Demyan
"Ethan, we've talked about this," I gently pressed my hand against his chest in an effort to pull away from him but his hand resting on my lower back simply pushed me forward. I let out a small gasp when I felt the length of him against my lower stomach.
My entire face heated as I desperately closed my eyes and prayed for once in my life I chose sanity over anything else.
"Is something wrong?" his warm lips gently brushed the shell of my ear as I trembled against him.
"We talked about this," I had to do everything in my power to hold onto my resolve before I fell over the edge.
"I think you talked about it and agreed on my behalf. I can't accept it," his husky heavily accented voice made the hairs at the back of my neck stand in attention. I had travelled to so many places in the world and not once had I ever heard anyone who spoke close to him.
His words always rumbled when an 'r' came in and always had a quick tempo that somehow blended perfectly with his Dutch ancestors and the years he spent in South Africa where he mastered Afrikaans. It was always hypnotic and for a long time he would keep me under a spell when he spoke.
"Well I'm with Malia now," I protested as my hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck, "I have a girlfriend and I'm happy."
"If that were the case then why is your body reacting to me," his lips brushed the underside of my jaw forcing my lips to part, "It seems like you are trying to remind yourself that you're happy with Makil."
"Malia," I reprimanded, "You're very familiar with her name, don't pretend like you suddenly don't know who she is."
"I don't," he chuckled, "Because I don't think a trophy girlfriend who is in my space is worth familiarising myself with."
"You had the choice to fight for me Ethan and you blew it," I gripped the back of his neck as our eyes met for a fiery exchange, "You didn't even try. You moved on and no one bashed you when you had a girlfriend after we broke up."
He clenched his jaw as he looked away from me briefly, "I thought I wanted something I did not understand. I thought you were too young."
"The nine year age gap hasn't closed," I rolled my eyes as we still swayed to the music that I swore I barely heard over my frantic heartbeat. "We're still almost a decade apart, so you can't use the excuse that I was too young."
"Twenty was very young," he frowned, "You still needed to mature."
"You didn't seem to find a problem with that when I was in your bed. Don't talk about maturing to me," I glared, "I'm still the same person."
"You're different," he brushed his nose against mine, "We're different. Can't you feel it now? There's a new fire to us we've never experienced before."
"And that is why it will end with even worse results. Whenever we're together it always ends badly. Let's not make the same mistake again."
"You were too young Demyan, I was robbing you of life. I was twenty-nine turning thirty, it was wrong," he defended.
"So then what makes things different now?" I scoffed as I looked up to him, "Why now?"
"You've matured. You're more beautiful than I remember you being. I'm different, I've finally become everything I knew you needed. Someone to take care of you not just then as a manager, I worked hard to become CEO so I could provide for you. Give you the life I knew you deserved."
His words stunted me completely as I looked at him in shock. "You were good enough for me. I didn't care whether you were a manager or a clerk Ethan, I loved you."
"You still love me."
I shook my head, "You caused that boat to sail a long time ago."
"You're lying," he smiled, "Because not once has your eyes looked into mine when I asked you if you still love me. Demyan it's easy for you to say that you would have loved me either way but we both know how you grew up. You need stability, you need someone who can protect you when you're vulnerable and I couldn't give you the life you were used to with my old position."
"I have my own money and my own safety," I hissed, "I don't need a knight in shining armour."
"But I am your knight in shining armour," he argued, "Since you were a toddler Demyan. Even when I thought I just saw you as my little brother, I always protected you and now you're older and I need to learn how to protect you in new ways."
"Like breaking my heart time and time again," I almost cried, "You did a great job at ruining me."
His face fell as his hold on me became weaker which gave me the opportunity to peel myself off him, "Demyan, a lot was going on at that time. That was why I asked you for time."
I shook my head, "You wanted an excuse to leave me and figure out life for a while then wanted to come and reclaim your prize. Your land or whatever piece of territory you believe I am. If we are really soulmates you would have treated me better from the beginning because you knew I breathed for you."
It seemed my words finally rattled him in some way but I had no energy to continue this back and forth with Ethan. The only thing it would result in would be more pain and peeling the wounds and scabs I had worked so hard to heal with his absence.
If I dived into the pool of Ethan once again, I was sure this time it would drown me before I even got a chance to take my last breath.