Opening his eyes as if awakening from a long sleep, the world felt light, drifting amidst an ocean. A familiar sensation, a sense of deja vu washing over him. "I feel like I died." The sensation of going to the void, to where those giant wolves were at.
This time, there are no wolves. Just an empty and infinite white expanse, shining like the brightest day. He tried to raise his arm to block the white light entering through his eye but his arm failed to obey his command.
Not even a single part of his body felt like obeying his commands, invisible chains holding him down, deeper and deeper into the vast expanse. "Is it the end of the line?" To say he lacked regrets is a lie.
However, going down so suddenly, without pain and sad goodbyes is not that bad. Dying out of nowhere sucks, but it wasn't some sad death, not to him. The only ones that suffer with the passing of someone are the living.
It is truly sad for his friends to lose him, but not so much for him to die. Staring down at an obnoxious blue sky is bad, but the worst visage possible. Imagine dying and going to hell? This would be way worse than a blank canvas.
"Will Lawrence, Elliot, and Tyler even be able to know I kicked the bucket?" Without the internet and communication, it is hardly worth it and it is not good to bother his friends with something so sad as himself dying.
Going deeper and deeper into the bottomless white abyss is boring. "Some jazz would be good to vibe to. This is getting tiresome. Just drag me already." Any more unnecessary moment is worthless.
"Will you just give up?" Someone asks him, in a familiar voice. A voice from the departed. Looking there, a woman is staring at him. A frail and fragile body, arms almost so thin that they expose the joints and veins.
A simple white dress and long, white hair. His heart clenches in pain, silent tears threatening to fall at any moment. Someone who died. Someone he failed beyond repair… "Oh, it is you. I died, I'm sorry about that." To think they would meet each other in death. It is the expected result, the only way for them to meet again.
She sighs, frowning deeply. "I know you love to think about quitting when things become too hard but I never thought you would quit right now, when they need you the most. YOu weren't like that before, K.J."
Wasn't he…? Quittin in the crucial moment always felt like his thing, anyway. "I did quit when you died, I couldn't bear to stand with you in your last moments. I was always a quitter, Nataly."
Her frown deepens. It expected a reaction to his cowardice. "You loved me, you dummy. Of course, you wouldn't bear to be there. Few would, only the strong." For a moment, she closes her eyes, thoughtful. "Just because you are not strong, doesn't mean you are necessarily weak."
A judgmental gaze is cast upon him. "I know you are not weak, K.J. It is not your place to be here, not yet, anyway. If you die in a few days or so, I will come take you home." Jumping from the highs, she swims deeper and deeper, reaching him.
With a faint and sad smile. His heart races, her being like the last time they had met, a little older in fact. "Just because you weren't here with me, doesn't mean you are a coward. You shouldered your pain and lived on. You never forgot me, you still hold your feelings for me. This is more than I could reasonably ask for, so live on. Just like how I did, just for a little longer, to stay with your friends just a bit more."
Nataly holds his wrists, the feeling of constraint slowly fading. "Can I do it? I think they would fare better without me this time around. I did a split in our little group, I couldn't keep my promises of protecting people either, too busy rotting away and talking with people instead of training, becoming stronger, and helping."
Spencer would do better without his hindrance to his "leadership" and way of thinking, yes. He was no longer needed… Although leaving Lily alone would hurt, James would think of a way to help her, they appeared to be friends, after all.
A disappointed gaze is cast on him. To say the tears threaten to fall would be an understatement after seeing disappointment. "Do you think so little of yourself? Of your friendship with them? Just like you would go through the fire for them, so would they go for you. Don't leave them wanting, stay with them, make good with your last moments on this earth."
"I—" She is right. Even despite their disagreement, their friendship never waned or was broken. A selfish desire to die alone, to not have to deal with grievances and goodbye… even after the years, he still hasn't changed a little.
Always running from the end, trying to avoid it as much as possible… a coward's choice— out of nowhere, a slap hits his face. "I said: You are no coward. Stop deluding yourself. You should've quit long ago if you were one, but you are still here. Go through the end. Face it with dignity. You've come too far now to give up."
She is right… at least this once, facing the end with dignity doesn't sound all that bad. "I'm ready to go then, Nataly. But promise me, you will be there too to guide me. After all is said and done out there… I think I will be too scared to go alone."
Goodbyes are scary. Never seeing each other is scary. The fact your friends will never be with you again is terrifying… but with a guide, then the afterend shouldn't be that bad. "Yes, I promise. You're now free to go. I just took its shackles out of you, but you have to free yourself, Kyrie."