~~Daniil's POV~~
My mom.
My mind was in chaos this morning as well. Since the incident on date night, I knew no peace. My mom's face as she wailed behind the screen haunted my dreams. I cursed myself for being so weak and vulnerable. I wanted to be able to save her from misery but the thought that I just may be doing the opposite kept eating me up. All she ever did was love and care for me. And yet, all I could do in return was pay her with strife. Life was being unfair to her the moment she became my weakness. One my dad never failed to exploit maximally.
'Yesli ty prodolzhish' davat' mne novyye slabosti, kotorymi ya mogu vospol'zovat'sya, u menya ne budet vybora.' (If you keep giving me more weaknesses to exploit, then I have no choice)' his annoying voice then reechoed in my head, causing my mind to drift.
Ashley.
Date night.
The kiss.
It was a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to save her; why was I calling it a kiss? I could not stop thinking about everything that had happened. The fact that he was right when he said I could give him more weaknesses sent a burning sensation under my skin. I loathed that man with everything in me, and it already pained me he had my mom in his palm. I could not afford to give him "more weaknesses" as he put it.
But wait a minute…why was I even considering Ashley a "weakness"? She was just some random girl I derived joy in messing around with, so why? Why did it enrage me to let go of my fun because of my father?
"My fun"? Or "what I wanted"?
Thinking of letting go of what I wanted for the old man's sake was even more aggravating. Defying him was my specialty and my favorite thing to do in life. Too bad I was dealing with a sly one. He knew how to make me do his bidding, and now I could not deny the fact that Ashley could become my weakness if I didn't stop…
'Why the fuck do I still consider her a weakness?!! I can not possibly like her, can I?!!' Goddamnit, I was losing my mind!!!
*Thud!*
"Boss?" Knox called when I thumped the door hard frustratedly. He drove me to school in Jason's place. Andrei went off the hook again but his brother warned me to keep my guard up at all times. "Is everything okay?" he asked.
'What's with the lousy concern?'
"Just park the fucking car and don't bother to open the door for me," I told him grimly.
He did as instructed, and I alighted. Only halfway out with the door still open, the morning decided to test my patience. I came face-to-face with Ashley.
Now came the moment of truth. Was I going to ditch my father's orders and risk giving one more edge over me? Or was I going to do the opposite? What made me even think that by toying with Ashley, she could become a weakness? I could easily do that without giving a fuck about her. Or could I? This whole thing was driving me crazy and I was most definitely in no mood to see or speak to her.
"Tha…" I shut her up by slamming the door and walking out.
"Thank you"? Was she really gonna thank me? Just like that? She wasn't gonna fight it first or act all feisty? C'mon now. Her tenacity was what made toying around with her fun. If she wasn't going to be like that, then I had no use for her anymore. Trust me, it was more provoking to follow the old man's orders but my mom was enough weakness. I didn't need another.
And here I was thinking Ashley could be a "weakness." Again. Screw it all!
Seconds evolved to minutes, and minutes to hours, and just like that the first and second periods had come and gone. The classes bore me out so I just packed my bags and went to the library. I was going to remain here until whenever.
I grabbed a novel, looked for a spot less frequented by students, and went over to sit. I wasn't here necessarily to study but to distract myself instead. I was still very much confused; I didn't know what was going on with me. I tried avoiding Ashley at all costs but each time my eyes accidentally locked with hers or looked in her direction, I felt funny inside. My heart skipped, and I felt nervous; indeed a funny feeling.
Why was I "avoiding" her in the first place? I put so much effort into that, forgetting I could just act normal like she was never there. She'd love that too, yeah? She was always the one running away from me so why was I feeling weird because I chose to stay away? I felt perturbed, thinking of how much my actions could affect her. Now, that alone was even more absurd; and laughable to cut short. Daniil Smirnov seldom thought of anyone else, let alone feel guilty towards anyone. And right now, I was busy thinking about the same Ashley who may not even care at all. Comical!
I scoffed in disbelief at myself. I must literally be going crazy 'cause what the hell?!! How much longer did I have to live like this? How much longer would my heart beat that fast? What the hell was this feeling anyway? I was getting frustrated when I tossed the book aside and rested against the chair, facing upward.
'I must be lacking rest.' I heaved a sigh on drawing that conclusion. There was no way in this lifetime Ashley would make me feel that way. That was impossible! I just must have been stressed. Too stressed that my brain was already wearing out. Yeah, that had to be it.
I closed my eyes for a moment and reopened them only to behold something amusing. I scoffed silently; I must now be seeing things I thought. She must be a witch to appear before anyone whose head her thoughts preoccupied.
I scoffed again on realization. I was still thinking about her. And now she was towering over me, and staring down at me with those bewitching eyes of hers. Her presence felt so real but I knew it was only my imagination; Ashley would never come to find me.
My eyes then went to her lips, and I recalled the kiss we shared the other night. That wasn't intended to be pleasurable but the moment our lips locked, I felt the butterflies in my stomach come alive again. Her lips felt so succulent and warm that for a second, I didn't want to stop. I almost forgot how divine a kiss could be until I experienced that.
A blush crept to my face as I relished that moment again. Like a feeling I was forced to remember after a while. Well, since it was only my imagination, I could simply work at setting things straight. But that could wait.
I stretched my arm up to her subconsciously to confirm I was in fact seeing things.
But then…she held my hand.
Her hand felt just as succulent and warm. She was standing there for real.
Hold on a sec… She just touched me. I could feel her.
. . .
I scoffed silently at the realization. She actually came to find me.
"Daniil?" A lazy smirk curved my lips as I huffed to myself, amused. I was doomed. There was no turning back. Even her voice was beginning to affect me. Barely hearing how delicately she said my name made my heart act up. Again.