The following morning. In my room. In my bed.
I awoke from a horrible nightmare.
A vision that terrified me half to death.
In the dream, the soldiers found out about my physical weaknesses and killed me. They dropped me into a big pot of boiling water as I screamed and wailed. They were so mad at me. After all that worshiping, they felt as though I'd betrayed them. After boiling me for about ten minutes, they crisped me up in hot oil and served me as fried chicken at the dinner table. I saw a pretty girl licking her lips as I was served, and I'm pretty sure it was Vill. That sicko maid, who ignores every one of my orders… With a smirk on her face, she skewered me with a fork and gulped me down into her belly…
"Good morning, Lady Komari."
"Whaaat?!"
I whirled around in terror to find something that totally shocked me.
Vill had burrowed her way into my blankets.
Though I tried to scramble away from her, she locked her arms around my midsection and held me tight.
"Wh-what the heck are you doing here?!"
"Don't you remember? You asked me to sleep on the floor beside your bed. Ah, just remembering how we tussled last night sets my loins ablaze!"
"I don't recall asking any such thing!"
"Ooh my!"
As I leaped out of bed, backing the deviant maid against the wall by her neck, as mad as a hissing cat, I suddenly realized she was stark naked! Agh! She really was a sicko!
"You… What have you been doing to me?!"
Vill gave me an impish smile.
"Thank you. It was most delicious."
I felt a chill go down my spine. I would rather have been turned into fried chicken than this.
"Oh dear, you're shivering. I can warm you up if you'd like…"
"N-no thanks! Put some clothes on! You'll catch a cold!"
"Aren't you interested in girls?"
"Girls? Yeah, sure. But why are you asking that now…?"
"Oh, you do? I'm so glad."
Vill smiled, seeming pleased about. something. I got the feeling we were totally misunderstanding each other in ways that could prove dangerous, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. It was probably just my imagination anyway.
She jumped back on the bed then did a quick twirl. All at once, she was dressed in her maid outfit again, like a magic trick.
"So answer. What are you doing here?"
Vill jumped off the bed with a flounce.
"I came to share the act of love with you, Lady Komari…"
"Enough of that already!"
"I came to have sex with you, Lady Komari…"
"I wasn't asking you to remove the euphemism!"
It was far too early in the morning for such bawdy talk. Having to chastise her was also pretty draining.
Anyway, I just wanted to move past this.
"Answer me. What are you doing in my room?"
"I have two reasons."
Vill put up two fingers.
"The first is because I am your personal maid, Lady Komari. Waiting on you hand and foot morning, noon, and night is my job."
"You really don't need to bother."
"The second reason is because I'm desperate to learn all I can about you, Lady Komari! The article in this morning's paper was very enlightening, and I couldn't wait to see you. So I broke down your door to get inside."
"You…broke down the door?!"
Looking over at the entrance to my room, I noticed for the first time that the doorframe was empty and the door itself was lying in several pieces on the floor. This was a blatant case of breaking and entering! That was a crime!
Okay, I wasn't going to think of her as a sicko maid anymore. She was getting an upgrade. Now I was going to think of her as a sicko, criminal maid.
"Lady Komari, never mind the door. Take a look at the newspaper. See, there's a photo from yesterday."
"Are you insane?! Who cares about that when—"
As my eye fell on the newspaper that Vill was holding out to me, the door completely left my mind. I couldn't comprehend this. It was unbelievable. I was on the front page. It was my beautiful face, the same one I saw in the
mirror every morning. And the article itself read…
NEWEST CRIMSON LORD SPEAKS: "I'LL TURN THE ENTIRE WORLD INTO OMELET RICE"
The newest Crimson Lord of the Mulnite Empire, Terakomari Gandesblood, pulled off a stunning victory as supreme commander
during the battle against our neighbors of the Lapelico Kingdom on the eighth day of this month. Gandesblood inherited her position on the seventh day of this month from her predecessor, Augus Nuppaiyer, who was himself slain on the second day of this month… Blah, blah, blah… The defeated commander of the Lapelico Kingdom's forces,
Commander Hades Molekikki, had this to say when we caught up with him: "I do not accept this defeat. She'd better be watching her back." According to our sources, a revenge match has already been discussed. In her victory speech, Commander Gandesblood said the following: "I love omelet rice. I'm going to wipe out all the commanders of the other five countries, and then spread ketchup all over the world as if it were a giant omelet all for me!" Her choice of words speaks to a
bloodthirsty nature, which… Blah, blah, that's enough reading.
This was dreadful reporting! This was…this was FAKE NEWS!
What was wrong with that demented journalist?! I only said that bit about liking omelets over rice as a favor to her, an extra tidbit of Komari info! That wasn't some kind of coded message! Way to jump to conclusions!
"How photogenic you are, Lady Komari. You look like a very naughty Empress."
"That article is a disaster! It makes it sound like I've declared war on all the other countries!"
"Indeed, it does. You had better watch out for that chimpanzee fellow. After all, this is a national paper. And you basically announced that you have evil intentions toward everyone."
"Aaagh!!!"
Clutching my head, I flopped back onto the bed. The heck?! Just when I was starting to think I would be able to enjoy three sweet months of quality shut-in time…that blasted rag! Now all the other countries would be vying for my blood and declaring war! Ugh! The press SUCKS!
"Don't worry, Lady Komari. I shall guard your chastity."
"You're more of a threat to my chastity than anyone else is!"
Vill had somehow wormed her way back onto the bed beside me. I gave her the mightiest shove I could muster and managed to push her off. Then I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to dissociate from reality. I was
not going to participate in any more wars. I'd made up my mind, and nobody could force me. I was just going to stay here in my little blanket fort and shut out the world forever.
"Lady Komari, about today's schedule…"
"Can't hear you! Can't hear a thing! Today's my day off!"
"Just because there are no battles planned doesn't mean you get a day off. A Crimson Lord must be on call day in and day out."
"Tell them I'm sick."
"This is not school, Lady Komari. If you plan to stay wrapped up in that blanket all day, well…I have plans of my own in that case."
"Hmph. Don't go getting violent and trying to drag me out. If you take even one step closer, I'll set off my personal safety alarm and start screaming, I warn you!"
"The formula for strawberry milk…"
"…"
All of a sudden, I froze.
Wait a minute, wasn't that…
"I want a love that's as sweet as strawberry milk…"
"…"
"Sweet and creamy, oh so soft on the tongue…no sharpness, no bitterness, just smooth and warm like the sun…I want a love like that…"
"…Wait…"
"You may say I've read too many fairy tales… You may laugh and say such love doesn't exist…and I thought so, too, at first. But ever since I met you, my world has been tinged as pink as strawberry milk…"
"CUT IT OUT!!!"
A roar bubbled up inside me and spewed from my mouth.
I leaped out of bed without even realizing what I was doing and flew at the sicko maid. But I was powerless against her superior arm strength, and before I knew it, she had me in a wrestling hold.
She moved her face right up to mine, grinning. I could feel her breath.
"Your heartfelt work is most inspired, Lady Komari."
"Gahhh!"
My cheeks felt as hot as magma.
After desperately flapping my lips for a few moments, I managed to speak.
"Where did you find it?"
"It was written on a scrap of paper in the wastepaper basket here in your room."
"…"
"What was it, a trashed manuscript draft? I made a copy for my own personal use, just in case."
"…"
"I was very surprised to discover that you write romance novels. You don't seem to have had much experience with relationships."
"…"
"By the way, if you still insist on shirking your duties, I'll make copies of your manuscript and post them up all over the palace. Don't worry, I'll make sure you're properly credited."
"…"
"Hmm? Lady Komari? Are you listening? Lady Komari?"
I grabbed Vill by the collar. More like I was hanging off it.
Then I pleaded with her through tightly clenched teeth.
"I'll do anything you say…anything! But please! Don't tell a soul!"
…Splurt!
For some reason, a fountain of blood came spurting out of the sicko maid's nose…
***
Now it's time for a little contemplation. It seemed my biggest issue at present was the fact that the sicko maid had dirt she could use against me. Things would go out of control very quickly if I allowed her to get the upper hand. If she threatened to blab about my romance writing, I might lose the ability to
fend her off if she tried any freaky stuff on me. That would be bad. Very, very bad. I needed a plan, and fast.
Plan 1: Get ahold of the copies of the novel excerpts she has and burn them. Ah, no, that won't work. Vill has probably already memorized them word for word and could rewrite them at any time. Pointless.
Plan 2: Find a way to erase the weirdo maid's memories… Ah, no, that won't work. I can't use memory-obliterating magic, and I feel as if punching her in the head in the hopes of inducing amnesia would be a touch too cruel.
Besides, I don't have enough arm strength for that.
Plan 3: Find her weakness and use it against her. Ah, yes. This was the only thing that came to mind right now that would work. If I could get a juicy scoop on her, something that made my novel writing look insignificant by
comparison, then I could flip the situation to my advantage. Okay, so what Ineeded to do was monitor Vill closely, around the clock. Even by sleeping in the same room, if possible. I'd start my observations now. Stare mode activate…
"L-Lady Komari…don't stare so much. You'll make me blush, ahhh!"
"Enough with the erotic moans!"
Darn it! She was always two steps ahead.
I definitely needed to find out the weirdo maid's shortcomings ASAP, but right now I did have a more pressing issue to attend to.
The issue of work, that is.
By this time, we'd relocated to the Crimson Tower office.
Each of the Seven Crimson Lords of the Mulnite Empire had their own private office. My quarters, located on the top floor of the Crimson Tower, were crazy big and luxurious. If I peered out the windows, I could see the
whole city spread out below. But I had no time to enjoy the view. As much as I hated it, I was going to have to engage in the act of labor.
"So what's on the table?"
"Ah, right. Well, Lady Komari, you're about to have a meeting with your subordinates."
I scowled reflexively. Didn't I just have a meeting with them the other day? But Vill shook her head, interpreting my expression with embarrassing ease.
"The purpose of today's conference is for you to get to know the higher-ranked officers, the top brass. Those good-for-nothing hooligans are going to be your right-hand men, so it's better to get off on the right foot with them by
having a friendly introduction, don't you think?"
"Did you just say 'good-for-nothing hooligans'…? Isn't a hooligan a bad thing?"
"'Hooligans' is the most accurate description. They're mercenary and self-serving, so they won't hesitate to overthrow you in an instant."
"I see, I see. Excuse me, potty break."
She grabbed me by the shoulders.
"Let gooo! I don't wanna die yet!"
"STRAWBERRY. MILK."
I sat down.
Vill began detailing the day's schedule in a brisk and official manner.
"Besides me, there are four other officials who will be attending with you. Oh, but one's dead right now, so they won't be able to make the conference."
"Wish they were all dead."
"Ahem. Your main order of business today, Lady Komari, is to chat with the other three officers and develop a strategy for going forward. Simple, right?"
"There's nothing simple about any of this."
I scowled. If I made even the tiniest error here, I'd end up crispier than fried chicken.
Anyway, what did people usually talk about in gatherings? And what was this "strategy for going forward"? I had no idea what that even meant. Since I had no knowledge of military stuff (besides theoretical battle strategy), my
plan was to say as little as possible. In fact, I had already decided that was how I would approach everything from now on.
"Don't fret, Lady Komari. All you need to do is sit there and say 'Mm-hmm,' and 'I see,' and 'Indeed' at regular intervals. Or I guess you could just nod along; that would also work. The others will take care of everything else,
you see."
"Are you sure that's going to be okay? If they figure I'm clueless about military stuff, they're gonna overthrow me…"
"If you're that worried about it… Hmm, yes…the best thing to do would be to compliment them; butter them up as much as possible. Win over their hearts, and then you'll be safe."
"But what would please them?"
"Well, in my case…a hug as a reward for all I do would go such a long way…"
"We're not talking about you right now."
I planned to just go with "I really respect all your hard work, guys!" and leave it at that. Logically, everyone wants the boss to appreciate them, right? I just hoped they operated from positions of reason…
"Now, here are the individuals you'll be meeting with today…"
Vill pulled three documents out of a folder and spread them out on the table. They looked like résumés.
"First, please familiarize yourself with their backgrounds. That will make the conversation go more smoothly."
"I see… Hey, wait, Vill. This guy's a dog!"
Attached to one of the files was a picture of a canine head. Ha-ha, it looked like a dog's résumé! But I remembered this guy. He was the one who took out the Chimpanzee during yesterday's battle. Thanks to him, I didn't have to go out onto the battlefield. So I guess he saved my life. All right, he gets one point for being a very, very good boy.
"That's Lieutenant Bellius Hund Cerbero. He used to be in the Sixth Unit, but he murdered someone and got demoted."
"Oh my gosh! Are you sure he's safe?!"
I was shocked. Bad dog! Very bad dog!
But wait a minute. It seemed clear that my squad, the Seventh Unit, got all the troublemakers and outlaws from the other groups. So did that mean…
"Wh-what about this guy?"
"Ah, Lieutenant Caostel Conto? He was demoted on suspicion of kidnapping a little girl."
"Goodness! That's a terrible crime!"
"And this one is Captain Mellaconcey. He was demoted after a failed terrorist plot to blow up the palace."
"A terrorist? Why is he walking around free?!"
My head was spinning.
What kind of place had I entered employment into?!
Pale in the face, I sank down onto the (very gorgeous, ornate, and fancy) chair. Then I felt a hand plop down my head. Vill was patting it in a soothing manner. Stop that!
"There's no need to be anxious. If anyone bothers you at all, Lady Komari, I will turn them into charcoal."
"Vill, you—"
"Now, let us begin preparations for the meeting. Please don't be afraid. I'll be with you the entire time."
She dropped me a saucy wink. I felt a little relieved and a little impressed. She may have been a pervert, but I felt I could count on her to do her job and support me fully in this.
Maybe I should say something nice to her. To express my gratitude.
"Th-thanks, Vi—"
"Snurrrf! Lady Komari! Your hair smells so good! Oh, this is so much better than simply sniffing your pillow! Mmm, this sweet, strawberry-milk-like scent could send me right to heaven! Snurrrf!"
"You're the most disgusting person I've ever met!!!"
At some point, she stopped stroking my hair and started sniffing it.
Huffing on it.
Forget the gratitude. Ugh!!!
Ten minutes later, the other three officers of the Seventh Unit arrived at my office on Vill's summons. As they slunk in, the atmosphere in the room grew heavy and oppressive. I felt like I'd been locked in a cage with hungry carnivorous animals. Oh gosh, they were seriously scary. Wish I'd gone for that potty break.
I checked out the three men in front of me as subtly as I could.
On the right, Caostel Conto. Tall and stringy like a bare winter tree, one of those unsmiling weirdos.
In the center, Bellius Hund Cerbero. A dog's head and a muscly body. A convicted murderer!
On the left, Mellaconcey. A terrorist and rapper with a flashy persona.
Any one of these dudes could spell my end.
"Greetings, Commander. What business have you with us today?"
Caostel grinned at me. Oh, he totally kidnapped that little girl. I wasn't a kid anymore so I was probably safe, but I would have to be on high alert around him. I nodded, trying hard to seem relaxed and confident.
"Please, just take a seat."
"…"
"What's wrong? There's no need to stand on ceremony. Please, sit down."
But my subordinates remained completely still.
I gazed at them in confusion until Bellius finally spoke. "Commander," he said, "there are no chairs."
We forgot the chairs?! Aaargh!!!
This would leave a terrible impression of the new commander, aka me! Sitting in this fancy seat while my subordinates hunkered down on the floor before me?! No one does that anymore! It was totally a human rights violation!
"Nonsense, Bellius! The commander has told you to sit, so your job is to sit, chair be damned! If she tells you to place your posterior on a roaring campfire, you sit! If she tells you to settle down on a bed of nails, you sit! And if she orders you to sit in her lap…hee! You SIT! Got that?"
"Check it! A mutt's gotta sit if he wants ta be legit! Wanna bone? Got no throne? That don't matter, dude, just park it!"
"Who are you calling a mutt?!"
A big fist suddenly collided with Mellaconcey's nose, sending spittle and snot flying. A moment later, Bellius dropped to a knee in front of me in a bow of contrition, rubbing his knuckles.
"I apologize for that, Supreme Commander! I shall sit on the floor with gratitude!"
The three of them hunkered down on the ground.
Yikes.
Double yikes!
Infinite yikes!!! That brutal act of random violence had me freaked out so bad that the chair snafu now seemed totally insignificant. But I couldn't wimp out yet. Not as a proud Crimson Lord. Pulling myself together, I
cleared my throat to speak.
"Uh, anyway! Thank you for taking the time to attend this conference today. I know this is sudden, but I hoped to have our first strategy meeting. Let's discuss where to take the Seventh Unit, starting with the overall direction of our operations henceforth!"
"A tactics meeting? I like the sound of that! Seems so official!"
Caostel was beaming. Bellius and Mellaconcey seemed interested, too. Okay. Things were going well so far.
"Let's dive right in. Here's my question… What direction were you all leaning toward?"
"Constant, all-out war," answered Bellius.
"I'd love to see you in action, Supreme Commander," replied Caostel.
"I wanna rap battle with the Supe-Com! Dig it!" responded Mellaconcey.
I wasn't really sure what the last one was talking about, but eh. Still, it was clear as day that the Seventh Unit was chock-full of battle-hungry berserkers.
"I…I see. So fighting is the way to go, eh?"
"You got it."
Caostel shrugged.
"You're well aware, right, Commander? The Seventh Unit is all made up of people like us, troublemakers and extremists who screwed up in our previous posts and got lumped together here. Well, most of our problems
came from our insatiable need to throw down and rumble. For instance, a major battle got called off this one time because of a typhoon. But we couldn't deal with it, so we hit up a town and went a little crazy to let off steam. Some of us even got so mad at the enemy side, who canceled the engagement, that we went over there to assassinate their commander anyway. Stuff like that, you know."
Yeah, and also, you kidnapped a little girl.
But I wasn't about to bring that up to his face. If what Caostel was saying was true, then the Seventh Unit was more of a band of radicals than a military unit. Going around assassinating people isn't really in the martial spirit after all. That's got to breach, like, a bunch of international treaties.
"Okay, I think I get the picture. You guys wanna throw hands more than anything else in the world, right?"
"Yes, Commander."
"Okay, okay, noted. I can dig that. I mean, I'm a warrior, too, y'know. I've tasted the thrill of imminent battle, known the bloodlust that comes over you all of a sudden and makes you wanna rip off an enemy head or two."
That was obviously total bluff by the way. However…
"In that case, Commander, might I ask you to spar with me tomorrow?"
The dog-man gazed at me with expectant eyes.
I froze up for a second. But then…
"Goodness, what utter barefaced cheek! You think you deserve to go up against me? If you want to duel me so bad, then let it be after you've first slain the enemy commander! If you still have the will to fight afterward, I'll
indulge you!"
"I see…"
His canine ears flicked and lay back against his head. It was kinda cute… Wait, no! Stop it! He's not a real dog! He doesn't play fetch or shake paws— he's a ferocious wolf-beast with murder on the brain!
"Dig it! Mutt gets rejected, now he's all dejected! Supreme Commander, his attitude's corrected!"
The ridiculous rapper received another fist smash to the face and went flying across the room. Those two were such an odd couple.
Steadying my nerves, I cleared my throat.
"Uh, anyway! It seems you're already set on how to proceed! That makes this conference pretty superfluous! So war it is! We'll war as much as your fearsome hearts desire!"
But I had to add a single caveat.
"However! I, personally, do not stoop to boring engagements! Yes, it's good to rack up the numbers, but I feel quality matters more than quantity! Thus, if it's the kind of fight that won't satisfy my bloodlust, I shall not partake. I shall simply remain at HQ and direct the battle."
"B-but, Supreme Commander!"
"Don't be disappointed, Caostel. I simply won't participate in conflicts that are beneath me… It's just my personal philosophy. There will be plenty of conflicts, rest assured, but you'll be doing the fighting yourselves for the most part."
"I…I understand."
Caostel looked like he had more to say on the subject, but the other two had no strong reaction to what I was saying. Ah, yes, I was playing thisperfectly. These fellows would be satisfied with plenty of chances to slake their bloodlust.
But then Vill stepped in front of me and cleared her throat.
"Now then, I will take over the arrangements regarding future operations. If you have any opinions, I do intend to take them on board, so please notify me of them. Thank you."
She lifted up her skirts and curtsied. Slightly impressed, I raised an eyebrow. I had assumed she was nothing more than a dirty perv, but it appeared she could be businesslike when she really tried.
So I guess that concluded the meeting… It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I'd been expecting. I felt silly now for being so trepidatious about it! Okay, time to head back and maybe do a little more novel writing…
"Finally, I believe it's time for Supreme Commander Terakomari to dole out some special rewards for a job well done the other day. The commander was very pleased with the performance against the Lapelico Kingdom and has decided to offer special tokens of her gratitude to say thank you. You
may request anything, so long as it has nothing to do with military matters or
strategies. Please, take this opportunity to state your heart's desire."
"Wait, wait, what?"
I dragged Vill quickly to a corner of the room and scrunched my face up against hers in a frenzy.
"Special rewards?! Can't we just go home already?!"
"I already mentioned this. Praising and providing for your subordinates will decrease the likelihood of them revolting against you."
"Yeah, but…I get it, but…"
"Please, don't fret. You're the leader of that bunch of punks…and you're a Crimson Lord! They won't ask you anything crazy. And if they do ask something like, Let me smell you! or Let me squeeze your boobs!, all you have to do is have them executed."
"Why don't I just have you beheaded?"
"I have a special exemption when it comes to you, Lady Komari."
"I don't remember exempting you from anything! You know, you—"
"Supreme Commander!"
I whirled around. Caostel was looking this way, grinning widely.
"Wh-what is it, Caostel?"
"Ah, I have to say, what a generous commander you are! To gift us whatever we desire."
I wasn't the one who'd put it out there, but I couldn't exactly go retracting the offer now.
"…Uh, yeah. Well, hard work mustn't go unrewarded, and all that."
"Splendid! Has there ever been a Crimson Lord who has shown such care for her subordinates?! You are truly the most supreme of supreme commanders who ever commanded…supremely!"
What the heck was he on about?
"So I would love to have my request granted, if I may…?"
Still grinning, Caostel began casting magic. I stiffened, terrified that he was about to do me in, but he was merely casting an advanced-level magic spell called the Gates of Hell. It allowed one to temporarily store objects in
another dimension and retrieve them at will. It was very handy, and very advanced. Even in the Imperial Court, only a few magicians could pull it off. This stripped-tree-like fellow wasn't just your average weirdo after all.
I gulped, trying to relax as Caostel reached into the void and retrieved an object. It was a…camera?
"I'd love to photograph you! Say cheese, Commander!"
"Um, what? What for?"
Flash. He just took my picture. Hey, you're supposed to ask permission first!
"Ah, yes, I do love that stern expression on you! But a smile is what I'm after. Supreme Commander, I do apologize, but would you mind unclenching a little?"
"Hey, hold on! What are you taking pictures of me for anyhow?!"
"For my request. I get one request, right?"
"…"
"Now, now, don't worry. I won't use these photos for any nefarious purposes. But we've had a huge drop in new recruits to the Mulnite Imperial Army… After mulling over the issue, I realized that you would be an excellent draw to entice people to sign up! With these pictures, I plan to make a bunch of merch, like posters, calendars, and so on, to sell! It's good
business and good PR for the army. See what a beautiful…I mean, what an excellent commander we have here! It'll really bring in the loli— I mean, budding heroes who are yet to join! But that's not all. With your merch
circulating on the streets of town, the army's image will get a major boost! So you see, my request really is quite philanthropic and not at all self-serving! These pics won't be for personal use, cross my heart!"
While Caostel was delivering this speech, he continued to snap pics of me. Flash. Flash. Flash.
"You only get one request! You're taking tons of photos…"
"No, my request wasn't for a photo; it was for a photo shoot!"
What a greedy snake! Vill, can we get an execution order for this one?
"Let's have a series of wardrobe changes for Lady Komari's photo shoot! I just so happen to have a maid costume here, plus swimsuits, and even a kindergarten uniform!"
"One execution order, coming up! No, make that two!"
Furious over being betrayed in this way, I bolted for the door. Before I could reach it, the maid grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into a headlock. "Strawberry miiilk…," she hissed in my ear, and I went limp. Ah, yeah, I was too hasty. I needed to stay my rage, at least until I had some good dirt on the sicko maid that I could use to manipulate her. I couldn't take much more of this.
"Cut the crap! There's no way I'm agreeing to this!"
"But Lady Komari, you must open yourself up to your subordinates; otherwise you'll lose their support. Maybe they'll even rise up against you. Are you truly willing to take that risk?"
"Guhhh!"
"No, no, it wouldn't do to lose their favor. Now, be a good girl and get changed. I have so many naughty and sexy outfits for you, and I want you to try them all."
"You…you…PERVERTED MAID!"
I was powerless to resist as she dragged me off to get changed.
***
Thus began the fashion show from hell.
"If I have to wear a costume, couldn't it at least be something normal…?"
But my reasonable request fell on deaf ears. All the outfits were either drowning in frills, or were so skimpy, they left nothing to the imagination. Still, I had no say in what I wore as the camera flashed away. By the time I was finally released, the sun resembled a red fireball as it dipped down past the horizon.
I felt utterly ashamed. Now I could never be a bride. I'd have to return home and lock myself in my room for the rest of my life.
But my path was blocked by…
"Check it! Rap battle!"
"…What?"
"Rap battle!"
Despair overwhelmed me.
I'd forgotten that I had requests from three people to answer to that day. But a rap battle? Was he stupid? What's that, Vill? He's the scariest of the bunch, so I'd better do what he says? Darn it! Okay, you terrorist scum, let's
do this.
I think I was probably delirious from everything I'd been through and what was going on.
"Check it! Commander, what's your thrill? Is it going for the kill? A billion red poppies bloomin' on a hill? As for me, you can see, I ain't got no mercy! I'm the rappin', happenin', killin' machine, Mellaconcey! When I sing, they be like, 'Dude, my ears!' But I ain't what I appears! You and me, Komari, let's go slay a whole army!"
"Yo! Yo! It's me, Komari, havin' a heck of a time! I don't know how to rap, but I know how to rhyme! I'm the commander, take a gander, check this pinky finger on my hand here! A heaven-sent soldier to the Mulnite Empire,
but that don't mean I'm ya regular vampire. Rhymin' stuff is really tough, I think I've had enough, rap ain't my forte, I gotta say, but Komari, she, uh, she slay!"
The rap battle ended up lasting an entire hour.
By the time we were done, it was full dark outside. I was exhausted, but Mellaconcey was grinning, positively vibrating with happiness. That was good at least. As soon as our verbal bout finally ended, I accidentally made eye contact with Bellius. At first I was scared he was gonna make me do something else weird, but he just declared: "I'll postpone my request until a later date." Wow, at least the dog was a gentleman. Who knew?
So at last, my first meeting with my officers was over.
But what the heck kind of conference was that anyway?
I mean, an impromptu photo shoot? A rap battle? This was supposed to be a gathering, not a variety show!
And Vill, curse her…
"Today's meeting was a big success. You showed magnanimity to your subordinates, and you managed to procure their loyalty! Your work today will pay dividends later, and I think you'll see the benefits of it very soon!"
I just stared at her blankly.
Whatever. I was so done. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep.