neither he nor Andrea texted Noah a single word. They didn't show up around campus, either. Noah decided not to disturb them, since he knew that his friends didn't only need to solve their girlfriend's problems but also figure out their relationship status. Even Ethan was busy. His father was running some complex case, and, even though another court hearing was just around the corner, there was still a lot of work to do. That was why Thomson just told straightforwardly that he needed to help his parent, so he wouldn't be able to meet with Noah until Monday. Morgan was about to start feeling miserable, though, luckily, the amount of work didn't stop Ethan from texting Noah once in a while. So, a couple of days later, Thomson became the lucky owner of a unique photo collection of Peanut sticking out its tongue while sleeping and also of Fluffy, who'd give Noah extremely judgmental looks. In return, Noah would receive flirting messages that could definitely sweep him off his feet. Morgan's face would turn pale and red after seeing those messages; he would sometimes throw his phone away or even bury his face in the pillows.
Noah Morgan: "I can't wait to see you again. :)"
Ethan Thomson: "Neither can I."
Ethan Thomson: "Naked, preferably."
Noah Morgan: "Ethan!"
Noah Morgan: "Does it mean that you don't want to see me with my clothes on?!"
Ethan Thomson: "No, it doesn't."
Ethan Thomson: "Though naked is my number one priority."
Noah Morgan: "You do understand that these cheesy messages are pointless, do you?"
Ethan Thomson: "Why's that so?"
Noah Morgan: "Because I'm already your boyfriend!"
Ethan Thomson: "I'm just securing the results."
After every similar conversation, Noah went through the avalanche of emotions. Probably, since Thomson couldn't get what he wished for, he sublimated sexual tension between them into sexting. It was a forbidden weapon! If one could fuck a person with words, Morgan would've lost his virginity in a blink of an eye.
Ethan Thomson: "By the way, do I need to remind you what you had promised me in exchange for a kiss?"
Noah Morgan: "I talked about kissing on the lips! It doesn't count through the mask."
Ethan Thomson: "I don't remember you mentioning any specific conditions."
Noah Morgan: "I thought it was obvious!"
Ethan Thomson: "You would've lost in court."
Noah Morgan: "I would've lost you anyway :))"
Ethan Thomson: "Here's a deal—if I kissed you through the mask, you can jerk off in a condom."
Noah Morgan: "ETHAN!"
Why the hell his Devil's Eye had never told Morgan the day they met that Thomson was so affectionate?!
Ethan Thomson: "What are you doing right now?"
Noah Morgan: "Taking a bath:)"
Ethan Thomson: "Can I get a pic?"
Noah Thomson: "After you, sir."
Ethan Thomson: *uploading*
Noah Morgan: "JESUS, ETHAN! I didn't actually mean it!"
Ethan Thomson: "Well, I did."
That night Noah almost dropped his phone into his bathtub, which made him promise himself that he would think twice next time he decided to tease Thomson… And then he spent half of the night staring at the picture, where Ethan had nothing but a towel hanging loosely on his waist, his hair looking wet and straggly. His face looked distant. He didn't even try posing to show off. He just didn't need that!
Emotions were already heightened, and those dialogues just made them worse. He wanted closure, but he couldn't discuss anything with anyone but Ethan. It would be weird sharing his feelings about Thomson with Thomson himself! So, he had to go through everything on his own, not having an opportunity to open up. Due to this reason, memories of shibari and of every Ethan's text were just flashing in Noah's head since he had no free ears to spill everything out to. It drove him crazy.
Thankfully, it was finally Monday. Andrea and Scott had told the day before that they'd come to the university in the afternoon. Right around lunchtime. Nicole promised to be free by that time. Even Ethan said that he'd try to squeeze in the lunch break by leaving one of the classes earlier. Nothing could ruin that day for Noah! Nothing!
As soon as the class ended, Morgan fetched his backpack and skipped happily towards the cafeteria. Noah couldn't stop smiling in anticipation to meet his friends and his boyfriend.
"Oh, god…" the girl was passing Morgan, tripped, and dropped all the books she had in her hands. She was covering her left eye with her palm, too. Noah, still drunk because of his good mood, rushed to the girl to help her pick up the books from the floor. She thanked him in a quiet voice, took the thick books from his hands, but didn't stop covering her left eye.
"Is something wrong?" Noah asked.
"There's something in my eye," the girl complained. "Could you please take a look?"
"Sure!"
The girl half-opened her eye, and Noah tried looking closely, but it was hard to see anything at all because that girl couldn't stop twitching her head, probably due to the pain from a speck.
"Can you hold still for a second?" Noah asked.
"I'm trying!"
Morgan had nothing left to do besides grab the girl's chin. That was the moment when she suddenly reached towards him and kissed him on the lips.
5' 3"
Ethan was parking his car when his phone vibrated. He assumed it was Noah, but no… The anonymous chat updated. Thomson opened it immediately and looked at the photo of Morgan kissing a girl, his hand grabbing her chin firmly. There was a caption saying:
'There's no better whore than an all-in-one whore! Now I'm open for girls, too. ;) Don't miss your chance, ladies! This week only you'll get a discount with a code ITSTIMETOSTRAPONMORGAN!'
Ethan stared at the picture for a little longer, feeling furious anger rising inside him. The hand that had been holding a phone started shaking. He was truly mad.
Noah Morgan: "It's not true! I didn't kiss her! She kissed me! Unexpectedly! I know what it looks like... But I'm telling the truth!"
A new notification from Morgan drove Ethan nuts.
Ethan Thomson: "Do you think I'm stupid or something?"
Ethan Thomson: "Of course, it's not true."
Ethan Thomson: "I'm not an idiot to believe a word that was posted in this shitty chat."
Ethan Thomson: "Are you okay?"
Noah Morgan: "Yeah."
Ethan Thomson: "See you in the cafeteria."
Ethan got out of the car, trying to dissociate from the anger boiling inside him. His mask suddenly felt wet. There was some salty aftertaste on his lips. Thomson thought he was way past the time his nose would bleed because of rage. As it turned out, he wasn't.
"THAT BITCH!" Ethan swore in the heat of the moment, smashing the car door. A couple of students who were talking about something nearby the parking lot jumped with surprise, looked at Ethan, and left quickly.
I'll find that scum, and I'll fucking knock their teeth out.