"I've failed."
He kept repeating it in the exact same tone of voice. The guilt and horror just wouldn't fade, even slightly. He hadn't felt so helpless since he had discovered Monk Gyatso's body. Now he was forced to stand by and do nothing while his friends faced a similar gruesome fate. He wouldn't be there to protect them the way he wasn't there to protect his people from the Fire Nation.
"Aang," Avatar Roku said. "I'm disappointed in you."
That was probably the only thing that could have made Aang feel worse. He looked up to and admired Avatar Roku; his disappointment hurt.
Aang couldn't believe how badly he had messed up. "I know Avatar Roku. I've ruined everything."
"That's not what I meant," Avatar Roku replied. "You were reckless and arrogant. You insisted on fighting alone and relied too heavily on your own power. By doing so you played right into Long Feng's plan. That isn't like you at all. I don't understand what happened."
Aang was surprised by that response. He had been so fixated on the fact he had failed this was the first time he paused to realize why he had. He remembered how strongly everyone objected to him going alone and how he didn't listen.
"Avatar Roku," Aang began. "You of all people should know how it feels to be the Avatar and at the same time a husband and father."
Avatar Roku's face turned sympathetic. That seemed to put them on the same page. "Yes, I certainly do."
"When I'm with Katara I feel like I have the normal life I've always wanted. I'm able to forget that I'm the Avatar."
Avatar Roku remained solemn. "Ta Min made me feel the exact same way. But being the Avatar is still your biggest responsibility."
"I know!" Aang shouted. "Ever since the day the monks told me I know! And then the second I get married and have kids I have to discuss with the other Avatars what that means for the entire world!" He hit the ground with his fist. "I'm sick of everything I do being for the fate of the world!
I NEVER WANTED TO BE THE GODDAMN AVATAR!"
Avatar Roku stayed completely calm despite the suddenness of Aang's outburst. He understood the pressure he went through every day. Compounded with the pressure of being a new father and husband it would overwhelm anyone.
"Why?" Aang asked as he trembled. "Why did I of all people have to be the Avatar? Why can't I just live a normal life with Katara and my kids? Why couldn't someone better have been the Avatar, someone who wouldn't mess it up?"
Now Avatar Roku felt the need to speak up. "Aang it is no accident that you are the Avatar. There is no one better."
"Of course there is," Aang said with dejection. "Just look at how I've messed up. I wanted so badly to prove that I could be a good father and husband, that being the Avatar could actually be good for my family, that I was a complete idiot and thanks to me there will never be another Avatar ever again!"
Avatar Roku nodded in understanding. "So that's why you were acting like that."
Aang finally got to his feet and looked Avatar Roku in the eye. "How much of my life will be about rebuilding the damage from the war Avatar Roku? This civil war proves that defeating Ozai was just the
beginning. With so many responsibilities to the entire world how can I possibly…?" He felt a painful throbbing in his head and put his hands to it.
Avatar Roku put his hand on Aang's shoulder, calming him a bit. Aang managed to finish his thought. "How can I ever give enough of my life to my kids? How can I ever have enough time to give them the love they need? It's hard enough thinking there won't be enough time with Katara but will my kids know I love them? Will they think I only had them because I needed to rebuild the Air Nation?"
Avatar Roku remained stoic. In many ways Aang's burdens were greater than any he carried.
"Katara always wanted a daughter who was a Waterbender" Aang added. "She wanted to name her Kya, after her mother. She'll never get to as long as she's with me."
"And yet she still married you," Avatar Roku reminded. "She knew what she was agreeing to. For the family of the Avatar sacrifices are always necessary to preserve the greater good. Katara understands that. She loves you enough to make those sacrifices. One day your children will understand that too."
Aang asked Avatar Roku something he had been wondering for a while. "Did your children understand?"
Avatar Roku turned his gaze down slightly. "Not always; I can't say it never caused problems. But I learned a lot from being the Avatar. In some ways it taught me to be a better father."
Aang's head dropped in sadness. "It doesn't matter anymore. Because I was so stupid now my kids will never even know me. Katara…when she finds out I've died she'll be so…" He had hard time not crying.
Avatar Roku grabbed both his shoulders. "Aang you can't give up yet! You must have faith."
Aang looked up. His response was curt. "Faith in what?" Avatar Roku looked shocked. "This is all…too much. I can't handle it."
Avatar Roku tried to press it. "Aang…"
Aang knocked his hands away. "Just leave me alone!" He was tired of being reminded of the many ways he failed. "…Please…leave me alone."
Avatar Roku seemed hurt. But he didn't argue. "All right Aang. I know that even coming from me being the Avatar can sound like nothing but a burden. I don't think I can be the one who can help you understand. Goodbye for now." He sunk back into the water and disappeared.
Now that Avatar Roku was gone Aang felt a little guilty for being impatient with him but he was still glad to be alone. He slumped to the ground, leaning on a tree.
How could he not give up now? Did anyone even know he was dying besides the people trying to kill him? And even if someone found out and tried to save him there was no guarantee the poison was even curable.
He wondered if he would feel something when his body died or if he would just stay in the Spirit World forever.
Something strange happened next. He heard someone laughing. It was a high, youthful laugh. It came from above him. He looked and saw what appeared to be a young boy jumping through the trees. He looked like he was having the time of his life. When he got closer Aang realized he was wearing Air Nomad clothes. That surprised him into standing up.
The kid jumped down from the trees and landed in the water with a big splash that hit Aang. He tried to use Waterbending to dry his clothes only to remember bending was impossible in the Spirit World.
"Oops" the kid said with a giggle. "Sorry."
Aang couldn't help but chuckle. He remembered being like this as a child. The boy in front of him appeared to be no older than ten. He was wearing Air Nomad garbs and had a shaved head but no tattoos. He looked a lot like Aang did when he was younger.
"Hi Aang. It's nice to meet you," the boy said politely. "You know me?" Aang asked with surprise.
"Avatar Roku said you needed my help," he answered with eagerness. "I'm so happy!" "You know Avatar Roku?" Aang asked. "Who are you?"
The boy's energy and happiness remained but Aang heard a small twinge of sadness in his voice. "I'm Avatar Rohan. I'm the Avatar that history forgot."
...
Meanwhile events continued to transpire as Aang feared in the physical world.
"And that is our plan" Long Feng said in summation, after a meeting with his two top lieutenants that had lasted several hours. "At the end of the day we will have total control of Ba Sing Se and our enemies will be dead."
jing began clapping in admiration. He looked over to his brother to find out why he wasn't doing the same, only to be reminded by a dirty look that poli only had one hand.
"Uh sorry poli," he apologized.
poli made a dismissive gesture with his remaining appendage. "Whatever."
Long Feng chuckled. "I hope you don't let your brotherly bickering interfere with our plan." "Not at all sir," they said in unison.
"Very well," Long Feng continued. "All of our troops are currently en route to join us save for those necessary to suppress rebellious activity in a few of the more stubborn villages we've encountered. We've persuaded most civilians to remain idle for their own safety but there have been rumors of attempts by the rebels to unite lead by Tyro and his son Haru. It's highly unlikely they'd pose a real threat but still better safe than sorry."
"Brilliant sir," the brothers said. It was their standard response to any idea of Long Feng's.
"It's a shame," Long Feng said. "We've already had to mitigate so many men towards keeping the colony situation from boiling over but our strength should still far exceed that of the entire Ba Sing Se military. It's a shame we won't be able to resolve that dilemma before the fateful day."
"So, you have figured out a solution then sir? "Jing asked.
Long Feng smirked. "Yes, I've found a way to make that situation work quite to our advantage."
"You did sir?" jing said with astonishment. Truly only a genius such as Long Feng could solve such a difficult problem. It would certainly be beyond jing's abilities.
"Yes. But this solution must be kept top secret. Only our most trusted, highly ranked officers can know."
"Why sir?"
Long Feng explained the situation with clinical calmness. "I've promised my followers revenge against the Fire Nation. I cannot allow the colonies to remain in the Fire Lord's control. They are stolen Earth Kingdom territory. However securing loyalty from the colonies has proven impossible and what's worse talks of the race mixing going on in them have enraged so many followers that it's been very difficult to prevent rioting throughout the colonies. The fact is we cannot reconcile vengeance against the Fire Nation with accepting race mixing with Firebenders. So, the only solution is to wipe the slate clean."