~~Ashley's POV~~
I opened my eyes sharply, realizing we'd been hugging for the past few seconds. Got overwhelmed with the immediate vortex of emotions that engulfed me and leaned on the support closest to me.
I shrugged away and wiped my eyes quickly before walking away. From him. And from the ugly memories gushing from the scene.
He followed me silently. All the way to my favorite spot.
Acting aloof to his presence, placing my hands on the tree, I just leaned over while trying to catch my breath. I had not been running and yet it felt like my heart could storm out any moment from now.
I was miserable. Memories from "that night" numbed my senses. Hanging on the thought of how pathetic I'd look crying in front of him stopped me from bawling my eyes out. Clenching my fists and biting my lips together, an intense tussle against my impending episode was already underway.
"I could take you home," his voice cut through the silence deeply.
I flickered my eyelids, fed up with myself already. For how long would I continue like this?
I slowly turned around to him, keeping my head buried.
"Can you take me somewhere?" I asked timidly, shutting my eyes briefly in the regret that followed. I hated to be seen like this.
I knew he had a driver but by the time we headed out of the school in his ride, it was just me and him. In his G.P.S. tracker was Miss Antonia's location but of course I couldn't tell him I was going to see my therapist.
"This isn't home, Ashley. Where are we going?" he broke the long silence.
I didn't respond. Not immediately.
Just when he turned up the volume of his stereo …
"What does he want?" I blurted my thoughts in hushed tones.
"What does who want?"
Tilting my sorry face to him, I replied, "The serial killer."
He veered to me, going mute with an inexplicable look in his eyes before reverting them to the road ahead.
"What does he want?" I asked aloud, more to myself.
"I wouldn't know? I mean, I'm not the serial killer."
Without saying anything, I leaned against the headrest and threw my face out the window.
"Maybe he wants something?" he asked rhetorically.
"No, I don't think so. He's just a depraved jerk who knows how to do nothing but rid people of their happiness." I didn't even realize how much weight I bore until an annoyed scoff broke through afterward.
He fell silent again but I didn't bother to spare him another glance.
"And your mom? Does she know you'll be here?"
I shook my head, hoping he saw it. I wouldn't mind getting scolded today.
The next voice that broke the ensuing silence was automated, emerging from the GPS to inform us of our destination.
He stopped his head lower to glance at the surroundings through the windshield, obviously trying to figure out what business I had in this lonely place. "Are you sure we are in the – " he stopped on his own accord on veering to meet my knowing stare that waited patiently for him.
I suspected he'd ask that and had a non-verbal response prepared just in case. Glad I did. The fatigue in my muscles didn't leave my jaw untouched.
A clicking sound encircled us when he unlocked the car.
"I'll wait for you here."
"I'm fine actually. I can take it from here."
"Stay as long as you want to. I'll take you back home," he replied still, his underlying message beaming with vigor. This guy was just as stubborn as I was.
Rolling my eyes in defeat, I got off.
A few seconds after I arrived at her doorstep, she came through, the chiming sound from the other side making my pent-up emotions brim all of a sudden.
All it took to completely smash the lid was our eye contact when she eventually showed her face. I plopped myself into her bosom, wailing profusely. She snuggled back without questions, the quelling head-pats she gave me showed she must have seen the news already.
This somehow became my escape route. There was hardly any time I kept anything away from her even if I wanted to. She somehow managed to crack this hard nut, baring my ordeals to her. I stopped fighting back.
"You'll be fine," she whispered into my ear.
I did nothing but sniffle, cradling my face against her neck like a broken child.
. . .
"Thank you," I muttered timidly, cupping the glass of carrot juice she extended to me.
"So you were saying?" she asked, sitting on the sofa beside me.
"I want to take the test," I repeated, intentionally keeping my eyes buried in the orange liquid in my cup.
She fell silent and I could imagine her staring at me like I'd finally lost my mind, especially after the display a few moments ago.
We were now on a quest to get rid of my phobia for good. I was going to take the test after making sure that I'd gone past a milestone. Right now, I was driven by nothing of that sort. I was just tired of this miserable feeling and sick of looking pathetic all the fucking time!
I was so done.
A gentle squeak and I could feel her sitting beside me.
"So the killer successfully entered your school."
I raised my face, bringing a 'huh?' expression up close. That was not an answer to my request.
"You're being obvious." She was clearly trying to derail the topic.
"I'd rather we talk about that. You're not ready to take the test yet."
"Why?" I questioned, slightly jerking upward in a mild refute. "I want to do this. I am tired of living like this. I want to go back to nor – "
"Shhhh…" she hushed gently, leaving the forbidden word hanging. She forbade me from ever admitting I wasn't normal and always told me I just needed a little help.
I let the cup down on the footstool beside my legs.
"I wasn't let into the scene. I didn't see the corpse. I had neither met a gory scene nor a pair of blue eyes and yet …" I slowly glided my forearms over my thighs, automatically bringing their quavers to her attention. My hands were still shaking. "You think this is normal? You still think I'm normal?! For how long am I supposed to continue like this?!" I cracked through, almost misty-eyed.
"You are definitely going to overcome your fears. But not like this. You're just frustrated at the moment." She turned away from me, lowering her hands to grab my glass before returning it to me.
"Go on," she nudged the cup closer to my face when I wouldn't budge. "You need this the most now.
I sneered subtly at the glass, a bizarre thought cloaked with my brief temper squirming its way to the back of my head. Before I could think twice, I slapped the glass out of her grip. Its clanging swallowed the air around us, the pieces now decorating her lush tiles.
"Who are you to decide for me?" I backfired in undertones, the words leaving slight regret behind. I knew I was being unnecessarily bratty but I couldn't help it. My frustration had long made tents at the core.
As usual, she was the least fazed by the drama. Keeping a straight face, she finally asked, "Are you sure you want to take the test?"
That was the reason I came down here. Or perhaps not. Because I could hardly understand where the sudden mixed feelings stemmed from. Probably because I knew deep down that I wasn't ready for this yet. The last time was a massive fail and it hadn't been long ago.
Her way with words was like sorcery. She could easily rope people into her conviction to the point where they doubted themselves.
'A living witness of course.'
Until now I was brimming with self-confidence, even though superficial, it was something I'd set my mind on. But wasn't as certain anymore. All it took to thwart my belief was a simple question. A question she probably knew I had no answer to.
"Yes," I finally replied, swallowing hard and clenching my pants in hesitation.
A thick smile visited her features as she stood up. "Come with me then."