Anya has been by Lexa's side since she can remember, well since her little sister was born. She was 5 to that time and even this young she's sworn herself that she will do anything to protect her. Lexa has always been a private person, not needing other human beings to entertain herself or for being happy. Which is fine but over time the family noticed that she had absolutely no idea how to behave around other people. That leads to more and more awkward moments and that in turn lead to Lexa to stop trying at all. So you can maybe imagine Anya's surprise when her baby sister told her about going on a date and while telling that gloating like she won a role in the new Lord of the Rings series. She was seating on hot coals till the brunette called almost seven hours after their date began.
"I swear to god she is kind of perfect, I've never met another person who I actually want to spend more time with, not less. You now like Legolas met Gimli and they kind of hate each other but then become the best of friends? I always thought people suck but then I met Clarke and she is kinda cool and perfect. Did I mention that already?"
And that is something Anya was fairly sure she would never hear something like that.
"That sound promising, was she nice to you? Or did she like say everything super slow and stress every word like Costa did?"
"She was absolutely fantastic, always a little careful about me and me being nervous about my sourindings. We talked about so many and different things, well I mostly did the talking. You know I tend to ramble in such a moment and I basically told her about my whole life, I just couldn't stop. Clarke listened and asked questions."
"So not as bored as you thought she would be?"
"No, not at all and talking to her never got boring. Most people tend to shut down when I talk about my favourite movies and all, she hates science fiction but she listened and asked questions about it."
"I'm glad you had so much fun. Does that mean you're seeing her again?"
Anya is almost scared to ask that question. Chances are that Lexa takes this as a positive thing but continues to hide in her apartment.
"Well I kissed her and in those romantic movies you made me watch they always go on a second date after a kiss right? So I asked her for a second date."
Anya feels her jaw going and her fingers going slack and the phone falls out of her grasp. Lexa, not interested in any human contact or relationships kissed another woman and that quite willingly apparent in the nonchalant tone of her sister. She faintly hears her sister calling her name and picks up her phone.
"You did what?"
"We talked about me always being careful and not just doing things, how she put it? Oh yeah doing something for the hell of it and she said I should do something now you know without thinking of the consequences."
"And you kissed her? You know I love you but don't you think it's shitty to do so without feelings for her? You know she suggested going on this date which I think means she at least fancies you to some extent."
There is a long silence on the other end of the line and Anya doesn't know what to make out of it.
"Why did you do it anyway? I thought you don't want a relationship."
Her question is followed with another few seconds of silence.
"Lexa are you okay over there? Want me to come over?"
"Actually yeah, there is something I want to talk to you about."
"I'll be right there."
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"How was it?"
"Is she nice?"
"Is she pretty?"
"Are you going on another date?"
Clarke holds up her hand demanding silence. She takes off her jacket, her shoes and grabbing a beer out of the fridge on her way to the living room where she plops on the couch, opening her beer and taking a deep sip. Octavia and Raven watch her, their concern growing by the second, it usually isn't like her to be this quiet. Clarke looks at her roommates and takes a deep breath.
"It was...fantastic guys. She is very beautiful, intelligent, caring and we talked for three hours."
Raven sits on her left side, Octavia takes place by her feet and speaks up.
"But that's good right? You don't seem as excited as you should be right now."
"At the end of our date she accompanied me to my car. We talked about her being more spontaneous and them she kissed me and I kissed her back."
Raven blinks at her, not knowing what to make out of that statement. Lexa seems like a dream and she kissed her, why in the world is Clarke so down?
"She kissed you and you kissed her back? Is she a bad kisser? I don't see what the problem is."
"There was no problem, it was great."
"Then what IS the problem?"
"Afterwards she asked me if I wanted to do this again, tomorrow, same place and all."
Clarke feels the eyes of her best friends on her and she knows that right this moment they don't know what troubles her about this date. She is used to one night stands and as Lexa herself she was not really interested in a relationship even though the date was her idea but she was intrigued with the brunette and now they have their second date tomorrow, what a mess. But the thing that stresses her the most is that she can't wait for tomorrow either and that the idea of a relationship with Lexa doesn't scare her as much as it should.
"I didn't want a relationship and she neither so what good can come out of this if we continue to see each other? None of us has a good track record with dating either so I don't think it will work out that well. Also I'm working all the time and if I'm being honest I don't think I'm relationship material. I like my freedom to much."
Octavia gets up from her seat on the floor, moves to stand in front of Clarke and takes both of her hands, rubbing them softly.
"Clarkey you're scared. This is the first woman in a long time that makes you want a relationship with her and that is fucking scary, I know but don't freak out and ruin something good for you. Whether it stays a pen pal friendship or grows into something more. Take it one step at a time and most important talk to Lexa about your concerns, she is the only one who can tell you if she has problem with your workload but honestly? I don't think that is a problem at all. Lexa likes her freedom, as do you, if you think about that for a second it sounds like a match made in heaven."
The blonde studies her friend for a moment then looks to Raven who nods with a soft grin. She considers everything her friend said and realises that she is right especially because Lexa is a person you talk about everything with, she even craves it. The brunette needs to know what happens in your head.
"You're right, as always. Thanks guys for talking some sense into me. I will talk to her tomorrow."
Raven almost jumps in her lap and now her face is wearing a full blown grin.
"Now Tell. Us. Everything! She must be awesome if you have your panties in a twist."
"Alright, alright. First she starred more than she talked but after some time…."
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It takes Anya only ten minutes. Now that Lexa had time to think about what she said on the phone she should have worded things differently. It sounded way more dramatic than it actually is and she is almost sure that her sister is worried about her. Lexa has barely opened the door before she is enveloped in a quick hug.
"Are you really okay? It didn't sound like it. What do you need to talk about?"
"Everything is good. I'm fine, there's just something troubling me that's all."
"Come on, let's go sit on the couch then we can talk about it."
The two sisters move to sit in the living room. Lexa stares at her hands, thinking about how she wants to say what bothers her.
"The date was fantastic, I've never felt so comfortable with someone I just met and at the end I kissed her, what I really really liked. I kissed her because I wanted to, not because I wanted to do something for the hell of it. I thought about how good it actually was and then I asked her if we could meet again. Tomorrow. She said yes, but on one hand Clarke told me herself that she doesn't do relationships but on the other had she suggested the date. What are we doing right now? Are we friends? Are we dating? Is she my girlfriend? I have absolutely no idea, which makes it impossible for me to relax I hate undefined things."
Anya is stunned, that's quite a lot that is bothering her baby sister especially because it's the first time that Lexa developed feelings for someone, real feelings not just gratitude that she felt for Costia and she has to admit that there is not much she can tell her to comfort her.
"I know you are scared, you feel things you never felt before. You can stop talking to Clarke and go back to how things were or you go slow and most important you talk to her. You need to be honest, she needs to understand and then you go from there."
"I'm always honest you know that. I planed on telling her tomorrow."
"Good plan! How are you holding up?"
"Surprisingly calm, Clarke is an understanding person, I think she understands about everything."
"I'm actually very glad you met her, she is good for you. Now that we have that heavy stuff out of the way, tell me everything!"
A grin spreads across Lexas face as she recounts the evening and Anya can help but smile as well.