When he opened his eyes he was met with stares. Stares from familiar faces, and faces he wished to forget. He stared at them, confused and scared. He didn't know why this was happening. He was so confused that he couldn't utter a word but only stare at them. His parents...His older brother...
God, he felt disgust and another level of betrayal. He felt that he didn't deserve this, but, he also felt like he did. There will always be that little voice in the back of his mind that whispers condescending things to him.
As he continued to stare at faces that further swelled his sense of betrayal, he was suddenly overcome with an ache in his throat and a pounding of his head. Remembering where this pain came from, he spared a glance at his older brother who continued to stare at him. His eyes were cold with contempt. It felt like his brother wasn't looking at him like he was another human being. But just an animal.
He suddenly felt anger. But, it was soon drowned out by sadness, fear, and betrayal. It seems like he is feeling a lot of that emotion. Betrayal. He soon broke out of his stupor with a fake cough, which was announced by his mother.
"Seeing that you are awake now, we can now start with our business"
She spoke, a smile adorned on her face as if she was watching an amusing show. His hands shook, as they all continued to stare at him.
"Now, let's say our last words to you"
His father spoke up next, smiling alongside his mother, acting like this was all okay. His brother just stared at him. Eyes filled with the same emotions he has had this entire time. Nothing has changed. He never said one thing. Alexander felt tears well up inside his eyes, threatening to spill over if he so much as moved.
"Now, Son,"
His mom spoke, gaining his attention. She has never once called him, Son. It was enough to give him chills.
"I hate you"
He didn't flinch at her harsh words. He has heard all the words one would say to a child they never wanted. She always said these words whenever he was around. At first, he would flinch at them, but now, after hearing them all the time whether in person or online, whatever she could use to make his life a living hell, he has heard it all. He has gotten so used to them, that they barely hurt anymore besides the dull ache that would linger for a few hours.
"I wish I never had you. Every passing moment I were to see you, I would get reminded of your father. You both look almost identical, like twins. I hated it. The way you two looked the same and even slightly had the same tastes. I hated every second of it. Your father was a douchebag, a bastard that came from a whore. A fag as well. He left me to be with someone else. A man of low standing! He left me to take care of you! You were an annoying little brat, you would barely talk, hang out with kids your age, and not do anything but lay in bed all day! You are an ungrateful child. You took all we gave you for granted. This is what you get, and this is what you deserve for being from a fag of a father and a dead bloodline!"
She spoke every word with hatred laced around them so much, that all you could think about was the hatred in her tone. He felt sick. He felt hurt, and...he felt like crying. He should have expected this from his mother, but she never told him anything about this. How his father was gay and ran off with another man, leaving her to take care of him. He also noticed how she never spoke about his older brother. She never once mentioned him, but Alex. 'He was the sole target of all their anger and hatred huh'
His eyes turned towards his father, the man who got with his mom after his dad left her. He started speaking as well. His voice was laced with coldness and hatred. 'So they all hate him now...'
"The moment I looked at you the day I first introduced myself. I knew I wasn't gonna like you. You are a messy child who doesn't clean up after himself! A child who is weak and can't even protect himself against bullies who are weaker than him! You are a child that takes everything for granted just like your mother said! You cause way too much trouble for us to clean up after you! You are an awful child that no one wants, let alone see and look at. We even thought it would be nice to put you up for adoption, but, we gave you a little mercy because the family we were gonna send you to, was arrested for rape, abuse, and murder,"
Alex's eyes widened. He was stunned beyond belief and his body felt cold. His father only looked at him with a smirk that went halfway up his cheeks, almost touching the corners of his eyes. Alex was surprised his mouth wasn't bleeding from being stretched thin.
"During my time being in the same house with you. It was a nightmare because all I wanted to do was scream in your face and yell at you and tell you how worthless you are and how you ruin everything. But I didn't. Consider that, 'Me letting you off'. In all, we both hate you and can't wait to get rid of you"
He finished with a contented and relieved smile, wrapping his arm around his wife's waist and holding her in a loving way. Alexander felt disgusted. He always knew these two hated him from the bottom of their heart. But he is also surprised that they are now admitting it all to him. Why? He was confused. He didn't even know what they wanted from him. The need to ask questions overwhelmed him, but he quickly pushed it down to the deepest depths he could manage to conjure up. Soon, it was his brother's turn.
He turned his head to look at his brother. He slightly hoped he wouldn't say anything bad, or anything at all. He didn't want the image of a caring older brother to be washed away and replaced with a brother who never cared. He felt like breaking and sobbing but he held it all in. He watched as his brother opened his mouth, with bated breath. Once he heard his brother speak, his breathing abruptly stopped, and he only stared.
"I, at first, never hated you, I actually liked you, a lot actually. But, as time passed and you never really noticed, I started to get annoyed with you. And, finally noticing how quiet you were, and how lazy you were. I quickly noticed that you were boring. And as you began to trust and confide in me with your problems, I thought I could use that to my advantage, and so I did. I used you and manipulated you into trusting me and confiding in me, by thinking that I was a nice older brother, when in truth, I am not. I loved you and was disgusted with you every passing moment I spent time with you. Everything that I told you and gave you and said about you, was all fake. Lies I told you to feel good about yourself and to start trusting me more. Especially about your body, how you felt too skinny and too fat at the same time. I wanted to tell you straight out that you were too skinny and that you should put on weight so that people would like you more, or that you were too girly looking that anyone would mistake you as a girl. Everything you told me I wanted to laugh at because they were all true. Every bad thing you ever said about yourself or did, you deserved all of it. Especially those nasty scars that litter every inch of your wrists. Those ugly scars of yours are all reminders of how worthless and weak you are. You are a disappointment to this family, and you always will be, even after death."
Alexander broke. His tears swelled and spilled down his cheeks in streams that never stopped. His lips quivered and his whole body shook. He didn't want to believe any of it. The one person he trusted. The one person he thought would love him unconditionally, was a liar? Disbelief coursed through him. But he couldn't help but listen to his words. He said that every nice thing that he ever said about his body, was all a lie to get him to trust him. Why? What reason would he have to do this...any of them?
He pressed his body further into the cabinet behind him. He shook so much. He trembled and wrapped his arms around himself. He gasped in breaths of air as he cried and sobbed. He couldn't hold it in anymore. The pain. The words they said about him. The words he said about him. Everything was overwhelming. His head pounded. His eyes hurt as they continued to pour salty tears of many emotions down his cheeks. His chest was heaving with every gasp of air he could only try and take in. Everything almost makes him want to disappear. Almost.
But despite everything, he had many unanswered questions. He wanted to know why they were doing this, why they were torturing him this way. After calming his breathing enough to mutter some words out, he spoke with a shaky gasp.
"..W-Why.? d-do thi-is to m-e"
Despite his messed up words, the three in front of him answered honestly. He felt his mind and body start to break and crack even more. Only one of them spoke, but their words were just enough to make him understand.
"Isn't it obvious? We have already said it to you multiple times already. Are you going deaf?"
"...."
"If you want me to say it again, then fine. It's because we hate you."
Alex's hand clutched his chest, hard enough it ripped some of the fabric. He felt overwhelmed with a sense of sadness because all he wanted to do was double over and sob until nothing was left. But he also wanted to punch something until his knuckles tore and bled until they were unrecognizable. But he also wanted to just sit there and do nothing but stare at them, with nothing to give and to get. And that's what he did. He stopped sobbing and crying. His breathing was slow as he leaned limply against the cabinet. All he did was stare at them with wide eyes and no expression. He didn't know what to feel anymore. It felt like he was empty. Numbness swelled all over him.
A shell of a husk of someone that never should have been born. He couldn't do anything but stare at them and the kitchen tiles that shined with the lights below their feet. He couldn't bring himself to say anything let alone do anything. So he just sat there. Eyes devoid of anything that once held light. His face held no expression or emotion, and the three adults just stared at him with amused and curious eyes. Their faces held smirks that he wished someone would just wipe away.
He didn't know how long it was, maybe a few minutes, when he noticed that they were talking amongst themselves. His ears were ringing too much to make out anything particular until the three stopped and started moving around.
He noticed that his once older brother walked up to him. He tried to back away from him when he reached out to grab his arm, but he wasn't lucky enough because he was soon grabbed harshly by both of his hands. He gripped him with enough force to leave bruises. He hissed at the pain and started thrashing. Yelling at him to let him go as he was dragged up his stairs. His legs gave out on him way too many times to count, resulting in him gaining more bruises.
He was trying to get out of his brother's grasp. He didn't know where he was taking him, and he didn't want to know why. So he fought. He scratched and flailed. He bit and yelled. But no matter what he did. His brother never let him go or even expressed hurt. It was like he couldn't feel anything. The only thing he thought his brother felt was amusement. The smile on that man's face said it all.
He hated that smirk on his face. It looked so out of place from the person he thought he knew only 15 hours ago. It wasn't even that long ago that his brother called him, pain in his voice, wondering why he never called him. His brother, upon getting no answer from him at the time, resulted in coming over. When he did, he comforted him. Alexander loved his brother. But the man he fell in love with was a fake. He thought brotherly love would rule everything else. He was wrong. Everything they ever had together was all fake.
With his mind being clouded with thoughts and memories, he wasn't able to hear a familiar door open, until it quickly shut. His eye snapped to his new change in surroundings. He was in his room. His safe space. His brother harshly let go of his arms, he was delighted because he could escape, but that feeling was short-lived as he was shoved onto his bed.
He was stunned. Fear crept up his spine as a chill ran down his neck. What were they going to do to him..?. Upon feeling a hand roughly grab his nape and dig their nails painfully into his skin. He flailed. He gripped their arm from behind, trying to pry the hand off but he didn't budge, not one bit.
God, he was so weak. He couldn't even protect himself. Whatever his dad said about him being weak, it was all true. He was weak. A weak child (who needed protecting). He felt tears well up in his eyes painfully again. He soon felt those hot tears fall down his cheeks. Burning them in the process. He heard a cold voice, saying in amusement,
"Awww~ Your crying again. I hope you do it more. The expression you make, makes me wanna keep you forever and beat you until you continue to give me that tear-filled expression full of anguish and look of betrayal~ *Chuckle* You have no idea what you are doing to me right now~"
Alexander felt the hair on his arms stick up. He glared at his brother with a disgusted look. His door opens, bringing his attention to the two adults that enter. They both have loving faces plastered onto them. A white shine comes off of something his mother has in her hand. He glances at it, and once he recognizes it an overwhelming sense of fear once again wraps around his pounding heart.
He started shaking. He started flailing and pushing and shoving, doing everything he could to try to get out of his brother's grip. Everything he did was in vain as he was flipped over suddenly. He landed on his back with a gasp and a hand clutched around his throat again.
He gripped his brother's wrists. He stared into the grey eyes he loved so much with a fearful expression. He couldn't speak, but he moved his mouth in a way that if he could speak, he would be mumbling words like, 'Please let me go', 'Don't do this to me', 'Please'.
His brother's smirk only widened and he knew then that it was completely useless to try anything. So he shut his mouth and only resulted to struggling once again. He tried kicking him but his legs were pinned together by his brother's legs. It was a weird position, but now is not really the time to be talking about that.
His mother moves closer to the bed and hands the knife off to his brother. The two adults stand off to the side, watching in interest and amusement. He trembled and tears fell down his face uncontrollably. He shook his head. Despite how shitty his life is, he doesn't want to die. He felt hands on his face, wiping his tears away but they would continue to flow down, no matter how many they wiped away. He heard shushing and he knew it was coming from his brother. He always used to do this exact thing when he could do nothing but break down. He cried harder at the memory. Sobs wracked his frame and his brain pounded into his skull. He hurt so much.
He gasped and continued to cry as he felt a hand lift his shirt, uncovering his stomach that heaved in every time he let out a sob. He flinched at the cold hands that no longer gave off warmth, as they trailed up and down his stomach, tracing symbols or lines.
"You have such a pristine and unscathed stomach~"
He heard his brother say with such possessiveness and amusement, that he wanted to cover his ears. He could also tell he was having fun. He didn't know his brother was crazy, a psycho. His whole being continued to tremble and flinch at the way his brother caressed his stomach. He felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable. Soon his brother's touches were gone and replaced with something even colder. He flinched harshly at the cold metal touching his skin. He tried backing away but his brother wouldn't let him.
He continued to cry out of fear and many other emotions that he didn't even know he could feel for so long in under an hour. A hand cups his cheek and he flinches at the cold touch. He tries shaking them off, but they don't budge. He felt the thumb on the hand move, raking away the tears that continued to fall. Despite him being in this situation, he couldn't help but find a bit of comfort in the gesture.
It was like time stopped. He felt immediate pain flare in his stomach and all he could do was scream as the pain shot through all over his body. His stomach felt painfully alight like it was on fire. He felt devastated. He felt overwhelming anguish as he felt the object embedded into his skin, twist. He let out another scream that ended in an excruciating sob at the stabbing pain that continued to get worse.
He felt warm liquid spill and pool under him. He was gasping and his head was pounding. He could tell he was losing blood because of the way his eyes would get blurry and unfocused. But he wasn't allowed to pass out yet. His eyes shot open as another anguished cry ripped out of him as his brother twisted and turned the object painfully. It was like he was stretching out the wound.
He writhed in pain as blood continued to spill out of him and as his brother continued to twist and turn the knife. It was torture. He was getting dizzy because of his fast breathing and his blood leaving his body. He screamed and cried and sobbed for him to stop and to take it out, but he never did.
"P-Please sto-op! T-Take i-t out! PLEASE! It hurts!! Ple-ease!"
He even resulted in begging his parents to help him, but they only looked at him like he was a show worth being watched. They looked at him like he was an animal or a toy being played with like it was right. He didn't do anything to deserve this. He didn't do anything for them to torture him like this. 'What did he do..?,.He could fix it..Oh, God he could fix it, please make it stop...'
As he continued to gasp in air painfully, his grip on his brother's wrist loosened and his hands soon fell to his sides. Blood poured out of his mouth in thick lines as he spluttered, splattering blood onto his chest and face. He felt pain but then again he felt numb. His eyes would go in and out of focus and his head continued to pound into his skull.
His ears were ringing. He could have sworn he heard yelling for a split second and things being thrown. He heard loud crash and screaming and he distantly noticed the weight on top of him leave, but he was too out of it to know for sure. As he continued to go in and out of unconsciousness, he was distantly aware of him raising his arm up and feeling something grab at his hand. This time, he couldn't flinch away, it felt warm instead of cold. He smiled at that. He was able to feel warmth before he had to go.
He heard someone yelling, was it at him or someone else, he didn't know until a face came into view overhead. He knew whose face it was. It was his brother. He felt overwhelming emotions bubbling within him again but, they soon died down. He stared at the anguished and scared look on his brother's face. The tears that spilled down his cheeks and onto his. He could tell it was all genuine. He remembered those grey eyes, instead of holding coldness and contempt, they now held fear, sadness, and warmth. He now realizes that despite the person he saw before, they weren't his brother.
The hands on his cheeks were overwhelmingly warm, and comforting as he leaned into them. He stared at the eyes he loved so much, and smiled at him. A genuine smile was plastered onto his face which made his older brother cry harder. He was yelling at him, telling him things he couldn't hear, but despite that, he voiced out his words with the little energy he had left.
He couldn't hear himself speak the words but he knew the way his brother stared at him with a surprised and anguished look on his face that his words were said like he meant to say them. As his glassy eyes dimmed and his vision darkened, he hoped that his feelings were converted through the words he spoke and that his brother lives a long life, whether it has many happy or sad moments, as long as he lived till he is fulfilled, that would be enough for him.