Why am I still alive.?

I  thought that it had ended...the pain,....the suffering,...

...The Burden

The coughing blood is warm, too warm.

All this time my principles, my ideals, my vows, my.....life...

Was it just a waste, a small part of this epic or did my existence even mattered at all?

How will they  even remember me?

Or should I have changed my path when they said I can?

A smile imbued with guilt and relief stretched on the warriors face.

hehehe....coughs but not even blood comes out this time. It's still a little past dusk. His throat feels parched, dry as a drought in the land, he calls for someone but his voice doesn't disturb the cold hung air. 

The body feels heavy, the feeling in his hand still lingers. He can still move the palm, the fingers but his left arm is in front of his eyes, detached, lifeless on the ground still bleeding. The phantom limb is real, it pains too as if a detya(ghost/demon) is playing a trick on him.

why!?

WHY!!!!!?.....

WHY AM I STILL HERE!!!!?

sobs, cries and tears who were always an unwelcomed guests his whole life, even they have forsaken him today. There is not enough in his body to give him but still, he is somehow here.

Have I not suffered enough?....Have I not Endured enough?

Have I not given enough?  Tries to say softly, harshly. Anyway, anything? but no one heard his voice or rather there was no voice to be heard.

I can't even speak, can't even cry,  can't even .... Die!

Please, someone, help me,  I can't bear it anymore

He feels miserable, helpless like a dying pig in a sewer of blood.

I just want it all to end

.

.

"It can't end like this Adhirathi"

  A voice, It definitely was a voice he heard it, he knows it.

It's you, isn't it  Keshav?

A voice so tender, so enigmatic, there can't be any other voice like that. Whenever he speaks it feels like many people are in sync talking to him. Like what he says is right, there can't be any other truth.

It's definitely him. 

There was no answer, all he heard was the gushing of a cool breeze against his ear, so cold was the night that even his loose skin shrivelled but or was it due to the excess blood loss?

He can't see what's happening but he definitely can see a light behind him, getting brighter, coming closer. 

There was a pull in its heavy comfortable presence. It's coming closer, such a warmth feeling as if the coldness in the air was afraid of it, it hides away when it reaches him.

"You still radiate like the Sun, you know..."

He looks up, black curly hair land on a night sky shoulder, his skin was like a sky without any moon, soothing aura, unlike the comfortable warmth that had suddenly enveloped both of them emanated from him, light blue eyes that looked directly below at the fallen broken man with a smile as subtle as it always been.

But Unusually he has left his hair open not like other times when they are all bundled up together with his signature peacock feather to hold them. 

Now that same feather sits in his hand swaying in the slow wind.

A smooth yet penetrating gaze grabs the fallen's attention as if looking into the soul itself tearing it like a cloth.

And you still radiate like a full moon, soothing, calm and all...

"Heheh" 

Hari turns around and laughs a little.

"I will miss you, Karna, you were one of my favourites, you know"

me!? One of your favourites? I thought my rival was.

"True, I am biased towards Parth. But it's all for the sake of preserving the dharma,

But what I said earlier is also true"

Hari sits beside the bleeding Karna, looking at him, his smile fades. 

The bleeding from his body slows and his thirst also halts it's pace, though when he tries he is still not able to move or speak.

Turning his gaze towards the stars and with a serious face  Hari says,

  "You were always one of my favourites. Though your words hurt cause they're true.

I didn't feel the same at the start...

But as time went on you grew on me,

Your Origin and mine are quite similar,

We both were abandoned at Birth, We both were raised by our adoptive mother's who mean more to us than our actual one...." he paused, it was one of those seldom moments when he was a little translucent and you can slightly see underneath the fake smile and always cheery eyes.

"For some reason whenever I looked at you I saw my own reflection."

"Maybe  that's why when you shine of the Sun, I glow of the Moon"

"In another lifetime we may have been brothers."

Brother's?

What would it be like to be your brother?  He thought

I would like to think like that too,  Keshav

Still, what of this life?  he questioned.

Did my existence mattered at all or was it just an insignificant part in your plan?

What happened in my life, the situations, things that faced me, the things I did?

The Path I chose was the right one, right?

"I didn't want any of this, my friend.  In fact, I could have ended the war in an instant if I wanted to, but.....

Karna, All the things that have happened and that are going to happen are necessary.

I tried to save as much and as many as I could, sometimes it needed a strict action and sometimes a sly one, but all of this was done to preserve the lost dharma.

Those who were on the right side despite being wrong were forgiven of all their sins and those who were on the wrong one despite being righteous faced miserable fates.

As for you, You did what you had to. There was no right or wrong and don't worry you won't be forgotten," He turns his gaze towards the confused man and speaks.

"So take it easy my friend, it's time for you to rest now."

So why am I still here,  Keshav?

Why am I still in pain? End it!

"Hehehe....." he laughs a little again.

"You haven't figured it out yet?" The laugh was getting a little annoying for Karna.

"Your dharma Karna, Your deeds, your Kindness, Charity, Your Karma all those things you did in this life were too much even for you. The selflessness you have shown in your life is the reason you are still here.

The Dharma and Karma that I have tried to protect are the reason you're still here, they have bound your soul to that mortal body and won't let go until they pay their debt.

You can't live for you have already died but you can't die either. 

Now that's what I call hanging by a strong thread."

So what do I do,  Keshav? 

Karna exclaims,

I can't bear it anymore, the suffering, the pain...

if I can't live then and there is nothing left for me in this world... I just want it all to end.

Keshav, help me.

"Don't worry my friend"

  his smile returned looking at the king's face when he suddenly felt relieved. There was still someone there when he was alone in his end.

"That's why I am here, I can't see one of my friends in pain.

but for that to happen you have to do one final act and pass on to your new life, I will take you to Vaikuntha myself if you want.

You just have to do one final act of charity."

I don't understand!

"Karna, just give all of your merits my friend, Your dharma that you have collected your whole life you have to give it to someone else. 

Only then will you be free of this state. and go to earn moksha."

The silence was broken by the air when the fluttering flags and weapons cutting the blowing winds like a razor were heard.

then Karna starts a laugh

Hehehehe.....

Even when I am at the doorstep of death you ask something from me

Even when I have spent my whole life giving away,

Even when I gave away my life

That still wasn't enough

The world still needs more...

Now you ask me the one last thing that I have left. That I spent my entire life earning.

Is this how my life is supposed to be...

Feeling betrayed he burst. His dying veins tightened showing through his skin.

being born with nothing and died with nothing

After all this, not even my karma stays with me.

Keshav, Is this how I die, unrecognized by brothers, unacknowledged by my guru,

unaccepted by my mother.

Was my existence any worth?

Will my talents, my struggle, my life go unnoticed?

Will I not be recognized as a  Maharathi  by anyone, 

Or even a warrior?

Is my life so insignificant?

For the first time despite there being two beings enough to radiate a hall with warmth,

the air and atmosphere around them fell to sudden chill cold enough to freeze a soul.

"RADHEYA, SOOTPUTRA, VASUSENA, KAUNTEYA, ANGRAJA, SURYAPUTRA,MITYUNJAY, KARNA," Hari said in a high tone, like a chorus voice the names reverberated.

"The whole world knows you by these names Suryaputra and you still say that you are unrecognized.

Karna, You withstood 3 curses for your whole life, you were rejected and humiliated so many times, and yet you lived like a king, a true angraja, 

you were deceived to use the vasavi shakti, you gave away your armour and kundals(earings),

you pushed my chariot by 3 meters every time you struck it even with Hanuman,

your rath(Chariot) was stuck, your weapons were not with you, even then you fought defenselessly. It took this way to immobilize you.

  Even then It took Parths, six divine arrows to put you down and yet....

  you still live. 

Is it not enough proof that you are beyond maharathi.

Karna as Parshurama once said and I agree with every word 'You are the best archer only after Lord Shiva himself" The visage of an old man came to Karna only to disappear again. 

"Karna your fame will last till the end of time itself and through your deeds, you will come to be known as DANVEER KARNA. "

Karna felt like a mountain had just erected in his heart. The words he has waited so much to hear the most were said by the person he sees as his idol. This was the happiest moment in his entire life.

Keshav, Thank you, Thank you, crying he said

I think I am ready now,  Keshav

I now know that my life was not a waste, it will become an example for the future to come.

People will know that what they are born into doesn't matter, their destiny is not fixed,

If they are not happy with their destiny they just need enough courage to change it and make it for themselves.

Thank you. 

He was ready to leave the mortal binds of this earth and body.

I will do as you ask but I can't move my body 

Hari came closer to him and extended his hand to touch his right one.

A bright shiny golden vine growing from the red soil starts to envelop his arm and slowly grows over his body.

Karna finally feels warmth returns to him like a blanket on a cold night. He can slowly move now. The vines are still over his body.

"This will help you move for the time's sake. Though I can't do anything about your voice.

Parth's arrow pierced your neck so it can't be fixed in this state."

Karna just realized that his lips were never moving and yet all this time he was somehow speaking with the prince of Vrindavan.

It's alright Keshav this is enough

Karna finally able to move his hand grabs an arrow that is piercing out of his stomach and breaks it. It hurts as a hot iron rod has just been slapped on his belly.

He grabs the pointed end of the arrow and plunges it in his left shoulder which had stopped bleeding a while ago.  Bearing the immense pain he pulls it out.

The blood comes oozing out from the punctured wound. and trickles down his body as if a river that finds a path through a mountain.

There, now I give all my good merits and dharma to The  Prithvi(Earth)

It will all be over in a few hours.

"Karna, you really are beyond any soul I have encountered," said Hari with a shocked expression and his eyes fixed on his face. 

"Every time I think that I have figured out your limits, you break through them again and again. A soul like you is born once in a few thousand years. I will not meet another one like you in this lifetime."

Keshav, I only have a few hours left...

I have a few requests before I go.

Will you fulfill them?

"Of course my friend, at this point you have the right to be a little selfish for once."

I only want two things

First, I want to go to the  Suryalok  with my family that have perished or will perish due to this war.

"Of course Karna, Though I will miss you, I respect your wishes."

Second, Can you tell me how it happened?

Hari looks at me with a raised eyebrow. His eyes asking what?

My origin, my birth....

I want to know under what circumstances does a mother forsake her child?

I want to forgive her too but I just can't,

Maybe her story will help.

Hari, After hearing this, becomes very pleased, he sighs looking at Karna and smiles then sat down beside him again.

Looking at the distance he says....

"I will Karna, I will tell you what you want to know but in return can you tell me your story too?"

But you already know my story Keshav, you know everything don't you?

"Not everything my friend. I know what happened to everyone and what they did in that situation.

But what I don't know is that what they felt, what they think in that scenario is another matter.

And especially you, I know most of the things that happened, but I want to hear it from you. 

Of course, I will tell your story after but tell me everything that you remember and how it made you feel. Even the Hidden feelings that you have. I want to hear it all."

My story? It's long, it would take a while

"Don't worry my friend, Dawn is still way off and I don't think after today it would be in a hurry to come soon, so we've got plenty of time...

So shall we continue?" Hari looks at him as if he doesn't know what Karna was going to say.

Karna hides his eyes knowing full well that to tell his tale would mean exposing all that he has hidden and lying won't help. Not when it's him.

So you will be with me until this process is done?

"Of course my friend, I will be here till you finish your story and till you leave us."

Ok Then,

"Of course, you first

My friend."