…
Silence.
The void from an unavoidable nothingness; a shadow that followed the shattered glass, dimming the garden lights that indicated the end of the music performance as the exit gate is the only one that still illuminating.
Her mother was limping, trying to stand up. Despite it, she offered her hand. However, Tenten wondered why she didn't accept it then.
Crunchcrunch.
She walked with bare-naked feet on a path full of red, red, red leaves. The glass of the pole light was shattered all over the ground as the cold breeze tickled her skin. She's freezing.
The audience was asleep on the ground. Some with their body was still intact, some has returned to the place where they belonged. What the little one witnessed was the path to that place where a sinner should belong.
This was their parting gift.
They offered their grapes and bread in the form of blood and flesh. The intestine, when stepped on feels like jelly. The fetid odor of burnt remains. A bone poked out from the dismembered arm.
Their expressions… as if their souls were accepted by the earth's land, descended and kept descending until they burned in the center of the earth. In reality, they weren't lucky enough for proper cremation. Their expressions. They were all like the little girl.
The [emotions] in the face of death.
"Once it's all worn off, the pain was infuriating wasn't it? Hahaha."
The second culprit behind this spectacle laughed it off.
Tenten's eyes widened as she gazed at her mother's crimson eye that reflected the puddle beneath her.
"What's wrong?" Koko asked.
"It's weird, right?" As her forehead frowned with no end, Tenten asked, "Is Tenten should cry?"
Tenten lowered her head―looking at her mother's feet halted on top of the puddle.
She couldn't maintain the eye-contact, so she tried to look for herself. Tenten cast her glance at the puddle for a reflection, but it was a hollow hope for a blood surface.
"Tenten killed these people."
The soul of the dead judging her… or that was what she would like to think about them when in reality, not even an infinitesimal reflection of their blood sees Tenten.
"It's a mess."
She claimed to have observed her surroundings, yet she kept her head down. She 'observed' her surroundings, like she was missing something. She was surrounded, feeling strangulated by their puddles.
She did all of this.
"A mess. Mess. A mess!"
She stomped the puddle belowed her like a fool, not knowing that it has dried. She stomped on the dry blood again, and again, and again until a glass splinter gave her foot a sensation of something fresh.
"Geez, Tenten."
Her mother was leaning toward her with one knee on the ground. She treated the splinter on Tenten's foot.
"Shuuush~ relax. Relax."
Her mother whispered underneath her, stroking her trembling foot that was already regenerating.
"See, already healed, and so is my stomach wound."
The two of them locked eyes, or to be precise, it was the mother who made eye contact with the already locked, lowered eyes of her daughter.
They looked at each other with a self-consciousness that was recollected from the divine moon. Tenten was looking away from her mother again but immediately stared her back with a clenched mouth, before looking away again, and again.
Questions about to emerge that can be seen from her lost puppy's eyes.
"How?"
Tenten faced her with a closed eye.
"What must Tenten do? What did Tenten do wrong?"
Clenched fist, clenched lips, clenched eyes――clenchclenchclench. She was frustrated for a way out of these [emotions].
"How can Tenten be like Mama?
"Mama's strong and amazing. Mama is invulnerable, unlike Tenten. How Tenten can swallow this disgust? How? Tenten doesn't want this. But, Tenten wants to do this. That's hypocritical, right? Then, what makes the difference between Tenten and these adults? How can I be Mama with that?"
Her entire head was covered with a cold sweat. It keeps flowing, unlike her tears that never came out.
"Tell Tenten! How? If only Tenten was more conscious of the promise, Tenten wouldn't disgrace Mama's legacy."
"That's not tru―"
"It is. It's a mess, just a mess, a mess."
She still closed her eyes despite being bothered by the sight of it.
Her mother's self-composed thoughts were neglected as they can't be read; because the bigger words inside her head were much bigger. The same words that self-alienated her sight till it locked shut.
"Tenten," her mother called her name. "Mama is the one who messed up this place, not you. Ya'know that, right?"
"Tenten know. But―"
"In fact, you did better than Mama. You're the main star there."
"…But―"
Their conversations were halted as Tenten hesitated.
Tenten let go of every clench in her; her arms hanging along with the breeze, her mouth opened, and her eyes saw what she should be.
"―Tenten is still not Mama.
"Tenten is not a savior like Mama. Tenten is not a hero for Mama. Tenten is… nothing. Tented didn't deserve to beat Mama like that. Tenten is just like them.
"Tenten should have been with them."
Straight from the mess that surrounded her mind.
"Tenten is a sin―"
Clap!
Suddenly, her mother sandwiched Tenten right in her cheeks. Surprised by it, air came out from Tenten's nose and mouth.
"You're still not fully awake," her mother said. "So, Tenten felt guilty for committing a sin, right?"
Tenten didn't respond. The shock was still within her; lingered with curiosity as her mother put both of her hands on Tenten's shoulder.
"Then, repeat after me."
She cleared her throat, closed her eyes and lowered her head, and―
"O my God, we are heartily sorry for having offended Thee."
Huh?
"And we detest all of our sins because of thy just punishments."
"What is Mama doing?"
"Shuuuush!"
She continued like nothing was wrong with it.
"But most of all because they offend Thee, our God, who art all good and deserving of all of our love."
No, no. No matter how you looked at it, it was so wrong that she even shook her head. Not even a dream could imagine this scenario. It was so random that one corner of Tenten's lips raised by a force.
"We firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin."
She rarely spoke that way. It was outrageous, almost mesmerizing. She didn't know how to feel about it.
"Amen."
…
She didn't know how to react.
"Pffft.
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha."
Really, what is this? Is Tenten should be crying, right now? She should, or so she thought. But instead, the laugh was the one that came out from Tenten.
"Haha, what is Mama even doing?"
Tenten gave her mother a bundle of laughs. Laughed amid her messes where yet again, she has sinned for it. Yet she didn't stop, the hero didn't act the opposite of cold. Tenten didn't get affected by the lifelessness of her surroundings. This laughter didn't redeem her at all, that's what a cry should be, that's why she deserved to be sorrowful, to suffer by grief. Yet she still feels…fresh.
"See, that smile suited you more," her mother smirked.
"I knew you were worried. That's not a wrong thing. Everyone has been there once in a while. But―"
She looked at her mother. Tenten's hair that covered her face was messy, but her world seemingly changed. It's written in her entire face, in her smile. If it was with her mother.
"―we're in this together.
"You feel your [emotions] were complicated, right? It does and it always will be. Think of it like an iceberg. On the surface, you can just call it a frustration. But, beneath it was a collection of your deep [emotions] from a build-up problem as time passed by. You were angry, but you just didn't know what to do with it.
"You just need to manage your thoughts. That's why Mama's here. That's why a day for an anniversary exists."
On September 27th, her mother guided her gaze to a new outlook in Tenten's life.
"Every day as we were busy with our current problems, we often forget the past. We can't dwindle in it, but we can't ignore it either. Keep the door of the past open, so we can keep moving forward. But if we live in the past, we are bound to be stuck in it. That's why an anniversary blessed us with a space, for us to give a life to the past.
"In there, we see a moment we appreciated, a moment we regretted, or just a nothingness of the mundane past. It was inconclusive, isn't it? The same with your [emotions] right now. But when you see all that, don't you feel proud of how far you have come? Remember your reason for being here, that moment led you to this moment. You're in this place to protect this place like you did yesterday. You did it out of your own free will. You can do better than this, but you shouldn't let your shame undermine yourself. We can discuss it tomorrow. No matter how heavy your burden is, Mama will always be there for you or Domdom as the more reliable person than Mama. There's no need to rush it as it'll come to you naturally whether you'll realize it or not. Whatever that 'it' was, only life will bring you to 'it'. As for now, as for making Mama proud.
"You've done enough, just keep going."
Her mother gave her a pat on the head.
All of that enlightenment gave her not what she deserved, but what she needed. Finally, she permitted herself to cry.
Her face landed on her mother's shoulder and cried. Just cried and cried until there wasn't enough cistern in the world to contain her tears.
Finally, they embraced each other with hugs. Finally, she embraced herself against the cold air with warmth running down her cheeks
Finally.
The time to reminisce has embraced the new age with tears and smiles.
"Happy Birthday, my little angel!"