As soon as the flood of memories ended, the emotions that came over me were embarrassment, guilt, and confusion.
Confusion and embarrassment come from realizing that the world that I have lived in, is a world of a novel.
'No, no.'
This is not a false world or a simple novel.
It is a deserved real world where countless people live and breathe.
And the 20 years of living as Physis Ortaire supported it too.
People of this world are not simply fictional characters, they are real. This is a world in which every person passing by on the street, sometimes crying and sometimes laughing, has his or her own life.
The confusion about this world and me was resolved not too long ago, but now there was a more big problem ahead of me.
'Guilt.'
The guilt I was feeling now weighed me down with the weight of the 20 years I had lived.
Among them, the greatest guilt came from what I said to Adilun.
Just yesterday, I told her:
'Get out of my sight. I don't want to see that ugly face of yours again.'
Yes. At that time I couldn't remember my previous life, so I definitely hated her.
Skin covered with scales all over the body, and golden eyes that made me shudder just by looking at them. Those eyes digging through everything in me was just uncomfortable for me yesterday.
After the engagement ceremony, I always hurt her. Even though I wished her to be happy in my previous life.
"Sick, fool."
I unknowingly held my head and spat out curse words with my mouth.
A voice of bewilderment could be heard all around.
The doctor, who was examining me, my family members, and even the servants heard that too and their gaze changed strangely as I suddenly spat out curse words.
'This doesn't look like a very good situation.'
"Are you okay?"
Giltheon Ortaire. Count of the Empire and my father checked my complexion and asked if I was okay.
At that moment, I realized why I was lying in bed.
Because memories from my previous life suddenly came to my mind, I fell off the horse while riding.
It was an absurd accident, but even though I fell off the horse, I was not seriously injured.
With Physis' weak body, it was normal only when the body was fully recovered, but because at the time when I had fallen off the horse my previous life memory came to my mind, and I was able to sufficiently protect my body.
However, my body ached quite a bit thanks to the unfamiliar movements I performed at the time, but that was tolerable.
"Yes. I'm Fine."
"I'm glad you're fine. So, I have a question for you."
My father's mood changed dramatically.
"I heard that you were rude to Princess Rodenov."
'Ah'
"…y-you're right."
"Are you insane? After talking so much about what this marriage means! Are you still out of your mind?"
Reprimands poured in like frost. Even if I was him, I would do the same, so it was fine, but that give me the impression of how much of a pushover I was in the past.
Father was right.
The engagement between Adilun Rodenov, the princess of Rodenov, and Physis Ortaire, the second son of Ortaire, was purely for political reasons.
While the influence of the central nobles of the empire was growing day by day, the local nobles lost their influence and were being looked down upon by the central nobles.
The Duke of Rodenov in the north and the count of Ortaire in the east.
The two families, each serving as the bulwark of the Enadheim Empire, could not stand this kind of treatment, and eventually decided that the local aristocrats should join forces, leading to an arranged marriage in the end.
Anyone may think that the ranks do not match because they are dukes and counts, but the one with the greatest power in the east was the Ortaire, to which I belonged, so the Rodenov duchy also made this judgment.
The idea of pitting the troubled second son of Ortaire and the only daughter of Rodenov was absurd, but it was clear that both families would be in trouble if that was not done, so my father always asked me to trust him.
In the midst of this, even though we had to somehow attach our affection to each other, my attitude of ignoring her was finely reflected in both of our families. So my father's reaction was natural.
I just hung my head.
In the meantime, the 20 years I've lived in this world were weighing on my mind right now.
Before getting my previous life memory, I was strangely violent.
It wasn't that I didn't receive affection or my life was hard.
However, I did not feel much inspiration for emotions such as affection or joy, on the contrary, I felt a strong emotional flow for anger.
The results were as follows.
Unbridled violence and perversity...
In addition to that, my body was weak as I hadn't trained much, but because of my birth as Ortaire's second son, no one was quick to put a hand on my depravity.
People just say, "Act as if you just saw something dirty?" and move on.
I didn't know the exact reason why I got the memories of my previous life at this time, but in the end, it was the result of my actions. It was only natural that I had to accept it.
The life I lived in direct opposition to the values I pursued in my previous life was now tormenting my mind endlessly.
If so, what should I do?
The answer was simple.
I just have to correct my mistakes.
Fortunately, my personality was now being identified with the one I have in my previous life.
There was still a little bit of the violent, arrogant temper I had for 20 years, but I was not angry at my father's words, I suppressed it. I could no longer increase the weight of the guilt that was now weighing down on me.
Then, straight away, I bowed my head to my father wholeheartedly and said.
"I'm really sorry about what I did."
The reaction was immediate.
"Oh, why are you like this… Wait what!!!!?"
My father uttered a bewildered voice as if I had acted with something wrong in mind.
"I was wrong."
"Did you get a head injury?"
"I am fine. And I will go back to Princess Adilun and apologize."
My father still didn't believe me.
It was natural. It was because it was my daily routine before, to fight back, to be beaten, and then to be beaten.
And If I showed myself like this, it was natural that my father would not believe me.
"Really? Even if you apologize, it will be of no use if the princess does not accept it. Because this engagement must lead to marriage. What would you do if the princess didn't accept your apology and broke off the marriage?"
The word breakup was instantly implanted in my brain.
In 'The Dragon's Child', the engagement between Rodenov and Ortaire was eventually broken, as of right now, it would be next week.
Princess Rodenov, who was born with strong dragon blood, was a symbol of absolute worship within Rodenov, even though others feared and hated her.
If I treated such a princess carelessly as I did, of course, I would be a criminal who would not be enough to be torn to death by them. Breaking up was a natural thing.
Then, the words that appeared in the novel weren't very good.
And having broken off my engagement to her and completely shutting her heart, I continued to lead dissolute and disrespectful life after that until my nack was blown off by the assassin of Rodenov.
'What should I do?'
As a living being, of course, I didn't want to die. Moreover, I was also curious about the next story of Adilun, which I hadn't seen before in the novel.
What was she really like? Will she be able to live a happy life?
I wished for her to be happy in my previous life, and I still have that wish in my heart.
If so, there is only one thing I have to do now.
"Until the princess forgives me, I will ask for forgiveness. I will bear it no matter what happens."
Asking her forgiveness and helping her to meet a happy ending.
That was all.
After I finished speaking, I bit my lip and waited for my father's sentence.
* * *
Giltheon Ortaire's POV
I was dumbfounded.
What kind of situation is this?
Physis was the one who struggled against what was right in front of his eyes and couldn't come to his senses even after being beaten to death by me, his father, or beaten by his older brother.
He said that he fell off the horse, so I wondered if he had a head injury because of it.
Or is it simply a rather sophisticated excuse to avoid the current crisis?
I could not find a way to properly respond to this unexpected situation.
Earlier Physis was like an uncontrollable wild bull.
If he doesn't like something or someone, he used to thrash them until they died or his temper got a little softened, and he never breaks his stubbornness.
Huian, my first son was gentle and had a soft temperament, but only Physis was like this. At one time, I also suspected that my wife had an affair and Physis is not my child, but that suspicion was eventually dispelled after a while.
Because Physis's gradually grown face resembles mine.
There were numerous anecdotes about Physis having a bad temper, but putting all of that aside, I was at a loss as to what to say to him.
His eyes were straighter and stronger than ever, and every word he uttered had strong power.
This wasn't an attitude born out of mere rebellion.
For a moment, I wondered if Physis had gone away and some upright and kind ghost had nested in him, but it was impossible for the ghost to follow the peculiar habits of Physis.
This is because anyone can arbitrarily create words, glances, and attitudes, but one cannot easily follow the manners and habits that a person had lived.
For example, the habit of biting his lips like now.
That was a habit Physis only do when he said something sincere. A habit that only I, who had seen his sincerity a little by little, was aware of.
That really meant that he had changed his temper, but I couldn't tell if this was a dream or reality.
Fixing Physis's temper meant that the stalwart Ortaire's only nuisance would disappear.
After much thought, I spoke to Physis.
"Can you take responsibility for your words?"
* * *
Although my father has given me countless opportunities, he had never directly mentioned the word responsibility.
That means my father noticed my changed attitude.
"If I will not get forgiveness from Princess Rodenov, I will leave the family. Also, even when I ask for forgiveness, I will put myself on probation except for the time I meet Princess Rodenov as needed. Father sets the deadline."
"1 year... It's the price you should pay for rotting yourself."
"All right. For one year, I will set aside time to meet Princess Rodenov and forbid myself from all kinds of outside activities.
"Good night. Now you are definitely an adult too. You will have to take responsibility for your words. Go see her tomorrow, apologize and ask for forgiveness from Princess Rodenov. Put your head on the ground if possible. This betrothal must happen. Do you understand?"
"I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Father."
"Okay. Take responsibility for your words. And… Remember, this is the last chance I can give you."
I nodded without speaking.
Finally tomorrow.
I could meet Adilun.