"It's strange, this world in which we live, violence surrounds us and common problems affect us so much more than that." – Reina murmured as I hugged her.
I tightened my arms around her waist trying to provide some comfort.
"It's safe inside the city, inside the walls my father's gambling debt mattered and terrified us much more than the violence beyond the walls. Life and death seem so unimportant here." – she continued thinking out loud.
I thought about those words and concluded that my life would not be peaceful from the beginning. Before it would involve the politics of a family that thinks it's more important than it really is, now it involves violence for survival and all I need to worry about is staying alive and protecting Reina.
We are side by side walking our path.
"In the city, life is generally valued, outside of it our lives are worth more than those of our enemies. Inside the walls today's scenario would probably never have happened, but outside we need to think about our safety." – I stammered trying to make sense of the whole situation.
We cannot let ourselves be too affected by what happened, the future could have situations even worse than that. But that day certainly left a mark that would take a while to disappear from our minds.
None of us cultivated that night nor the following nights, we did not encounter any other group of bandits. Some unranked beasts tried to attack the convoy, but were repelled even before they touched any carriages.
When we finally arrived at Quakan it was the moment that I could feel the weight minimally leave my shoulders.
Reina still seemed to be mulling over the experience of the trip, but I couldn't get her to speak to clear her thoughts.
We received payment, found an inn, rested for a day, and the next morning Reina began to cultivate. The goal was to reach the 4th Star Mage so that when we cultivated together our strengths would evolve together.
The weight on her shoulders delayed her cultivation, it took her a long time to be able to concentrate and only after almost a week did she manage to break the 4th Star barrier, instead of the four days we thought was necessary.
As a celebration for this event, we reserved a table at a restaurant in the city. We know the money wasn't much, but with a few extra missions that celebration was totally worth it.
We ordered a table full of typical local dishes with roast meat, vegetables, soup, fresh bread and a bottle of wine.
We were excited because everything until that moment was going well despite the setbacks, our minds were more relaxed until then the conversation took a more serious turn.
"So, I wanted to talk to you about how we are going to cultivate from now on." – she began with care in each word.
I adjusted myself in the chair, it didn't come as a bit of a surprise. We are in a public place, but it wasn't all bad. The restaurant didn't have many people and our table was generally far away from the others.
"I know that for us to become stronger together, we need... I don't want this to become just another daily task, it's very intimate for us, we…" – she continued, using all the strength in the world to put her words out.
Her every word hit deep into my insecurities.
"What I want to say is that, if this becomes like a task or if we don't give it the importance it should have, we will end up detaching our feelings and it will become impersonal, just interest." – her voice carried her own insecurities.
How could I not agree with those words?
When they came to me, even though my hormones were screaming all the time since the first time, our plan asked us to be calm, that couldn't happen without care.
We didn't know exactly how effective it would be, the first time could have been greater because it was the first time and if the effect wasn't so great we would need to do more and more.
At some point one of us wouldn't be in the mood or thinking like the other.
That concern of hers was completely valid.
It took me a while to respond because I didn't know what words to use. That matter was very serious, where we were it was still very open, even with all the precautions I decided to be as vague as possible.
She needed to open the conversation, from now on we could not make direct reference to the subject.
"All good. We don't need to make this a daily thing." – I said, trying my best to calm her down.
Reina was visibly scared of that conversation.
"We don't need to spend every day, we can take the days when we're not in the right mood to cultivate normally." – I continued trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.
Her hands started to roll over each other and so I had to take more direct action. I took her hands and pressed them tightly with mine and looked deeply into her eyes.
"We're gonna figure it out, we don't have much to do. We need to become stronger, but at the same time we cannot allow ourselves to make mistakes." – I argued with her, assuring her that her option was the best.
I took a deep breath at this point, we were walking a different path than the one presented to us by the system.
"Until now, everyone was antagonistic to each other. It's probably the first time, we're together, that the absolutes are together." – I continued arguing, trying to show that I understood her side of the situation.
Reina tried to take her hands away from mine as she adjusted herself in the chair, but I kept them steady with me.
"If we don't take care of our relationship, there's no reason for us to get stronger. So we have to stop and think carefully, let's reformulate as needed." – I said, reinforcing my feelings.
Her eyes filled with tears, when she realized this she didn't let them roll down her face. With a longer blink and a deep breath she regained control of her emotions.
"We don't need to rush the plan, we think in a few weeks, we can extend our stay in the cities for a month or two if necessary. The important thing is that our relationship is good." – I concluded while thinking about how much I wanted her in my life.
The relief on her face was almost immediate.
"I know we like each other, I know how much time we spend together. This whole time seems long, but we need to adapt to this new reality first." – she said in a confessional tone.
She paused in preparation.
" And at the moment I don't feel ready to take another step like that." – she said with visible difficulty.
I would be lying if I said out loud that those words didn't hurt me a little. At the same time I know that it's not the end of the world. Leaving here we go to our room at the inn and we go to sleep hugging each other like we always do.
At least that's what I hope will happen.
"Let's do it this way, each day we cultivate a path and if it's meant to happen it will happen, if it isn't I promise not to force things." – I said, trying to hide my insecurities.
Even though the situation was completely understandable, I was feeling rejected by her attitude. Before meeting her I lived in a world without any light, with her I rediscovered the world and rediscovered my own body. Up until that point I hadn't even had a morning erection, probably due to my anxiety and depression issues.
Anxiety and depression are little studied in our world, but the event of euphoria after breaking barriers is widely studied and is one of the recommended "cures" for these problems.
I have to admit that although the euphoria didn't "cure" me, together with the new memories I made with Reina I started to see life more and more positively.
"Let's do some missions to accumulate some money and guarantee everything we need to live comfortably." – I proposed it to her as a new plan.
The proposal seemed to satisfy her and the dinner followed a slightly heavier atmosphere than before, but we knew that nothing could be rushed.
Quakan's adventure guild mainly offered herb collection jobs for adventurers of our level and so we decided to take on one such mission per week.
I was still worried about her lack of points to purchase the basic system manuals. They are much more complete than what she had available at the moment and she may end up falling behind.
To prevent this from happening, I will need to balance my cultivation with hers. She has already noticed that I have been doing this in the last few days, but has not commented on anything.
Reina knows that I don't want to leave her behind and she doesn't want to be left behind either.
Today I got enough points to buy the basic Warrior cultivation and now with both my speed in cultivation will be much higher than hers.