The tea party was lively and the people there were friendly, with very few of them actually trying to flatter and none ignoring me. Maybe it's because of Florence's personality but a lot of them were freer and paid less attention to etiquette. I actually found that I enjoyed this kind of gathering more than most of the others I've attended.
Florence paid special attention to how I was feeling and worked to bring me into the conversation a few times. I could tell that many of the girls felt nervous about how I spoke and with what I said, however they didn't seem to pay much mind when they noticed that I didn't care if they were informal with each other. Some of them even dared to be a little less formal with me. They were nowhere near as open as they were with each other, but it was a refreshing change of pace from the gatherings I had become accustomed to.
As the tea party carried on Florence began addressing me without my title and I grew a bit more comfortable conversing with her. Her tone and demeanor reminded me that she was the same girl who I had recently been exchanging letters with. This helped the other girls become more comfortable around me as well and the topics turned less serious.
Eventually the conversation turned to love. This was a topic I wasn't comfortable with but I knew I couldn't just ignore it as I didn't want to cause the conversation to revert to how it was before this. It started when one of the girls addressed Florence.
"Florence, you said you were in love with someone when you were younger, do you still feel the same way about them?"
Florence's eyes seemed to sparkle and she looked away bashfully before responding.
"Of course I do. They haven't shown the same interest in me though and I'm a bit younger than they are. I plan to try to start my attack when I become an adult."
With Florence's outgoing personality I imagine anyone she decides to 'attack' will be pressed from all sides. I admire her bravery and I wish I could do the same. My circumstances are unique though, so I'll need to focus on myself before I can pursue someone else.
Despite my desires to avoid the topics altogether, the conversation quickly turned to the rumors surrounding me.
"Does the Princess of Arkesh have anyone that they're interested in? I've heard whispers that you're being courted by the Young Master of Falden and that you might be engaged soon."
Florence had a shocked, and slightly offended, expression on her face when she looked towards me. The rumors about Corin and my relationship might not have reached her yet and I don't talk about him much in my letters. Corin and my conversations aren't… fitting to share with others really.
Despite the fact that I'm willing to let the rumors spread about Corin and I, it's not something I want to affirm the status of either.
"The rumors about Young Master Falden and I are just that, rumors. We're good friends and neither of us has the intention to get engaged yet."
All of this is true, I've just worded it in a way that leaves the interpretations up to the imagination of whoever hears it. It's all rumors, we're just friends, and we have no intention to get engaged to anyone yet. It's just that we have absolutely no intention of getting engaged to each other ever.
Florence, of course, looked frustrated with me and had to ask about it. I can't help but think I did something wrong by not telling her.
"Marisilea, is it true that there are rumors about you two? How come you never told me?"
"I don't like to entertain rumors and I enjoy the lighthearted nature of our typical conversations. I don't want to worry you too much about the politics of the Academy. You'll have to deal with enough of that when you attend."
She looked a little upset at my answer, sending a glare my way.
"I'm still interested in my cousin's love life plus I enjoy stories of romance and such. I hope you'll tell me about these things before someone else next time. You really don't have any feelings for Young Master Falden though?"
"No, none at all aside from friendship. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship with romantic entanglements."
Some of the girls sighed at that while still others cast me dubious glances. There was one girl who looked on with envy and she was the only one who spoke up this time.
"Princess Arkesh you have such an indifferent attitude and the rumors say you're difficult to approach. Maybe Young Master Falden is interested in you and you're missing the signs?"
She seemed eager to hear if I'd noticed anything about his behavior. She probably enjoys gossip and love stories more than most of the other girls here. After spending so much time reading stories and sharing my insight with Corin I can understand her outlook a bit, but fantasy and reality are often vastly different.
"As much as it would be interesting to weave a tale of unrequited love between us I'm afraid it would do a disservice to Corin. We're close but he has not expressed any romantic feelings for me. I've had quite a few people who have attempted to be suitors and his behaviors are noticeably different."
A few girls sighed again at this, with the one who spoke up looking at me with respect. Her interest in me seemed piqued so I waited for the next question that she completely failed to hide the eagerness in her eyes about.
"Do you have anyone you like in the Academy? Because of your reputation not many people speak about you unless it's the rumors surrounding Young Master Falden or your relationship with the Elves."
My relationship with the Elves. Now there's a tough question to answer. I'm one of the few people that Venna and the Elphyra twins speak to openly, being that they're typically guarded in the Academy. Especially around any nobles from Lestryal. The treaty between our two countries has resulted in a long lasting peace but that can easily change.
"I can't say that I'm pursuing any romantic relationships right now, instead I prefer to focus on my studies."
Another partial truth to hide the reality. I've been desperately trying to extricate myself from the romantic feelings I've struggled with lately, so I'm not pursuing anything at the moment.
I glanced at Florence and noticed she looked a bit disappointed and sad. Her eyes are downcast and she started fidgeting with her teacup. Before I had a chance to ask if she knew something her head lifted and she focused on me intently.
"Marisilea, are you sure? I thought there was someone you deeply cared about before. It would be a shame to not pursue something because you were scared or hesitant. You never know when things might change and you might come to regret ignoring it now when we're older."
She probably does know but I can't guess how. She's only seen Venna and I interact at that ball and I've kept any discussions about Venna in our letters to just the more friendly aspects. I think Rebecca and my mother could figure something out if they were willing to ignore the fact that we're the same gender. Which I'm not sure about. The only person who I've spoken to on the subject was Corin and his thoughts on it were academic in nature. As I… researched… the subject I did my best to answer his questions, embarrassing as they were.
"I… can't foresee a way to make that relationship work. I might care for them but I'm not sure if my feelings are romantic in nature. Besides there are circumstances that make exploring things difficult."
The table is suddenly quiet and everyone is looking toward me with shocked expressions, a few girls have eyes shining with anticipation for more gossip to share. Before Florence could gain control of the topic and save me from a deluge of questions, the girls erupted with curiosity.
"I can't think of anyone that would ignore you Princess!"
"Are they so blind that they can't see your beauty?"
"Maybe they're already engaged!"
"Are they from another kingdom?"
Florence finally found a break in the barrage of questions to interject and bring things back.
"Alright, alright. Marisilea is overwhelmed and she's not used to our rowdy tea parties, girls. Let her have a moment to herself, she probably needs time to think about her relationship. None of us have any experience either so there might not be any advice we could offer anyway."
Florence's insight is a blessing, and her redirection of the conversations has been spot-on the entire time. I won't be able to use her methods in social gatherings that aren't like this one, but I think there is something to be learned from her. She might do well when she gets to the Academy.
Things died down a little after that and slowly the other girls began to disperse, each heading back to their respective homes. A few of the girls who attended the Academy with me discussed talking while there, expressing their desire to try to be more friendly with me. With Florence acting as a filter it made finding people that I might be able to trust easier so I accepted their offers.
When everyone else was gone I pulled Florence aside to ask if she wanted to speak with Rebecca.
"Of course I do! She hasn't sent a single letter and you barely talk about her. I know she's your maid but she's really fun to be around."
I cast a glance at Rebecca and then motioned her to come forward when she caught me staring.
"Yes, m'lady?"
"You stay here with Florence for a bit, I think I'll stroll around the garden."
"Will you be okay m'lady?"
"It's a garden Rebecca, I think I'll be fine."
After strolling around for a bit I made my way back to see the two of them talking happily. It made me realize that if things had been different between Rebecca and I from the beginning we might have been good friends. It was yet another reminder of all the things that Lizabeth's 'love' had denied me.
When their conversation reached a conclusion and Rebecca agreed to exchange letters with Florence, our carriage was called. The ride back to the Academy was peaceful and quiet, with Rebecca lost in thought as she stared out the window.
_________________________
After that there were a few more tea parties that I attended, none of which were as fun as Florence's. Most of the ladies wanted to gossip about who would be who's escort to the royal ball, how one person fell out of favor, or they even spoke maliciously about others behind their backs. Sometimes it wasn't even that subtle.
Thankfully most people were focused on the ball and the more unsavory topics were few and far between.
My mother and Rebecca were working hard to set me up with a seamstress and taking me out to jewelry stores. They kept saying I would be the most beautiful girl there. I'm not concerned with how I appear to others beyond not making a fool out of myself in the name of the Duchy.
Okay, I might care about Venna's opinion still. It would be nice if she thought I was beautiful. Or cute, I'll take cute.
When the topic of my escort came up I hesitated a bit. Because I was an adult I could request someone other than a family member to be my escort, including a man. The implications of requesting and having a man escort you were obvious, usually taken as an intent to form romantic ties with the other person. Even if it doesn't result in an engagement it would be seen as more than just friends attending a gathering. You could still choose to have a female friend as an escort if you preferred not to be escorted by family, or if circumstances prevented your family's attendance. You could also go alone though some people were mocked for that.
Why can't men and women just be friends in these circumstances? Why can't women be in a romantic relationship together? Hells, why can't men be in a romantic relationship together?
These thoughts brought up a new one. Why didn't men have a male friend escort them to a ball? They were required to have a female relative escort them until they'd chosen a partner or they could only come alone. It was a strange double standard in my eyes.
My father would be my mother's escort and since Noah was till too young I ultimately chose to go alone. I can endure the ridicule as I've done it for years already. Besides, nothing most people throw my way really bothers me. I can't ask Venna to escort me and even if Corin and I were using the rumors around us to protect our peace, it would be become an open declaration if he escorted me to a royal ball.
With my thoughts and emotions still jumbled together in confusion, the royal ball loomed over me.