Heather plodded along to her house, really not wanting to do what she knew she had to – talk to Jamie and let him down easy. She would have to be diplomatic. And she would need to get things straight in her own head before she could speak to him. Whatever reason she gave him, it could not include or hint at Kevin.
She sighed as she wished she could stay out here for a bit longer. The fresh sea air really did help clear her mind and the movement of walking across the sand really got her blood pumping. But she'd been walking for a few hours already by now and she knew she had to go home sooner rather than later. Maybe she needed to do a pros and cons list- it could give her some plausible explanations as to why she was breaking up with him now. Though to be fair she hadn't spoken to him much since he'd gone to home to Medway on Monday. He might already have noticed things were a bit off between them. That said, she couldn't assume that or treat him in a way that would lead him to that conclusion – he deserved more from her than that. It just sucked having to do it, and over the phone as well. They hadn't made any plans to see each other any time soon and she was worried that if she did ask him to make plans, he would read that as a good thing. She'd offer him the choice of whether he wanted to see her afterwards to talk it through in person, but she wouldn't force it on him.
"Where have you been?" her father asked when she walked in eventually.
"Just for a walk around Dumpton round to Ramsgate," she answered with a shrug and walked into the kitchen to get a drink and something to munch on. "You're home early," she commented to deflect the attention away from her.
"Only had half a day due to training," Mr Fawcett said simply. It wasn't that exciting, so he didn't feel the need to explain much more. He took her in as he watched her move around. "Done much about a job yet?" he asked her slowly. She shook her head honestly. She'd had other things on her mind and she'd not even been home a week yet.
"I will. Don't worry," Heather promised. But first, she needed to make a list and break up with Jamie. Though they'd not been explicitly exclusive, so maybe break up wasn't the right word to use. "I'm just gonna go upstairs… Tidy my room," she added for extra effect, which her father found rather strange. She'd normally not volunteer to do that, unless she had something due in.
It took Heather almost an hour to get her pros and cons list together, as well as her nerve. She had no idea what she was feeling, especially when it came to her ex-boyfriend, but she did know that in itself was seriously unfair to Jamie.
Eventually, she managed to dial her date's number and not hang up straight away again. She wasn't sure how long it was acceptable to hold on to wait for him to answer. She was just about to hang up when she heard, "Hello?"
Heather was a little surprised, as he would have her number saved and so he would know it was her. "Hey, it's me, Heather," she said even so, as happy as she could right now.
"Oh hey, I was wondering whether I'd still hear from you," Jamie said honestly now, and she knew straight away that he'd thought she would just stop contacting him.
"Oh, right. Sorry, Bianca's kept us pretty busy," she said vaguely, cringing as she did; it sounded lame even as she said it.
"Of course, no worries," he shrugged now. He could actually forgive her for it if that was true; from his brief experience, he knew Bianca was a bit of force of nature.
"But…" Heather started hesitantly, hearing him give a resigned sigh.
"I guess I'm not surprised," Jamie said slowly, and it felt to her like he was massively letting her off the hook; he wasn't even making her say it.
"I'm sorry Jamie."
"Was it seeing Kevin again?" he asked, wanting to know if they'd stood a chance if it hadn't been for her ex or whether it would never have happened anyway.
"I don't know," she said honestly now, crossing her legs as she sat on her bed, playing with a loose thread on her leggings. She didn't know why she answered the way she did, given her previous intention not to mention or link this to Kevin in any shape or form. She almost heard him nod to himself as he thought her response over. "I know this sounds cliché, but this is definitely my issue, not yours. You're great," Heather tried to make sure he knew that it wasn't anything that he had or hadn't done; this was all on her, even if she wasn't sure why. She smiled when he managed a chuckle.
"It's okay, sometimes it just doesn't work out," Jamie said, and it sounded to her like he was almost a little relieved. Perhaps he was. Perhaps it was better that he knew outright that they weren't going to work out, rather than wondering the whole time when she might cut and run. "Thanks at least for telling me," he added now. It hurt right now but it was better than just not hearing from her; she'd given him closure.
"Take care Jamie," Heather told him and, after she heard him acknowledge her well-wishes, hung up. She felt a little relieved at how relatively well that had gone.