Her day has been utter shit. It started out great, she spent the night at detas apartment, was woken up with her girlfriends head between her thighs and left with coffee in a Yoda travel mug.
The first few hours are quiet, so she has some time for the breakfast she missed this morning.
Then came the call, accident on the next freeway, nothing special as they have those a few times a day. Clarke and her colleague Harper make their way to the site and as soon as they park the blonde spots a yellow roof, mostly charred by fire. Clarke has to look away, her stomach turns so violently that she has trouble forcing the bile down her throat. But there is no time to waste, they need their help so she pulls herself together to her best ability and gets to work.
Now several hours or maybe a day later, she has trouble remembering anything since getting out of the ambulance, she's in front of someone's door. Clarke has been numb for some time now and avoids looking at her phone as she knows there must be several messages and calls, either from Raven and Octavia, or even from her mom. For how long has she been staying in front of this door? The blonde hears the rumble of a storm outside but her clothes are dry so it must have been some time. Did she knock? Probably not, the door hasn't opened. Should she knock? Maybe a good idea. She just needs a little bit longer. A little while without having to talk about what happened, what disturbed her so badly that she hasn't uttered a word since getting out of the hospital where she and Harper dropped off the last patients and did everything in their power to help the staff. So many patients, so much pain... Just a little while longer.
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There were many times that Lexa has been confused by the behaviour of those around her, but this tops everything she witnessed. The brunette has been looking through her peephole for a good ten minutes now and she's getting worried. Clarke stands there for close to an hour, never moving and hardly even blinking, like she's in trance. Lexa doesn't know how to handle this situation, she received multiple calls from the blonde's roommates, so she does know that something happened at work, something really bad. Raven and Octavia were getting concerned after Clarke didn't return from her shift, so they called her colleague. Harper had been very curt, only telling them that there was a horrible accident during their shift and the blonde only mumbled a short "Lex" as she took off.
So in theory Lexa knows her girlfriend had a really bad day, but they've never had to cope with something like this and there is no past experience with her family that she could fall back on. She has no clue on how to proceed and Anya doesn't pick up her phone, even a quick search on google came up empty. Lexa is sure she has to do something … there are clearly tears in her girlfriends eyes and the blonde shakes like a leaf. Clarke is always there for her, without fail, that is what supportive girlfriends do so she needs to pull herself together.
What would Anya do? What would Anya say? Just be yourself Lex, that's why she loves you.
Okay maybe she doesn't know what Clarke needs but she does know what Anya always does for her when things get rough and it's the thought that counts right? Lexa rushes her bedroom with a quick stop at her supply closet. She prays that this will help Clarke and not damage anything between them.
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Clarke is still unsure whether she should knock. Mentally she's in a really bad place, not even O or Raven can pull her out of and they've known her for far longer than Lexa. If she's being honest she's slightly confused why Lexa's apartment. Although they've been together for quite some time now they've never encountered something like this before. This could be an extremely stressful situation for her girl and as much as it pains her to admit it, she can't really deal with an episode right now.
Completely engrossed in her thoughts she doesn't notice the apartment door has already opened and the blonde nearly jumps out of her skin when something incredibly soft and warm is wrapped around her shoulders.
"Sorry for startling you but this is my favourite jacket, especially for really bad days." Lexa slightly raises her hands in the air, kind of a peace offering as to not upsetting Clarke further than she has already.
"It's fine Lex. You just startled me a little."
"Would you like to come in? It's pretty cold out here."
"Sure that would be nice."
The blonde doesn't have time to react as she is pulled into the apartment and pushed on the couch, a mug shoved carefully in her hands. Clarke looks up, meeting the brunette's inquiring eyes.
"I'm aware that we don't have plans for today, I just … I needed to see you."
"I know, Raven and O called me. You don't have to explain anything, just let me help you okay?"
Clarke's head moves in a barely there nod so Lexa takes this as her go ahead sign.
"So I made you hot chocolate with whipped cream and a bath is already running … so I kinda need you to take your clothes off … like right now … it's uh almost ready."
The paramedic can't really help herself and a wet laugh leaves her lips. A few moments ago she was worried about Lexa's ability to help but she's clearly trying. Warm hands grab hers and the mug is raised to her lips, the aroma of chocolate and cinnamon floods her mouth.
"That's pretty good, thank you Lex."
"Of course, if there is one thing I'm really good at it's hot chocolate. Just leave it here, I can reheat it later or wait! Take it with you, that should be better."
The blonde can virtually feel how nervous her girlfriend is but it means the world to her how hard she's trying. She feels the darkness slipping just slightly. Clarke is pulled off the couch, strong arms around her shoulders guide her to the bathroom. There are candles on nearly every surface, the bathtub is filled with enticing smelling water, the suds already rising over the rim.
Lexa stands in front of her, her green eyes searching, asking the question without breaking the silence. A slight nod and the brunette starts to undress her with shaking but careful and loving hands. Layer after layer is peeled away and usually Clarke would feel exposed in this kind of situation but now she's never felt safer. Without really trying to, her girl breaks through her walls, crumbling brick after brick with her gentle touches and understanding eyes. Her heart is filled to the brim with love as well as sadness, both spilling over in the form of tears that leave a burning trail on her cheeks. Clarke reaches up to wipe them away, hoping Lexa won't see them but her hands are stopped before they reach their goal.
"I read on Google that this is one of those moments where you're supposed to tell your girlfriend that she is beautiful no matter what and to be honest that really confused me. Of course I think you are pretty, like otherwise I wouldn't be with you and well what's supposed to be sexy about snot all over the face but right now it makes kind of sense … I mean you look horrible but you're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I would totally sleep with you right now … I'm not sure whether that was offensive or a good thing to say. Are you mad?"
Clarke needs a few seconds till the words register, her stunned facial expression morphing to a small grin.
"I love you Lexa Woods and you really are the most perfect girlfriend. Babe I can feel you trembling, take a deep breath, you're doing just fine."
Lexa takes a deep breath, most likely to respond, then her eyes widen and she runs to the tub.
"Shoot! The water!"
A few minutes and a lot of towels later, the disaster is averted, both of them are slightly flushed but grinning ear to ear. Lexa's mouth shows a rare sly smile.
"Saved it just in time, you ready?"
Lexa hovers near her girlfriend, not quite sure on how to proceed. Should she just leave her alone? Sit beside the tub? Or go in there with her?
"You coming baby?"
The brunette spaced out long enough for Clarke to step into the water, bubbles covering her up till her collarbone. So Lexa quickly pulls off her clothes and slided in behind the blonde. This is the first time that she took a bath with someone else so she has no clue on what to do next. Would Clarke like to talk about what happened? Or should she wait till her girl is ready? Anya once told her that some people need time to process things which are bothering them.
"It was a school bus."
Clarke's voice is so soft that Lexa almost does not hear what she said.
"I've seen a lot of accidents and really awful things but children are the worst, no matter how long you are in the field. I saw the bus as soon as I left the car, the smell came a few seconds later. An idiot tried to overtake the bus and missed a truck coming its way … The driver of the truck tried to swerve but lost control and …. there was fire and smoke and some many kids screaming in pain, I just … Lexa I can't get it out of my mind. It's haunting me every time I close my eyes."
By the time Clarke finished the tears turned into sobs, her body shaking in spite of the warm water surrounding her. Lexa's heart breaks, she has never seen the blonde like this, she is always the strong one, always optimistic but not clearly broken and so very very distraught. She may not be an expert in social matters but it's clear even to her that Clarke needs someone to help her, to build her up, to protect her from all the bad the world has prepared. The brunette wraps her arms around her girl, hugging her tight, shielding her.
"I know it will take time for you to process everything that happened today but I want you to know I will be there for you. You are not alone Clarke. You are surrounded by so many people who love and support you and it will be alright."
Clarke knows that that is not a promise, there is no guarantee for healing but just hearing those words she feels lighter knowing that her girl is there to catch her.
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They leave the tub after the water cooled down for it to be uncomfortable and spend the remaining day on Lexa's couch taking full advantage of the brunette's Disney + subscription. They don't talk, they don't need to, the shared soft and comforting touches is all the communication that is important right now. But then during Brother Bear it's Lexa's voice that cuts through the silence.
"Maybe you should take a break. Take a few days off from work and I could do so too. We could go somewhere."
Vacation? For a few seconds Clarke is sure that she misheard her girlfriend. Surprised blue eyes meet green, eyebrows nearly disappearing in her hairline.
"You want to go on a vacation? Are you sure Lex? You get nervous when leaving your apartment and I don't want you to be uncomfortable for like the whole time. Where would we even go?"
"Well I quite enjoy being in a forest, the trees and the smell is really comforting, so we could rent a cabin for a few days? Go hiking and enjoy the peaceful nature. We could even invite Raven, O and Anya. I'm sure that they would love to come with us."
"You know Lex that actually sounds heavenly but now let's just enjoy this okay?"
"As you wish Clarke."
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They fell asleep half an hour later. The blonde's dreams revolving about the vacation to come, the bad memories on hold for the time being.