The following morning, I awoke to find the sicko maid standing by my bedside, dressed in an apron and…nothing else.
"Good morning, Lady Komari."
"Good mor—the heck are you wearing?!"
A second too late, my personal safety alarm bells started ringing in my head, and I leaped up. Recently my pervert sensors had been going into overdrive. Every time this weirdo came near me, my hair stood on end, and my heart started hammering.
I backed up to the safety of the wall then glared at her.
"How can you walk around dressed like that? Have you no shame?!"
"Nope."
"What am I supposed to say to that?!"
"Never mind. Breakfast is ready. Today's your favorite, Lady Komari— French toast! I really put a lot of effort into making it, so please, enjoy!"
"Wait, really? Woo!"
I sat down at the little table I had in my room and gazed at the plate Vill had brought. A delicious, sweet scent was wafting into the air. It looked super yummy.
"Can I go ahead and eat?"
"Please do."
"Okay, time to dig in!"
Nervously, I placed a forkful into my mouth. Oh, so fluffy. Oh, so sweet. It put me in the mood to stay in my room all day and shut out the world.
It had been arranged that Vill would prepare all of my meals. She told meit was the "basic duty of a lady's maid," and to be honest, she was a pretty sweet cook. I sometimes baked cookies and stuff, but I could never make
anything that came close to what she could whip up.
"Thanks, that was amazing!"
Within ten minutes I'd cleared my plate. I was super full. I wanted to keep the good vibes going by heading back to bed for another snooze. Oh, but first I had to brush my teeth.
As I poured milk into my cup and hummed to myself, Vill spoke up in a cold, clear voice.
"All right, then, now that you've eaten, it's time to get to work, Lady Komari."
"Splurt!"
Milk came shooting out of my nose.
Curse her! What a sneaky, underhanded play!
"Hold on just a minute! Yesterday I worked myself half to death! Now I have to do that again today?!"
"Obviously. What do you think working is anyhow? Now come on, change into your uniform. Off with your jammies. Arms up! Show me those pits!"
"I'll show them to you…in hell!"
Stubbornly, I zipped back to bed and wrapped the blankets around me. Work again today? When I had just toiled yesterday? Was she crazy? Why couldn't the weekend last seven days a week? Why were the fates so cruel?
"Lady Komari, about today's business…"
"Don't care! Tell them all I'm sick!"
"I don't think that would be such a good idea. Besides, are you sure you want to miss today? You're going to meet your very own personal mount."
"…Huh?"
I popped my head out of my blanket roll and looked right at Vill.
"Mount? By 'mount,' you mean…to ride?"
"Yes, by 'mount,' I mean to ride. Since the days of old, every great commander has had their own great horse. Oh, it's not always a horse, of
course. But anyway, it's going to be your very own, very important partner from now on. And today you are going to visit it."
"Mount…"
If that was the case, then…surely I could step out for a few minutes, couldn't I?
"Now, let's get you dressed. Today, I absolutely insist on helping you out of those pajamas."
"…Hey, Vill. Am I really getting my own ride?"
"Yes, the Empress has signed off on it. Now, hands to the sky."
"Oh, okay… Wow, the Empress sure is generous, isn't she? By the way, where do we go for me to pick my mount? A ranch or somewhere?"
"There's a special stable near the Crimson Tower. That's where we're heading. Oh, Lady Komari, you really do have the most beautiful pale skin. I could gaze upon it for eternity…"
I see, I see…a special stable, eh. Interesting. Hee-hee-hee. Actually, I've always really wanted to have my own steed. The protagonist in The Andronos Chronicles rides a magnificent mount. And I had the feeling I could bond better with an animal of my very own than I could with any person.
"Everything has been so awful since I became a Crimson Lord, but this is an unexpected treat! Don't you think so, Vill?"
"Indeed. I, too, am beyond excited to see you ride your noble steed, Lady Komari. Oh, it's time for the pajama pants to come off. Could you turn that way for me?"
"Oh, sure."
Ooh, I just couldn't wait! I wondered what my mount would be like. Oh…but I'd never ridden before, so would I be any good at it? Surely someone would be able to teach me the basics? And practicing would be half the fun!
Wow, how long had it been since I was this excited to go out? Hurry up, Vill!
***
I let my guard down. While I was distracted with exciting thoughts of my mount, the deviant maid had succeeded in getting me undressed. If I'd been in my right mind, this would have been my cue to rebuke her with the fury of a thousand cats, but right now, I was in such a good mood that I decided to
allow it.
"I've been expecting you, Lady Gandesblood. Now, please…this way."
At the stables, we were met by a polite, well-mannered silver fox of a vampire. He was the official stablemaster, appointed by the Empress herself.
When he spoke about the beasts in his stable, his eyes seemed to sparkle. I was relieved to have met someone new who wasn't a complete freakshow for once.
"The beasts, they can see into a person's heart. If someone has wicked intentions, they'll spot them right away. It's important to keep your thoughts and feelings pure while you're interacting with them."
"I…I see… Pure thoughts, pure thoughts…"
As I stepped tentatively into the stable, my nostrils suddenly filled with the distinctive smell of the countless beasts who lived there. But I was so excited, I barely even minded.
"Wow, there's a ton!"
The Empress's stable was filled with so many creatures that, even to a layperson like me, it was obvious they were the finest animals money could buy. On top of that, there were many different kinds… Some resembled horses in form, while others resembled reptiles. I approached a serpentine dragon nearby and nervously reached my hand out to it. It seemed accustomed to people and allowed me to stroke its head. It even narrowed its eyes in pleasure. Oh, how cute!
"Do you like this one? It's a Mizuchi from the Enchanted Lands. They're one of the more mild-mannered beasts but are capable of quickly covering wide distances."
"Huh…"
I went along the rows of stalls, peeking in at all the creatures as I listened to the stablemaster's explanations. They were all such splendid mounts. I felt like their magnificence would only be wasted on someone like me.
"Well then, have you decided?"
I hesitated. In truth, I didn't even know where to begin. They all looked so amazing. Deliberating, I paced up and down the aisles. At the far end of thestables, a certain beast caught my eye. It was a dragon-type creature, with incredibly luxurious fur and an impressive aura. The proud way it stood with
its head held high drew me in, as if magnetically attracted…
"Stablemaster. What's this beast here?"
"That one?"
The stablemaster frowned.
"That's one of the rarest types of Mizuchi there is, a Crimson Mizuchi. We only have one of its kind in our stable. It is peerless in its bravery, strength, and agility. But I don't think…"
From the way the stablemaster was chewing his lip and trailing off, I realized there was some baggage attached to this animal.
But it was too late. I had already fallen for the Crimson Mizuchi. Its aura of aloofness and detachment reminded me of myself. As I approached the stall, I tried to keep my heart as pure as possible. "Come here," I whispered.
"No, Lady Gandesblood! It's dangerous!"
"What's dangerous about it? This beast and I are kindred spirits, can't you see? There, there."
At first, the dragon seemed wary of me. But gradually, it seemed to recognize my peaceful soul, and it began to approach me. I reached out to stroke its soft white fur. It felt cool and pleasant to the touch. When I scratched its chin and neck, the Crimson Mizuchi seemed to relax, trumpeting through its nostrils with pleasure.
"I…I can't believe it…"
"Heh, surprised? I bet you were about to tell me that this beast is a troublemaker who can't get along with people. Right? But see, this one and I are on the same wavelength. Our souls are aligned."
There was a sad light in the Mizuchi's blue eyes. I felt that it was the light of a wise soul, a misunderstood spirit who couldn't form close connections with anyone. Its unusual white fur must have set it apart from the others, leading it to spend its days alone and misunderstood. I could relate. Boy, could I.
After a few more minutes of stroking and petting, the Crimson Mizuchi had completely opened its heart to me. Crooning quietly, it suddenly huffed air from its nose as it began rubbing its face against my chest. "Whoa! That tickles! Hee-hee-hee! Cut it out!"
"…Excuse me. What's the deal with this creature?"
"Ah, Miss Villhaze… Many military commanders have attempted to tame this beast, but all have failed. The Crimson Mizuchi has a strong preference for little girls and will open its heart to no one else. Of the schoolchildren who come to visit the stables on trips, it singles out the tiniest girl among
them for attention."
"I see. That makes sense, I think."
"As I said, beasts are skilled at reading people's hearts. The problem is, people aren't skilled at reading the hearts of beasts."
I was dimly aware of Vill and the stablemaster discussing something behind me, but I wasn't paying attention. Since I was so delighted to have made a new friend, I couldn't care less about anything else. And I think the Crimson Mizuchi felt the same way. It kept nuzzling its soft nose against me as if greatly excited.
"All right! I've chosen!"
I turned to Vill and the stablemaster, my eyes shining.
"I'm making this Crimson Mizuchi my loyal steed! Stablemaster, may I?"
"Are…are you sure that's really what you want?"
"I've never been more sure of anything! We're kindred spirits! Like one heart, residing in two bodies… Right, Bucephalus?"
The Crimson Mizuchi nodded its head vigorously as if agreeing with me. I just came up with the name on the spur of the moment, but it really suited him! All right…from this day forth, I would ride out on my noble mount for
all to know his name…Bucephalus!
"If it is your wish, Lady Gandesblood, then I have no objection, only…"
"I'd give up if I were you. Lady Komari only looks frail. In truth, she's incredibly stubborn."
What better time than the present to take a first ride on my new steed, Bucephalus? A great commander should have a loyal mount or two that she can hop onto when she feels the need for speed, after all! Hey, Bucephalus!
Don't put your nose there! That tickles! Ha-ha-ha! Nooo! Don't lick my neck!
After that, I had my first riding practice.
It was all so new to me. I struggled at first, crouching above the saddle, but with the stablemaster's instruction and Vill's words of support, I managed to relax and sit nicely on my new friend. Yikes, it was really high up, though. Too high. Ten times higher than I'd been expecting. I've always wished I were taller and forced down glasses of milk every day hoping to grow, but being this far off the ground didn't actually feel so good. Every time I looked down, I felt my head start to get dizzy…izzy…izzy…
"Are…are you all right? Your expression…"
"Wh-what?! I'm simply trembling with…excitement!"
"That's right, Beastmaster. A Crimson Lord of the commander's pedigree would never shake over something as basic as riding. She may look like she's quivering like a leaf, about to burst into tears, but don't be mistaken."
"Y-yes, of course. Now then, shall we try walking? Go for it, Lady Gandesblood."
Following the stablemaster's gentle instructions, I squeezed my mount's sides with my heels. Bucephalus responded obligingly. Wow! I was actually riding!
"Wonderful, Lady Komari. What a spectacle… You're so splendid, I can barely stand it!"
"Wah-ha-ha! Right? Right? Giddyup, Bucephalus! Let's become one with the wind! Let's ride off the edge of the world!"
Bucephalus neighed shrilly. He seemed to have picked up on my exhilaration, and it spurred him on. Wow, wow! Had I been a secret riding master all along?! All right! Now, let's take a turn around the palace gardens, and… Huh? Whoa!
"Slow down, Bucephalus. You're going too fast. All that stuff I said about going off the edge of the world, that was just bluster. Can you stop now? Please? Ple—WHOA!"
All of a sudden, we were galloping like the wind.
I couldn't process what was happening. It was as if Bucephalus was streaking across the ground as fast as lightning. The scenery around me was a blur. We were going so fast, I couldn't focus. I tried yelling at my mount, but he refused to slow. Yikes. This was bad. Very, very bad!
"STOPPP!"
"Lady Gandesblood! Draw back on the reins!"
The stablemaster was shouting something at me, but I couldn't hear him. I was frozen in fear, my throat suddenly paralyzed. Bucephalus seemed oblivious to my discomfort. He had lost himself in the thrill of flight.
***
Yohann Helders was very annoyed.
It was magic practice time at the Mulnite Imperial Palace, and the Seventh Unit was sparring on Training Ground Number 7…
They may have been a bunch of wild outlaws, but the Seventh Unit still went through drills diligently. Even when there were no battles in the offing, they still practiced. Today the training area was filled with vampires engaged in mock combat.
The brawl between Bellius and Mellaconcey was a sight to behold in particular. The earth had been scarred from impact, and the air was thick with explosions, which rained sparks down on the spectators. Several got killed while watching.
But Yohann did not share their fighting spirit. He sat cross-legged on a bench in the shade of a tree, gnawing on his lunch, which consisted of a leg of meat on the bone, trying to suppress a wave of powerful emotions.
He was angry. So, so angry.
The object of his rage was Terakomari Gandesblood herself. That little strumpet had snagged the spot of Crimson Lord and unit commander right out of his hands with her family connections.
But no, that wasn't all. That alone he could have dealt with. The military was rampant with nepotism. Many a skilled soldier got passed over for those of better status.
The thing that really ground Yohann's gears was the fact that the bitch had embarrassed him. Publicly.
Just thinking about it made him shudder violently.
Just a few days earlier, Terakomari Gandesblood had attempted to make her entrance to the Bloody Hall. Yohann had launched his attack against her. If she really had what it took to be a Crimson Lord, then she would have been able to deflect his attack effortlessly. That was the logic behind his actions.
But she'd made Yohann look like a fool.
In front of everyone, she had closed the doors on his neck and ended his life in an instant. They all ignored him for two days after that, and he hadn't even been able to take part in the battle against the Lapelico Kingdom.
Never before had he been so humiliated.
"I'll have my revenge, mark my words…"
The bone in his leg of meat suddenly snapped. Yohann's sycophants squealed girlishly in surprise, but he didn't have time to care about them. His mind was racing a mile a minute.
He needed to track down the commander and beat her to death. No, no, simply killing her, that was too boring. Yes, he would execute her publicly, that was a given, but first he needed to concoct a good plan to make sure she suffered as much as he had. First, he would burn off all her hair. Then her clothes. And then…
"Now, now, revenge is hardly in the spirit of peace, is it?"
Someone called out behind him. It was the stripped-tree man, looming over him. Caostel Conto, the head vampire of the Seventh Unit.
"What do you want? I'm not in a good mood right now."
"You never are. That's why you're always making dumb mistakes. Too distracted by your fits of ill temper."
"Did you come here to fight?"
Yohann glowered up at Caostel. The stripped-tree man chuckled.
"You've been sitting there muttering about revenge for a while now…"
"What of it?"
"Could it possibly be revenge against…the supreme commander?"
"Who else?"
Caostel shrugged.
"Well, you ought to know better than anyone else that Terakomari Gandesblood's power is not of the standard variety. But who would expect anything less of the noble daughter of the exalted Gandesblood family?"
"Don't spout that horseshit! That was just an accident! There's no way I would ever lose against a coquette like her! Why, I caused that famous prison riot and massacre; don't forget about that!"
"Yeah, but you still died, though."
"I just told you! It was an accident! Pure coincidence! You've all completely lost your minds! That stunted wench doesn't have any powers! When I flew at her, she went as white as a sheet and turned to flee! It was only by happenstance that I got wedged between the doors like that!"
"Suppose that's true, then. In that case, what do you make of yesterday…?"
"Yesterday? What are you talking about?"
"The battle against the Lapelico Kingdom. You missed it, so probably you wouldn't know, but the commander was incredible at directing the battle. She was like one of the great generals the history books tell of."
"Can you be more specific?"
"Her orders, they were so succinct, so perfect. 'Kill 'em all,' she shouted."
"…"
"I mean, for a bunch of bloodthirsty meatheads like us, what better command could there be? And it was only her second day at her post. In that tiny span of time, she had the Seventh Unit all figured out. I tip my hat to her."
"Even a chimpanzee could develop tactics like those! She's nothing more than an incompetent rich kid who got promoted to the Crimson Lord position through family connections. Nothing more!"
"Now, now, settle down…"
No matter how shrewd Yohann's take on the situation was, Caostel seemed determined to dismiss him, rolling his eyes and calling him a brat. Aware that Caostel outranked him, all Yohann could do was gnash his teeth in fury and scowl at the stupid, stripped-tree fellow.
"Watch how you look down on me. If you don't wanna end up bald."
"I'd like to see you try. In fact, I was just looking for a sparring partner. Perfect timing."
"Ha-ha! All right. Let's do it."
Suddenly, a fireball sparked up in Yohann's cupped hands with a whump sound. Just as he geared up to blast Caostel in the face with it, the other vampire suddenly gasped, as if noticing something.
"Ah, stop, Yohann…"
"What? Now you're punking out? Nuh-uh. Prepare yourself! Here comes my hair-singeing attack!"
"Aaargh!!! MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! MOOOVE!"
"What the—GAH?!"
Something hard struck him on the back of the head.
Yohann had no idea what was happening.
Before he could even begin to feel the pain of the blow, his eyes rolled back in his head. Blood poured from the wound. Then everything went black.
Yohann had been killed. Again.
***
Around that same time, I was fearing for my life.
Bucephalus continued to fly across the ground as if he were really heading to the edge of the world. By this point, I had given up on trying to focus on the blurred scenery around me. In fact, I had given up on thinking at all.
It was hopeless, and I was powerless. I could see my grandfather waving a greeting to me from the afterlife…
Just as I was mentally resigning myself to the grave, there was a gigantic bump and I found myself tumbling. I was rocketing through the air, and my steed was nowhere in sight.
Apparently, I had been flung from Bucephalus's saddle.
Everything suddenly went into slow motion.
As I went spinning through the air, nausea overtook me. But even in my panic, I recognized the faces of the people standing nearby. Caostel, standing as tall and skinny as a winter tree. Bellius, with his dog head. And thepermanently rapping Mellaconcey. I'd reached the Mulnite Imperial Army's training grounds. Most of my subordinate troops were there, too. Everyone was staring at me with looks of surprise on their faces.
I mean, I get it. I'd be surprised, too.
And I'd also be pretty shocked if I saw my commander come hurtling off her mount like an uncoordinated sack of potatoes.
Ah, here we go. This is where the mutiny starts. Will they do me in, too, for good measure?
That is, if falling off my steed didn't kill me first, of course.
Perhaps I had enough time to compose a short death poem for myself?
Yes, I had just about accepted my fate. At that moment, my face made contact—not with the hard ground I'd been expecting, but with the soft lace and ruffles of a warm body in a maid outfit. Wait…maid outfit?
"Oh, Lady Komari. What a dynamic dismount. How many times have I asked you to alight in the usual fashion? Please consider the feelings of your poor Vill. Your daredevil antics are terrible for my blood pressure!"
Slowly, I gazed up.
A familiar girl was smiling down at me.
That's when I realized I was being cradled in the arms of the sicko maid, bridal carry style.
What the… How had she managed to catch up with Bucephalus after he'd bolted? Magic? Or perhaps she just had incredibly muscular legs for sprinting? Had she—whoa! Creepy maid! Quit trying to cop a feel! Pervert!
"I'm n-not gonna th-thank you."
"Oh dear, you're delirious from shock."
"Sh-shut up. And let me down."
"Certainly."
Vill gently lowered me to the ground. I felt my head spin. But for all her faults, Vill…held my hand until I managed to steady myself. Darn it. She'd earn no brownie points with me.
"If it isn't our supreme commander! That was some entrance!"
I tottered across the grass, feeling like a heavy drunk on her third pub crawl stop of the night. Caostel approached me, grinning. Ah, crap. Not now.
"Caostel. How are you?"
"Ah, I'm doing well, thank you. Your troops are training hard again today, Commander Komari."
"I see. That's good."
"Indeed. It would be splendid if you would join the practice session, Commander."
"Wah-ha-ha! Don't be silly. If I joined, I'd TKO everyone in the space of five seconds."
My soldiers all gasped in awe. Why were they so dumb?!
"Hmm, indeed. And look, that moron is once again dead, before he could even engage you in battle this time."
The dog-headed Bellius flashed me a cynical smile.
Moron? Dead? What was he talking about?
I turned around, confused, and immediately spotted the figure of a blond-haired young man sprawled on the grass with the whites of his eyes showing. I felt my lower lip start to tremble. Wasn't that…?
"Yes, Lady Komari. It appears you kicked him in the head when you dismounted your steed."
Whaaat?!!!
I killed someone again! The same someone as last time!!! Oh, he's gonna be sooo pissed at me! I better not go out alone at night if I don't wanna get shanked! And where the heck did Bucephalus go? Did he really head to the
edge of the world without me? Stupid Mizuchi!
I stood there clutching my head in horror as my subordinates began to roar and chant: "All hail the commander!" "Glory to the Slayer!" "Purge the betrayer!" and so on. But just then—
"I'm not dead yet, you filthy nepotistic scuuum!!!"
A sudden wave of heat sent my back tingling.
I turned again to find the blond youth, who had ostensibly died, standing there glaring at me, his body engulfed in flames. I was so scared, I almost peed myself. He survived?!
The blond youth roared at me, his face contorted with deep resentment.
"Supreme Commander, isn't launching a sneak attack like that sort of…cowardly?!!!"
My throat nearly closed from fear. But I had to say something.
"Oh, cram it. Your fault for not dodging."
"Hah, is that so? Well, if I kill you now, that'll be fair, right? No complaints!"
The blond-haired youth came barreling at me, fireball in hand.
Uh-oh, this is where I die.
But just at that moment, Vill finally released me after she'd been helping me to stay upright for the past few minutes. Then a miracle occurred. Still dizzy from my fall, I suddenly lost my balance and toppled over, dropping
out of range of Blondie, who'd charged at me like an enraged boar, only to end up tripping over me and cartwheeling across the grass.
"Wow!" "What a dodge!" "Nice move, Supreme Commander!" "Just like a bullfighter!" "Seeing the commander in action puts me in the mood, if ya know what I'm sayin'!"
Oh, shut up. Morons.
But never mind them. I had to do something about the blond-haired youth
before—
"This is where your luck runs out! Prepare to die!"
The blond-haired youth had gotten to his feet and was coming at me again. I had to make a break for it, or he was going to wipe me out. Somehow I got my legs to cooperate. But I was still so dizzy. Curses! Three years of
being a shut-in had left me as weak as a kitten.
"Ha-ha! Burn, burn, Supreme Commander! Burn in—GLURP!"
"Yeeek!"
I went flying.
The sky and the ground switched places again. Unable to figure out what was happening, I froze up. I'd gone soaring again; that much was clear. But why wasn't I feeling any pain…?
"GYAAAHHH!!!"
Just then, I heard an earsplitting scream. I looked down, and my jaw dropped—the blond-haired youth was between my legs. I was sitting astride him like he was a pony! On top of that, it seemed I'd poked him in the eye
with my right pointer finger. Hence the scream.
"Amazing, Lady Komari! You swept your enemy's feet from under him, mounted him to show dominance, and went for the eyeball in one swift movement! Exerting the maximum amount of damage while conserving as much energy as possible…that's the distinctive art of Komarism!"
Thanks for clarifying that, Vill. But what the heck is Komarism?
Ah, but that hardly mattered right now! I removed my finger from the eye with a schlorping sound and scrambled off the guy in a hurry. He was rolling back and forth on the ground, screaming, "My eye! My eye!" I glanced around me, trying to casually take stock of the environment. My subordinates
were all sighing and nodding in awe. Several were weeping tears of blood, and one was loudly wailing "I wish I was him!" …Goodness, what a freak.
What was I supposed to do next?
Maybe I should follow this up with a little speech for the masses? To show dominance?
Inhaling a deep breath and taking care not to stutter, I launched into a little speech.
"You see? Do you see what happens when you attempt to rise against me? Your eyeballs aren't the only balls you people will have to worry about if you cross me!"
"HAAAIIILLL!!!"
The roar of approval from the crowd made my ears ring painfully.
I despised this job. So much. How much longer did I have to do this for? Iguess quitting was out of the question. I felt so…caged and impotent. I would have to take my anger out on the weirdo maid later. That would soothe me.
Just as I began dreaming up ways to psychologically torture my maid, Blondie stopped rolling around. Then he rose to his feet, yelling.
"N-nice trick! But you won't get away with this!"
Pressing his palm to his right eye, he snarled threateningly in my direction. I trembled, wondering just what he was planning. Meanwhile, he started rummaging around in the pocket of his uniform. He produced what
seemed like a bit of cloth and threw it at me.
On closer inspection, it turned out to be a badly burned glove.
Was he throwing it away? It still looked usable…
What a waste, I thought to myself before realizing that the atmosphere had suddenly become tense.
My subordinates were all grinning, eyes shining as if entertained by the blond youth's sudden move. Caostel in particular was grinning demonically, looking every bit the criminal he was.
What? What was the meaning of this?
I turned back to Blondie. He gave me a beastlike smirk.
"Terakomari Gandesblood…I challenge you to a duel!"
A jewel? But I left all my good jewels at home because I was going riding. Why did he want…
Wait…DUEL?!
"Now, hold on just a—"
"Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha! Yes, yes…I should have just done it this way from the start! I'm clearly the superior warrior here! In a fair fight, on a fair and neutral battlefield, I will crush you! But what's this, Commander? Surely you don't intend to decline my challenge?"
He was sneering at me like a shark.
I looked around, scanning the faces of the crowd.
Vill was there, giving me a thumbs-up. Caostel was flashing me the ol' thumbs, too. Bellius, by contrast, was standing stock-still, arms crossed. Mellaconcey was ducking and weaving, waving his arms as if keeping tune
with inaudible music. The others were all gazing at me with shining eyes.
Nobody was going to come to my aid.
Well, yeah. Stupid to expect that.
Taking a few steps forward, I stooped then picked up the charred glove from where it lay on the grass.
Then I turned to Blondie again and smiled with as much fake confidence as I could muster.
"All right. I accept your challenge. But I warn you, I will give you no quarter. You will look back upon this folly with the deepest regret."
***
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Back in my room, I flung myself onto the bed, overcome with regret.
I couldn't believe I'd actually gone and done it—agreed to a duel with that blond dude…Yohann Helders, I mean! He was going to roast me like a pig at a barbecue in front of everyone, and that would be the end of the short life of Terakomari Gandesblood.
"Lady Komari, you seem overjoyed with your successful showing today!"
"I am not!!!"
I whirled around to peer over my shoulder at Vill. She looked as unruffled and carefree as ever. Had she no sense of danger? But actually, why would she? I was the one who was going to end up in the ground. Shit!!!
"Ugh…what am I gonna do? I could flee the country…but where would I go? Lapelico? No, no, the Chimpanzee would have me executed…"
"Lady Komari, look at me."
I had buried my face in my pillow, snuffling back tears as Vill hovered behind me, her voice low and soft. What did she want now? I lifted my head to glare at her sideways.
"What do you want, creep? Leave me alone!"
"Now, now, there's no need to be rude. But I understand how you feel, Lady Komari. If you go ahead with this, there's no way you're getting out of it alive."
"Right! My life is over! In the literal sense! Ohhh!!! There was so much I still wanted to do! I wanted to publish a novel! I wanted to try making a gingerbread castle, at least once! Also, I wanted…"
"Yes…?"
"I wanted to swim in a pool of honey."
Vill sniggered. Darn it. The fear of my impending mortality had loosened my tongue and made me spill my most deeply held aspirations. Now I would never live this down! Well, I wouldn't have to live it down very long at least. Since I was gonna be dead soon. Real dead.
But Vill merely smiled. "Aw, it's okay," she consoled. "Have you forgotten? Even if you get done in, it's not like you'll stay dead. The Mulnite Empire has the power of the Dark Core to draw on, right?"
"I know that! But it's gonna hurt! It's gonna burn!"
"Still, there's no need to worry. As long as I'm around, you'll never succumb in some silly duel. I know that for certain."
My brain sputtered to a halt. What was she saying now?
I gazed at her blankly as she smiled with pride, drew herself up to her full height, and raised her chin.
"I am Special Lieutenant Villhaze, of the Mulnite Imperial Army's Third Division, specialist in secret intelligence and covert ops! I will ensure your victory, Lady Komari!"
***
After that, the day of the duel came around in the blink of an eye.
The Mulnite Imperial Palace grounds had a full-size battle arena. It apparently did double duty for pop star concerts and end-of-year death fights. But thanks to my influence as one of the Crimson Lords, I'd been able to
secure it for my duel. Lucky me, right? Crap.
"Lady Komari! Look this way, Lady Komari!"
"Supreme Commander! Make mincemeat out of Yohann, okay?" "Ko-ma-rin! Ko-ma-rin! Ko-ma-rin!" "Ah! Ahh! Ahhh! Komari-baby!"
The spectator seats were packed. Everyone was staring down at me, screaming and cheering as if they were on some kind of intoxicating substance. And the majority of the crowd was actually composed of people
besides Seventh Unit soldiers. In addition to officers from other units, even civvies who came from all over the city just to watch were in attendance. They comprised seventy percent of the crowd. News of my impending duel had spread across the Imperial Capital. It was obvious who'd leaked the info—the Komari Unit. My own merry band of idiot subordinates.
Thanks to them, I was half dead with embarrassment before the duel even started.
…Agh, I was hoping for less public humiliation. If I had to have an audience, why couldn't it be limited to the five hundred soldiers from my
squad? I wasn't expecting this…circus. It was like…like the kind of crowd you get at a pop concert! What did these people expect from me?!
"Lady Komari, how are you feeling?"
I could hear the sicko maid's voice crackling in my ear. She'd fitted me with a magic earpiece before I left for the arena.
"How am I feeling? Like crap obviously…"
"Do your best. This is the time to show your mettle!"
"I don't wanna! I wanna go HOME!"
"Once this is all over, I'll give you a special reward."
"A reward?"
"Five tickets, each redeemable for one night spent sleeping beside a beautiful maid."
"I don't want them!!!"
"Ten tickets?"
"It's not a question of how many tickets!!!"
"Incidentally, you'll be dressed as the maid in this scenario."
"Say what now?!"
"The reward is your share of the revenue for the tickets. We're sold out."
"What are you, my pimp??!!"
"Don't worry, I bought all of the tickets myself. I wasn't about to let you sleep next to some stinky, dirty old man. But you know what, why don't we dispense with the tickets, and I'll just pay you directly for a tumble in the sheets instead?"
"You're the dirty old man in this scenario!!!"
My last shreds of motivation were fading away. Why, when I was just about to embark upon a horrific battle, did I still have to deal with this creepy maid's perversions?
"Vill, can we be serious for a second?"
"Go ahead."
"Am I…really going to make it back alive?"
I heard her chuckling through the earpiece. But only for a second. Then she was back to speaking in her usual smooth and steady voice.
"Don't fret. I am your faithful servant, Lady Komari. No matter what happens, I won't ever abandon you. Ah, it seems your opponent has arrived."
The arena erupted in a roar of excitement.
I looked up expectantly at the gates directly opposite me through which my opponent would enter. They opened with a dull scrape. I swallowed hard. It was almost time. My duel was about to start. How was Vill—cursed Vill—
planning to keep me alive through this? I wasn't sure I could withstand even a single blow. My body was as fragile as a peach. As a shadow emerged from the gate, I chewed my lip with anxiety.
"T-Terakomari! T-today I will b-b-burn you to a cruh-cruh-crisp!"
It was Yohann Helders.
But something was wrong with him. He was white as a sheet, wobbling along on unsteady legs. Clutching his midsection as if trying to hold back a torrent of diarrhea. Oof, he just fell down. Wow, he looked really sick. Wait,
hold on a minute. Could it be that he—
"I poisoned him, just a little."
"You did that?"
Poisoning?! That was so…sneaky!
"Just doing my duty. Lieutenant Helders takes his meals every day in the cafeteria. And he always eats the same thing—meat on the bone. So I injected a slow-acting poison into every cut of meat in the cafeteria."
"Into…every cut of meat?!"
"I needed to make sure that he ingested the poison. There was no other way. Okay, so around twenty to thirty other people will probably die, but that's a small price to pay. We can't quibble over a little collateral damage, you know."
She was nothing more than a terrorist! Her methods were far too out of line! Of course, it was nice than she was helping me, but did she have to take it to the extreme?!
Yohann turned his wild gaze on me. He looked like a starving beast.
"H-heh-heh! Wh-what's wrong, Commander? It's too late to turn on the wuh-wuh-waterworks and try to worm your way out of this n-now! I'm gonna in-in-incinerate you and send you s-straight to the inf-inf-infirmary!"
"Er, I think you're the one who needs to go to the infirmary."
"What you say?! D-d-don't look down your nose at me! I'll buh-burn off all your hair!"
Yikes, threats aside, he really did look worse for wear. And what did he mean, burn off my hair?
Just as I was feeling super conflicted, a gigantic clang rang out. It was the gong marking the start of the match. The roar of the crowd reached fever pitch, and I could hear people starting to yell things like, "Kill him!" and "Die, pig!" …It was almost loud enough to pierce my eardrums.
"I'm gonna kuh-kuh-kill you!!! Nnng! BLURGH!!!"
"Eeeeeeek!!!"
He was approaching me now, puke spurting from his mouth and… something else…spurting from the other end. It was splattering everywhere.
And yikes, he was shambling so slowly. He looked like an old man who was having a senior moment. Or maybe a zombie.
"Vill! Do something! Children shouldn't be witnessing this! It's like a horror movie!"
"In that case, Lady Komari, please use your magic."
"Whaaat?! If I could use magic, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"
"It's okay, just pretend to be casting it. When I give the signal, just snap your fingers. Make it showy, so the audience sees it. Ready? Five, four, three, two…now!"
SNAP.
…All I did was snap my fingers, as instructed.
Instantly, Yohann vanished with a fwump. No, he didn't vanish. He descended. All of a sudden, a massive hole opened in the ground. What?
"Wooow!!!" "What a spell!" "She just opened up a hole at her enemy's feet!" "Such precision!" "Such power!" "That's advanced magic, all right! It's called the Kingdom Cracker!" "But I didn't sense her casting any spell at all…" "Which means the commander can cast magic invisibly! Incredible!" "Ah, I see! She must have used the advanced-level spell
Lacquered Wings!" "Wow! She really is supreme!" "Amazing, Commander!"
The crowd was going wild. I could hear Vill in my ear.
"I dug a hole in the arena floor last night."
"You did what now?!"
"Yeah, and I filled the bottom of the hole with bamboo spears. Lieutenant Helders ought to be nicely skewered right now, like a shish kebab."
Gosh, that was sick! But hold on… There was a major hole in her plan, pun intended. Where was the guarantee that Helders would be the one to trigger her pit trap? It could have been me! Did that thought not even cross her crazy mind?!
"Don't worry. Just stay still. I wanted to make sure I got him, so I actually dug a whole bunch of holes all over the arena. That way, he was
bound to fall in no matter which direction he took."
"…"
Was I in hell? Trembling from the danger I could sense all around me, I gazed up blankly at the crowd. For some reason, they had all gotten to their feet in excitement. Confused, I turned to see a bloody Yohann crawling his
way out of the pit. So he was still alive, then.
"Ha-ha-ha! You call that magic? Gimme a break! You…imposter!"
Guilty as charged. I watched silently as Yohann crawled his way out of the pit, his entire head stained crimson. Staggering to his feet, he conjured two fireballs as his eyes burned into mine.
"You set that little trap up last night, didn't you? Can't win if it's a fair fight, can you?"
Nope. Sorry.
"What a rude little man. Lady Komari, hit him with some smack talk!"
Ugh, I'd rather not. But I needed to play the tough guy, or I would meet a very sticky end.
So…
"Ha-ha-ha! Very amusing! As if a warrior of my caliber would need to resort to traps! Nonsense! Ludicrous! You're a dim-witted fool, Yohann Helders! An insect! I'll kill you just as easily as swatting a fly! Then I'll blend you up like a smoothie and sip on you while relaxing after my evening bath! Hah!"
"""OOOOHHH!"""
The crowd frothed in excitement. Then, Yohann seemed to completely snap.
"Let's see you try it, you duplicitous wench! Yaaaargh!!!"
"Vill! Help! He's really mad!"
"You shouldn't have incensed him. But leave it to me. Ah, but one snag—there aren't actually any more pitfall traps between his current position and yours."
"What?! I thought you dug a whole bunch of them?"
"Just the bad luck of the draw. What else do you want me to say?"
"You…idiot!!!"
Just then, a flaming fireball streaked past, almost singeing my ear. Shocked, I whirled around to face Yohann. He was pelting fireballs in my direction furiously, his whole body dripping with blood. Even his eyeballs
were scarlet.
"Hyah-ha-ha! Burn, burn, you wench!!!"
"Whoa! T-time out…"
He was like some kind of horrible fire demon, shambling his way toward me and leaving flaming drops of blood in his wake. The fireballs he'd been chucking in all directions had landed and continued to burn. The arena was starting to heat up, and a ring of fire had formed all around us. Though he seemed to have little control over his aim, he was narrowing in on me. It was only a matter of time before one of his fireballs made contact. After all…I couldn't move.
"Vill! Should I snap my fingers again…?"
"Nah, too late."
"Too late?! You mean…my time's up? Give me a freakin'…"
…Break, I was about to say. But before I could finish, there was an immense explosion.
It felt like my eyes were about to fly from their sockets.
A blast of hot air hit me like a truck. It was all I could do to stay on my feet. The blast seemed to have come from the position where Yohann had just been standing. Unable to process what was happening, I covered my face with my arms. In my magic earpiece, I heard Vill's cool, calm tones.
"Ah, that'll be the land mine."
What…? A land mine?
"He must have stepped on one. It was about time he did. I buried about ninety-six of them all throughout the stadium."
"This arena is a total deathtrap because of you!!!"
How much prep had Vill actually done?!
Had she been out here all night, tinkering with her little tricks and traps? All to save my life, I guess?
"Well, that's the end of Lieutenant Helders. You win, Lady Komari."
"I mean…I guess so…"
The billowing clouds of smoke were starting to dissipate. What had happened to Yohann? Had he been reduced to a pile of charred body parts? I didn't really want to find out…
Suddenly, the crowd gasped.
I blinked in complete disbelief.
Yohann Helders was still alive! Alive, but crawling, bit by bit, like a caterpillar. Crawling toward…me!
Even though he was a complete mess, he still refused to give up… For a moment, I found myself overwhelmed with respect for him, but then—
"Hee! Hee! Good…trick, you…wench! Gonna capture you… Burn off all your clothes… Expose you in front of everyone… Make you do a fire dance buck naked… Hee!"
Terror hit me like a sledgehammer.
But it was too late for that.
Yohann continued to slither and crawl his way right up to my feet.
I considered fleeing, but I couldn't move an inch. Vill's booby traps were all around me, remember? But I needn't have worried. Out of nowhere, Yohan's strength seemed to have depleted, even as he grasped for me with a
clawlike hand.
He wasn't moving anymore. This time he was dead for sure.
Oh, what a relief! Ah, but I felt bad rejoicing over someone's demise.
Still, the winner of a duel has the right to rejoice in their victory. I placed my foot on top of his head (gently, of course) and raised my arms high in the air as I prepared to give my victory speech.
"The mutinous wretch has been exterminated!!"
"HAAAIIILLL!!!"
The crowd went nuts. My Seventh Unit soldiers completely lost their heads in the excitement and stormed the arena. Fools! This whole place was one gigantic booby trap!
I cringed as explosions started to pop off all over the arena, but at the same time, I was overcome by a strange emotion.
I was happy I'd survived, of course, but I felt sort of terrible about Yohann. He'd suffered so many wounds. You couldn't even call this self-
defense. It went way beyond that. And some of the tricks we'd used were really, really unsportsmanlike. Despite all that, my subordinates were chanting "Komarin! Komarin!" (Even as several of them went up in smoke from stepping on land mines…). Yeah, I just felt kind of…crappy about everything.
"Hey, Vill…I kinda feel like we're deceiving everyone…"
"We're totally deceiving everyone. Duh."
"Gah! I know, I know, you're right…"
"You're far too good a person, Lady Komari. A Crimson Lord should be more cutthroat. Please try to work on that."
"Okay…"
Well, no point dwelling on things.
I gazed out across the stadium. Land mines were still going off here and there. BOOM, BOOM. I heaved a sigh. Whoa! That was a close one! Ack! Body parts!
***
And so I managed to narrowly cheat death.
By the way, all of the wounded, Yohann included, were taken to the infirmary straight after the duel. I say infirmary, but it's more like a morgue. Like a warehouse for storing bodies securely until the Dark Core can do its
work and revive them. If this place were a hotel, it would have negative five stars.
But I digress.
I arrived back home exhausted, but I needed to take a bath. My hair and clothes were drenched in blood, and I was covered in sweat. I didn't even know whose blood it was. I needed to wash up before hitting the hay.
Otherwise, I knew I'd have bad dreams all night.
So I headed off to the dressing room. But then…
"Hey, you. I was just about to take a bath."
"All right. I'll prepare you a change of clothes."
"…"
"Is something wrong?"
"What are you going to be doing while I'm in the bath?"
"My duties, of course."
"…"
"Enjoy your bath."
Vill left with a smile.
Suspicious. Highly suspicious. What was suspicious? I wasn't sure myself. All I knew was that it was suspicious.
I mean, this was the sicko maid we were talking about. How many times had I been subjected to her groping? And we're not talking subtle touches. We're talking manhandling the goods. Repeatedly.
"…Whatever."
I was probably just overthinking things.
I mean, take yesterday, for example. Nothing weird happened yesterday, right? Or the night before. So I should just put Vill out of mind. Reading too far into things was only going to lead to excess stress building up in my body.
I shook my head and slapped my cheeks briskly. Then I got undressed and stepped into the bathing area. I don't know what kinda bathtubs they've got in normal people houses, but I have the feeling ours is exceptionally large. You could swim laps in it if you wanted.
By the way, I can't swim.
After washing my hair and body over at the wall showers, I dipped a toe into the steaming hot bathtub.
Then I sank in right up to my shoulders and heaved a humongous sigh.
"Ahhhh! I can't believe I survived today!"
I was still reflecting on the afternoon's duel.
The blond guy…Yohann Helders…he seemed to really despise me. I guess it made sense, though. Anyone would hate it if a rich aristocrat's daughter with zero credentials showed up as their new boss. In fact, it was the other guys—the ones who worshiped me like some kind of goddess—who were the weirdos.
Yeah, Yohann had my number all right.
If the others found out about my true character, they'd turn on and usurp me just as he had.
I'd managed to eke out a victory at today's duel, thanks to Vill, but the next time I was called upon to defend my honor, I'd end up on the morgue slab for sure…
"…"
Darn, when I thought of it like that, Vill was my only ally in all this…
And she never once criticized me for being me.
She always seemed to just…accept me. Weaknesses and all.
And how many times had she come to my rescue…?
"I should probably thank her…"
"I appreciate the sentiment very much. But perhaps instead of a verbal expression of gratitude, you could express it with…your body?"
"I knew it!!!"
I'd been expecting this, you see. The second I heard her voice, I scrambled. But I forgot about my lack of strength and coordination. And the fact it's hard to run through water also slipped my mind. I splashed and floundered for about five steps before Vill came bounding through the water like a human grasshopper, cutting off my exit.
"Damn it! Why are you here?! You said you were doing work!"
"Yeah, that was a lie."
"Ugh! I should never have trusted you! Wait…don't squeeze those… Yeeek!!!"
I looked down at Vill's fingers, interlocked around my midsection, and saw that they were red and swollen with multiple nasty-looking cuts.
Whoa, hold on…
"Now then, Lady Komari, shall we…soak together?"
"You're injured!!!"
"…!"
I felt like time froze for a few moments.
The next second, the sicko maid jumped away from me with a huge splash. I raised an eyebrow, slightly tickled that I'd rattled her for once. But never mind that now! Vill was composing her expression, hiding her hands
behind her back.
"It's just blisters. They'll be all healed up by tomorrow. Dark Core and all."
"But they look super painful!"
"Pain is fleeting. Besides, they're only superficial wounds."
That was beside the point. I wasn't backing down on this.
"Tell me how you got those wounds."
"No."
"That's an order. Tell me at once."
Vill chewed her lip for a second, looking torn. I stared her down until she sighed and finally started talking.
"Remember the pitfall traps I set up to kill Yohann Helders?"
"Yeah."
"I dug them all by hand. With a shovel."
"You did all that landscaping work by yourself?!"
"The only magic skills I have involve poisoning…"
"I…I see…"
"…"
We gazed at each other silently for a few moments.
The sicko maid's cheeks were cherry red.
But she wasn't blushing because we were both buck naked. She was embarrassed that I'd pointed out her injuries. What a strange girl she was…
"I apologize. I'd rather you hadn't seen that. It's shameful."
Vill hung her head, wearing an expression of remorse. Her usual aura of perversion seemed to have vanished into the steamy air. What a fool she was!
"It's not shameful at all."
I gathered my courage and slid over to Vill in the water. Before I could reach her, though, a wave of embarrassment washed over me, so I could go no farther. Instead, I plopped down on my butt.
Clutching my knees to my chest under the water, I cleared my throat several times.
"You really worked hard for me, didn't you, Vill? If it weren't for you, I would be dead by now. I really…I really appreciate what you've done. So, um…you don't have to hide the wounds you got helping me. I mean…this might sound a bit sappy, but…I feel like I should have been there to share the burden with you, to share the pain…"
I was stumbling over my sentences. Words really are inadequate when it comes to expressing the true feelings of the heart, huh. This wasn't what I wanted to express to her at all. I mean, I didn't even know what I wanted to
convey myself…
"Um, anyway, what I mean to say is…thank you. That's all. Do you get that?"
Who could understand this gibberish? I thought. But…
"I do."
"Huh? You do?"
"I understand that you love me, Lady Komari."
"…"
Oh, uh, that's not really what I meant. But whatever.
"Lady Komari?"
"Yeah?"
"You're always the same old Lady Komari…aren't you?"
I turned my head to look at her. To my surprise, she was smiling.
"I'm just an average, nondescript vampire, you know? Not a weirdo like you and the rest of the unit…"
"No, that's not what I meant…"
But she trailed off, as if she'd changed her mind about what she was going to say. I waited for a few moments, but then I decided it probably wasn't important anyway. I'd just drop it.
Instead, I brought up something that had been worrying me a little.
"Hey, are you having an okay time with me? It must be quite grueling trying to keep a useless weakling of a vampire like me alive all the time…"
"Not at all. I have my special ability to rely on."
"You mean your poisoning magic?"
"Core Implosion."
What was that?
"It's another type of power, distinct from magic. It's a little hard to wield it, but…anyway, it's nothing for you to worry about, Lady Komari. All you need to know is that it's not a burden for me to look after you. No trouble at
all."
I didn't get it.
"…Okay… But why are you so attached to me anyhow? It's a little creepy, you know."
"It's because you're a total knockout beauty. That's why."
"Yeah, I know that already. But that's not what I mean. It feels like there's some kind of special reason why you're so attached to me."
Vill sighed a little.
She paused for a long time before speaking up again.
"I committed a crime, you know."
"I'm aware of that, too."
"What? You've heard about that?"
"Yeah, sexual harassment. On me. Multiple counts by now."
Vill pouted then grinned. Don't get too comfortable, though, deviant maid. If I wanted to, I could pull up your criminal record using my government connections anytime… Wait! I could get some dirt on her like this! Then I would be free from the curse of the strawberry milk!!!
"It's not the kind of offense you'd ever guess, Lady Komari. It was terribly serious."
"Terribly serious? Did you grope me while I was sleeping or something?!"
"Oh, I do that every night. I'm talking about something that happened in the past…the reason I was sent down to work as a maid. My punishment. One day I'll tell you all about it. When the time's right."
"Oh, okay… Huh?"
I felt like there was a part of that sentence I should have been more concerned about, but Vill looked so peaceful and happy right now that I didn't have the heart to chastise her. A grave infraction. Terribly serious…based on how solemn Vill seemed about it, I guessed it wasn't something on the level of simple perversion. I was curious, of course, but I didn't intend to press her about it. I could wait
until she was ready to tell me herself.
For a while after that, we just chilled out together and enjoyed a nice bath.
What was weird, though, was that Vill didn't make any further attempts to grope me.
It felt kind of…lonely…I mean, no no no! Wake up, Komari! She's got you addicted to her pervert schtick!!!