He lay in his bed looking into the darkness. The moon shone brightly through his open window and the sound of the waves was rhythmic and peaceful. Over time he'd gotten used to the atmosphere here. He had come to appreciate it despite disliking it so intensely at first.
The sound of the waves had become his magic cure for sleepless nights but it didn't help this night.
Tomorrow was Aliya's birthday and the day after that they had been summoned to leave this place for good. The letter with the Emperor's seal was fluttering in the breeze on his desk. It was kept from blowing away by a smooth rock Aliya had given him years ago that she'd found on the beach.
Letters had been sparse over the years and the Emperor had been his only contact with the outside. The servants stayed here just as he and Aliya did except for two male servants who were the ones to go for periodic resupply runs to the nearest town three days ride away. If there was a letter from the Emperor the servants checked the post office for a letter in a plain brown envelope for one of the servants, Mr. Martin.
The servants had all been faithful over the years. Tate had never seen or heard of any whispers or evidence that their location had been given away. As for letters, Mr. Martin would bring him the brown envelope on their return. Tate had never seen any obvious signs of tampering or it being opened and resealed. When Tate opened the plain envelope he would always find the Emperor's seal on bright white paper.
The Emperor never told him much but there had been times he warned to be on guard that there were movements to find Aliya but over the last five years none of them had been successful. One report detailed how the king's guard had captured the assassins before they even had time to leave the capitol to begin their search.
This last letter was full of nothingness. It had lots of words, but not a lot of meaning.
He felt nothing.
He thought of his and Aliya's conversation earlier that day, she had asked what his plans were and he truly didn't know. There was no place for him at the Academy, he knew very well that there were no vacant positions and that was besides the fact that he didn't want to work there. What was there for him back "home?"
He turned on his side and looked out at the window. Old feelings were creeping up on him, he felt that same dullness to the world he'd felt before that fateful Choosing day.
Aliya had saved him, he'd told her as much, but what about now? Who would save him now? As pathetic as it was he felt like he was very unqualified to save himself. After all this time he still didn't know who he was without Aqauana, without being a dragon rider. It had been his identity for as long as he could remember. It had been a hard life, but he had been alive. He had lived the life of a Dragon Rider for fourteen years. Now he had been without that title or his other half for almost eight years. He felt no closer to coming to terms with reality as he had when he'd first awoken from his injuries.
Training Aliya had been a wonderful distraction, but take that away and he was left with that same question. What did he want?
He tossed and turned for hours, sleep found him in his exhaustion just before dawn. For the first time in a long time he dreamed of Aquana, but it was a nightmare. He'd been having the dream of their crash often lately and it was taking a toll on him. One minute they were flying peacefully, the next his world detonated into flames. The dreams which were distortions of his memories did add a new element though. Now when Aquana exploded and he was thrown back he was able to make out a figure standing in Aquana's place screaming, her body engulfed in flames.
It was Aliya, Aliya was burned in dragon fire and she was dying, but there was nothing the Tate stuck in the dream could do about it. He was paralyzed after the explosion, he was forced to watch in his dream as someone so dear to him burned and melted before his eyes.
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At the breakfast table, he knew he looked awful. He'd seen it himself in the mirror, his eyes had deep, dark circles and his face was pale. He also didn't have an appetite.
Aliya and the servants were looking at him in concern but he couldn't muster the energy to reassure them.
"When will we leave tomorrow?" Aliya broke the silence to ask.
"Daybreak." He answered, "You and Kilnik will fly this time and you will go ahead of me."
She looked startled at this news. "Why do I need to leave you behind, why can't we travel together like last time?"
"It will be a good exercise for you and Kilnik to do the navigation by yourself and as soon as you enter the capitol the Emperor's guard will be waiting to take you to the Academy. As for me," he shrugged, "it doesn't really matter how long it takes. I also don't have to move as slowly as I did in the past when we were trying to be so secretive. Traveling by myself will raise no red flags for anyone."
She looked down at her plate and seemed troubled. He didn't bother to ask why, she was probably worried about him after their conversation yesterday and then with how he was acting now.
"Have you and Ms. Marge decided on your birthday dinner?" He asked to divert attention away from himself.
She sighed but then made a visible effort to put some enthusiasm on her face and began to tell him all their plans. He smiled listening to her and he couldn't help but keep thinking how much he was going to miss this.
He looked around at the modest hall as she talked, at the people who had been so good and loyal to them, and lastly at the girl who'd changed his life for the better but who he now had to let go. His affection for her was strong, in his heart she was his little sister and nothing would change that, he felt that sentiment to his very core. She was closer to her than his brother by blood even if that was sad to admit and no fault of Dians.
This was their last day and their last night in their own little world. From tomorrow on Aliya would be embarking on a new stage in her life. A new home, new challenges, new friends, and a whole world of wonderful things awaited her. He was so happy for her and so proud of who she'd become. She was going to be a big hit in the capitol. It might take time but she would win them all over, he was sure of it. As for Tate, his thoughts were pathetic even to himself. Where he could see a vast and beautiful world on her horizon he could only see those stone cliffs outside in his, a vast nothingness that was threatening to consume him.
He had barely admitted it, even to himself, but he was terrified to leave. If he was already feeling such defeat at the thought of returning to a purposeless life, how much worse would these out-of-control thoughts be by the time he actually made it home? At this point, only one thought of his return was driving him forward. He wanted to see his mother, he owed it to her to return and make her smile.
His hand trembled as he lifted his coffee to his lips, but he smiled anyway as Aliya talked her voice getting happier and happier. It was her birthday after all.
"I can't wait for tonight then, it sounds like it's going to be great." He praised after hearing all their well thought out plans. "I'm glad we're all going to be eating together, I think that's fitting." He commented referring to the plan that all the servants would dine with them banquet style. They would forgo the distinction of rank that was mostly upheld in deference to him. They may call Aliya "my lady" but she was a commoner by birth and there had always been an easiness there that didn't exist with him.
He'd never minded, it was how he was raised and what he was used to. Everyone in this household was also well aware of who he was as a war hero and that added another layer of deference. He would never have been able to be as natural with them as Aliya was. He was just glad that they were doing away with formality for her sake on their last night. He wanted everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves. He wondered what the servants would do after they left. He had just assumed that most of them would find employment elsewhere since they would be released from whatever contract they had with the Emperor, but he didn't know that for sure.
He was sure that Aliya knew, he was positive that she knew about every single one of their plans, hopes, and dreams.
One more birthday party together and then it was all over. It was truly the end of an era.