The feeling of her lips on mine.
That's all I could think about.
It was driving me absolutely insane. It's been so long since I have felt this for anyone. There was a lingering tingle on my lips for hours that night and a smile never left my face. Even my sister was shocked when I came in looking that happy.
Now it was Friday. Three days after my kiss with Ryan. The night of the date... hangout? Whatever this was with her. I was excited, but nervous. Very nervous. She had disappeared for the past few days and I haven't seen her since the kiss. That only made me more anxious.
I was currently getting ready for this-...Fuck it, I'll just call it a date.
That's what I hoped it was anyway. I chose to put on a navy blue dress that only went halfway down my thighs. It had a little thin black belt around the waist that I buckled. It also had navy blue lace that covered the top of my chest and ran down half of both of my arms. I thought it looked pretty good on me as I looked in the mirror against my wall and straightened the dress out some.
A light smile came to my face as I ran my hands down my torso, taking a deep breath. "Okay, Art. Breathe. She's just a girl. You got this," I whispered to myself while watching my reflection in the mirror.
I tried to keep a mental clock so that I could assume what time it was without checking every 5 minutes, but that didn't stop me from anxiously checking my phone anyway.
The gallery showing starts at 7pm. It was now 6:14pm, which meant I had maybe another 10 minutes at most before Ryan would pull up on her motorcycle.
In... December.
I looked down at my bare legs and sighed. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe my legs won't freeze off. However, I still took the time to find some black leggings in my dresser and pulled them on under my dress just to be safe. It didn't mess up the outfit anyway. It will be okay.
There was a knock on the front door and I just assumed that it was Ryan. Considering I took so long to find a dress to wear, I didn't have time to put on makeup so I decided against even trying to. I heard Athena get the door and start talking to Ryan in those hushed voices again. It was impossible for me to hear even if I stood still and listened.
I really need to get my ears checked.
What could they possibly be talking about anyway? They didn't know each other. Did they? I couldn't help but to think that they were talking about me. I know not everything is about me, but if they don't know each other, what else could they be talking about?
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I grabbed my phone and wallet, then slowly made my way down the stairs.
Ryan's eyes locked on me and I felt the anxious pressure rising in my chest. My heart was pounding like crazy as I watched her check me out slowly. A small light seemed to appear in her eyes. Her facial expression gradually changed from neutral to a slight surprised look, her jaw just barely dropping.
There it was. The look on her face that I was praying for.
She was wearing a black and white tux with a navy blue bowtie like she had known what dress I was going to wear. That'd be hard for her to know, though. I had only figured out my dress less than 30 minutes ago. Maybe it was just a major coincidence. Even still, she looked so good in that tux. Her hair was naturally wavy and cascading down her shoulders so flawlessly. Those silver curls always made me stop and stare... And those light grey/blue eyes made my knees weak when I saw them on me every time.
This girl was going to be the death of me.
She slowly walked up as I reached the bottom step. As she extended a hand out to me, she softly cleared her throat then spoke, "Wow. You look great."
Taking her hand, I smiled gently and used my other hand to gently tap on her bowtie with my pointer finger. "You, too."
My action earned me the slightest little laugh from Ryan as she led me to the door. Athena had a big smile on her face like she was trying to hide some secret and it was killing her to do so. Then I saw it.
Parked along the curb was a solid black Lincoln stretch limousine. It was definitely too big for just two people to take to an art gallery, but when the driver opened the back passenger door, there was no one else inside. There was champagne on ice and glasses and romantic lighting inside. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
This was a date. The most expensive, fancy date that I have ever been a part of.
A tiny gasp escaped past my lips and I could feel myself blushing as Ryan pulled me gently along to the limo and helped me in. The seats were all black leather and they wrapped around one side, giving enough space for the champagne and random snacks that lined the other side.
I was suddenly glad that I had decided to wear leggings, even though we weren't riding a motorcycle. The leather would stick to the back of my thighs and be so painful to rip off when we arrive at our destination. Sometimes wearing shorts and dresses just sucked.
Under one of the shelves was a black duffel bag that I swore I had seen before. It had to have been the same one Ryan had with her after what I had assumed to be her trip to the gym a week or so ago. Why would she need a gym bag where we are going? That just seemed odd to me. I suppose it is none of my business though.
She slowly poured me a small glass of red wine, which I was happy for because that happened to be what I liked. Then it occurred to me to check what kind it was as I took a sip. I stared at the bottle for a long moment. 2015 August Rivers. A nearly $1000 bottle of champagne. I almost spit out every bit that I had in my mouth, but I held myself back from that and swallowed.
"Sorry. Sophia had said you liked red," Ryan said as she slowly took a seat with her own glass in hand. She wasn't the type to sit insanely close when there was a lot of space so she sat three seats away. I was on the end seat next to the door, she was more near the corner.
"I... It's great, actually. I love it. It was just... the... brand," I hesitated to even say anything because maybe she didn't even know, but then she started to nod.
There was a sadness that appeared in her eyes as she swirled her wine around. "My family's finest," She said then took a sip.
That's when it hit me. Ryan Rivers. The silver hair and the last name should have given away everything. Her family owned this huge, successful vineyard here in California. How did I not see this until now?
Ryan and I had never talked about her family or mine. We both had secrets and stories that just needed to stay in the past. We understood each other in that way. Something told me that if I were to ask about her family business or anything along those lines, she would probably start to shut me out again and I couldn't have that. I couldn't complain, though. That would be very hypocritical of me. If she were to ask about my family, I would shut down, too.
Dad left. Mom died. My stepfather is a drunk. And my sister? No one would ever believe me if I told them what she did for a job. I accidentally found that out almost a year ago. That's when she moved out. Family just wasn't the best subject for me. I was happy to finally find someone who understood that. Even if Ryan did want to stay just friends. I still wasn't sure about that.
I wasn't sure what to say so I smiled and took another sip, looking around while her eyes stayed on me. Honestly, I was trying my best not to think about the last time I had seen her. That was hard. Every time I looked at her in that suit, I desperately wanted to grab onto her jacket collar, pull her in, and kiss her. That didn't seem like a possibility right now. It wasn't the right moment for our second kiss at all.
I would just have to wait.
- - -
When the limo pulled up outside of the art gallery around 6:57pm, Ryan got out and looked around with this sort of serious look on her face. Kind of like she was scanning the area for anyone who may try to interrupt our night or even hurt us. I wasn't sure. I didn't like that look in her eyes, though.
She wasn't the type to hold my hand, at least not yet. She just took me up the steps to some double doors in the front of the building. Something in me had felt like we were moving too fast right now. I didn't mean my and Ryan's relationship, that was still a hard maybe. I meant we were moving too fast going inside.
I just... stopped and stared through the wide open door that Ryan was holding for me. There were people in fancy suits and dresses walking around inside. They each had a wine glass halfway full with white wine and were softly laughing and talking while others looked at the beautiful art pieces hung on the walls. No matter how hard I tried, my feet just stayed cemented in the doorway.
The last time I had been here was with my mother before she became sick. I received my love of art and my artistic abilities from her. We used to do all kinds of artsy things together. To be here without her was painful, to say the least. I felt like I was missing something. Like a huge piece of me was just blown away in the chill December air.
What was wrong with me?
A hand slipped into mine and I quickly looked down at it. Ryan had reached out with one hand while continuing to hold the door with the other. She gave a soft, knowing smile and very gently pulled me through the door so that other people could enter behind us.
Her calm, quiet voice sent a shiver down my spine as she whispered in my ear, "We have all of the time in the world, Artemis. I won't rush you. And if you rather leave? If this is too hard for you? We will go. Immediately. There will be dozens of galleries in the future. You are more important."
That was it. The words that I needed to hear for my feet to move on their own again without being pulled. I really was wondering how Ryan knew anything about the way I was feeling, but I pinned it on the fact that it was probably written all over my face. There was quite clearly something wrong from the way I had froze when that door opened. She did talk to Sophia occasionally, but I doubt Sophia would tell her about my mother. I would have to tell Ryan eventually, just maybe when I was sure she wouldn't run away after she finds out.
I gave a brief nod and held onto her hand tight, using my other hand to grab onto her arm. She still had a light smile on those light pink lips of hers, but I did feel her bicep sort of tense up when my hand grabbed onto it. Now I understood it as her being nervous just like I was. Well, at least I hoped I understood. Otherwise, the only other option in my head was that my touch disgusted her, but that was highly unlikely.
As she walked us over to the nearest wall of paintings, my hand gripped tighter onto her arm and my body leaned into hers. I probably looked like some crazy clingy girlfriend, but I didn't care. Ryan made me feel safe and not alone here in this gallery. It wasn't the same as when I came with my mother, but she was helping.
You are more important.
Ryan's words just replayed again and again in my mind the entire time that we looked at the art on the walls. They sent a nice, warm feeling throughout my body. It relaxed me just enough to not want to turn and run out of here. I was finally facing my fears of doing things like this again and Ryan was who I needed to push me to try.
The paintings on the walls were all so beautifully presented. Each one held a much deeper meaning than they let on. Only an artist could tell each meaning just by looking at the brush strokes.
And I did.
One painting was painted mostly in deep, dark paints. At first look, it looks to be something so depressing and sad, but if someone were to study it for a minute longer, they could tell it was actually very beautiful and eccentrically joyful. No one else seemed to understand when I watched them look over it. No one except Ryan, of course, when this painting earned a tiny smile from her. A smile I would love to paint one day, just to hold the raw beauty on a wall or canvas so that everyone could see her the way that I do. The way that I only with she could see herself.
When a little bidding war started over in a corner, I slowly pulled away from her to watch. My curiosity always did get the better of me. She stood right behind me, watching as well, but the moment the winner of a very expensive painting got up on the small stage, I could feel the tension shift in the room.
Everyone else clapped, but when I looked up at Ryan, her face was back to the neutral look with darkened eyes. She didn't look away from the overly rich man at all as she spoke to me, "I have to use the restroom."
I couldn't exactly stop her from going, so I awkwardly stood by a wall and waited for her return. Sure I could have went with her, but who knew is she felt weird about me following her.
The lights went off 2 minutes later. Screams surrounded me. All I could do was drop to me knees and covers my ears. If I ran, I might trip over something or someone and get hurt. Maybe if I just stayed still, everything would be fine.
The dark. That's what was scaring me the most. Not the screams. Not the rapid stomping and pattering of feet on the linoleum floor as people left. It was the dark. Bad things always happened in unlit places. Everything that has ever went wrong in my life has started this way.
I felt slight relief every time the door to the left opened, the lighting from the street coming inside each time, but the terror always returned the moment the door closed again. According to the shine that cast through the door and across the floor, there was nothing in my path, but still my feet refused to move.
I just sat there. My hands gripped so tightly onto my biceps that my nails actually started to dig into my skin and draw a tiny bit of blood. The pounding in my head got louder and louder. Soon, the long, continuous chime began in my ears until that was all I could hear.
"Not now. Not. Now. Not now."
That was all I could say in a very mumbled voice, so mumbled that I couldn't even hear it over the noises in my mind. I closed my eyes so firmly that I was positive that I wouldn't be able to see a thing ever again the moment I opened them.
3 minutes later, the lights came back on.
All I saw was blood dripping down from the stage and the rich man's body laying there. A huge gash was across his neck and his wide open eyes were watching mine. I couldn't move or even look away. My body was frozen with horror as I stayed kneeled on the floor. Everyone else was cleared out of the building. It was just me and him.
The more I watched, the more I felt sick. It really seemed like a long time before Ryan appeared around the corner and kneeled next me, rubbing my back, "Thank God I found you. It got so crazy when the lights went out." She slowly helped me to my feet and made me look away from the crime scene. "Don't look at that, okay? Everything is going to be fine."
She said it with an amazingly calm, steady voice. How could she even say everything was fine? Someone was just killed practically right in front of me. What if I had been killed? What if she had been? How was any of this okay to her?
Ryan led me slowly out the doors where policemen, EMTs, and firemen were all starting to pull up along the curb in their various work vehicles. The police tried to ask questions, but all I could see was that dead man's face and all I could hear was the usual ringing of my so called PTSD. Ryan handed them some sort of card and sighed, talking to them, but it was so indistinct at the moment for me to understand.
She took me to the limo that brought us here and helped me inside, closing the door. "I'm so sorry, Artemis." She whispered and I just leaned into her. I didn't know what to say or do. I only needed someone to hold me and Ryan happened to be the only person that could do that right this second. Her warm arms slowly embraced me and held me close while the side of my face laid on her chest.
There wasn't much going on in my head. The sounds had stopped, but my thoughts about everything hadn't returned, yet. We just sat there in silence while the limo started to pull away. Her hand lightly stroked my hair while her other hand rested over mine softly.
That's when I saw it. The red stains on her hand. My heart stopped and I felt my breathing hitch as well. Only one thing could make a stain like that.
Blood.