"Do you know him?! What's your relationship with the deceased?! And what happened on XX December 2022?" the lady officer in a thick brown khaki uniform with three golden stars with five spikes that were shining in the sharp blinding luster under that filtering orange bulb that hung through that damp ceiling of the cupboard box like room which was only cemented in grey-black, but one wall was vacant- cause in name of the door to exit- it was thick iron bars, which resemble exact from those zoos that I had walked thousands to million times from those childhood years that I have spent with bittersweet memories yet smiling through the bottom of my soul, pointing my finger merrily at the animals like our evolutionary ancestor (monkey and apes), the so-called 'king of the jungle' (lion), one of its kind (the white tiger), feeble yet fastest species alive (cheetah), the fish lover giant grey beast (the black bear), the floating log of danger (alligator) but these weren't all....and neither were the only example, but probably the only memory that I do hold,
that I used to scream joyfully, without any concern towards the tornedoes that I'm going to get myself inside sooner or later-
'So many species...locked in front of my eyes! I wish I did stay with them.'
'But for that, you have to live in these cages with them.'
and my mother, a cold-sweet woman smiles shortly at my little innocence, which caught me in bafflement and confusion at the peak--
'Then...why don't bring one...please only one of these to our home.' but she swung her head in a clear 'no'
now this was it, a peak of my innocence, I know that I did say with my swollen cheeks and a steep confidence-
'Then I will live in these cages!'
But ironically- how a child was I?
When least a person could imagine ending up in those bars, or even wish it on their worst enemy, and yet... Nuff!
who knew my words would turn into truth in a distinct unpredictable future that has now turned into a present that I wish to wake up and know ' was a nightmare! '
"Officer! It's a suicide case don't drag our daughter into this! just to cover your shits!" My mother, who sat next to the girl with bony shoulders and eyes that had darkened from the depravity of sleep, and who couldn't find any courage to stay hold of the strings anymore, stood up cheeky but defensive banging her strong fist to the warring wooden desk placed in center of that dimly lit room in an unparted confidence.
but the officer was well-prepared too, as she with her stubborn and irritant reaction drew out a black file, through the piles of documents that were placed on the desk, commencing with a glow of enlightenment that no one could deny-
"Then why was your daughter, the prime suspect in this case, present alone at the crime scene? (it was like someone held my mother's sharp tongue because now she wasn't certain where the wind was blowing)
and also...it was proven from our Q/A that we have conducted through their common friends and school, that they were in some sort of 'relationship', (she leans her upper body onto the table whispering) you know Mrs... young children with young blood...
talking nonsense...
hanging out...
and then,
getting physical--"
"Officer!"
"Shush...first check your ideal daughter's character before grabbing out collars"!
that look I still remember on her heart-shaped face those wry spindle eyes, was so hurting like my soul was being rugged inside out but I---I could only see neither speak nor interfere.
"You can apply for bail, but in murder cases accused doesn't get out that easy even if you and your husband are advocates. the justice will serve rest your daughter must know everything we and you seek to question, remove the blindfold of motherhood" She, the abusive one, finally left in disgust and flaunting her hand in the air,
but the last of her leaving statements were like arrows piercing through my chest, slaying my heart into two-
surely the daughter knew everything but the least she could do was control it,
love or just an infatuation?
a relation?
a fight?
a suicide?
But was it truly a suicide?!
Only... Only two people in this entire universe knew it for certain...
Me and... And... Him....
"I will always love you, Mishti."
....to...
"Noo!!!!!! " When everything turns to grey.
cause only two people in this entire universe knew, it wasn't a suicide... It was a murder, a sin I committed in innocence that made me guilty!
guilty of breaking all the beliefs that people had in me (especially my parents)
guilty of following skip tracks
and guilty of believing I could love anyone!
*snap*
"Miss. Chandni Chandra!"
"Eh..." As if back from the bubble of the past, I looked to my right where that minute-height grown adult of approx. 50 who stopped holding a white cardboard with names, was looking at my face with a squinted expression clicking the pen tip to the hard cardboard. waiting for me to say something-
" Present, Jiji (the pronoun used for warden)" I said with a palm raised, affirming my presence- physically and mentally.
but not entirely yet-
cause, my mind has begun to wander the same streets again- why did I rethink things of a year old? it still felt so suffocating like I was living at that moment- the worst of my nightmare!
of jail...of trauma...of him....and especially XX December 2022... the date I died.
disdained and reluctant of her wearing patience, still she ticked on the cardboard beside my name in the column of only six-seater of the entire hostel, which was room 51!
"Okay, you all here are new and exceptional (her gaze goes cutting through me as if she was pointing to me) admissions in the mid-semester and will be living in the biggest family of 'Babhara' for the years coming by, so you must try to blend in and stay cheered without getting into trouble"!
of course, this is meant to be a warning for me especially!
No?
her eyes said so...
'A murderer in walls of sacred Babhara!'