IMAGES FLICKER, EACH ONE BRINGING ITS OWN SORROW OR ITS OWN
SMILE. Sometimes both. At the very worst an impenetrable and sightless black and at best a happiness so bright that it hurts the eyes to see, coming and going on some unseen projector perpetually turned by an invisible hand. One, then another. The hollow click of the shutter. Now stop. Freeze this frame. Pluck it down and hold it close and be damned by what you see. Henri always said: the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings.
A warm summer day in the cool grass with the sun high in the cloudless sky. The air coming off the water, carrying the freshness of the sea. A man walks up to the house, briefcase in hand. A younger man, brown hair cut short, freshly shaven, dressed casually. A sense of nervousness by the way he switches his briefcase from one hand to the other and the thin layer of sweat glistening on his forehead. He knocks at the door. My grandfather answers, opens the door for the man to enter, then closes it behind him. Iresume my romping in the yard. Hadley changing forms, flying, then dodging, then charging. Wrestling with one another and laughing until it hurts.
The day passing as time only can under the reckless abandon of childhoods invincibility, of its innocence.
Fifteen minutes pass. Maybe less. At that age a day can last forever. The door opens and closes. I look up. My grandfather standing with the man I had seen approach, both of them looking down at me.
There is somebody I would like you to meet, he says.
I stand from the grass and clap my hands together to knock away the dirt.
This is Brandon, my grandfather says. He is your Cêpan. Do you know what that means?
I shake my head. Brandon. That was his name.All these years and only now does it come back to me.
It means hes going to be spending a lot of time with you from here on out. The two of you, it means you are connected. You are bound to one another. Do you understand?
I nod and walk to the man and I offer him my hand as I have seen done many times by grown men before. The man smiles and drops to one knee. He takes my small hand in his right and he closes his fingers around it.
Pleased to meet you, sir, I say.
Bright, kind eyes full of life look into mine as though offering a promise, a bond, yet Im too young to know what that promise or bond really means.
He nods and brings his left hand on top of his right, my tiny hand lost somewhere in the middle. He nods at me, still smiling.
My dear child, he says. The pleasure is all mine.
I am jolted awake. I lie on my back, my heart racing, breathing heavily as though I had been running. My eyes stay closed but I can tell the sun has just risen by the long shadows and the crispness of air in the room. Pain returns, my limbs still heavy.
With the pain comes another pain, a pain far greater than any physical ailment I could ever be afflicted with: the memory of the hours before.
I take a deep breath and exhale.A single tear rolls down the side of my face. I keep my eyes closed.An irrational hope that if I dont find the day then the day wont find me, that the things in the night will be nullified. My body shudders, a silent cry turning into a hard one. I shake my head and let it in. I know that Henri is dead and that all the hope in the world wont change it.
I feel movement beside me. I tense myself, try to remain motionless so as not to be detected. A hand reaches up and touches the side of my face. A delicate touch done with love. My eyes come open, adjusting to the postdawn light until the ceiling of a foreign room comes into focus. I have no idea where I am, nor how I could have gotten here. Sarah is sitting next to me.
She brings her hand to the side of my face and traces my brow with her thumb. She leans down and kisses me, a soft lingering kiss that I wish I could bottle and save for all time. She pulls away and I take a deep breath and close my eyes and kiss her on the forehead.
Where are we? I ask.
A hotel thirty miles from Paradise.
How did I get here?
Sam drove us, she says.
I mean from the school. What happened? I remember that you were with me last night, but I dont remember a thing after, I say. It almost seems like a dream.
I waited on the field with you until Mark arrived and he carried you to Sams truck. I couldnt stay hidden any longer. Being in the school without knowing what was happening out there was killing me. And I felt like I could help somehow.
You certainly helped, I say. You saved my life.
I killed an alien, she says, as though the fact still hasnt settled in.
She wraps her arms around me, her hand resting on the back of my head. I try to sit up. Imake it halfway on my own and then Sarah helps me the rest of the way, pushing on my back but being careful not to touch the wound left by the knife. I swing my feet over the edge of the bed and reach down and feel the scars around my ankle, counting them with the tips of my fingers. Still only three, and in this way I know that Six has survived. I had already accepted the fate of the rest of my days being spent alone, an itinerant wanderer with no place to go.
But I wont be alone. Six is still here, still with me, my tie to a past world.
Is Six okay?
Yes, she says. Shes been stabbed and shot but she seems to be doing okay now. I dont think she would have survived had Sam not carried her to the truck.
Where is she?
In the room next door, with Sam and Mark.
I stand. My muscles and joints ache in protest, everything stiff and sore. I am wearing a clean T-shirt, a pair of mesh shorts.
My skin is fresh with the smell of soap. The cuts have been cleaned and bandaged, a few of them stitched.
Did you do all of this? I ask.
Most of it. The stitches were hard. We only had the ones Henri put in your head to go on as an example. Sam helped with them.
I look at Sarah sitting on the bed, her legs pulled underneath her. Something else catches my eye, a small mass that has shifted beneath the blanket at the foot of the bed. I tense, and immediately my mind returns to the weasels that sped across the gym. Sarah sees what I am looking at and smiles. She crawls to the bottom of the bed on her hands and knees.
Theres somebody here who wants to say hello, she says, then takes the corner of the blanket and gently peels it back to reveal Bernie Kosar, sleeping away.A metal splint goes the length of his front leg, and his body is covered with cuts and gashes that, like mine, have been cleaned and are already beginning to heal. His eyes slowly open and adjust, eyes rimmed with red, full of exhaustion. He keeps his head on the bed but his tail gives a subtle wag, softly thumping against the mattress.
Bernie, I say, and drop to my knees before him. I place my hand softly on his head. I cant stop smiling and tears of joy surface. His small body is curled into a ball, head resting on his front paws, his eyes taking me in, battle scarred and wounded but still here to tell the tale.
Bernie Kosar, you made it through. I owe my life to you, I say, and kiss the top of his head.
Sarah runs her hand down the length of his back.
I carried him to the truck while Mark carried you.
Mark. Im sorry I ever doubted him, I say.
She lifts one of Bernie Kosars ears. He turns and sniffs at her hand and then licks it. So, is it true what Mark said, that Bernie Kosar grew to thirty feet tall and killed a beast almost double his size?
I smile. A beast triple his size.
Bernie Kosar looks at me. Liar, he says. I look down and wink at him. I stand back up and look at Sarah.
All of this, I say. All of this has happened so fast.
How are you handling it?
She nods. Handling what? The fact that Ive fallen in love with an alien, which I only found out about three days ago, and then just happened to walk headlong into the middle of a war? Yeah, Im handling that okay.
I smile at her. Youre an angel.
Nah, she says. Im just a girl crazy in love.
She gets up from the bed and wraps her arms around me and we stand in the center of the room holding one another.
You really have to leave, dont you? I nod.
She takes a deep breath and exhales shakily, willing herself not to cry. More tears in the past twenty-four hours than I have ever witnessed in all the years of my life.
I dont know where you have to go or what you have to do, but Ill wait for you, John. Every bit of my heart belongs to you, whether you ask for it or not.
I pull her to me. And mine belongs to you, I say.
I walk across the room. Sitting on top of the desk are the Loric Chest, three packed bags, Henris computer, and all the money from the last withdrawal he made at the bank. Sarah must have rescued the Chest from the home-ec room. I place my hand on it. All the secrets, Henri had said. All of them contained within this. In time Ill open it and discover them, but that time is certainly not now. And what did he mean about Paradise, that our coming wasnt by chance?
Did you pack my bags? I ask Sarah, who is standing behind me.
Yes, and it was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I lift my bag from the table. Beneath it is a manila envelope carrying my name across the front of it.
What is this? I ask.
I dont know. I found it in Henris bedroom. We went there after leaving the school and tried to grab everything we could; then we came here.
I open the envelope and pull out the contents.All of the documents Henri had created for me: birth certificates, social security cards, visas, and so on. I count through them.
Seventeen different identities, seventeen different ages. On the very front sheet is a sticky note in Henris writing. It reads, Just in case. After the last sheet is another sealed envelope, across which Henri has written my name. A letter, the one he must have been talking about just before he died. I dont have the heart to read it now.
I look out the window of the hotel room. A light snow sifts down from the low, gray clouds overhead. The ground is too warm for any of it to stick. Sarahs car and Sams fathers blue truck are parked beside each other in the lot. As I stand looking down at them a knock sounds at the door. Sarah opens it and Sam and Mark walk into the room; Six limps behind them.
Sam hugs me, says hes sorry.
Thank you, I say.
How do you feel? Six asks. She is no longer wearing the suit but is now dressed in the pair of jeans she wore when I first saw her, and one of Henris sweatshirts.
I shrug. Im okay. Sore and stiff. My body feels heavy.
The heaviness is from the dagger. Itll eventually wear off, though.
How badly were you stabbed? I ask.
She lifts her shirt and shows me the gash in her side, then a different one on her back. All told, she was stabbed three times last night, and thats not to mention the various cuts along the rest of her body, or the shot that left a deep gash in her right thigh, now wrapped tightly with gauze and tape, the reason for her limp. She tells me that by the time we made it back it was too late to be healed by the stone. It amazes me that she is even alive.
Sam and Mark are wearing the same clothes as the day before, both filthy and covered in mud and dirt with smatterings of blood mixed in. Both with heavy eyes as though theyve yet to sleep. Mark stands behind Sam, shifting his weight uncomfortably.
Sam, I always knew you were a wrecking machine, I say.
He laughs uncertainly. Are you okay?
Yeah, Im fine, I say. How about you?
Doing okay.
I look over his shoulder at Mark.
Sarah told me you carried me off the field last night.
Mark shrugs. I was happy to help.
You saved my life, Mark.
He looks me in the eye. I think every one of us saved somebody at some point last night. Hell, Six saved me on three separate occasions. And you saved my two dogs on Saturday. I say were even.
I somehow manage to smile. Fair enough, I say.
Im just happy to find out youre not the dick I thought you were.
He half grins. Lets just say that had I known you were an alien and could kick my ass at will, Imight have been a little nicer to you that first day.
Six walks across the room and looks at my bags atop the table.
We really should get going, she says, and then looks at me with implicit concern, her face softening. Theres really only one thing left undone. We werent sure what you wanted us to do.
I nod. I dont need to ask to know what she is talking about. I look at Sarah. Its going to happen much sooner than I thought. My stomach turns. I feel as though I could vomit.
Sarah reaches out and takes hold of my hand.
Where is he?
The ground is damp with the melting snow. I hold Sarahs hand in mine and we pass through the woods in silence, a mile away from the hotel. Sam and Mark walk in the lead, following the muddy footprints they created a few hours before. Up ahead I see a slight clearing, in the center of which Henris body has been laid out on a slab of wood. He is wrapped in the gray blanket pulled from his bed. Iwalk to him. Sarah follows and places a hand on my shoulder. The others stand behind me. I pull the blanket down to see him. His eyes are closed, his face is ashen gray, and his lips are blue from the cold. I kiss his forehead.
What do you want to do, John? Six asks. We can bury him if you want. We can also cremate him.
How can we cremate him?
I can create a fire.
I thought you could only control the weather.
Not the weather. The elements.
I look up at her soft face, concern written upon it but also the stress of time at our having to leave before reinforcements arrive. I dont answer. I look away and squeeze Henri a final time with my face close to his and I lose myself to grief.
Im so sorry, Henri, I whisper in his ear. I close my eyes. I love you. I wouldnt have missed a second of it, either. Not for anything, I whisper. Im going to take you back yet. Somehow I am going to get you back to Lorien.
We always joked about it but you were my father, the best father I could have ever asked for. Ill never forget you, not for a minute for as long as I live. I love you, Henri. I always did.
I let go of him, pull the blanket back over his face, and lay him gently on the wooden slab. I stand and hug Sarah. She holds me until I stop crying. Iwipe the tears away with the back of my hand and I nod at Six.
Sam helps me clear away the sticks and leaves and then we lay Henris body on the ground so as not to dilute his ash with anything else. Sam lights an edge of the blanket and Six makes the fire rage from there. We watch it burn, not a dry eye among us. Even Mark cries. Nobody says a word. When the flames end I gather the ashes in a coffee can that Mark was astute enough to bring from the hotel. Ill get something better the second we stop. When we walk back I put the can on the dashboard of Sams dads truck. I feel comforted to know that Henri will still travel with us, that hell look out over the roads while we leave another town as the two of us have done so many times before.
We load our belongings into the back of the truck. Along with Sixs things and mine, Sam has also loaded in two bags of his own. At first Im confused, but then Irealize that between him and Six some agreement has been made that Sam will come with us. And Im happy for that. Sarah and I walk back into the hotel room. The second the door closes she takes my hand and turns me towards her.
My heart is breaking, she says.
I want to be strong for you right now but the thought of you leaving is killing me inside.
I kiss her on the head.
My heart is broken already, I say. The second I get settled Ill write.And Ill do my best to call when I know it is safe.
Six pokes her head in the doorway.
We really have to go, she says.
I nod. She closes the door. Sarah lifts her face to mine and we kiss standing there in the hotel room. The thought of the Mogadorians returning before weve left, and thus putting her in danger yet again, is the only source of strength I can find. Else I might collapse. Else Imight stay forever.
Bernie Kosar still lies waiting at the foot of the bed. He wags his tail when I carefully take him into my arms and carry him outside to the truck. Six starts the truck and lets it idle. I turn and look up at the hotel and am saddened that its not the house, and that I know Ill never see it again. Its peeling wooden clapboards, broken windows, black shingles warped from excessive sun exposure and rain. It looks like Paradise, I once told Henri. But that will no longer hold true. Paradise lost.
I turn and nod to Six. She climbs into the truck, closes the door, and waits.
Sam and Mark shake hands but I dont hear what they say to each other. Sam climbs into the truck and waits with Six. I shake Marks hand.
I owe you more than I'll ever be able to repay, I say to Mark.
You dont owe me a thing, Mark says.
Not true, I say. Someday.
I look away. I can feel myself wanting to collapse under the sadness of leaving. My resolve is being held by a tattered string ready to snap.
I nod. Ill see you again someday.
Be safe out there.
I take Sarah into my arms and squeeze her tightly, never wanting to let go.
Ill come back to you, I say. I promise you, if its the last thing I do Ill come back to you.
Her face is buried in my neck. She nods.
Ill count the minutes until you do she says.
One last kiss. I set her on the ground and I open the door to the truck. My eyes never leave hers. She covers her mouth and her nose with her hands pressed together, neither one of us able to look away. I close the door. Six puts the truck in reverse and pulls out of the parking lot, comes to a stop, puts it in gear.
Mark and Sarah walk to the end of the lot to watch us on our way, tears streaming down both sides of Sarahs face. I turn in my seat and watch from the rear window. I lift my hand to wave and Mark waves back but Sarah just watches. I watch her for as long as I can, growing smaller, one indistinct blur fading in the distance. The truck slows and turns and both of them vanish from sight. I turn back around and Iwatch the fields pass and I close my eyes and I picture Sarahs face and I smile.
Well be together yet, I tell her. And until that day youll be in my heart and my every thought.
Bernie Kosar lifts his head and rests it in my lap and I place my hand upon his back. The truck bounces down the road, driving south. The four of us, together, heading for the next town.
Wherever that might be.