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Chapter 42 - Her Emotions

When we arrived at the dance floor Young Master Falden bowed and took my hand. He pulled me in and kept me at a respectful distance as the music picked up.

"I'm assuming that the reason you approached me for a dance wasn't completely honest."

"Sadly it wasn't. I wish it was because I'm not comfortable with these types of things. Thank you for accepting the invitation though. It would look fairly silly of me if I offered and was denied. I don't like dancing and you're probably the only person who would tolerate my desire to keep a distance during one."

"Why would you need to keep a distance?"

"Well, for one we're both of marriageable age now so some of the girls will want more than just a friendly dance."

"I respect that you'd like to keep things between us distant then."

That's definitely not something I want, especially right now. If I did marry I'd want it to be with Venna but I'm not sure that's possible since I've never heard of two women marrying.

"I'd like to keep things distant but there's people who'd rather I not."

That doesn't sound good. Who would like him to be closer to me and why?

"Judging by your avoidance of the subject of that sentence I'm guessing I'm not going to be able to pry that out of you."

"It's annoying but I'm not in any position to say. Just know that I'm not too keen on the idea. I'm also confident in my deduction of your lack of desire to be close as well."

"Your assumptions are correct in that regard."

"I can, however, tell you that your father isn't involved in this, he wouldn't allow me to be appointed as your escort."

I… don't know if I'm surprised by that actually. I don't trust him but this decision is something I think he might respect my wishes on. I'm not sure if he'd be happy if I stated who I actually want to marry though. That whole situation is confusing to me.

"I believe that my marriage would be one of the few times where he might actually respect my choice."

"That's good then. Not many nobles are given that option as they come of age. I think your unique position might actually be a boon in that regard. No offense intended."

"None taken. You're only stating the facts as they are."

"Well, I appreciate you accepting this dance and listening to me. I was obligated to do this but I also wanted to warn you. I'm incredibly glad that I didn't have to worry about you misinterpreting my offer."

"Thank you very much Young Master Falden. I appreciate the warning."

"Could you pretend that we've gotten closer as the dance ends? I need to keep up appearances for the sake of things."

"And what would that require?"

"Just a smile and a slightly deeper curtsy. That should fool anyone for now."

I could easily oblige. I'm not used to smiling but unlike some of the novels I read about protagonists who haven't smiled it's not hard to fake one.

As the music died down he sighed with a relieved expression on his face. I did as he asked before performing my curtsy and exited the dance floor as gracefully as I could without hurrying, executing a slightly feigned reluctance to perhaps help him more.

I did, however, turn down other dance requests from people who rushed up to me after I stepped off the dance floor. They avoided me before but now that the son of a Marquis requested a dance people are flocking to me. I would venture a guess that plenty of the individuals don't have a desire to be with me despite the heavy pressure they might face to do so. The obligations that are forced on us young nobles often disgusts me.

All of them are men as well so that makes my feelings for Venna even more confusing. Am I that different if I fall in love with a woman?

Showing a moment of rare expressiveness I shake my head to try to get rid of those thoughts. Now is not the time to consider these things. I have the leeway to choose who I love and I can think on this when I'm not at an official ball.

Returning to Venna's side doesn't make dismissing those thoughts any easier though.

"So, did you enjoy your dance?"

"He was a gentleman and didn't cross any boundaries. We had a good discussion about his intentions."

"And those intentions are?"

She sounds worried. Can I hope that she might feel the same as me?

"He didn't want to but he was pressured to start a dance with me because someone wants him to get close to me. It's probably with the intention of marriage."

She let out a breath that I didn't realize she was holding in. There was a brief look of relief but it was immediately followed up by her perfectly formed eyebrows scrunching together cutely over that beautiful…. Stop it Mari, you need to focus here.

"I'll assume he doesn't even want a political marriage judging by how you worded that. Is it something you both won't be able to avoid?"

"For now I believe my father has the ability to stop it as he's already prevented him from being my escort. I'll have to… trust… that my father will respect my wishes on this much at a minimum. His actions, at least, indicate that he's doing just that."

Venna slipped her hand around mine and slowly pull it behind us. We were shoulder to shoulder and our bodies hid our gently clasped hands from view behind our backs. Since we were close to the wall nobody would probably notice what we were doing. Her thumb then began to rub the back of my hand in small circles.

I really appreciate her. My heart keeps wanting to believe that her actions mean more.

I can feel the warmth of her shoulder as it's barely touching my own. These feelings… they're definitely similar to the books I've read. Emotions are complicated and I'm not great at interpreting them but I'm also not dense like some of those protagonists in those very same books. People aren't so stupid as to misunderstand attraction and affection like that. They might misinterpret the signals from someone else though.

While Venna and I were just silently watching the people around us chat and mingle we were approached by a girl about the same age as me. She had hair the same color as my own and bright grey-green eyes. It would be almost impossible for me to confuse her with someone other than my cousin Florence.

"Princess Arkesh, it's good to finally be able to talk to you."

"Young Lady Brighton, it's a pleasure. How are you enjoying things?"

"Well… it's a party I guess."

That was said rather unenthusiastically. She seems disinterested in pretty much everything going on.

"Would you like to find a quiet table to rest and talk? It's difficult to relax if we have to continuously greet others."

Some tables are usually situated behind walls that have been engraved with silencing circles. This allows for people to have private conversations without leaving the hall. It also prevents people from pretending to leave the venue to talk privately only to take advantage of someone. The drinks tend to flow freely here after all.

When we arrived at the table Florence slumped over when she was sure that no one was watching.

"By the Gods is this exhausting. I miss my books and talking to Rebecca. How is she by the way?"

Venna chuckled and replied before I had a chance too.

"She's doing alright. I think she's finally managed to adjust to working with Mari."

"Mari? OH! You actually shorten my cousin's name to Mari. That's amazing. Everyone who actually wants to talk to Princess Arkesh is terrified because of that frosty demeanor she's always exuding. Plus there's the rumors of how she almost killed a boy during her exams."

"I'm right here you know. Plus I don't think he was in any danger of dying. I bruised his ego and maybe a few ribs but I definitely made sure he wouldn't die."

"They say his ribs were broken."

"Okay, maybe I broke a few."

Venna is staring at me with her mouth agape. I hope she's not put off by the fact that I was so violent.

"Gods curses Mari, that's impressive. I haven't asked but how did you place in the exams?"

"I… uh… I was first."

"So it is you that everyone is talking about! They say there was a Princess who swept the tests and then beat every opponent who challenged her brutally. I'm surprised Princess Ardaine didn't know yet. I had only heard your name officially mentioned when it came to that disgusting son of Count Graften, Erik. There were a few ladies who were happy to hear he had to see a healer after coughing up blood when he returned home."

"I'm surprised someone that weak managed to handle the pain until then."

Venna began choking on her drink because she started laughing so hard. I like to think I'm getting better at telling jokes.

When she recovered enough to speak again she addressed Florence.

"Lady Brighton it certainly is refreshing to meet someone as direct as you are here. It really makes me miss the quiet of the forests of Feyris when I have to deal with these events. I'm sure Mari could use a friend other than me as well."

"You can just call me Florence. There's a large enough difference in our status to warrant that, and I've wanted to talk to you and my cousin for a while. May I call you Venna, Princess Ardaine?"

"Yes."

"No."

Venna responded just a heartbeat before I did, with her in the positive while I instinctually wanted to deny Florence's request. I'll need to get a better handle on these emotions if I want to keep my cool. I'm not even sure if she feels the same way.

Venna shot me an indulgent smile and grabbed my hand under the table to rub the back of it.

"Since Mari said no then I can only ask that you call me Rhyvenna. We don't use titles in Feyris anyway so that should make it easier to excuse any perceived 'discourtesy' if someone wants to point it out."

Maybe I don't need to worry so much about how she feels, at least for now.

"Florence, aren't you concerned that speaking to me too much could affect your standing? Despite my father changing his attitude towards me I'm still not welcomed warmly in the noble circles."

"No, not really. If someone I know doesn't want to be friends with me because I want to talk to you then they're probably not someone I want to be friends with. May I call you Mari?"

"No."

"Yes."

Venna is still a heartbeat ahead of me, this time being the one who wants to deny her request. She's really working hard on making me happy and causing me to read too deeply into her actions.

Florence just giggled at our replies.

"Maybe just Marisilea then, at least in private. I'll probably still have to keep up appearances in front of all those snobbish dick-weasels. And you two are certainly an interesting pair. I'll be honest, I truly thought that frosty aura of yours meant you were difficult to talk to. Your expressions are impossible to read but you at least come with your own translator."

She sent a meaningful glance towards Venna as if to punctuate that last word. Venna is almost doubled over with laughter at this point.

"Is everyone related to you this energetic Mari? Well, except for your father, he's like a marble pillar."

Her comment causes me to think about how I appear to the people around me. I'm not exactly the easiest to talk to and I know I resemble my father in a lot of ways. I don't want to dwell on it but sometimes I worry that Venna will grow bored with me.

"Mari don't fret. No matter the similarities between you and your father I'll always take the time to try to understand what you're feeling. You're not like the Duke of Arkesh in my eyes."

"Geeeeeeeze you two! Why are your interactions so adorable! My friends tell me that I'm the cuter one because I'm younger and energetic but you guys are double trouble. You're not aiming for my spot are you?"

I can tell she's joking but her interpretation of our actions is… different. So far we haven't been that friendly around anyone except Rebecca and my family. Venna's family might count too but I haven't seen them for a few years. I've never had someone tease me like this other than Venna and I'm starting to get embarrassed. Isn't she supposed to be younger than us?

"Wow, you're impressive Florence. I can see a blush on Mari's face from your comments. We're gonna have to hang out more often."

Oh no, two people teasing me is one too many. I don't think I can handle that, especially if they start working together.

"Don't worry Mari, there's no way we'll tease you in public. This will just be between the three of us. For now."

How can she just read my thoughts like this? Venna is scary sometimes.

"I'm so glad to meet you two and I'm also really happy that you're not opposed to talking to me Marisilea. I know I'm younger and you haven't visited grandpa yet but everyone in our family wants to meet you. Your dad… I can't really insult the Duke, even in private but our family isn't very happy with him."

"I'd be glad to meet my grandfather and your family someday. I'll be leaving in a few weeks but we could try to meet some time before then."

"Things are chaotic in the Marquisate right now and it might not get better for a while. You know that as the weather warms the corrupted beasts and monsters become more active. It's no worse than any other year but Grandpa and Dad are usually busy with the borders at this time of year. They're impatient for me to train as a mage so I can help."

"That's fine, we can stay in touch through letters. I'm used to writing Venna every day but when I go to the Academy we'll be in touch more frequently so I probably won't know what to do with myself."

"Wow, you write letters every day?"

"Yes, is that weird?"

"Well, no, I guess it isn't. I just don't think there's anyone I'd need to write a letter to everyday. Your relationship is pretty close."

"Yes, Mari is my favorite person."

"Wait, Venna, what are you saying to others!"

"OH! You made her expression crack! Look at that blush and the barely perceptible amount of panic on her face!"

Suddenly unable to stand their onslaught I wanted to shrink into myself. I barely managed to keep my poise and sitting posture. I still struggled to cool the rising warmth in my cheeks and ears though.

"This has been an enlightening night but I'm sure my parents are looking for me. Marisilea, Rhyvenna, please stay in contact with me. Though please don't write me every day, I don't need to know every detail of your life."

She flashed a knowing smirk toward Venna and then slipped out of the seat to return to her family.

"Well, Mari, are you ready to end the night? I'll be staying here and your mother has arranged a room for me. We can talk more tomorrow as I'll be leaving in the evening."

"I'm happy to see you again Venna."

"As am I Mari."