Compared to Ocien who I met in the red light district, currently he was the complete opposite of a boy of average height and rickety body. He had become a tall man with a well-defined face and a body to be envied.
I wouldn't say he was the most handsome man in the world, but he was certainly in a lot of women's dreams.
I didn't know why I couldn't see him romantically, but the feeling that we needed each other still existed inside me.
"What did you feel when you killed the bandit?" – Miquela asked, waking me up from my thoughts.
I took a deep breath trying to find the words that wouldn't turn me into a monster.
"Nothing." – I replied after not finding anything that would change the situation.
She became thoughtful again.
I was sure that until that moment Ocien thought that I had been traumatized by that event. But I actually felt basically nothing when I took that man's life.
That scared me.
Everything seemed so normal.
That's exactly why I didn't know what to do.
Would my life be like this with sex?
Would my life be like this with everything?
Would I soon stop caring about him?
Soon I…
I was afraid of losing what I had gained in such a short time.
I was afraid of becoming this other person because of what awakened me.
One day I was a normal girl working at the restaurant the next I had a sex deity technique.
What exactly did it mean?
What should I do with my life?
These kinds of thoughts were running through my mind every single day.
Miquela was watching me without knowing what was going on in my mind.
"Are you sleeping in a separate room now?" – she asked in a suggestive tone.
I nodded again in confirmation, confirming this verbally would make me start crying immediately.
I swallowed the feelings trying to hold myself together.
"You have a big house with several bedrooms and this wouldn't be necessary if you still only shared one." – she declared, trying to justify herself.
I simply ignored the explanation and continued to dwell on the fact.
"What are you afraid of?" – she asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
That question made my head spin. My defenses that I tried to rebuild after my unrestrained monologue fell again.
"Of me… Of who I am… Of what I will become…" – I sobbed between words, unable to swallow the tears.
"Why would you become something you don't like?" – she asked, trying to calm me down.
I wiped the tears from my face as best I could.
"What woke up inside me is something…" – I started to explain, but stopped halfway through.
"Don't worry, the contract covers all the information that both you and he revealed. If I say a single word, write a single thing, or make a single gesture that deliberately harms you because of your secrets, I will lose all of my cultivation." – she quickly assured me that there was no reason for me to be afraid.
I swallowed that hard, but I didn't understand exactly why she had accepted something so drastic.
"After we had our intimate moment, we both received techniques. Ocien is able to improve the mental state of others so that they cultivate faster and I stimulate the energy of those who have sex with me." – I explained reluctantly.
Her eyes twitched slightly, but she said nothing.
"I was a normal person until that day, now I don't know if my reaction when I killed that man really came from me or was linked to this technique." – I started to argue.
The confusion in my mind was taking over again.
"I don't know how much this technique affects me, it works passively, I don't need to activate it, I don't need to recite anything I don't know how much it is influencing me, it's terrifying!" – I screamed, extrapolating my emotions.
My shoulders fell at that moment, my eyes filled with tears and I could no longer hold back my emotions.
Miquela reached for mine and squeezed them tightly.
"What do you want to do in your life?" – she asked.
That out of context question left me even more confused, she was supposed to be helping me, but until now she just listened to me.
Between sobs I managed to squeeze out some words that made sense.
"I don't know... I've accepted everything that's happened so far... I've accepted everything that's happened so far." – I confessed in tears.
Miquela raised my hands a little, catching my attention.
I tried to hold back my crying for a moment.
"Maybe we put the idea of being an Adventurer aside for now?" – she suggested calmly.
That took me by surprise, leaving me speechless.
"From what you told me you have no problem with blood or violence, you just don't know how to feel and act in the current situation." – she continued explaining.
Her tone was calm and for some reason my feelings seemed to be starting to calm down.
"I have the right to have a helper at the hospital during this period until you find what you want to do. I think it's best if you step away for a bit." – the explanation took an unexpected turn.
I was completely focused on her voice now.
"He will pay me as if I were treating you, but I will use this payment to finance your medical studies." – she added.
My voice failed to come out of my throat, it was all going too fast.
"This way, if you end up giving up the life of an Adventurer, you will be able to settle here in Aden or anywhere else in the city." – she continued, explaining the logic of the proposal.
I looked at her for a few moments trying to understand exactly what she was thinking.
How had everything led up to that moment?
But in the end I ended up agreeing with her idea.
Instead of weeks of talking as Ocien had suggested in a single conversation, she convinced me to follow her.
With that decided and a few more minutes of conversation, she said goodbye to me and said that I should go to the hospital tomorrow morning.
When Ocien got home I told him that she asked me to go to the hospital and accompany her as an assistant.
He appeared confused for a while.
"She wants me to be her helper so she can monitor me, she said it would be good if I wasn't stuck at home cultivating." – I explained to him the best I could.
Ocien scratched his head trying to understand the situation.
"Are you okay with the patients?" – he asked worriedly.
"Yeah, I don't think it's going to affect me and I kind of agree with her. I need to leave the house, cultivation weighs heavily on my mind. I need to distract myself, I need to get my hands dirty and get back to work." – I replied, trying to ensure that everything would work out.
Seeing he was still unconvinced, I tried again.
"Having a routine outside of the house will probably help me accept what I've been feeling." – I said appealing to the last argument I found.
With a restrained and reluctant smile he finally agreed.
That night I could feel the barrier of both his Paths breaking.
My heart felt heavy, even though I knew he was doing it for my good, it was as if he had abandoned me.
I cried until I fell asleep.
The next morning I did the best I could to hide the red eyes, even though he had seen them yesterday when he returned, I got ready, made breakfast and he accompanied me to the hospital.
When we got there we met Miquela at the entrance and she cordially greeted us.
"We had agreed on the price for weekly visits." – he rambled, trying to understand the situation.
Miquela waved at him as if he had misunderstood something.
"No need to worry, the value will be the same. I just worry that she will be stuck at home and her thoughts will get the best of her." – Miquela explained with a worried tone.
Ocien thanked him and returned towards the house.
Miquela turned towards me and smiled genuinely.
"Let's start with some basic materials that you need to be my assistant and when you finish them you will start helping me. From there we go deeper until you decide what you want to do." – she explained as she took my hand and guided me through the hospital.