The beep of my phone jolted me awake, suggesting that it had run out of battery. I stared at it for a time, trying to figure out why it was so quickly out of battery.
As the thought of this morning came to mind, I finally realised why. This morning, I called him. I drew the phone closer to my ear, hoping he'd hung up. My mind filled with shame for waking up a stranger in the middle of the night simply because I couldn't sleep.
He had probably disconnected after I had fallen asleep. I massaged my eyes, attempting to take in what was going on around me. I was sleeping on the couch in my new one-bedroom apartment, which I had just moved into.
I woke up and found myself stumbling over the stuffed boxes.
"Ow Ow Ow damn it!" I screamed in pain as the sharp edge of the box poked my leg.
I eventually found my way out of the Narnia of boxes and into the kitchen. 9:30 a.m. flashed on the microwave clock. Before I had to leave for work, I had an hour and a half.
As I heated the milk, I managed to locate the sugar and coffee cans in the boxes.
I realised how lonely I was, drinking coffee by myself, with each sip silence was eating me up inside. There was no one around to share a cup of coffee with. With the sight of it, each drink became increasingly difficult to swallow.
I wasn't the same person I used to be; circumstances affect people, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And it was far worse in my case. I used to be afraid of loneliness, and I had no idea that I would have to live with it.
I stumbled over the boxes yet again, looking for my car keys. I slid my hand through the gap between two cardboard boxes beside the couch. I yanked the keyring out when my fingertips stroked around the cool metal. A small keychain photo frame with a photograph of myself and my girls smacked me in the face. Hazel came first, followed by me, Darya, and last Haya, who stood next to Sapphira. Last but not least, Grace was standing close to Haya. At a carnival, we were all making a silly face for the camera.
My lips twisted in a sheepish grin as I remembered the memories this keyring contained, but it was quickly washed away when I collapsed on the box and returned to reality. Hurt rushed across my mind once more.
I pushed myself out of my awkward posture while clutching my car keys. I exited my cramped flat and shut the door behind me. Apartments in this building featured varying numbers of bedrooms. I chose the cheapest apartment with one bedroom because it was plenty for me and my loneliness.
•••
"Here, Nyx, put this on love," the coffee shop's manager, Cora, smiled as she handed me the apron. I returned her smile, doing my best to imitate it. "Do you think she'll be working here with us?" One of my coworkers stated to no one in particular, with her friend both, giving me a disdainful look.
My smile faded at the remark. As Cora gave that girl and her friend a look, I stood there awkwardly tieing my apron around my waist.
"Don't be concerned about them. Simply get to work. So, now that you're new and still in training, you'll be doing nothing but serving and cleaning. Only once you've completed your training can you prepare coffee "Cora clarified. "Yeah. Thanks!" I murmured something.
I got down to work, serving and cleaning dishes. I made an effort to stay to myself and avoid making a mess. But, guess what? I seem to attract bad luck.
Paige, one of my coworkers, approached me as I was cleaning the coffee cups. I wiped my hands on my apron and walked over to her, a real smile on my face.
"Could you kindly take this to table number seven, Nyx? I need to place several additional orders." She questioned. At the very least, someone was friendly to me. "Of course!" I grinned as I walked to the front with the tray in my hands.
I took slow, deliberate steps towards the table, because this tray wad containing three cups of coffee and a variety of food. The last thing I wanted to do at this point was drop the tray. As I moved past table number six, the strap of a carry-on bag that was dangling from the chair wrapped around my leg, causing me to trip and flip the tray of food around.
"OWWW!" As my nose smacked against table number seven, I screamed. I gathered myself and stood up, only to be greeted by three boys wearing coffee-soaked shirts and a dish of food. As I attempted to keep a squeak from coming out, I hurriedly covered my mouth with my hands. 'OH.MY.GOD,' I thought as I peered at the three boys with tightened fists and clenched jaws. Fortunately, the coffee was cold and did not cause any harm. They seemed to be fighting to suppress their rage until one of them finally let it out.
"Be careful where you go!" He said, his jaw tensed and his hand clinched. It wasn't angry enough to make someone cry, yet it wasn't kind enough to provoke a reaction, but it still happened.
"I'm s-sorry... I'm s-sorry..." I began to back away, I barely spoke. I grabbed the tray and dashed to the rear of the kitchen, attempting to avoid the glares. Even though he didn't mean it, the way he spoke to me brought tears to my eyes. Cora asked me what had happened as I walked into the kitchen. I didn't have the confidence to tell her, but the girl from earlier in the day rushed in before I could.
"She dumped the entire tray of food and coffee over table number seven's customers!" She exclaimed proudly, partially because it might get me tossed out and partly because she had yet another opportunity to mock me. Cora gazed at me with a flash of rage that was quickly replaced by sorrow.
"It's all right. I'll check that. I think that is all for you today, sweetheart; you can go." She said this without being irritated. I thanked her for her worry for me and whispered a thank you before removing my apron and exiting the kitchen. I observed it was already being cleaned as I walked out, and those boys were getting ready to go. I felt terrible, but I couldn't bring myself to apologise to them. I couldn't make out their faces since I was too busy draining them with coffee, but I figured they were around my age. I checked the clock while waiting for them to leave first. The clock above the counter read 4:30, so I decided to go for a walk around the shops to clear my head before heading home in around half an hour.
In this space, the sound of cutlery was the only source of sound. I felt like I was just stabbing that unfortunate chunk of potato with my fork and knife rather than eating it. I finally gave up and tossed it on the plate, knowing that I was alone in the room. I knew it would take time for me to adjust to this alone; I simply didn't know how long it would take. I never imagined that I would have to cook a meal for just one person or eat alone. The abrupt change in life was difficult to adjust to. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to do it. Talking to my friends and family, something I used to enjoy, was not possible in this environment. It was as if all of the colours I had painted on my canvas had been removed against my will. My picture of life, my picture, was once again empty. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get the right paint to match the splashes that had been left as terrible memories for me.
I huddled under my blankets, attempting but failing to sleep. My eyelids became heavier as sleep overtook me, taking me to a dreamless world that I knew would soon end.