Ch 2
I started noticing Ava more. Our classrooms, exept for the music room, had benches and desks and usually two people sat together, usually the same gender. I noticed that Ava always sat with the same person, Priya, her one and only friend. Priya was preety in her own way, in the way she carried herself, in her confidence, the way she spoke always had a way to draw people in. To think about it, Ava and Priya did not make sense together. They were polar opposites. Priya always stood out, while Ava you did not notice much. But they clicked. They were inseparable. I guess, they found something at a deeper level, in their souls if not their personality.
I used to always sit at the front. My belief was the closer I am sitting to the teacher, the more knowledge I can gain. But that changed. I soon realised, that my gaze kept going back towards Ava. I wanted to know what she was doing. And that was hard to do with the teacher's attention directly towards me. So I started to sit behind. My focus on my studies drastically went down as my eyes always wondered towards Ava. I started noticing how she played with her hair, how she scribled and doodled on her notes. However the most fascinating thing about her were her eyes. Because though they appeared to be set on the board, if you looked closely, you would realise that she was never there in the room. I mean she was there physically, but she was in her own world. She was a daydreamer. She went through a hundred stories, and you could tell because if anyone bothered to look closely, they would have seen the emotions clearly on her face. Her emotions were like colours splattered on a canvas, delicate and gentle and storm like . I longed to be a part of her journey, and I longed to know anything and everything that could cause such joy and pain, and I wished I had the ability to read minds, because she was beautiful and breathtaking and I felt like I was looking from out the window, and I ached to be able to glimpse a part of her, to be able to be so alive and lifelike. I was in awe with her mind, before I even got to know her as a person.
I was envious of her ability to escape. I was always alert, always aware. It was ingrained to me to be a high achiever. I had to be focused. I had to be the best. I never had the luxury to dream. I was always present. My future was set since I could talk. I will study Medicine. I will become a doctor. I will make my family proud.
So I envied her freedom. Her freedom to dream. Her freedom to be carefree. So my awe turned to jelousy. I saw her, and saw everything that I couldn't have. I started harbouring bad thoughts. My jelousy turned to anger. So I did something that I would regret for the rest of my life. If I could go back, maybe I would change the way this happened. But I can't. And so began the first time we officially met.