"Yu, isn't the city beautiful?"
Yurine had a beautiful voice. Listening to her talking excitedly with a smile on her face was like an antidepressant, it made Yu relaxed and happy. It was probably like that for all parents with children.
But there was no joy in Yurine's voice as she spoke as their carriage moved forward, it was different than usual. He had seen this difference before entering the city and now she understood what the difference was. Today, Yurine was a little melancholy.
"I just remembered how much I hate this feeling, how awful melancholy is..."
Before the death of his sisters, Yu and melancholy had never met. He had discovered this feeling after that bad day and had lived with it for months, struggling with melancholy every waking night.
Whenever he walked on the same paths he had walked with his sisters before, melancholy enveloped every corner of his soul. He would look at the ground as he walked, careful not to step where his sisters had stepped. Yet every day hundreds of people trampled on those imaginary steps whose owners they did not recognize.
The only thing that gave him a little bit of relief when he walked those roads was the sunlight. If the sky was blue, if the sun was yellow, he could think a little differently. Morning was his only shield against melancholy.
But when it was sunset and the orange of the sun took over the city streets, it was impossible to stop the feeling of melancholy. At these times, melancholy would attack him as if Yu was his worst enemy, taking everything from him.
He couldn't stop longing for the past, he couldn't stop mourning, and he couldn't find someone to fill the void left by his sisters. And because he couldn't do that, he could never overcome his melancholy.
He was never alone, especially at night, when he was inside his house. Melancholy was always with him and his companions were grief, anger and hatred. Yu had lived for a long time without feeling anything but negative emotions.
Melancholy was so ingrained in him that he began to believe that it was the source of all other emotions and he felt as if he had been melancholy since the moment he was born. It was as if there was no other emotion in this world except melancholy. He wanted to go back to the past, but then reality would slap him in the face and take him out of his dreams.
The few friends he had wanted to help him. Since Yu's friends were mostly the people he grew up with in the orphanage, they were aware of how awful his situation was and did their best to cheer him up and make him forget his pain.
Yu was a good actor. His fake smiles were so realistic that after a while everyone believed he was back to normal and stopped caring.
Why was he giving these fake smiles? So he wouldn't bore them with his problems? No, Yu was not such a kind person. He was only smiling for himself, so that they would not be more interested in him.
Because after something bad happened, whenever people would try to comfort him, whenever people would take care of him, Yu couldn't suppress the urge to cry.
He began to smile because he no longer wanted them to take care of him. What he needed was help, but his pride and his new way of fighting melancholy would not allow him to get it.
Arrogance. Yu had always been arrogant, but after the death of his older sisters, this arrogance had increased to such an extent that even people who had been with him for a long time started to feel uncomfortable. Even if they were uncomfortable, there was nothing Yu could do because if he stopped believing he was perfect, melancholy would stay with him not only at night but also during the day.
When he was out, he smiled and boasted, and when he came home, all the emotions he had attacked Yu as if in revenge, as if to punish him for smiling. At times like that, he couldn't find a way to cope with the melancholy, he just cried.
And now the melancholy continued to taunt Yu. Maybe that was the emotion he hated the most, and when he saw it messing with Yurine, anger flared inside him.
He had tried so hard to fight and overcome it and had finally forgotten this disgusting feeling in Yurine's presence, but now, melancholy had turned its claws on his daughter and touched her in front of Yu.
What could he do? He was aware that Yurine was just like him. If he pushed her to comfort her, to make her feel good, to make her laugh, he could give her a fake smile. And on top of that smile, she would cry, and when she put her head on the pillow, she couldn't stop herself from shedding tears.
Melancholia was such an opponent; it might retreat for a short time, but its target would strike the first time she let her guard down. It was not easy to get rid of it. Yu was used to living with it, and when he got used to it, melancholy clung to him, until a miracle happened and the universe took pity on him and brought him salvation.
Other than that, there was nothing he could do. Yu tried to fill her mother's absence, to be there for her and offer her love, but when she came to this city where she had once lived with her mother, Yu's efforts were like a stone skipping a few times over water.
What was Yurine's medicine? Friends were no medicine for an arrogant person, the only thing that could cure Yurine was time, and time was something Yu could not control.
All his efforts to cheer her up could turn into tears at night, every time she laughed in this city, she would feel like she was betraying something in his past.
Yu wanted to be wrong, he wanted Yurine's melancholy to be a fleeting moment, but he knew it wasn't. Yurine was his daughter and he knew her, even if they were only together for a short time.
He felt more powerless than ever. It was already impossible for him to support her with his physical strength, but not being able to support his own daughter emotionally hurt him.
"It's my fault. If I wasn't inadequate, she wouldn't feel this way. I hate myself."
Even if he was weak, he couldn't let her be like this.
"Yes, it is, but it would be nicer if the buildings were a little further apart. I don't like houses that are so close together."
The white blanket that covered the city was almost adorning it. Even though the snow made living conditions difficult, it was very beautiful. It used to snow a lot in Yu's country, but global warming and industrialization had made snow less effective in recent years.
It was rare to see snow in Yu's city, and he had experienced winters when it hardly ever snowed.
Yu liked spring and summer, fall and winter were not nice, but at least there was snow, which made winter lovely. Without snow, winters were miserable.
"At least it's beautiful. If the snow wasn't beautiful, this season would be unbearable."
The roofs of the buildings were painted white and the same whiteness covered the roads. While people were busy clearing their doorsteps and the roads, Yu was surprised to see a market in the streets when the snow was so strong.
The snow kept falling as if it was making fun of the people who were clearing it and creating hills on the street corners, and within an hour it was forcing them to clear the roads again, but the people had no choice. They had to clear the road because the vehicles entering the city had to move.
According to Yu, Rolderhelm was much nicer than here and İlonya could be discussed. Even if he made a comparison that ignored economic and social differences, Yu would choose Rolderhelm to live in. Rolderhelm's winter must have been much more beautiful than Andromedia's winter.
"Yu, you'll know what I mean when we get to the top."
The city had many gates and they entered through the east gate. To the west of the city was the sea and the hill they climbed was the part of the city close to the sea. As they went up the hill, the number of buildings in the city decreased, giving way to administrative buildings, but the hill was reserved only for the Church of Andromeda.
Andromeda Church was located at the top of the hill. When Yu thought of churches, he thought of the gothic Christian buildings of Europe, but the building he saw here reminded him more of a Muslim mosque than a Christian church.
Because the city was large and the city walls were incredibly high, only the minarets could be seen from outside the city, but as you went further into the city, you could see the church in all its glory. Even ships coming from the sea could spot the church on the top of the hill, albeit from a great distance.
"Considering that minarets are illuminated at night, they act as a lighthouse for ships at sea at night. Also, with the lights, it is a beautiful sight in the city."