Lucas has been thinking a lot last week. Every time he crossed paths with Numa, every time he saw him, he realized how much he actually liked him. He tried to convince himself to see him as a friend, but it was impossible, his mind was faster than his conscience. When it came to Numa, he needed very little to get excited in an absurd way. He had seriously thought about some app to get laid, since watching porn was boring for him and he did not want to go to gay clubs since he knew very well the atmosphere, and although he was noo longer in Milan, he wanted to avoid that gay scene as much as possible.
The option of confessing to him was the last option after death and decided that he would at least try to get as close to him as possible. Who knows, a friend in Italy used to think that, most of the "straight" guys were not that straight, depending on the situation. This sounded incoherent to him, but he didn't lose anything by just trying.
The perfect opportunity presented one Saturday when his sister announced that she would be staying over at Seleika's house and his older brother was going on vacation for a week. The strange look on his face aroused her sister's suspicion.
"Tell me. What do you plan to do," she was about to leave, "Is it something with Numa?"
That name startled him.
"You really think I didn't notice that you like him?"
A faint blush covered his cheeks.
"Non...nonsense...he's just a friend."
Manon opened the door of the apartment with uncertainty, she turned to him.
"Lucas, you know what you do with your life. I don't want to pick up what's left of you again," Lucas looked at her in the eyes silently, she continued "look, if he's not gay, he's not gay...and that's it. Find someone else, I know it's easy to say. Worse is to be an idiot and weave fantasies that in the end do you no good. It's simple, if he can't give you love or sex, then forget about him."
Lucas felt a pang in his chest, he knew she was right and after everything he had been through, he should know better, but he couldn't help it, at least he should try...somehow.
That Saturday afternoon they were in the park to play soccer with some kids from the neighborhood. They were a group of young people who met almost every afternoon to do the same thing, but they all seemed to know Numa well and respect him, although Lucas could not imagine otherwise.
The day was a bit cloudy when they started to play, Numa was wearing his usual shorts and the sneakers he loved so much, but unlike usual that day he looked a bit serious, not to mention that he had a split lip.
They were pausing for a moment when Numa approached him to take some fresh water. His hair was wet and sticking to his face from the sweating.
"Are you all right?" asked Lucas, alluding to his lip.
"Oh, it's nothing."
"Any plans after the game? Do you go out with your girlfriend?"
"Not today. Only on Saturdays and some Fridays, why? Do you have plans?"
"I have my house to myself until tomorrow...so we could watch some movies and drink a little..."
"Sounds like a plan. You could also show me your drawings."
"Yes, sure?" he smiled shyly, he never got tired of looking him in the eyes.
The game continued but after 15 minutes they had to stop due to a drizzle, the sky was covered with black clouds and some threatening thunder announced a big storm.
"Do you think we will reach the bus stop on time?" Numa's voice resounded behind them.
"I think we have already missed ours".
"Well, then let's hurry up and go by walk"
The group of young people had already dispersed, there was no one in sight.
"You sure?" asked Lucas.
A flash of lightning broke the darkness of the sky for a few moments, he noticed Numa's startle, and how he shook himself.
"Are you afraid of storms?" giggling
Numa looked at him offended.
"NO! Of course not! What an idiot.." he started to walk ahead, while he added " come on, it's getting late, start running."
Lucas smiled to himself and followed him under the incessant and recent heavy rain.
After about 20 long minutes they had finally arrived at the building where Lucas lived, while the young man was looking for the key, Numa fell against the door breathing heavily, with his face hot and his body dripping water.
Lucas looked at him for a few moments, that image would never be erased from his mind, it was incredibly suggestive, if he could have stopped right there to paint it.
He opened the door, hurrying to get lost in the stairs...not even thinking about taking the elevator with him. His cheeks were burning, he felt like a complete idiot.
What were those feelings? He couldn't remember having felt anything like that for anyone.
Once on the floor they both went to the bathroom at the same time, he was about to close the door but it was obvious that both could share a bathroom. Before he realized it, Numa had already entered and began to take off his clothes, he looked at him strangely.
"Aren't you cold? I'm freezing. You can get sick..."
"I know, I'm going to get some more towels and some clothes for you to change."
"Great. Thanks!"
Lucas came out of the bathroom His mind was blank, blocking any kind of thought, he went to get two towels, some cotton shorts that were part of a pair of pajamas, some sport pants and a T-shirt, which was already too small for him. Numa was in the shower by the time he returned. He listened to the sound of falling water, took a deep breath before opening the door, fortunately there was a curtain that covered his body, otherwise it would have been tragic for him, although he could not deny how disappointed he was.
He stood there leaning against the wall, left the towels and clothes on the toilet seat, and a little embarrassed he took the toilet seat on top of it while he quickly took off his pants. Numa peeked his head out, and Lucas quickly closed the toilet stall. The young man's face was reddened by the temperature of the water.
"The water is too hot."
"Yes, I know... it's..." Numa stepped out of the shower, standing completely naked in front of him, as he grabbed a towel and began to dry himself. Lucas swallowed slowly, he couldn't find the word "...it's...a pro...blem...of...of..."his mouth was dry and his mind was blank, well, not as blank as he would like" ...you know...the plumbing thing..."
For a few moments he thought that a certain part of his body would lose control but something attracted his attention and it was just that body, too much formed in the part of the back and arms, surely a product of some sport. The skin was golden and smooth on the chest had exactly three tiny hairs in the center of the chest and nipples of a light brown color and the rest of the skin was smooth.
"Do you practice any sports?"
"Yes, just as a hobby, nothing professional," replied Numa, blushing slightly.
Lucas noticed that on one side of his waist there was a bruise, apparently quite new.
"What is it?"
"If I tell you, you won't believe me," he smiled as he put on his pants and shirt, which fit him a little snugly.
"Come on, don't leave me in doubt... rugby?
"Based on the brutality it could be" he laughed amused "It's boxing."
Lucas had to admit that he expected any answer but that one.
"I knew you wouldn't believe me..."
"It's not that...it just surprises me."
Numa walked past him, out of the bathroom, leaving Lucas alone with his fantasies. By the time he finished he found Numa lying on the couch watching TV and laughing like a child at an English sitcom.
Lucas went to a cupboard in the corner where his sister kept the drinks and took out two bottles of liquor that he loved.
Numa smiled at what he was doing and they both locked themselves in their room to drink while Lucas looked for some of his paintings. Numa observed the room trying not to miss any detail, other people's rooms always spoke a lot about the person. What caught his attention in that place was the lack of things, the room was almost empty, except for the bed, a desk on the opposite side and a closet there was nothing else, no pictures, no paintings.
Nothing. It felt very cold.
"Lu, it seems that you haven't moved in yet" Lucas looked at him, he hadn't thought about it but it was true, he wasn't interested, at least for the moment, in making that room his own. Numa was looking at him questioningly, he sat on the floor using the bed as a backrest, and asked "are you planning to go back?
"NO!" paused " I guess it will take me a while to adjust to this place."
"I see...well, time to drink!" Numa raised the bottle with a big smile, opened it and put it directly to his lips, apparently he was used to drinking.
"Hey"
Lucas took the bottle from him to take a long drink, the indirect kiss was exciting him somehow, he felt a warmth in his throat as the alcohol went down, Numa laughed heartily.
"You're not a drinker, are you," his eyes sparkled mischievously, "have you ever been drunk before?"
"Not really" an image came to his mind, hitting him painfully "not that I really remember"
"Let's test it out today," said the boy with the bright green eyes.
Lucas thought that it was not the right idea, he had to get drunk so he could test the ground.
He decided to play along anyway, that night he could get the biggest blow of his life, although he didn't want to mess up either. He was scared.
He looked in one of the drawers of the desk for a large folder full of drawings that Numa hurried to grab, to begin to leaf through it with eagerness and fascination.
Between comments he drank a sip of liquor, it wasn't long before he began to laugh at any nonsense, Lucas on the other hand had drunk much less and although he felt dizzy, he had not reached the stage of silly laughter.
Numa looked at him with an amused expression
"I think... I got a bit cheerful. It must be because I didn't eat anything today."
'Shall we make a pizza? " suggested Lucas.
"Wait until I finish looking at the drawings..."
Numa kept on drinking as if nothing had happened, he was afraid that he would finally break down.
Lucas got up
I'm going to get something to eat."
Lucas got back, bringing some bread, ham and cheese. Apparently Numa had found his notebook with the sketches, he found him absorbed looking at the pages, it was too late, his eyes were fixed on the profile of a young man who was none other than himself.
Lucas looked at him seriously
"You shouldn't take things without permission."
He reached over and snatched the notebook from his hands.
Numa looked at him confused.
"You draw very well, what are you doing in MINT, drawing formulas?" he laughed "you are a moron..."
He didn't know how to take that. Numa looked at him smiling
"You could make me a portrait, then I'll hang it in my grandmother's room..."he turned to lean on the bed trying to get up while laughing.
"You're drunk as a skunk."
"Noooo, just a little happy" lean his head on the bed "Let's see, tell me Lucas, what do you like to do the most?"
"Painting, I guess, and you?"
"Having sex" he looked at him with a mischievous smile "after sex there's nothing better."
"Love, maybe?"
"Love is for sissies."
That word pierced his chest in surprise, it gave him the impression that he was talking to a part of him that he did not know. Numa looked at him in a strange way, as if waiting for some kind of special reaction.
"Love is your style, isn't it? Are you into guys Lucas?"
"No." He instantly regretted what he had said, but fear of rejection took over him.
Numa murmured something, as he was staring blankly at one point, looking suddenly depressed. Lucas did not understand anything.
"I'll make you a coffee." said Lucas.
"No, I want to stay like this. I don't want to wake up."
"What are you talking about?" He felt Numa's arms push him.
Numa turned around and discovered his target: the bed. He let himself fall on it, hiding his face in the pillow.
Lucas sat on the edge watching him, apparently, the drunkenness hit him badly. His plans vanished when he heard the quiet breathing of the young man, sleeping peacefully.
Impulsively he began to stroke his hair, slowly, tangling it between his fingers, he had abundant soft wavy hair and smelled of cologne. Suddenly he felt like an idiot, sitting there in front of his friend stroking his hair. He withdrew his hand as if the contact burned him, while the image of his sister came to his mind. She was right. It was time to really start over, he couldn't go on like this any longer.
"Maybe I'd better stay away for a while."